Pook #31 - Let Yourself Fail

The reason why you are here at this website, improving in ways you never dreamed possible before in your life, was because you failed at achieving what you wanted with women.

Listen to yourself before you came to this website:

“Oh, how I have failed with the ladies! If only I knew what to do! If only I knew the secrets of attraction, love, and women!”

And so here you are gobbling up more information than ever. And this is good.

But…

Do you allow yourself to fail? Or do you go search on posts on EXACTLY how you should act on a date? Do you try to push your comfort zones or do you read the pages of seduction material for the 435473th time?

Failure is a necessary component of growth. Let yourself fail.

Not all the time. You are not the Nice Guy who crashes and burns without a clue (and does it again and again and again). Don Juans are made by failing, not by succeeding.

When you fail, you have information sent back on things that can be worked on. Are you too scrawny? Do you not have fun dates? Is your personality the problem? Do you let yourself have fun? Are you scared of sex? What is it?

A failure can help you more than reading every damn post on this board. Failure will aid you much more than the whole of the DJ Bible.

Going into Don Juan is not a light switch. You do not stuff this information in your head and become a drone of the ideas here. You need to fail. You MUST fail. You will always learn more about failing because it won’t be hypothetical! You won’t be having fantasies of you, being a blazing Don Juan, and going from girl to girl. No, you will be OUT THERE (which is where you learn everything) and you WILL FAIL. This failure points out where you NEED to improve.

“But Pook! If I fail, I will lose the girl!”

For every love that dies, a new one is born. It is a law of Nature!

Keep the focus on YOU. So what if you lose the girl? Another girl will quickly take her place. If you WAIT on the first girl, you will be worse off when you meet that second girl. FAIL NOW.

“But Pook! I remember the pain before. I am learning this information so I will not enter that pain again.”

Let me tell what is MORE PAINFUL. It is getting trapped in a tortuous cycle of devouring more and more information with no action. In this case, the Nice Guy is more admirable than you because at least the Nice Guy allows himself to fail. You never let yourself fail so you will never grow.

“But Pook! Isn’t the point of the information to AVOID failure?”

This is the number one common mistake that makes long time regulars here still stuck in their cycle. They think the information is going to remove failure. That is not the point. Just as in order for your muscles to grow, you must let them fail (and fill in the void with protein, sleep, etc.). So too that in order to GROW (not in your mental self, but in your real self OUT THERE), you must let yourself fail (and if you do fail, fill in the void with the information and feedback here.)

“But Pook! Why should I intend to fail?”

The point is not to INTEND to fail. It is to LET yourself fail. If you fail with a girl, IT IS AN OPPORTUNITY THAT YOU MISSED ABOUT YOURSELF.

Let us repeat it again:

FAILURE IS AN OPPORTUNITY. After all, risk is the key to self-improvement.

The Number 2 common mistake here is people thinking that they ARE NOT ALLOWED to fail because of all this ‘information’ they have soaked up. In other words, that if they failed, they really ‘aren’t don juans.

Let me tell you something: Don Juans are not made on message boards. They are made OUT THERE. Whatever happens to you out there, no matter how bad it is, come back here and we will help you. You are beyond your Nice Guy days.

But flaws can only be removed by confronting them, never by masking them.

“But Pook! I did what you said and… I had great success! I was hoping I would fail so I could improve but dammit, I succeeded beyond my wildest expectations! I was looking forward to failing so I can improve but the hot chick accepted my advances and dates! How could she do that!?…”

Now you see the point of it all. Even though there are TONS of posts that say ‘not to fear rejection’ or ‘that she is missing out on you’, you still are scared of failing. Failure is actually a GOOD thing since it helps you grow. It is good to IMAGINE success, but do not FEAR failure. Embrace it like the gift it is since it allows you to grow. (For if you don’t fail now, you will fail later on. Get it over with.)

It is a win-win situation.

SO GO OUT THERE AND LET YOURSELF FAIL!

*

How I came to this site was because I FAILED badly with the woman I wanted. Looking back through my Pook years, I see that the times I failed was when I got my head snapped on straight and truly changed.

Turning a 'failure' with a woman to make it a 'learning experience', just one bump along the long road of success, sounds good in seminars and all. But you've got to risk, you've got to roll your dice.

Nice Guys are nice because they don't want to fail. Why else do Nice Guys listen to womanly advice? Why else do Nice Guys give chocolate, flowers, poetry, etc. to the woman? They certainly don't do it out of a spirit of love (though many do, these infatuated chumps). Many do it because they think it is 'the routine' and they don't want to fail. They want to 'play it safe'.

"May I kiss you?" the Nice Guy asks. He doesn't want to make her 'uncomfortable'. If this Nice Guy risked failing, he would just kiss her and go for it. He could be slapped OR she could say, "THANK GOD! I THOUGHT HE WAS GAY!" and all is good.

Some here still act like those Nice Guys with the only difference is that they listen to men instead. You've GOT to sprinkle risk in your life.

As Anti-Dump said, you DO want to protect your heart. But some are so scared of failing that they literally COCOON their life!

To the loners- You know who you are. You don't think you are good enough, have the right things, do the right things, etc. to let a woman into your life. But you do! You loners aim at your comfortable world but do so at sacrificing long term happiness. LET A WOMAN INTO YOUR LIFE! You'll probably enrich her life more then you think, and she will definately enrich yours!

To the shy guys- You know who you are. You are worried what others might say, what she might think, what everyone might say. But the truth is that you could walk in front of a bus and you'd be forgotton in a day. No one is going to care that you lusted after a chick. Even chicks forget. GO FOR IT! YIELD TO YOUR DESIRE FOR ONCE!

To the addicted-to-sosuave crowd- You know who you are. You read more and more and more and more and more information. Yet, there you sit in front of your computer. The information you see... it is a novelty, something new for you to think about. But once you go out and FAIL with the ladies, all the information literally changes. Rather then being a novelty to think about, like some new philosophy to adopt, it becomes addendums to your battle plan. You exit the world of THEORY and go OUT THERE (since that is where the chicks are. Only feminists reside in the world of THEORY and you don't want those anyway).

Everyone came to this site with problems. This site corrected many of them. Alas, the site also created a few new problems. One of them is that guys are scared to fail, especially with all this information around. They think that with this information that they won't fail. It is fun to fail and is the zeal of life. Let yourself fail!

Also, failure is the only way to trigger metamorphosis.

QUOTE: "You can keep on trying to do something, and although you may not make it the first few times, you have "failed" only when you hit the dirt and refuse to get back up and try again."

Only by failing can you succeed.

Don Juaning is like a dance. You can learn all the steps. But unless you go out and trip yourself (or step on her, haha) a couple of times, you will never EVER dance.

Some guys are so scared of failing, that they memorize how they should act and so on where as me have one thought going through their head: "WHEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Some men see women and cry, "WHY!?" But I approach women and say, "WHY NOT?"

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Pook #30 - Romanticism - An Obituary

Romanticism is an article of faith.

We know what it's stuffed with: love at first sight, the carriage of frolicking courtships, prancing couples, dialogue consisting of fanstastical banquets, violins and flutes, of ballroom weddings, chandeliers, strangled poetry that converts her every part into some bizzarre infinitude, and of happy homes flowing with enchanting music with 2.3 kids, 2.6 cars, 1.1 garage, and 1.4 dogs.

All in all, the fountain that bubbles this vaperous romanticism is the phrase: star-crossed. Romanticism is not something considered to be 'controlled'. Rather, it seen as something to submit to. This 'star-crossed' love is elevated to the esteemed level known as destiny!

And so this faith makes the man stuffed. These stuffed men float airily through the world. Some pop to fall in the abyss... (and they wonder why suicide is at its highest rate for young men!). Others just stuff themselves more and more so that no matter what is said to them, they are so stuffed that even the sharpest most blatant facts bounce against their rubbery infatuated shells. Some realized that they were stuffed and turned themselves inside out. These unfortunate few shrivel with bitterness and seek revenge with getting laid everywhere and anywhere. But the rest spew out this poison and recover into the Men they were.

Oh forgive me, Hallmark! If I am to doubt Romanticism, I may incur the wrath of all women. But make no mistake: I war with Cupid. The way to victory is not to stab the infected with the truth... they pop and fall or increase their fantasy shell even more! Therefore, let us hold up a mirror to the infected so they see all their maladies and so will cleanse themselves of this rot.

The Virus

This hyped up romanticism can be traced to Rousseau. Disgusted with bourgeois love (he saw it as an empty emotional center of restrained, law-bound societies), he wanted to replace it with something more passionate. Before (especially in aristocracy), the passion of people was set for truth, honor, and power.

"This is dangerous," said the Rousseau. "It must be replaced with something else. Something that is just as absorbing." Therefore: "Love will now be the soul-saving experience!

How did Rousseau get to this? His childhood as he describes: "To fall on my knees before a masterful mistress, to obey her commands, to have to beg for her forgiveness, have been to me the most delicate of pleasures." Thus, in love he is entirely passive; woman must make the first move. Paglia says, "Rousseau ends the sexual scheme of the great chain of being, where male was sovereign over female... Rousseau feminizes the European male persona" and "gives the ideal man a womanlike sensitivity."

