When you're in a line or doing something boring (like work), why not spice it up with that attitude? Works wonders!
A recent example:
A girl was in a happy mood (for whatever reason). I gave her a Pookish grin and said, "You're happy because I'm here!"
Big smile on her face and she shook her head.
Then I said, "You're happy because you're here at [company name]!"
She laughed but shook her head.
Then I stopped people passing by and said, "Ma'am. See her? She is HAPPY because she is at [company name]!"
And the lady would be, "Oh really!? Why, that's... blah blah"
And I'd get another person and say the same thing! I'd get their reaction.
Then I started getting people to guess why she was happy.
The reaction? She was laughing so hard she was almost on the ground.
I don't think it has anything to do with being cocky and funny but the ability to make any situation fun. For all girls want the FUN guys.
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Showing posts with label Pook. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pook. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
Monday, August 09, 2004
Pook #40 - Do Girls Want Sovereignty?
I think Chaucer visited this subject in the Wife of Bath's Tale. His conclusion was the opposite, that women wanted to rule, at least be soverign in their own choices concerning pleasing their guy.
I don't think it is a farfetched idea to say that women view men differently then how we view them. We keep thinking that it is two people 'coming' together. Nah, I don't think women view it that way.
When a girl eyes a potential mate, what is going through her head?
-Cute?
-Tall?
-How much does he make?
-What is his earning potential?
-Is he funny? Will he make me laugh?
-Is he interesting?
-What are his friends like?
-Where does he go out to do for fun?
-Other girls like him. Therefore, I must investigate him further.
As men, we don't think about these things. Sure, we want a cute girl and all. But we never look at a chick and go,
"She's cute, Paul, but she doesn't have the earning potential that I'm looking for in a girl."
"Wowza! She is hot! But I wonder what her friendships are like?"
"I dont' like her at all! But George does, therefore, I must investigate what there is about her if George is attracted to her."
We don't think like this. It would be comical if we did.
If a guy is super hilarious, super comedian, the women go,
"I LOVE you!"
If a guy has millions of dollars, even if she knows nothing else about him, she will go,
"I will marry you!"
What is going on here? Are women's 'primal survival' skills operating?
Ask her,
"What do you want?"
She shrugs. She hasn't a CLUE of what she wants. Apparently she wants whatever guy the other girls want.
Women do not see guys. They see worlds. They see themselves exiting this realm of Nature and entering the guy's world.
Having an aura of humor, or having lots of money, or being cute and all, these are all different worlds to the girl.
She isn't interested in YOU, not in the way we think of it. She is very interested in your world. In other words,
If a guy has no friends, doesn't go out and have fun, is a drifter and has no path to get money, she is NOT going to be interested no matter his other elements.
MIKE: "HELO! My name is Mike. I play video games hours on end."
CHICK: "That's nice but we need to talk about our relationship..."
GEORGE: "I am crazy and do whatever I want. I paint my car screwed up colors, paint my house screwed up colors, and wear weird clothes!"
CHICK: "OMG! I LOVE you! Let me marry you now!"
It is the world the girl is after.
How do successful men act with women? They bring the lady into their world. When they date (at the beginning especially), it is HIS date ideas, he gets to be as creative or dull as he wants.
And she will judge you based on the world you are creating for her.
Remember, she is going to be defined by you. There is a reason why she takes your name.
We can argue which 'worlds' are more appealing to others with the women (a crazy spontaneos world or a more stable less risk world or such). But one thing that is very true is that women, above anything else, desire the guy to be himself, to show his world properly.
Nice Guys and chumps, who do not create any world of their own but try to 'please' the women, are despised the most by women.
She may not know what she wants. But she DOES know that YOU ought to know what you want.
She will 'fall in love' with a guy, become intermeshed in his world, and his goals often become hers. It is not so much sovereignty she wants but a guy's world.
"But Pook! Let us say we compare a super rich wimpy guy to the cocky @sshole! The @sshole will get the girl! Thus, you make no sense!"
But the @sshole guys has 'confidence'.