Ever since Rousseau, the culture has become increasingly romanticized. Music revolves around 'love'. The highest grossing movies are romantic 'epics' like Gone with the Wind and Titanic (where the ship sinking provides merely a backdrop for the 'priority' of the movie: the romance). Hyped-Romanticism has ravaged religions; priests becoming 'servants of love' rather than pursuers and warriors of 'wisdom and truth' (and then they wonder why the pews are filled with women!). Politicians speak of how much 'love' they have and strive to make themselves 'lovable'. Romanticism has gone beserk!

The Infection

Many women march on through their life, stuffed with dreams of hyped-up romanticism. They are filled to the brim with excessive expectations. The high rate of divorce is not due to some moral collapse. It is due to this bizzare and absurd religion of romance. In many ways, romance is the FEMALE RELIGION. 'Anniversary' dates are their religious festivals. The bed becomes their alter, and sex becomes the holy sacrament.

For fun, I told the women, "Romance... True love... None of it exists." And the women, nonsurprisingly, protested bitterly. But one thing that puzzled me was this one woman who told the Pook: "I'm never going to get married. Seems so boring." I thought she would agree with this idea of romance not existing (which I do think DOES exist, but is misapplied to the point of absurdity). Yet, she was one of the biggest protesters of it.

I figured almost all young women wanted to get married (at least SOMETIME). This one didn't yet was the BIGGEST believer in romance. A contradiction? Perhaps. In any age past, her life would be scorned at. It is this hyper-romanticism at work. Without this 'romance', there would be no license for her life-long 'romance' outside of marriage. It is well known that if you get the women to think that 'you love them', she is well more likely to sleep with you. All the gifts and 'dates' the AFC gives to get his sex are not some form of Neo-Prostitution; it is merely the exercise of this hyped up romanticism. This explains why women, who have no desire for marriage, will be the BIGGEST believers in romance. Their religion of Romance grants license and prettifies their sometimes dangerous and reckless behavior.

The Inflammation

Love! Love! Love! It is Nature's drug, a high, that so many become addicted to and must always be feeling 'love' at some part of their lives.

A Nice Guy appears to protest this post.

Ignore him, gentlemen. Women following this romanticized path means that the CHASE becomes the focus rather than the COMPANY of the lover. No wonder challenge works so well! No wonder once a woman gets what she wants, she goes looking for something else!

The more a man is a challenge, the more a woman becomes 'romanticized'. This is especially true for beautiful women. The curse of beauty (and even that of Don Juans) is that you fear that you are settling when you could have gotten better. When a guy is a challenge to the beautiful woman (and let's face it, these beautiful women have flocks of guys trying to be 'romantic' towards them in the AFC sense), it sparks the woman's romanticism. She must have her challenge and eat it too.

The Nice Guy yells out, "Pook, there is a matter we must discuss!"

Go to your platonic girlfriends to talk about your 'love', Nice Guy! Now where were we?

We know of the romanticism that Nice Guys embrace (for the definition of an AFC is a man who loves like a woman). But Don Juans suffer from the romanticism as well. "This website has made me soooo picky!"

The problem is not pickiness but idealism. Just like beautiful women, Don Juans feel that they are 'settling' if they get a chick. Remember your Nice Guy days when you only wanted a good decent woman to love you? Now you want a Helen of Troy! How far we've come!

The Nice Guy hops up on the Arcadian stage. "No more, Monsieur Pook! We must talk!"

Very well, Mr. Nice Guy! What is this business that you must interrupt my post for?

"I think you know it, Pook. You insulted my girl in the park last night!"

You are mistaken, sir. I made love to your girl in the park last night. She asked me to meet her there. I have her note somewhere. But if someone is saying something to the contrary, by God, it is a slander!

"You damned Pook! You would drag down a woman's reputation to hide your cowardice! But I am calling you out!"

You're calling me out? Then take lessons from your girl, as she too called me out.

"You libertine!" The Nice Guy takes out a white glove and slaps Pook. "I DEMAND SATISFACTION.

You demand satisfaction but your girl also demanded satisfaction. I cannot spend my time satisfying the demands of your circle.

"You blackguard!"

I assure you, Mr. Nice Guy, that your girl is the epitome of her sex. In fact, her chief renown is for a readiness that keeps her in a state of tropical humidity as would grow orchids in her drawers in January. Your assault against me is not for my faults but for your own.

"You have no morals!"

That is not true! You are the immoral one, thinking yourself a sexual Pharisee! We are called to be Human not statues.

The Cancer

And so floats the Nice Guy with his hot air romanticism. When he sees the women going for the guys of testosterone (jerks) and running to the hills to avoid his nonsense, he pops.

But what of the Don Juans racing to obtain their 'ideal' woman? After a decade or two, this is the result (http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/sho...ghlight=mature). Noticing their lost youth, what are these guys to do?

And what about the guys who DO get their idealism? Many of these guys marry absolutely gorgeous women. But gorgeous women are a standard lay. The idealism doesn't last and the divorce follows.

With love being defined as the PURSIT of the the lover (rather than the COMPANY of the lover), no wonder divorces are widespread! Rousseau is best known for his civilization of 'consent'. Thus, marriage to people now is not some sacred bond but a legal article of consent, something to be torn asunder whenever wished.

And anyone who are aware of marriages that last know that 'romanticism' has nothing to do with it. Marriage requires work. Go to an older married couple and spew out your 'romanticism' and 'the one' love to them and watch them laugh.

Romeo and Juliet

---

Women flock to Romeo and Juliet to watch the 'star-crossed' lovers defy society. Yet, romanticism is exactly what the play condemns!

Romeo was in love with Rosalind. But when Juliet appears, any thoughts of Rosalind are long gone. Romeo is Don Juanish at first. He kinos her. He kisses her. And he leaves her. So where is the tragedy?

"Because their love was denied!" chant the women.

I am sorry ladies. The truth is that Romeo is a whiny boy. Romeo and Juliet would have turned into a sweet Much Ado About Nothing if Romeo had the spine of Claudio. It is Romeo's lack of being a man that causes the tragedy in the play.

"Pook! You exaggerate Shakespeare to fit your meaning."

But look at what Shakespeare says:

"Alas poor Romeo! he is already dead; stabbed with a
white wench's black eye; shot through the ear with a
love-song; the very pin of his heart cleft with the
blind bow-boy's butt-shaft: and is he a man to
encounter Tybalt"

Already dead! And they question whether he can approach his enemy Tybalt. Even the Nurse condemns Romeo:

"Blubbering and weeping, weeping and blubbering.
Stand up, stand up; stand, and you be a man:
For Juliet's sake, for her sake, rise and stand;"

Romeo is so distraught that he wants to kill himself. Witness the friar's reaction to his attempt at suicide:

"Hold thy desperate hand:
Art thou a man? thy form cries out thou art:
Thy tears are womanish; thy wild acts denote
The unreasonable fury of a beast:
Unseemly woman in a seeming man!"

The tragedy in Romeo and Juliet is not love denied. It is Romeo refusing to be a Man. He kills himself at his first chance and so kills Juliet.

The Cure

Have you ever seen a very traditional Jewish wedding? The man and woman have never talked to each other. They do not even know if they like each other. Yet, they marry and stay married for life.

"Pook, that is because they can't divorce."

True, but by conventional romanticism, shouldn't the marriage eventually blow up? Yet, they are happy!

The point is that romanticism has no value in creating a lasting marriage. George Bernard Shaw says that marriage is like tying to people in a ship together. It doesn't matter who you are tied up to, you will make the person a lifelong partner. Comradeship makes marriages last, not romanticism.

War veterans despise the war they are stuck in. But if asked to leave the battlefield, they will not because of their comrades. The hellish environment created bonds between these men that last throughout their lifetime. Lasting marriages also contains this comradeship. The couple goes through this hurricane of life and by overcoming the difficulties thrown at them, it makes their bond cemented even more.

So love is not weddings and flowers. Real love is deep financial problems or a sick child.

But don't take my word for it:

Brookner: "The essence of romantic love is that wonderful beginning, after which sadness and impossibility may become the rule."

Crowley: "Love stories are only fit for the solace of people in the insanity of puberty. No healthy adult human being can really care whether so-and-so does or does not succeed in satisfying his physiological uneasiness by the aid of some particular person or not."

Jones: "Romance, like the rabbit at the dog track, is the elusive, fake, and never attained reward which, for the benefit and amusement of our masters, keeps us running and thinking in safe circles."

Romanticism, farewell! And 'The One'ism, adieu! Give me the love songs of ages past! Give me Don Juan! Give me Madame Venus! Give me elopement by ladder and rope on a moonlight night! Let the neighbors stare and adore, for their lives are measured by propriety and yardsticks. Let the rabbit run its course for we have stopped running in circles, chasing the rabbit 'Romance' on and on.

And by doing so, the circle breaks. We're finally free.
.

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Pook #29 - On The Nature of Sexuality

Diesel, I used to think the same about women at one point. But I cannot walk away from a riddle. And what better riddle is there but woman? It ended up blossoming into studying sexuality itself, and how it transcends the sex act itself. You will find it in art, business, politics, society in general.

Oddly, I could never define woman. Nothing was there. Was Weineger correct? The more time progressed, the more it became clear to me that I was trying to define a mirror. In my mind, it seemed I posted an article on femininity but it ends up being on masculinity instead! The more I looked into the core of woman, the more I saw the spirit of man.