What is confidence but the LINK between your world and yourself, between your DREAM and DAY?
Guys with no confidence can create no worlds. She will see the wimpy rich guy and think how she can use him, not love him.
Like a child, women want to be seized and shown the glories of life. She is expecting you to take her hand and whisk her away to adventures, excitement, and fun, a world of color compared to her boring bland arena of Nature she resides in now.
And this is how you become Prince Charming.
Previous Pook Index Next
Related:
Empty Vessels and Relative Truth
Bonecrcker #47 - Living in La-La-Land
I don't think it is a farfetched idea to say that women view men differently then how we view them. We keep thinking that it is two people 'coming' together. Nah, I don't think women view it that way.
When a girl eyes a potential mate, what is going through her head?
-Cute?
-Tall?
-How much does he make?
-What is his earning potential?
-Is he funny? Will he make me laugh?
-Is he interesting?
-What are his friends like?
-Where does he go out to do for fun?
-Other girls like him. Therefore, I must investigate him further.
As men, we don't think about these things. Sure, we want a cute girl and all. But we never look at a chick and go,
"She's cute, Paul, but she doesn't have the earning potential that I'm looking for in a girl."
"Wowza! She is hot! But I wonder what her friendships are like?"
"I dont' like her at all! But George does, therefore, I must investigate what there is about her if George is attracted to her."
We don't think like this. It would be comical if we did.
If a guy is super hilarious, super comedian, the women go,
"I LOVE you!"
If a guy has millions of dollars, even if she knows nothing else about him, she will go,
"I will marry you!"
What is going on here? Are women's 'primal survival' skills operating?
Ask her,
"What do you want?"
She shrugs. She hasn't a CLUE of what she wants. Apparently she wants whatever guy the other girls want.
Women do not see guys. They see worlds. They see themselves exiting this realm of Nature and entering the guy's world.
Having an aura of humor, or having lots of money, or being cute and all, these are all different worlds to the girl.
She isn't interested in YOU, not in the way we think of it. She is very interested in your world. In other words,
If a guy has no friends, doesn't go out and have fun, is a drifter and has no path to get money, she is NOT going to be interested no matter his other elements.
MIKE: "HELO! My name is Mike. I play video games hours on end."
CHICK: "That's nice but we need to talk about our relationship..."
GEORGE: "I am crazy and do whatever I want. I paint my car screwed up colors, paint my house screwed up colors, and wear weird clothes!"
CHICK: "OMG! I LOVE you! Let me marry you now!"
It is the world the girl is after.
How do successful men act with women? They bring the lady into their world. When they date (at the beginning especially), it is HIS date ideas, he gets to be as creative or dull as he wants.
And she will judge you based on the world you are creating for her.
Remember, she is going to be defined by you. There is a reason why she takes your name.
We can argue which 'worlds' are more appealing to others with the women (a crazy spontaneos world or a more stable less risk world or such). But one thing that is very true is that women, above anything else, desire the guy to be himself, to show his world properly.
Nice Guys and chumps, who do not create any world of their own but try to 'please' the women, are despised the most by women.
She may not know what she wants. But she DOES know that YOU ought to know what you want.
She will 'fall in love' with a guy, become intermeshed in his world, and his goals often become hers. It is not so much sovereignty she wants but a guy's world.
"But Pook! Let us say we compare a super rich wimpy guy to the cocky @sshole! The @sshole will get the girl! Thus, you make no sense!"
But the @sshole guys has 'confidence'.
What is confidence but the LINK between your world and yourself, between your DREAM and DAY?
Guys with no confidence can create no worlds. She will see the wimpy rich guy and think how she can use him, not love him.
Like a child, women want to be seized and shown the glories of life. She is expecting you to take her hand and whisk her away to adventures, excitement, and fun, a world of color compared to her boring bland arena of Nature she resides in now.
And this is how you become Prince Charming.