Women seem more like a touchstone, who streaks men and see if they are gold or not. How many men had their lives transformed by not obtaining the love of a woman they wanted? And they were transformed not in the sexual way, but into something more. Almost every biography I've seen of world changing men always contain the fact that they fell in love with a woman and did not get her. Washington, Adams, Dante (he turns Beautrice into heaven in his immortal epic), Beethoven, practically all poets, practically all famous generals, etc. It is as if these guys saw their own wimpish worthless reflections in the women they sought, and changed their ways. I believe it was Kierkegaard who says, "It is true that behind every great man there is a woman. But it is always the woman he DID NOT marry."

A theme of Shakespeare is that when his characters condemn, they condemn themselves. If you look for this in real life, it becomes quite fun. It is amazing how many people condemn themselves! A poster on this board who rages relentlessly against AFCs... probably still is an AFC at heart. The anti-social hermit who says, "Those people clowning around do not understand life" condemns himself.

If you combine these two, you will get reflections of people. The Nice Guy who sees the woman as angelic and pure, he himself is innocent and 'angelic'. The guy that sees women as machiavelli creatures is often himself a machiavelli creature. The guy that sees women as b*tches is himself acting like one. The guy who sees woman as a playtoy is, himself, merely a playtoy. And the guy who sees women as only things to screw is, himself, merely a thing whose purpose is to screw. It's fascinating (to me) to see this everywhere. One thing that seems more clear: man and woman are not two but one. Perhaps there is more truth than we realize in the ancient phrase of 'the two as one flesh' (rather than the modern view of two atomized individuals in a legal contract).

In the end, the joke is probably on us. We're trying post/rationalize what should be natural. This site (including its sister ones) seem more and more ridiculous to me. Guys who think they are 'men' because they get women (which are insanely easy to get anyway) are like Don Quixotes who think they are knights because they caught windmills.

Women are emotional not because they are stupid but because they play Nature's role. Imagine if we men gave birth! Why, in delivery we would bite our lip, think that we ought to 'be a man', and not scream (which is a shame since screaming assists in the birth). A man knows that it is right for him to shoulder and conquer pain, not unleash it on others. If Man was pregnant, he would kill the child through his own being. The woman screams, talks, blabblers, unleashes her feelings, which is necessary for her to carry the child to and through delivery. It is also noticable that children gather around the mother, they seem to relate to her better. But when the children turn to adults, they gather around the man (as he shows the example to live by).

QUOTE: "CHICKS GET OFF ON POWER. WHY DO YOU THINK THEY GO FOR THE JOCKS AND THE DUDES WITH THE DEFINED PECS AND SIXPACKS, AND NOT SOME FLABBY, TERRIBLE-POETRY-SPOUTING LOSER LIKE YOU? POWER, BABY."

This is absolutely NOT true. Even when I was scrawny, I still scored chicks with my poetry. But it wasn't my poetry, it was my imagination that reeled them in. Musicians also get laid.

Women go for rich guys and strong guys because of self-survival (wouldn't you marry a woman with millions?). Women are more attracted to imagination than to power. They are only attracted to power in a survival way. They may marry the politician but will sleep with the artist down the road.

There was this guy who was REALLY maxed out physically, so much so that he almost got on Baywatch. The girls nicknamed him 'heaven'. And so enters Pook. This guy saw me with the girls and RUSHED OVER to try to peel them away. It was like I was taking away his source of his ego. Talk about pathetic.

Women sincerely want the best life they can get and choose the man who best supplies that. The 'power' guys either of physical strength or income or even influence are placed in the 'self survival' slot (women look around the room and wonder what income these guys are going to make...). But women also want to do more than survive; they want to laugh and make the fatal mistake of romance by trying to make it last forever. The muscian, the artist, the (good) poet, all have a command of imagination and adds to her life in that way. Women think they deserve the best life possible and will seek it... through you.

*

QUOTE:  "But I can't really feel guilty for wanting to bone a lot of girls, I don't think my views on women reflect badly on me at all. I'm just honest with myself and with the caliber of woman that is out there. If I were to meet a women that inspired me on all levels, then yeah, I'd probably change my toon. However, I can't say that I am holding my breath for that day, and in the meantime, I sure as hell will not continue to live like a monk, while pursuing some Quijote-an quest for the perfect woman. I take what is presented to me in the course of my life."

Hey Diesel! I'm not saying you, or anyone, should feel guilty about how you view women. Men and women agree on one thing: they both distrust women.

QUOTE: "I have a bit of a romantic notion that one day I will meet a girl that will knock my socks off... but so far that hasn't happened yet."

I think after a while, Nature says, "This will not do. Therefore, I will place internal pressure in you to desire the LTR, to marry, to have kids." In time, the Savage Bull doth bare the yoke.

QUOTE: "2. However, your point on the imagination... you say that chicks don't get off on the power. Here I will continue to disagree."

No, they DO get off on power. But they get off on other things then that too. How can that jobless starving artist be with that hottie? He is dreamy.

When I was going to be a lawyer, chicks loved that. They see lawyers as a type of power (when in truth, there are millions of lawyers crawling around who still end up poor. Being a lawyer won't make you wealthy). They don't see that, they see only the IMAGE.

If they get the impression that I am goal-less college wise, career wise, that my only sense is to pursue my passion, artistic or otherwise, they get off on that too! It is almost like they imagine in their head, "This guy will be adventurous" and they want to be a part of that life.

But if you are some boring Nice Guy who just wants to get some basic job and rot, rot, rot, rot through life, they will turn to you only as a last resort. Women want to be winners in life just as well as we do. When they are married, when they meet other couples, the women will examine each others' husbands. Who got the Great Catch and who didn't? Who won and who got the loser?

QUOTE: "Isn't your premise of the control over the imagination but another manifestation of power? If you can control and capture a girl's imagination, it sounds like just another form of power a man can wield over a woman."

I'll do a post on this.

QUOTE: "3. About the women wanting the best life they can get and choosing the guy who can best give it to them. ....

This is definitely not true. Women make incredibly stupid choices when choosing whom they marry, for what seem to be an infinite number of reasons that defy explanation (since each situation is unique).. This, to me, accounts for the incredibly high divorce rate in this country."

Heh, who said women judged men rationally? In HER mind, that loser is not a loser. He is a spontaneous exciting person who adds to her DULL life. Women will have anything: happiness, saddness, horror, fear, joy, laughter, but they will not tolerate one thing: BOREDOM. They may even see the loser for what he is. They then think, "I will turn this guy around. He will become successful because of ME!" This stupid female vanity lets women marry the loser despite everyone's advice to the contrary.

QUOTE: "If what you say is true, then how come people divorce so much?"

Excessive expectations.

Everyone believes they are super special. Women in the 18-26 year bracket have these HUGE expectations that no man can fulfill! They get married at, say, twenty two. After a couple of years, they get BORED and/or realize that marriage is not some magical process of transcendence. She sees other women her age out having fun but she is stuck with responsibilities. Oh, if she could only shrug off the husband and be single again!

Unhealthy romance: the pursuit of the lover.

Healthy romance: the presence of the lover.

It is almost a cult to many of these women (and some men!). These excessive expectations contains neither the friendship or civility that makes marriage successful. It fulfills the way a drug fulfills, requiring new infusions to sustain the high. We've raised their romanticism so much that its taken to be a personal and cultural panacea, a solve for everything. But not one thing solves everything. So they suffer the permanent disappointment of these excessive expectations. Twenty years of affection, caring, friendship, the small favors husbands and wives do for each other, is seen as 'boring' to these cultists. But in my opinion, it is far more and greater than their stupid expectations.

An obituary ought to be written. It'll be its tombstone when we bury this out of control romanticism for good.

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Pook #28 - On Shyness

As a formerly EXTREMELY shy person, I can say that shyness is NOT a form of insecurity. In other avenues than person, shy people can be extroadinarily confidant.

It is entirely possible to be confident but be introverted.

It is also possible to be insecure but be extroverted.

No, shyness is thinking that EVERYONE IS LOOKING AT YOU. It is a form of junior high school following you. If you get up from your seat, people will look at you. You speak up, people look at you. And so on. This means you will less likely speak, less likely get up, and since everytime you do you think you walk on a stage and everyone will notice you.

What shy people need to realize is that you could walk in front of a bus, get *thwumped!*, and no one would really notice. No one is going to care what you do or who you are. You are not a celebrity. You do not have cameras pointing at you. You are not important. You are nothing.

Shyness is also confused with hesitation. Hesitation is usually a result of unfulfilled desires. As Humans, we yield to less pain rather than more pain. Should I approach her? We yeild to what we think is the less pain, not approach. Hesitation is solved when we realize that Inaction is more painful and that rejection is better than regret.

Your #2 of a job was one of the things that helped me. More interestingly, I worked with only women. Aside from getting used to women, I got to figure out what was going on in their minds. Everyday was a religious experience.

Good post, but I don't think #4 will help the shy people. Usually shy people are pretty smart (since they are reading and such rather than socializing) and many will think the clubbing and dancing scene is stupid (which is fine, we all have different tastes). As long as you go out and do something you like rather than where you think 'the girls are' you'll do fine. I'd take a museum, opera, or art gallery over any club but that's just me (and TONS of chicks are there too). Not everyone is into the clubbing scene.

On the DJ chat, I saw this problem come up numerous times. It wasn't that the guy was scared of rejection. He was scared of success!

"Pook! What do you mean? Why be scared of success?"

Because if she said yes, he didn't know WHERE TO GO. What should they do? He had no idea.

This is why, before you can start to date women, you must be able to DATE YOURSELF! That's right, DATE YOURSELF. Try going out to these places by yourself or with your friends first. This will:

-Make you more comfortable

You already know the place, are comfortable with it, and know what to expect. This is important since when you are with a girl and new to it all, it is enough for the shy guy to be out with the girl let alone in a new and strange place. This will make your job a lot easier.