Previous Pook Index Next
Related:
Empty Vessels and Relative Truth
Bonecrcker #47 - Living in La-La-Land
Sunday, August 08, 2004
Pook #39 - Structure of Worlds
For five years, even in my absence, I have been attacked for looking for yourself for structure in the world.
When you were young, your parents and friends gave you structure of the world. You knew your role of going to school, of escorting a girl to the prom, doing your chores, doing your work, and so on. After school, you are cast out into the world. What structure should you have?
Obviously, 98% of the males and probably 99.5% of the females look for an external voice for structure. Females follow their mother. If they have no maternal figure in their lives, they adopt what society (media) tell them.
This site deals primarily with young males. Almost always, these males hear an external voice (women) and adopt a female structure.
How do you measure yourself? This is the 'Great Question'.
Nice Guys measure themselves based on their degree of chivalry. "I am so nice to her!" they take as pride. They wish only to be nicer to women then they actually are!
Materialists measure their masculinity based on their paycheck. "Look at me!" says the salesman, working god-awful shifts. "I am making so much money!" If someone is making less money then they are, they are an idiot. If someone is making more money then they are, then they are to be treated as a demi-god.
Citizen Dildos (my name) for the Seducer/ Player types measure their masculinity based on how many girls they can sleep with. They demand 'proof' and 'reports' of "conquests" from everyone.
Shining Stars are the type of people who want to be socially superior to others. These type of people start off in life as tattletalers. But they nevertheless end up going into journalism, law, running for political office, not because they want to but because they measure themselves based on how other people see them. These people have some fame but nothing lasting. Many irrelevant rockstars, actors, and artists fit in this condition. They become, at best, a Ben Jonson, but never a Shakespeare. Their success is short-lived. They also become famous because they fall, as shining stars are meant to do.
Gentlemen, what do all four of these have in common? They are structures built around women.
In a woman's life, she will go through all four of these types, as all four types serve her purposes. The Nice Guy is easily exploited (by her and rest of society). Materialists give her the gifts and things she thinks she 'needs'. Shining Stars give her the illusion of success (why get a doctorate when you can just marry a professor?) And Citizen Dildos are the mutual masturbation as she goes through these guys.
All these guys profess they are happy, that they are the ONLY ones living the 'true' life and ALL others are living a life of shame. They are happy but not joyful. Their happiness is that of an addiction, the addiction is to feminine praise. When it is not there, these males become depressed. The four 'structures' are simply means of getting feminine praise, in some form or another.
I have been through all four of these structures. Each one gave me pain and pleasure. The pleasure, of course, was pleasing women. I switched from one structure to another when I realized it would gain more feminine praise.
People say the objective is sex. Then explain to me why the never-laid Nice Guy will not a) visit a prostitute b) sleep with easy girls c) Etcetera. The objective is not sex, it is feminine praise. Those addicted to it will be so endorphinized to see their lives slouch towards mediocrity.
I trace the beginnings of female-centered life structures with Rousseau, who laid the eventual eggs that hatched matria-lineage and matriarchy. Today, it is blind to us because most of us have never been told anything different.
My posts and ideas came not just from everyday observations but from the long line of history, religion, and literature that binds us all. It comes from famous biographies, from chats with very successful people you don't know (and some you do), and from looking at the failures in others.
What is failure? All four personalities differ on it. But I would define failure as betraying your soul, as living someone else's dream, and having no direction in life.
What is success? It is love. Not love for chivalrous relationship (Nice Guy), not love for pu$$y (Citizen Dildo), not love for money (Materialist), and not love for glory (Shining Star). It is the genuine love for life. Find what you love and direct your passions to it. You will know you have found the right mate not because you two love the same hobbies, but because you both love the direction you (and she) are going in life.
If you want to live your life working for money, or being nice to women, or working for pu$$y, or being praised by society, then don't be afraid to go ahead. All life is an experiment. I could be wrong. But I am not wrong about myself. I hope you do not choose a path that is wrong for you and your soul. When it is wrong, you will know. Imagine how Jesus would feel if he was cast to play the role of Napoleon. The result is the divided soul which is a classical subject in many works, most chiefly Hamlet (a good natured artistic youth cast in the role of savage revenge by the father? How many families want their offspring to play a role they are not suited for?)