-Makes you prepared.

You can speak of the places or so where you want to go with confidence and ease. You know the route and the best way to drive there. You KNOW what the costs will be, what the environment will be, so you know how much money to take and what to wear.

For the shy guys wishing they were girls, this is why you should be thankful you are the guy. You get to know BEFOREHAND where you want to go so you have all the time in the world to be prepared.

-Makes you have fun.

With you being comfortable and prepared, already your time will be more enjoyable. Since you have all those shy guy worries put away like what to wear, the cost, what the environment is, and so on, you get to focus ON HER and have fun with her.

Good luck guys. Don't let ANYTHING steal your joy!

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Pook #27 - Eliminate Desire or Not?

I replied to this a long time ago and it used to be in the archive. I guess, now, that since it isn't, the question comes up again.

QUOTE:  "The guy that wrote "embrace your sexuality", is the same guy that wrote "kill that desperation". The auther is Pook. His excellent rhetoric provides camouflage for his contradicton.

It's not possible to be horny and not needy at the same time (unless of course you're a "think about sex and have no sex"-sexual)."

Some people ask, "Why does Pook hammer the same points again and again?" just read the above. There is no contradiction. Keep in mind also that the time between those two posts was YEARS. I'm a bit wiser now but the same principle applies.

Look at it like this:

Years ago, when I first came to this forum, I was a Nice Guy. How am I going to get the women? One thing I said back then was KINOING. I said it because IT WORKED. I said, "Kinoing turns you into a SEXUAL BEING to her. If you do NOT kino her, she will see you sexually as a mannequin. Why? Because mannequins do not initiate kino."

Years later...

I do not kino a chick, certainly not on dates at first.

"Contradiction! Pook is contradicted!"

What you're forgetting is that after years, I am no longer that old Nice Guy.

The Nice Guy comes across to the woman as BORING and sexually a zero. Nice Guys also seem safe. So when I started kinoing and stuff, I got an INSTANT REACTION from her. Why, all of a sudden I am a Sexual Being!

One difference from those old Nice Guy days is that I've gained 30 + pounds of muscle mass, dress better, talk better, more confidant, etc. I am ALREADY a Sexual Being. If I start kinoing a girl now, I will be seen as coming on too strong and too desperate.

This is why I now agree wtih Anti-Dump in that archived thread. I'm not FOR or AGAINST kino. I also wouldn't recommend Nice Guys to act like how I am now.

So now I disregard talking about kino or 'how you say things' and just talk about sexuality. I'm already a sexual being now, there is no need for me to kino a girl. She will know I'm a sexual being already. I do not need to touch her.

But the Nice Guy needs to embrace his sexuality. He is a sexual dud. You need to LOOK, ACT, and THINK like a guy.

If I put up a 'Sexuality' scale, some guys would be at LOW sexuality (Nice Guys) while some guys would be at the HIGHER end. I honestly can't say the specifics of how one should act or say to a girl because everyone is different points on this scale. For the Nice Guy, kinoing goes a long way. But for me now, it is overkill.

The 'DESIRELESS' is to be NOT NEEDY. You WANT her but do not NEED her. It is a big difference.

DESPERATE guys need a girl to 'complete themselves' to 'make themselves feel happy'. I say these guys got it BACKWARD. They ought to complete themselves and make themselves happy THEN go for the chicks.

Live. Laugh. Love.

Notice the order? Get your life together, make yourself happy, THEN go for the chicks.

(Some people complain that it is work. Well, what is the point of having a girlfriend or a fleet of women if you have no direction in life and chronically melancholy? Defeats the purpose. Women are to enhance your life. FOOLS think the women will DEFINE their life.)

I think 90% of all the problems on this board is because they MIX UP the order.

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Pook #26 - On Embracing Sexuality

This is an EXCELLENT discussion post. One thing we hear all the time from people is that,

"Go out and immediately get laid, THEN you won't have any trouble with women!"
"Go get a prostitute so you'll stop being VIRGIN then everything is easier."
"Go out into the ACTION REALM and everything else will get better."

Your post defies those 'solutions' and shows that instead of just saying, "Go outside and get 'experience', then everything will work' that we need to work on our inner realm (and then the outer realm will fix itself)

Anti-Dump says, "Beautiful women will HIDE their feelings." This is so true! This is also why you can't sit around and look for signs.

Anti-Dump really helped me when it came to the beautiful women (especially the beautiful INNOCENT women). Whereas most women would by now be revealing her feelings for me, they do not. I can only know if they are interested by their actions, which is YES to the phone number and YES to the dates.

Now, you are on a date with the beautiful innocent women. What do we do?

Since women already see me as a sexual being, I don't kino. But just as there is a plane of sexuality with touching, fondling, kissing, etc., (this is SEEN) there is also another plane of sexuality (which is UNSEEN). This 'unseen' plane means things like voice tone, eye contact, a literal connection.

Desire is what will get you the beautiful innocent girl. However, this desire needs to be transmitted along this 'unseen' plane.

Let me give you an example. I was rejected by this one girl that I really really liked which orignally sent me to this forum (this was four years ago). Now, I'm going out with her. She is the perfect example of the 'beautiful innocent' type.

What could I do? You just can't go up to her and start grabbing things. How do you create intimacy with the beautiful innocent type?

Through desire. Let her know you want her.

"But didn't you say you ought to be desireless?"

Well, when you were a nice guy how were you showing your desire? Through flowers? Through declarations of love? By talking to her all day?

Our ROMANTIC MACHINE is broken when that happens. And the only way to FIX it is to TURN OFF OUR DESIRE. OK, now we aren't doing these stupid sappy things. Now we have to rebuild the ROMANTIC MACHINE (replace it with something like Anti-Dump's Machine).

Now when your ROMANTIC MACHINE gets turned back on, you do not display your desire on the seen channels (through flowers, gifts, chocolate, poetry) but through the unseen realm (eye contact, voice tone, getting to the point, etc.)

So when I was at dinner with my beautiful innocent girl, I started eye contact and never looked away except to eat my food.

People think eye contact is simply staring into someone else's eyes. It isn't. Eye contact is displaying your desire into her eyes.

I let it all out. All my desire I've had for her, all the frustrations she's caused me (I am on this website because of her), all the work that SHE put me through, I said not a word of it but she knew every bit, because she saw it in my eyes.

She melted.

...and melted...

...and melted.

She returned the eye contact.

The next step is to see if the conversation is flowing. Is she laughing? Is she lust drunk?. She should be giggling like a little girl, with her eyes caught into yours.

Do the DeAngelo test of brushing her hair with your fingers. If she's suspectible to this, kiss her. If she likes that, keep kissing her then slowly move around her face, kinoing the back of her head, her arms, wherever, and keep the desire up. Do NOT let it go.

In order for the girl to melt, there needs to be a fire. The fire in your eyes. The fire in your lips. The fire in your touch.

This is how a woman wants to feel. It is in this moment, she feels truly female for she has been desired and is now being acted on.

There is a reason why women have a fantasy of being in a crowded room and a guy locking eye contact with them. Is it eye contact? No, it is his DESIRE at her. She LOVES being desired. Oh heavens, it makes her feel like a woman.

Beautiful innocent women's role in Nature is to be desired and not desiring. So next time you are with that girl, let it all out in your eyes and watch what happens.

She may start off all wooden but in the end, I guarentee, she'll be cookie dough.
.

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Related:

Bonecrker #129 - Eye Contact 

Pook #25 - Embrace Your Sexuality

To the Nice Guys, AFCs, Chumps, and Assorted Miscellaneous Confused Males:

Sirs: Let us have a little talk on the spirit of sexuality. This might trouble you, to be sure, it might anger others, which is most certain, but the stubborn fact remains that you cannot be successful with women ever until you embrace your sexuality. Yet until now, you were not interested in sexuality. Rather, you wanted to hear more philosophies, more tricks and tactics to be placed in your quiver of dating. It is as if you were to say: “Yes, yes, these guys that are getting girls are all very well and good. But what philosophies should we deploy to get the women? We purchase bits and pieces of philosophies on this site like we are in a Dating Wal-Mart. We, however, enjoy being the dorks we are and wish only for more philosophies to add to our arsenal.”

How blind you guys are! Now, I wish to ask you a question.

“Go ahead, Pook.”

Do you see that female over there? No, not the thin one. No, not the one with the long hair and curvaceous body. I am talking about the LARGE one in front of the Ho-hos. Yes, her hair is an absolute mess. She has no sense of style. She keeps many pets and spends extraordinary amounts of money on them. Personality? She is bitter. She enjoys philosophy just as you do. Why, she is going to become a feminist!

Is she a woman?

“Pook! Of course not! She is FEMALE, that can be proven. But do not call such a thing a woman!”

If she is not a woman, what is she?

“Hag.”
“*****.”
“Walrus.”
“Witch.”
“Titanic.”

Ah! She is an androgynous! Androgynous females do not look like girls or act like them. Three professors of mine, who I have talked to about their past and their regrets, told me they were clueless with women even though they knew everything about the Elizabethan Period, the History of the Supreme Court, and the philosophical ruminations in the 19th century. Despite that, they married the woman I described above despite how ‘brilliant’ they were.

Other guys BLOCK their sexuality by being NICE. “Sexuality is disrespectful and makes me look like a pig!” In the end, these nice guys end up being thought up as an @ss by women and treated as one.