What if we make our own structure, completely independent of feminine praise? What if we follow OUR dreams instead of women's dreams? What if the truly smart were not those who read lots of books but those who could read their own heart and soul?
Five years I have been off and on this forum. Five years, the same dull dreary mug-wump sayings have been cast at me. I could copy and paste what was talked about me five years ago as it will match the same as today. What are my 'themes' that cause the same old sayings (and when misplaced, its praises)?
You are the focus of your world. Not the women. Instead of pissing away your youth trying to 'please' women, why not invest that time in yourself? Such a radical concept! How dare I speak blasphemy to our Female Goddesses the youth sacrifice their lives to.
Sex does not make you unique. Another radical concept! Because sex is what women have recognized to give often as 'feminine praise'. How many men think they are the glory of the world because of sex?
Live the life YOU want.
Materialist- If a man spends his life in a soul destroying job, he is held up as a model for society.
Nice Guy- A man discovers 'great love' and throws himself at the girl, putting her on the pedestal, he kneeling, as she becomes his new goddess.
Shining Star- Wants to enchant the gossipers, be it newspapers, television or radio shows, and whatever else. They want loud titles to hide that they are not truely men, no matter their scripted appearances.
Citizen Dildo- A life full of notches on the bedpost. But then what?
All four are addictive because they flood your body with stimulants. What is a Nice Guy's addiction of 'love' but a stimulant? Why don't you just get a needle and jab it in your arm, at least it won't be absurd.
Since I am not on the typical scale of Nice Guy or Seducer, everyone wants me to act 'fully' as one or the other. But I'm neither. Most websites can be categorized into the four. This site flaps like a flag caught in harsh winds, not deciding which way fully to go, but wants to keep leaning to the Citizen Dildo. The websites that speak of a different alternative are few, just as few as the men that do it.
Since I already have hundreds of pages of posts here, I have found a site that might help elaborate on this viewpoint further. Every post he makes is one I could have made, almost spot on.
http://mirrorofthesoul.blogspot.com/ (note: his tone puts off many people. Also, some ideas he has are a bit too isolationsist. But his heart is in the right place: live your life instead of living for women.)
Sexuality is rapidly becoming a political and cultural problem, as strange as that may be. Single women are increasing, birth rates are plunging, more people are becoming infertile, which causes secondary reactions (immigration becomes more pronounced, elderly social programs become threatened, governments spend money on marriage promotion and baby promotion).
A storm is raging through our age. Too many guys are concerned about not getting wet (simply getting laid, finding a decent girl to marry, etc.) and not getting out of the way of this howling juggernaut that is already destroying nations, cultures, and family lines (of the bigger issues, such as matriarchy, plunging birth rates, etc).
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4112450.stm
I wish you guys well. Just remember: you do not dodge a juggernaut by throwing yourself in front of it.
Previous Pook Index Next
When you were young, your parents and friends gave you structure of the world. You knew your role of going to school, of escorting a girl to the prom, doing your chores, doing your work, and so on. After school, you are cast out into the world. What structure should you have?
Obviously, 98% of the males and probably 99.5% of the females look for an external voice for structure. Females follow their mother. If they have no maternal figure in their lives, they adopt what society (media) tell them.
This site deals primarily with young males. Almost always, these males hear an external voice (women) and adopt a female structure.
How do you measure yourself? This is the 'Great Question'.
Nice Guys measure themselves based on their degree of chivalry. "I am so nice to her!" they take as pride. They wish only to be nicer to women then they actually are!
Materialists measure their masculinity based on their paycheck. "Look at me!" says the salesman, working god-awful shifts. "I am making so much money!" If someone is making less money then they are, they are an idiot. If someone is making more money then they are, then they are to be treated as a demi-god.
Citizen Dildos (my name) for the Seducer/ Player types measure their masculinity based on how many girls they can sleep with. They demand 'proof' and 'reports' of "conquests" from everyone.
Shining Stars are the type of people who want to be socially superior to others. These type of people start off in life as tattletalers. But they nevertheless end up going into journalism, law, running for political office, not because they want to but because they measure themselves based on how other people see them. These people have some fame but nothing lasting. Many irrelevant rockstars, actors, and artists fit in this condition. They become, at best, a Ben Jonson, but never a Shakespeare. Their success is short-lived. They also become famous because they fall, as shining stars are meant to do.
Gentlemen, what do all four of these have in common? They are structures built around women.
In a woman's life, she will go through all four of these types, as all four types serve her purposes. The Nice Guy is easily exploited (by her and rest of society). Materialists give her the gifts and things she thinks she 'needs'. Shining Stars give her the illusion of success (why get a doctorate when you can just marry a professor?) And Citizen Dildos are the mutual masturbation as she goes through these guys.
All these guys profess they are happy, that they are the ONLY ones living the 'true' life and ALL others are living a life of shame. They are happy but not joyful. Their happiness is that of an addiction, the addiction is to feminine praise. When it is not there, these males become depressed. The four 'structures' are simply means of getting feminine praise, in some form or another.
I have been through all four of these structures. Each one gave me pain and pleasure. The pleasure, of course, was pleasing women. I switched from one structure to another when I realized it would gain more feminine praise.
People say the objective is sex. Then explain to me why the never-laid Nice Guy will not a) visit a prostitute b) sleep with easy girls c) Etcetera. The objective is not sex, it is feminine praise. Those addicted to it will be so endorphinized to see their lives slouch towards mediocrity.
I trace the beginnings of female-centered life structures with Rousseau, who laid the eventual eggs that hatched matria-lineage and matriarchy. Today, it is blind to us because most of us have never been told anything different.
My posts and ideas came not just from everyday observations but from the long line of history, religion, and literature that binds us all. It comes from famous biographies, from chats with very successful people you don't know (and some you do), and from looking at the failures in others.
What is failure? All four personalities differ on it. But I would define failure as betraying your soul, as living someone else's dream, and having no direction in life.
What is success? It is love. Not love for chivalrous relationship (Nice Guy), not love for pu$$y (Citizen Dildo), not love for money (Materialist), and not love for glory (Shining Star). It is the genuine love for life. Find what you love and direct your passions to it. You will know you have found the right mate not because you two love the same hobbies, but because you both love the direction you (and she) are going in life.
If you want to live your life working for money, or being nice to women, or working for pu$$y, or being praised by society, then don't be afraid to go ahead. All life is an experiment. I could be wrong. But I am not wrong about myself. I hope you do not choose a path that is wrong for you and your soul. When it is wrong, you will know. Imagine how Jesus would feel if he was cast to play the role of Napoleon. The result is the divided soul which is a classical subject in many works, most chiefly Hamlet (a good natured artistic youth cast in the role of savage revenge by the father? How many families want their offspring to play a role they are not suited for?)
What if we make our own structure, completely independent of feminine praise? What if we follow OUR dreams instead of women's dreams? What if the truly smart were not those who read lots of books but those who could read their own heart and soul?
Five years I have been off and on this forum. Five years, the same dull dreary mug-wump sayings have been cast at me. I could copy and paste what was talked about me five years ago as it will match the same as today. What are my 'themes' that cause the same old sayings (and when misplaced, its praises)?
You are the focus of your world. Not the women. Instead of pissing away your youth trying to 'please' women, why not invest that time in yourself? Such a radical concept! How dare I speak blasphemy to our Female Goddesses the youth sacrifice their lives to.
Sex does not make you unique. Another radical concept! Because sex is what women have recognized to give often as 'feminine praise'. How many men think they are the glory of the world because of sex?
Live the life YOU want.
Materialist- If a man spends his life in a soul destroying job, he is held up as a model for society.
Nice Guy- A man discovers 'great love' and throws himself at the girl, putting her on the pedestal, he kneeling, as she becomes his new goddess.