If you want to AVOID this type of fate, read on.

Embrace Your Sexuality!

This guy has no problems talking to women except those he desires. The desire sabotages him and wrecks him completely. Listen! We can hear him!

“I feel so guilty.”
“This is like I don’t respect them!”
“This is painful.”
“I feel like I am using them.”
“I feel dirty doing this.”

Oh, poor guy! His problem is not the women but himself. Why is he feeling guilty? Why does he think he is being sinister? Look, we are going to see him ten years from now. Behold!

The guy is ten years older but still has no girl. He has a decent job, a decent life, but it seems meaningless without a girl. He becomes BITTER. He is ANGRY at life.

If only he could FIX whatever problem ten years earlier! How much joy and bliss would be in his life!

This guy’s life has been like the hard desert with painful arrows constantly peppering him from the blazing sun. He wanders aimless, seeing an oasis in that beautiful woman who only sees him as a friend. The beautiful women, the ones he wants, are like mirages. He thought they would finally end his painful wandering and lead him into that Promised Land of bliss. Oh if he could only find one! All the pains would end!

The key is not in finding this oasis, this woman, to end all your pains. The key is to realizing that the problem is not the women, not the situation, but himself and only himself.

Now he stands in the desert but lo and behold, a heavenly rain has cascaded from the sky. The dryness of loneliness, the ever constant thirst for affection, is quenched with the blissful rain.

What was the ONE THING that caused the rain that quenched his thirst and cooled the heat? It was to embrace his sexuality. If you cannot embrace your sexuality, you can never be a Don Juan, and you can never be happy in life.

Are you a guy? Take a look in the mirror. Chances are, if you are at this website wondering the hows and whys, then you are not a guy.

But I forget myself. Let me introduce my prop.

Thus enters Nerd Boy.

Why, hello, Nerd Boy! Look at you! Pocket protector and all! You have glasses and look like a drone. Your clothes don’t match. Heck, your clothes don’t even have any personality. You are so mental that you cannot grasp the ways of the flesh.

Just as you thought the fat chick was not a woman, women will not think this Nerd Boy is a guy. Why? He isn’t fully Human. It’s obvious he hasn’t had any contact with Womaniverse (which is sexuality itself). He will make excuses:

“I am very handsome” (which is true! A handsome drone is he!)
“I am a genius”
“I have a great job”

Oh, poor Nerd Boy! Women do not possess the faculties to see beauty as men do. Women do not care for your intellect (i.e. masculine chatter). The guy that woman is with may be ugly, may even be stupid, but he is absolutely sexual. Nerd Boy is blind to sexuality and, therefore, blind to life.

Sexuality Problem #1: Looks

Are you ugly? Are you beautiful? It doesn’t matter. Women do not see beauty; they see only sexuality. So how does a sexual male LOOK?

To put it bluntly, it is the bad@ss. This guy has the look of power be it a shaved head, leather coat, professional corporate suit, backwards cap, a well toned body, spiky hair, or whatever else. This person looks like a guy. He is not androgynous. He knows what his sexuality is and embraces it.

How is a guy supposed to look? To be male is to drive against Nature, to pierce her. He is not a pretty boy (though, this might get some girls too). It is almost a ‘rough’ look. A guy has a look of some masculinity about him.

How to Look Like Brad Pitt

No, I didn’t mistype that. One girl I knew saw Brad Pitt on TV and orgasmed. “He looks SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good, *sigh*.” But Brad Pitt’s effect has nothing to do about looks. Brad Pitt is a very symmetrical union of the two sexualities, male and female. He looks innocent but also as a bad@ss, sweet but rough, smooth yet rugged, elegant but strong. “Pook, this is a contradiction!” No, it is not.

It is well known that women like guys who have some feminine aspects (i.e. PRETTY BOYS). To get the ‘Brad Pitt effect’, you need to figure out where you are on the sexuality scale (though many males like NERD BOY aren’t on the scale at all!). If you’re a feminine male, you are probably thin, innocent, modest, shy, pretty boyish, curls for hair, large eyes, and have an almost aristocratic style about you. The masculine male is muscular, large, loud, motorcycle, has a goatee or shadow, and has a sporty or outdoorsman style to him. Now that you know where you are at, simply add in elements of the other. Some guys, when they go onto Manhood, carry a piece of adolescence with them. These are the guys that end up with the ‘Brad Pitt effect’ though you can make it your own.

Compare this to Nerd Boy. He looks at them and thinks how much ‘smarter’ he is. But is he smarter? No! They may not know their calculus, but they know their sexuality. When women flock to these guys, the Nerd Boy only stands there in awe.
.

Sexuality Problem #2: Personality

Come here and talk to the lovely lady, Nerd Boy! “Hiiiiiiiiii. Hooooooow arrrrrrre youuuuuuu.” Creepy! “I will do anything for you, lovely lady!” I’m sure you will, Nerd Boy!

But when a guy has embraced his sexuality, he treats the women like they are children. “But Pook! That is not politically correct!” Foolio! This is sexuality which is above and beyond your petty philosophies and politics. Now where were we? Oh yes, he does not take women seriously. And why should he? He is a man after all. He has a sense of self. He is monad. He doesn’t need anyone to define himself.

But embracing one’s sexuality means enjoying it. You do not look at the woman as work or as a riddle to be solved. No, you go in and have FUN. You do not dwell on BORING subjects like Nerd Boy here does.

So what we end up with is a type of cocky and funny guy. DeAngelo covers this subject quite a bit. But you will never be cocky and funny by intentionally trying to be cocky and funny. You are not a chick putting up a façade. No, be a guy and so act like a guy.

Here, gentlemen, is a ballerina. She has just told you of all the things she does, how she dances, and everything like that. What is your response?

NERD BOY: “WOW! THAT IS REALLY INTERESTING! TELL ME MORE ABOUT THE FABRICS AND SPIFFY COLORS OF THE PAGEANT, THE DANCE MOVES, ETC.”

GUY: “You must have really strong legs.”

It is as simple as that! Some guys cannot control themselves and start being blatantly sexual to the poor women. This, of course, is unattractive to the ladies. This is not being rude or blatant. It is to realize that sexuality is not contained in the bed and is part of every interaction you have with the woman.

Look! She is touching you! This is good. Touch is sexual in itself. Kino is sign of interest. If you kino a girl too soon, it can backfire on you. You no longer remain a mystery to her. The game is up, she knows you want her. But if she thinks you are not interested in her and you want to say you are, you kino her. Kino is a form of ******** for, “I am interested in you.” When you kino the chick, the chick understands perfectly what you are saying. Kino is communication. Using it to create interest (which may not be there) rather then as communication will backfire. (However, failure to receive or initiate kino makes one sexually a mannequin. Know why? Because mannequins do not initiate kino!)

BAD: Hi, I’m FlirtyBoy! (Touch. Touch.) You look SO cute in that outfit! My goodness! You must get compliments all the time! (And FlirtyBoy continues to flirt.)

RIGHT: Hi, I’m Mr. Right. (Some small talk). What’s your number?

A guy does not flirt with chicks (unless he is working, thus captive, and has nothing else better to occupy his mind). A guy ASKS out the chick to show he’s interested.

Sexuality Problem #3: Dating

What to do! What to do! Poor Nerd Boy! He cannot invite the chick over to view his computer together. So he thinks, “What do males do to COURT the lady?” Dinner, of course!

Nerd Boy and his chick eat their meal.

But Nerd Boy, I am sorry to interrupt, how are you different from any other male? Look! There goes your woman, never to talk to you again! She said you were boring! Alas!

“But I gave her dinner! She ought to like me!”

But ANY guy can give her dinner. Can you give her dinner, Trash Heap Guy?

“Yes, Pook. I can buy her dinner.”

And what says you, Mr. Nice Guy?

“I can buy her dinner, also.”

And Mr. Sosuave? What about you?

“I also can buy her dinner.”

THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE. ANY male can buy her dinner. Heck, any FEMALE could buy her dinner.

“So what do you suggest, Pook?”

Action dates! Do not sit there, talking. She can do that with her girlfriends. Guys, on the other hand, are all about ACTION. Real men are not making dinner. They are swimming rivers and climbing mountains. Find something actionwise and get her involved.

“But Pook! I enjoy sitting in front of my computer all day and don’t like ‘action dates’.” Learn to like them. Look, are you even living? There are brilliant things out there to enjoy and do. What are you wasting your youth on? Sitting in front of the computer?

Sexuality Problem # 4: Love Shyness

Grab your white coats, gentlemen, and follow me.

Pook and the others go down the hall and turn to the left.

Ahh, now we are at the testing room. Behind the window is where we will experiment. They will not see us, gentlemen, for they will see only a mirror. Here, we can peek in on the outside world.

"But Dr. Pook, what is the experiment going to be?"

Patience, indeed! Let us begin.

A man was in the room and all was well. Then, all of a sudden, a GORGOUS woman enters the room. The man snuck glances. Soon, the woman got tired of this game and she came over to speak to him.

Focus, gentlemen! Watch how he responds!

"Uhhh ummmm errrr ooh ummm..."

Again!

"Errr ohhh ummmm dohh..."

Stop! Remove the woman! Quarantine the male. We cannot risk the possibility that his error is contageous.

"Yes, Dr. Pook."

"Right away, Dr. Pook."

"Anything you say, Dr. Pook."

Ahh... it is so nice when they do what you ask. Now, display the data on our subject.

The screen flashed up the male's brain map.

Good heavens! I was afraid of this. His entire frontal lobe is severely damaged. Gentlemen, to show you the extent of the damage this male labels as shyness, let us look at it through the woman's perspective.

"Not Womaniverse!"

Yes. OK, she walks into the room. She KNOWS the guy is checking her out. (Guys, the girls are more clever then you think. They WILL SPOT YOU if you check them out. If you like a chick, she will eventually know it.) So the chick decides to talk to the guy. And the guy didn't seem capable of conversation! Why, he just mumbled and bumbled about something. What did he say? It doesn't matter. Look at HOW he said it. He wasn't speaking, he was farting from his mouth!

Now, what was the woman thinking?

A gentleman peered at the data and looked up, stunned. "She thought he was brain damaged."

Exactly! And you know what, HE WAS. SHE is right here and HE is wrong. He knew something was wrong but he can't figure it out.

The problem is Descartes. Yes, 'ol Descartes thought that he could divide the mind and body with his philosophies. Descartes thought that human beings were composed of physical bodies and immaterial minds. That blasted Dutchman Spinoza disagreed. Why, to Spinoza, feeling was not opposed to reason. Rather, feeling was an accomplice. With Spinoza, mind and body are not two but one.

Some believe in a third way which is Freud. Freud believed that this young male's reaction was because of repression. I'm sure you've heard it before: 'that guy is going to turn into a playboy because he was sexually repressed!' But this is nonsense. We are humans, not caged animals.

It is impossible to turn off all emotions in rational descision making. A girl can be hot but what does that matter unless you mentally acknoledge it? Ever have a particular girl you kept thinking about? Lust is not just fleshy. Lust is both mental and fleshy.

The point is that Spinoza was right and Descartes was wrong.

"Pook, is there a purpose to this?"

There is and it is in that young male. When the beautiful woman came into his orbit, he tried to compartmentalize. A wave of emotion came over him. He fought against it rather than accepting it. And so, the result, is a guy that just stands there like a mark with a whole army shooting at him. Logic is to this universe as feeling/conversation is to Womaniverse. The woman thought, "Typical male!" and went off to find a WORTHIER recipient.

Do you want to get rid of your shyness? You’re going to have to open up and get out of your solitary shell. Sure, you can deploy ‘tactics’ and ‘maneuvers’ and turn women into a piece of mathematical equation. But in the end, you are still in your same shy philosophy-obsessed world. You just destroyed her and turned her into a part of a ‘philosophy’ to absorb.

Instead of dehumanizing the woman, why not humanize yourself?

Sexuality Problem #5: Lack of Experience

“No experience, no job! No job, no experience! It is like that with women!”

Oh, foolish lad! She doesn’t care if you are still running on VIRGIN or not. The only problem is that if YOU have a problem with it. Some guys worry about their experience, worry about stupid labels. “I am still a VIRGIN though!” So what? Despite what the movies portray, sex is not life. If you have a problem with it, it is guaranteed that SHE will. Stop worrying!

Sexuality is not a ‘philosophy’ to learn, it is more like a ‘dance’. Some males get it, others don’t. Do not demand philosophies of sexuality; you’ll only end up destroying it. And if you ask for a theory to create another ‘philosophy’ to be stacked in a bookish format to further continue your ego as A Great Thinker, consider yourself chained to this website forever.

Embrace your sexuality and embrace life!
.

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Pook #24 - Kill That Desperation!

Being a Don Juan is not a net sum of smooth manuevers and methods but of your own outlook on the world and on women. ANYONE can memorize 'techniques', but FEW can change the way HOW they think. Women will be able to sniff out the former. But with the latter, women will be clawing each other for you.

A Don Juan is a state of mind, not a list of methods and tricks.

This must be stated because it brings us to the subject of 'desperation'.

In the end, we are all desperate with desire. We wouldn't be looking for tips and answers if we did not desire a girlfriend or MULTIPLE girlfriends (being a bit ambitious, aren't we?). We all want a woman (or women), but our desire and feelings brings out the desperation traits within us.

Where I work, I ask the women why they found a co-worker to be so desperate. Here are some of their answers:

-always giving the women attention.
-calling all the time (and calling immediately once getting the number, immediately returning a call, etc.)
-taking every opportunity to talk to them (and telling everything about yourself)
-always available.
-NEVER willing to walk away (NEVER willing to disagree, ALWAYS supplicating).
-etc.

What theme can we find in the above? It is that the man puts the woman on the pedestal rather then himself.

Imagine if a woman did all of the above to you. Imagine if a woman was OBSESSED with you, always calling you, always available, and always spending her free time FOR YOU. Any interest you had for this woman would soon evaporate. Why? Because in your own mind you are thinking two things: "No one else must want her," AND "If I can get her OBSESSED about me, I know I can get BETTER girls to be interested in me." Her desperation is turning you off. The same is true for women.

Women are not attracted to desperate men. Period. I've told my co-worker this and his response: "Well, that is just who I am." Eventually, he will realize that the only common denominator in his pattern of crash and burns will be HIM. So if anyone has told you that you're desperate, consider that its true.

There is a KEY to removing desperation forever. There is no simple 'trick' that will kill the desperation. It will not be in how you dress, how you talk, or where you go for dates. No, the KEY is in how you think.

The KEY to killing desperation (and attracting crowds of women) is to THINK and BELIEVE that you are The Great Catch.

Desperate guys do not do this. They see the woman as the prize rather then themselves. They see that the woman must be 'wooed' rather then them. They will, thus, supplicate and become a 'nice guy'. (And nice guys finish LAST.)

If you start treating a woman like precious gold, she will believe she is gold. And once she believes it, she will DUMP YOU because YOU have given her the sense that she is BETTER then you. Once she thinks that, she will want to REPLACE YOU with someone better, because you have given her reasons to believe that YOU ARE UNWORTHY OF HER GREATNESS.

After all, if we think we can ****** someone better, we will. This holds true for both men and women. The last thing we want is to settle for a mate when we could have gotten better. (This is why the element of challenge is so important in the Dating Game.)

The lesson: DON'T GIVE HER A REASON TO THINK SHE IS BETTER. You are the gold; she should be thrilled just to have A CHANCE with you.

The first step in becoming the Prince Charming every woman dreams of is to THINK OF YOURSELF AS A PRINCE.

When you BELIEVE you are that prince, that you are The Great Catch, all the 'desperation' signs you were emitting vanish and an aura of attraction will surround you. Combine this manner of thinking with all the Don Juan skills you know, and you will become irresistable.

Let us look at the desperation signs again:

-always giving the women attention.

Now that you're The Prince, you don't have time to give women attention. A Prince is kind, ENTHUSIASTIC, smiling, yet YOU have things to do. A Prince's time is precious. A woman must win your attention; you shall not give it to them.

-calling all the time (and calling immediately once getting the number, immediately returning a call, etc.)

The Great Catch simply CANNOT call all the time because he has tons of other numbers. The Great Catch is not competing for a particular girl. The girls, rather, are competing for him.

-taking every opportunity to talk to them (and telling everything about yourself)

Why would Prince Charming tell everything about himself to a woman? No, the woman must JUSTIFY HERSELF to him because YOU ARE THE GOODS. The Prince would reveal things about himself only as a reward. The woman loves the mystery in this and sees knowing the Prince as peeling layers of an onion, knowing him GRADUALLY.

-always available.

The Great Catch is busy with many many women! She must fight for your time, NOT the other way around.

-NEVER willing to walk away (NEVER willing to disagree, ALWAYS supplicating).

Prince Charming wouldn't accept ANY disrespect from any woman. If a woman gave him such disrespect, he WALKS AWAY. The Prince KNOWS all these women want to be with him so he can eject at any time.

Now, I know what you're thinking, "Pook, I can't act like a Prince Charming or The Great Catch. I DON'T have tons of women after me." This is reversing CAUSE and EFFECT. ASSUME you are the Great Catch, THINK that you are, and as you think you shall become. It becomes a self-fullfilling prophecy. Treat your hobbies as if they have more value then the women do (or treat your hobbies as if they WERE other women). When you think you are the Great Catch, you will act like it and the women will KNOW that you are.

Women love certain traits in guys. By THINKING you are The Great Catch allows you to emit these traits NATURALLY and without any effort.

-Good looks

You cannot change your genes. But you can change the way how you treat those genes. Does Prince Charming wear raggedy T-shirts? Does the Great Catch walk with his head down? NO! You will wear nice clothes and walk with pride BECAUSE you are proud of yourself. After all, you ARE one of the best. So treat yourself accordingly.

Anyone can wear a suit. But few can wear a suit proudly. Few can wear a suit that seems to fit them naturally and creates an aura of importance. Good carriage, excellent threads, are the CONSEQUENCE by how you think of yourself. Women know this and is the reason why you are judged by this criteria.

-Humor

Girls LOVE humor. Prince Charming and the Great Catch are funny because they know that they, themselves, are fun. They don't worry, "My goodness, she is really cute! How can I attract her!?" They ASSUME she will be attracted and they have fun in the meantime.

Don't be shy. Let your personality SHINE. When you think you are the Great Catch, this should come more naturally because you have nothing to fear.

-Dominance

You are THE MAN. You must be IN CHARGE. Desperate guys will try to be 'nice' in every which way to win the girl (and fail, of course). But Prince Charming and the Great Catch will SWEEP WOMEN OFF THEIR FEET. When you THINK you are the goods, you realize that it is ridiculous to treat a relationship and flirting as walking on eggshells. YOU set the rules, NOT the other way around. After all, YOU are the prize to be sought.