Shining Star- Wants to enchant the gossipers, be it newspapers, television or radio shows, and whatever else. They want loud titles to hide that they are not truely men, no matter their scripted appearances.
Citizen Dildo- A life full of notches on the bedpost. But then what?
All four are addictive because they flood your body with stimulants. What is a Nice Guy's addiction of 'love' but a stimulant? Why don't you just get a needle and jab it in your arm, at least it won't be absurd.
Since I am not on the typical scale of Nice Guy or Seducer, everyone wants me to act 'fully' as one or the other. But I'm neither. Most websites can be categorized into the four. This site flaps like a flag caught in harsh winds, not deciding which way fully to go, but wants to keep leaning to the Citizen Dildo. The websites that speak of a different alternative are few, just as few as the men that do it.
Since I already have hundreds of pages of posts here, I have found a site that might help elaborate on this viewpoint further. Every post he makes is one I could have made, almost spot on.
http://mirrorofthesoul.blogspot.com/ (note: his tone puts off many people. Also, some ideas he has are a bit too isolationsist. But his heart is in the right place: live your life instead of living for women.)
Sexuality is rapidly becoming a political and cultural problem, as strange as that may be. Single women are increasing, birth rates are plunging, more people are becoming infertile, which causes secondary reactions (immigration becomes more pronounced, elderly social programs become threatened, governments spend money on marriage promotion and baby promotion).
A storm is raging through our age. Too many guys are concerned about not getting wet (simply getting laid, finding a decent girl to marry, etc.) and not getting out of the way of this howling juggernaut that is already destroying nations, cultures, and family lines (of the bigger issues, such as matriarchy, plunging birth rates, etc).
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4112450.stm
I wish you guys well. Just remember: you do not dodge a juggernaut by throwing yourself in front of it.
Previous Pook Index Next
Saturday, August 07, 2004
Pook #38 - Casual Dating
Why, look at this! We have received a letter from the ladies:
Dear Sosuave Youth,
Before we, shall we say, get down to business, we have some things to say:
Casual dating is OK.
Asking a girl for her number is OK.
Random hookups are not ideal.
Sitting in your room and pretending to be content with your love life, or lack thereof, is not cool.
This letter is meant to revive casual dating with you young males — a practice that used to be followed by most, yet one that is strangely absent today. Casual dating does not mean commitment. It will not limit your freedom. It will not interfere with the pursuit of life and joy, two of which we hold as one.
From my experiences, your relationships fall into two categories: random hookups or virtual marriage. Either two people stay together for a few hours and pretend like nothing happened between them the next day, or they become attached at the hip from their first date and become oblivious to the rest of the world.
The problem with these two extremes is that most of us want something in the middle. But boys, you can do something about that. And I will tell you how . . .
1. Get girls’ phone numbers. If you’re attracted to a girl, getting her number can’t hurt. It will keep your options open in the case that you decide that you may be ready to go on an actual date in your young age. Although this is a rare occurrence, it does happen. Getting a girl’s number can be avoided if you think that you could invite her out personally, which is ideal, as phone conversations have the possibility of being somewhat awkward.
2. Hang out with your girl of interest during non-class, non-dorm-activity time, non-job environment. Invite her over for dinner at your house or dining hall or for some coffee, or [for the gutsier guys] dinner at a restaurant. This is your chance to get to know your girl.
Dates are fun! Even if there is no chemistry or not a lot to talk about, getting together puts you out there. It makes us feel like normal young people who do the normal dating things. The first “date” will give you a much better idea as to whether or not the girl is worth your time.
3. If the date was less than ideal, don’t be aloof when you see the girl again. If your date made you realize that this girl probably isn’t for you, it’s probably (hopefully) a mutual thing. Chemistry and awkwardness are usually felt both ways. But, don’t pretend like it never happened. You guys can still act civilly toward each other. Being friends is totally okay.
If the date went well, don’t smother the girl. It’s definitely nice to give her a call a few days after your date, but don’t act like the two of you married! One date, or even a few dates, does not mean life-long commitment. The goal here is casual dating — hanging out on an occasional basis and having fun.
Although dating may lead to a relationship, it doesn’t have to. Understandably, people at this school don’t always have the time or desire for a significant other. But many of us want to hang out on an individual basis with members of the opposite sex that we like. And we aren’t necessarily happy with the predominant means of doing that — party hookups. Casual dating is the perfect, middle-of-the-road solution to this problem.
I know that asking a girl for her number or out to coffee or dinner can be hard, but it needs to be done. We ladies aren’t mean! We try to encourage proactive behavior.
Although rejection is always a possibility, the alternative is just too attractive and too necessary to pass up. Do you really want to go through your prime years of your youth — without some form of dating?
I should hope not.
This was an actual letter from a lady written to all the men. It appeared in the Stanford University paper.
This post isn’t for the guys already comfortable going out there. This is for the shy, the homebodies, the ones on the Internet every night.
You want a girlfriend badly. It seemed like two choices: the hook-ups you find at parties or clubs or the ‘virtual marriage’ of a ‘long term relationship’.
The flaws of the ‘joined at the hip’ virtual marriage the ladies described are many. It keeps you from meeting other people. And it is just a clinginess of each other, of two people tired of being ‘single’. You can be successful at this with marriage and everything, but even that may result in failure. Anti-Dump started out this way, married a girl, but divorce shattered him as he realized the girl never really liked him in the first place. He kept trying to please her rather than find a girl that fits him.
Now we come to the other option. The ‘party hook-ups’ and ‘clubs’ sound like great fun and easy sex but these probably don’t fit your personality. Besides, these girls will care nothing for you and won’t care if you drop dead the next day. And the sex? To these people, it becomes a theatrical act. It is mutual masturbation. It is not fulfilling.
Also, consider that perhaps one day you will be married. When you are married, what do you like to do? Why, you go out. All the practice and skills you pick up with casual dating can be carried over to your marriage, your ‘pick up skills’ cannot.
Casual dating has the best of the two extremes of random hook ups and ‘virtual marriage’. The possibility of sex is there… but it definitely won’t be a girl who will toss you aside the next day. The connection of ‘virtual marriage’ is there… but it isn’t as binding to keep you from meeting new people. Plus, casual dating gets you to find the girl that likes what you like, which random hook ups and virtual marriage do not allow.
Besides, casual dating is fun! When I was shy and locked up in my room, I always wondered, “What ought I to do?” Well, the answer is anything! Usually start off with something small, like dinner or a drink where you can get to know her and see if she is worth your time. But literally, anything is at your disposal. Planning dates is fun as you get to pick what YOU want to do. Want to go browse museums and have a nice dinner afterward? Want to go rock climbing and rafting afterwards? A friend of mine, when he finds a girl he thinks is special to him, will even get out specific types of wine. This may sound sappy but it isn’t, and girls love it. It’s fun to plan out what YOU want to do, and girls like to go along for the adventure.
So as you are bombarded by all this ‘information’, do this:
Forget about Pook. Forget about Sosuave. Forget about the DJ Bible. Forget about tips and discussions, women ‘psychology’ and specific techniques.
Go ask the number for that girl you have been eyeing. Do anything you’d like, from a simple dinner to event. If she likes you, she won’t care!
Forget this webpage with all its wordy text. People who stay here all day are trying to get it PERFECT, and you know what? Perfect is boring. Shake things up in your life. It won’t matter if you know what to do for the 2nd or 3rd date, most people don’t. Do it one at a time.
Go change your life, not by reading my posts, or studying the forum, but by doing what you always wanted to do: to go out with that lovely young lady. Start small, and ask out a girl that you really like.
Once you get a date or two under your belt, you’ll wonder why you wasted so much time on article reading in the first place.
And welcome. Life awaits.
Previous Pook Index Next
Dear Sosuave Youth,
Before we, shall we say, get down to business, we have some things to say:
Casual dating is OK.
Asking a girl for her number is OK.