Look at the soap operas and romance novels for grounds of this. Women like to be in the presence of a MAN, not a boy, not a chump, and certainly not a 'nice guy'.

Dominance is also being sure of yourself. Do not speak in a soft tone. Speak STRONGLY and behave STRONGLY. After all, do you think Prince Charming worries about making mistakes? No, so neither should you.

I know, I know. I can hear you saying, "But I must worry about mistakes or else I'll have another 'learning experience' on my hands."

This is a GOOD THING. Let us say that, in a normal conversation, you came across a word you did not know how to pronounce. Most people will utter the word softly for fear of criticism. This is stupid. Say the word LOUD! Let me repeat, say the word LOUD! If you are wrong, you will be corrected. Clearing up mistakes is ALWAYS a good thing and should NEVER be feared.

The same applies with dating. Do not date with hesitation and shyness; date with all conviction. Remember, the biggest risk you can take in life is not to take any risks at all.

-Ambition

When you think yourself as The Great Catch, you KNOW women are not the priority of your life. After all, the Great Catch knows he can get any woman whenever he wants. When you feel good about life, you cease to fear success and demand Life show all that it has. Aim for the moon. If you miss, at least you'll be among the stars.

So in the end, too often men think they need a girlfriend to have their life 'complete'. The consequence is that these men will emit signs of desperation. Success is achieved first through the mind, then through the world, never the other way around.

***

Hi shakes

How can you be assertive and aggressive without apppearing desperate?

Be selective and picky, not 'on the prowl' or 'hungry'. (Who knows? That next girl may be the one you marry. Might as well have high standards!)

ALWAYS be willing to walk away. NEVER accept low interest responses (AD's posts cover this well).

shy guys and non-aggressive guys get no where with woman.

I am (was) extremely shy and very non-aggressive. You can use it to your advantage!

For Non-Aggressiveness

For some reason, I tend to attract flocks of chicks. They hit on me, touch me, try to get me to ask them out (and I don't, heh heh). Other guys my age I talk to a few have had the same thing. We found out the reason why, as was summed up by what one girl told me:

"You're not like most guys. You're different, intelligent, and SEXIER THEN A GREEK GOD!"

OK, maybe she didn't say THAT. But she did say that I was different and not like most guys. Why? Because I WASN'T hitting on every chick. I wasn't out 'hustling' the girls.

Guys who want a girlfriend hit on girls all the time.

Here are some facts:

Fact A: Guys who hit on girls appear desperate and needy.
Fact: B Girls want guys who don't need girls. (I like AD's metaphor: Be as free as a bird. Girls want to seize that bird and TOSS IT in a cage! That cage is called committment.)

THEREFORE, guys shouldn't 'hit on' girls. (Guys hit on girls because they are needy. Change your thinking and you cease to be needy, and you'll naturally stop hitting on girls.)

I think it is best to treat a chick, no matter how hot and steamy she is, no matter how cute and perfect, as a guy. The only exception is don't talk technical stuff with them like you would with a guy (computers, cars, how to lay chicks, etc.) They will LOVE this. With the girls I like, I talk about THEM and they become more and more attracted to me because guys do not do this.

That is how I used my non-aggressiveness to my advantage. It can be excellent for creating attraction (in some situations). Problem is that you have to turn it off eventually and GO FOR HER. (And you KNOW that she will say, "YES! Oh, this is the luckiest day of my life!" because you think are Prince Charming. It becomes a self-fullfilling prophecy.)

Using shyness as an advantage

Shy people THINK too much. Shy people react to situations when they should be acting/initiating. But when you're on a date or any time talking to a woman you like, you can use your shyness as an advantage. Shy people do not go around talking about themselves or try to sell themselves because they hate talking in general (girls hate this anyway. See? Much goodness already). When she asks you about yourself, give her a general answer and turn the conversation back on her. Shy people's advantage is

they let women flap their gums!

The Art of Conversation is a great article at sosuave.com. She flaps her gums, you take something she said that you agree with, paraphrase it in your own words, and feed it back to her. She will levitate before your very own eyes!

See? Shyness and non-agression can be GREAT virtues rather then the vices they seem to be.

I get my women from the workplace (it makes work seem like recreation!). However, in a workplace setting you have to be careful as a reputation sticks. Go out with every girl and you are labeled a player (which women hate). Hit on every girl there, you will instantly be stamped 'Mr. Desperate' and all the girls will laugh at you. (I've seen it happen to poor chumps.) Act reserved by demonstrating your FUN personality and you will KNOW when they will be DYING for you to ask them out. Sometimes they'll even bring themselves to ask YOU out (which you say no! They become even more intrigued for guys don't turn down girls).

Clubs and parties are not the place, I think, for shy non-agressive people. I get better results when I can talk to people without SHOUTING ALL THE TIME.

You can get away with hitting on women if you won't see them again (in the workplace or classroom, they will remember and reputations stick).

Just because you get a date does not mean you stop being attractive. You must make your attractiveness consistent by continually thinking yourself as the Great Catch or as Prince Charming. For if you DON'T, then you start to put her on a pedestal and have that fatal romance disease known as desperation.

Right now, I'm in a situation where I'm on the verge of dating two women. Even though I've read the articles on this site a billion times and read this forum daily, I can feel myself wanting to 'fall' in infatuation.

It is all in our minds of how we look at the women. See,

Good Pook:

"I wonder what FUN I can have with her! I wonder what NEW THINGS I'll learn about women from her. I wonder what happens if I try this strategy on her..."

Bad Pook:

"Wowza! She is HOT! I hope I look and act all right! I really really hope I don't do anything stupid or dumb tonight."

Notice the difference? When Pook is bad, he places the 'success' of the night on if HE doesn't 'screw up' (which he will because he is worried to death about it). When Pook is good, he places the 'success' factor on the experimentation and fun (which as a result the Pook will come across as fun and different).

Be the Good Pook!

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Pook #23 - Fountain of Youth

Rejoice!

And be glad! All those frustrations, all those hesitations, the nervousness, the burning, the butterflies of unease, the confusions, and the errors that manifest itself when your mind says "Do this" and your body and personality do not follow- all of these can be washed away... forever.

Yes, you thought yourself ignorant about women, so inexperienced, so confused, and you just seemed to be following an evil circle. Maybe you were like me, a super mega dork who slept through life until now. And, perhaps like I did, you read and reread all material on women and life you could get your hands on.

But what if I told you that you were always a Don Juan at one point in time? And I do not mean in a specific situation or hour, I mean at one point in your life you KNEW EVERYTHING ABOUT WOMEN and handled them WITH PERFECT EASE, so perfect that it was 100% NATURAL and if anyone told you to view a website or books for 'information' you would laugh yourself silly!

Wouldn't that change everything? Wouldn't you say to yourself, "Well! If I was the PERFECT Don Juan then I would try to remember how I THOUGHT and what I DID when I WAS that Don Juan rather than mine endless posts and books. After all, if I WAS a Don Juan, then I require only recollection NOT revelation."

Go find a picture of yourself when you were a young kid (say at age 6). Look at him! He is smiling gleefully without a care in the world. He doesn't know he is going to turn into the sad adult that you are now. Hormonally, the only difference between you and your youthful shadow is that you are flooded in testosterone and in a state of chemical madness. Your youthful shadow knows better of the joys of life. It is no wonder parents find their offspring such a wonder as they reframe the dull life of bills, appointments, and responsibilities with the fire of youth.

Yes, you say that you are an adult now. You have responsibilities such as bills and chores and work to do. You have no time for such nonsense. Or do you?

I bet when you were a kid, you were a natural Don Juan. I bet you got all the girls in the sandbox. As a child, you knew how to treat women better then even though you are now an adult. Some of these factors include that you....

-Knew girls and guys were different.

Trendy intellectuals have this problem today! You KNEW there was MALE and FEMALE.

-Realized girls had cooties and could destroy a guy.

This isn't too far off as girls can totally devour and destroy a man and his life.

-Knew that it was improper to be girlish. You would (and ought to) get beaten up on the playground.

Older people get an error in the brain called PHILOSOPHY that speaks bubble swelled words like 'relativity', 'revolution', freedom' and pop with the scent of rotten eggs of pious moralizations, bumper sticker arguments, and rambling dissertations. You knew, at an early age that YOU CANNOT FREE YOURSELF FROM GENDER.

-Girls were not to be taken seriously. After all, they are girls.

It is the nice guy that takes the woman seriously in every and all things AND CANNOT SAY NO TO HER!)

-Girls were to be guided, teased, because, after all, they were girls and, as such, tended to mess things up. You pulled their hair, made fun of their clothes...

...not because an internet guy named DeAngelo told you to do so, but because you knew instinctively that it was right and proper for you to do.

-As a boy, you would never leave the plans up to the woman. Oh, that would be awful! As a kid, you had to say WHAT you two were going to do, WHEN, WHERE, and sometimes WHY. You had to be direct.

"Why do I need a plan, Pook? Why can't we do what SHE wants to do?" Because she has no idea what she wants to do. Example:

"When do you want to come over?"

"I don't know."

"On Tuesday or Thursday?"

"I just don't know."

"How about Wednesday? Is that OK for you?"

"Maybe..."

"What about Tuesday or Friday?"

"I dunno!"

*aggravated* "Argh! I am coming to pick you up at 7:45 PM on Wednesday."

*sweetly* "OK!"

-You did not get into serious talks with a girl. You did not turn her into Oprah. You did not try to impress her with how 'intellectual' you are. You probably hit her, cried "Tag!", ran off, and she would chase after you. You would get on the swings. You would push her off the slides. On the see-saw, you would try to fall as fast as possible to catapult her away.

Everything you did with a girl was ACTION dates. Nice Guys try to cook the lady dinner. YOU wouldn't even DARE do such a thing when you were young. Now I know why some of my best dates are ones as simple as taking the girl to the park and run around like little kids. Action! Action! Action!

-As a kid you loved to sing. You loved to laugh.

What do you do now? You are so uptight that you wouldn’t catch yourself dead singing outside your home. And what happened to that happy laughter that marked your childhood? Why are you taking everything so seriously now!?

-You had toys and loved to play with them. When the girls entered your sphere, you insisted on playing with YOUR toys. You would ride your bike at death defying speeds. You played with cranes and Tonka dump trucks. You LOVED firetrucks.

When you grow up, your Hot Wheels cars turn into super fast sport cars (which you still drive at death defying speeds). Your cranes and dump trucks turn into the big ones and you still love the firetrucks. Compare this to the Nice Guy who does not understand the beauty of construction or get scared at the idea of firetrucks. There is a reason why women LOVE firemen

-You embraced your imagination. If you played with a girl, it was to be on your terms. You will not find a boy that says to a girl, "Whatever YOU want to do." I remember flicking caterpillars on girls (and they loved it!). You would point to the girl and go, "You are the detective and I am the cop." And then you pointed to others and go, "Look at these villains! Come, we must round them up!" And the girls joyfully played the part.

What do you do NOW? "Let's go get dinner." BORING.

-You had one eternal enemy in childhood, boredom. Like a void, it encroached on you in school, ensnared you with a stupid trip with the parents, and enveloped you as you stepped on the school bus. You embraced every chance for play.

If there is ONE thing a man must NEVER do to a woman, it is this: DO NOT BORE HER. Make her happy, make her angry, make her laugh, ANYTHING but bore her. That enemy, boredom, is back and women are looking for you to strike it down. Embrace your youth and live again for the first time.

-Even at your young age, you were aware of fashion. Your mother was perplexed at why you couldn't wear THAT shirt or put on THOSE shoes. You knew the importance clothes and appearance had.

Nice Guys and chumps try to say nothing for appearance and say, "she will like me for who I am", and, with the same breath, ignore the chicks who do nothing appearance wise (big whale chicks, pimply chicks, and such) while getting shot down at the real women.

-When you were young, your father was a DEMI-GOD. You both feared and loved him. He could be playful when he wanted to. But, always, he was a SOURCE of STRENGTH, always confidant, and always seemed to know the solution to any problem you came across. This feeling of awe you thought of your father is the perfect definition of a MAN.

When you strive to be that same towering figure, which seemed to have solutions to all problems, confidence for all troubles, know how for all messes, stability for all storms, women will react to you in the same way. It is said, "Women want to marry their fathers." But this phrase has been taken completely out of context. Women want to marry THAT guy, that MAN they knew when they were a little girl. You can only understand and become that man through the eyes of the young boy.

Now some women will protest this advocacy of looking at women as little girls. This works especially well with the YOUNGER chicks (which is what most guys here want). This also solves a legal mystery: why were women from 1800s and down treated, BY LAW, as children? We know the answer now). (And I would say to women to treat men the same way. Women are most charming when they view us as boys.)

"He, whom the gods love, grows young," said the ancient Greeks. Look at that picture of the young you! Now look in the mirror. The blazing light in the youth's eyes, the curiosity, and the wonders he saw at Nature and life, the joy he loved at any occasion! Are they still part of you? Look into the mirror. Is the same light in your eyes?

If not, then you know what you need to do. You have come to the solution of your Don Juan troubles. Legends spoke of a Fountain of Youth that turns the old young. Conquistadors prowled continents hunting for this magical facet of Nature. This legend of the Fountain of Youth was like a psychological splinter in the minds of so many men, driving them across the world through dangers and storms to obtain such a treasure. But it was not in the world, it was in us. Who knew women are the key that seems to unlock all of Nature's mysteries?

Doesn't this clear the stormy air of confusion? (especially with younger 'immature' women!) When you are with a woman and a thousand Don Juan philosophies and tactics come to thwart your peace, remember the kid that you were... and how he looked on life. Yes, she might be a twenty-something vixen. But underneath those milk-sacs and fat deposits that drive your chemicals mad, is a little girl. Rather than being nervous about some date, view the date as if you were seven years old. Everything becomes simple and fun (as it should be!).

***

One thing is for certain, women go NUTS over a guy who keeps his boyhood charm as women want an ESCAPE. They do not want to hear your views on the world. They want to have the happiness and fun of their childhood back (as everyone does!). They will FIGHT for the rare men who truly live like this (this also explains the mystery why uneducated men often seem to do BETTER with women than many men with PhDs who are so 'smart' they intellectualized life out of existence).

As we know, cell division error, aided by free radicals, accumulates errors throughout the body as time passes. A person of 80 obviously has more errors than that of 40. His tissues start to fail, making his organs fail, then entire organ systems collapse, until life is snuffed out.

In the same way, our minds start out pristine and pure (that of the child!) and everything is playful, fun, and simple. But as time passes, philosophies and bitter memories accumulate. The diseased person looks at life only through the philosophical lens, living a life of past memories, and so his life decays and decays until there is no life within him.

Pook hands you the chalice. Drink and pass the cup around. This water from the Fountain of Youth will wash away these errors, all those ‘frames’ your bitter memories eat at your mind. Drink to the girls that rejected you viciously. Drink to the ‘macho’ guys that beat you up in school. Drink to the chains of routines, errands, and appointments. Drink to your ambition, drink to your melancholy, drink to your loneliness. Drink to your heart’s content and pass the cup around. Your mind has now absorbed the blessed waters of the Fountain of Youth. You are now the light of the world! Your life is now young, fruitful, fun, easy, simple, and your body will reflect it as well.

The world is now your sandbox. Rejoice! Many people get swallowed up in their vanity, all believing themselves 'brilliant' and 'smart'. They follow their philosophies unquestioningly and their lives walk on the quicksand of melancholy. But... they see the new you and it smashes all their philosophies to bits. They ask each other, "How can he be so happy? How can he be so ALIVE? Let us study him and we will write articles and manifestos on him." But you know the truth. Their ambitions have consumed them while you look on life with youthful eyes...

...and live in a Child's Paradise.

***

QUOTE: "Indeed, maybe the childhood Pook speaks of is true of him but it seems more like some idealistic version of the past that never really existed. I too recall my childhood with torment, if I could I wouldn't live it again. Maybe this metaphor will work for some people tho..."

You guys are thinking too much of this.

There is no Time in Sexuality. In the realm of sexuality uncorrupted with 'intellect' and 'politics' and all, which is Womaniverse, time simply doesn't exist.

This is not looking at your childhood as if it were some 'Golden Age'. To the contrary, your entire life is the Golden Age. The problem isn't because you aged (because in sexuality, time doesn't exist), the problem with many is they've become so super-intellectual or so 'educated' that it corrupts their sexuality.

Your body doesn't get corrupted by Time. It gets corrupted by cell division error and free radicals. In the same manner, your mind/soul doesn't age. It gets corrupted with 'intellect', 'philosphies', and 'education'.

I always wondered WHY girls could be attracted to hard bodies, happy smiles, but NEVER the genius. Now we know why.

Years ago, I was at my 'most natural state' when I would rant about philosophy, poiltics, economics, and so on.

As you can imagine, this bored the women (women want smart guys but not 'melancholy' filled philosophic guys). My actions were so 'intellectualized' that women saw through everything (or used me in some way).

This is an anti-intellectual post (very tame of what will follow). Many people sense that Time is going faster and faster and faster for them, as if Life is speeding up. Things become more frantic, responsibilities become more stacked, and the geometry of rules and regulations grow narrower and narrower around your life until nothing remains.

The reason why Time is speeding up is because your life's relationship to sexuality is going down.

This isn't about bringing your childhood into the present. It is to CLEANSE your mind and soul of all this philosophic DUST and bitter memory GARBAGE that has accumulated.

We cannot reverse time with our bodies (thanks to the cell-division error). But we can drink from this fountain of youth for our own minds.

With one sip, the 'complexity' of women just vanish!

With two sips, you no longer want to 'talk' and 'intellectualize' with girls, you just want to run around and have fun.

With three sips, you look at all these 'manifestos' of women and how to get women with disbelief.

This Fountain of Youth is NOT immaturity. It is NOT mediocrity.

I find it amazing how people go through so much trouble to make sure their body isn't contaminated by disease, germs, and the like. Yet, there is no such consideration for their mind and soul with politics, philosophies, and perversions of all sort to infect and tear down your sexuality, and thus, your life.

Think about it. Do you want to have a relationship based on talking about DNA?

The childhood example applies becaues no child intellectualizes life. It was only years and years later that I decided I was 'smart' and so read and read and got filled with a lot of BS that life slipped past me.

Most people's sexuality deteriorates. Some people's deteriorates more than others. But when one of these people see a Don Juan, oh, they start intellectualizing what is 'really' going on. So all these 'theories' are born which is just the intellectual's excuse to not face the truth about himself....

That HE was not so 'brilliant' after all!

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