Random hookups are not ideal.
Sitting in your room and pretending to be content with your love life, or lack thereof, is not cool.
This letter is meant to revive casual dating with you young males — a practice that used to be followed by most, yet one that is strangely absent today. Casual dating does not mean commitment. It will not limit your freedom. It will not interfere with the pursuit of life and joy, two of which we hold as one.
From my experiences, your relationships fall into two categories: random hookups or virtual marriage. Either two people stay together for a few hours and pretend like nothing happened between them the next day, or they become attached at the hip from their first date and become oblivious to the rest of the world.
The problem with these two extremes is that most of us want something in the middle. But boys, you can do something about that. And I will tell you how . . .
1. Get girls’ phone numbers. If you’re attracted to a girl, getting her number can’t hurt. It will keep your options open in the case that you decide that you may be ready to go on an actual date in your young age. Although this is a rare occurrence, it does happen. Getting a girl’s number can be avoided if you think that you could invite her out personally, which is ideal, as phone conversations have the possibility of being somewhat awkward.
2. Hang out with your girl of interest during non-class, non-dorm-activity time, non-job environment. Invite her over for dinner at your house or dining hall or for some coffee, or [for the gutsier guys] dinner at a restaurant. This is your chance to get to know your girl.
Dates are fun! Even if there is no chemistry or not a lot to talk about, getting together puts you out there. It makes us feel like normal young people who do the normal dating things. The first “date” will give you a much better idea as to whether or not the girl is worth your time.
3. If the date was less than ideal, don’t be aloof when you see the girl again. If your date made you realize that this girl probably isn’t for you, it’s probably (hopefully) a mutual thing. Chemistry and awkwardness are usually felt both ways. But, don’t pretend like it never happened. You guys can still act civilly toward each other. Being friends is totally okay.
If the date went well, don’t smother the girl. It’s definitely nice to give her a call a few days after your date, but don’t act like the two of you married! One date, or even a few dates, does not mean life-long commitment. The goal here is casual dating — hanging out on an occasional basis and having fun.
Although dating may lead to a relationship, it doesn’t have to. Understandably, people at this school don’t always have the time or desire for a significant other. But many of us want to hang out on an individual basis with members of the opposite sex that we like. And we aren’t necessarily happy with the predominant means of doing that — party hookups. Casual dating is the perfect, middle-of-the-road solution to this problem.
I know that asking a girl for her number or out to coffee or dinner can be hard, but it needs to be done. We ladies aren’t mean! We try to encourage proactive behavior.
Although rejection is always a possibility, the alternative is just too attractive and too necessary to pass up. Do you really want to go through your prime years of your youth — without some form of dating?
I should hope not.
This was an actual letter from a lady written to all the men. It appeared in the Stanford University paper.
This post isn’t for the guys already comfortable going out there. This is for the shy, the homebodies, the ones on the Internet every night.
You want a girlfriend badly. It seemed like two choices: the hook-ups you find at parties or clubs or the ‘virtual marriage’ of a ‘long term relationship’.
The flaws of the ‘joined at the hip’ virtual marriage the ladies described are many. It keeps you from meeting other people. And it is just a clinginess of each other, of two people tired of being ‘single’. You can be successful at this with marriage and everything, but even that may result in failure. Anti-Dump started out this way, married a girl, but divorce shattered him as he realized the girl never really liked him in the first place. He kept trying to please her rather than find a girl that fits him.
Now we come to the other option. The ‘party hook-ups’ and ‘clubs’ sound like great fun and easy sex but these probably don’t fit your personality. Besides, these girls will care nothing for you and won’t care if you drop dead the next day. And the sex? To these people, it becomes a theatrical act. It is mutual masturbation. It is not fulfilling.
Also, consider that perhaps one day you will be married. When you are married, what do you like to do? Why, you go out. All the practice and skills you pick up with casual dating can be carried over to your marriage, your ‘pick up skills’ cannot.
Casual dating has the best of the two extremes of random hook ups and ‘virtual marriage’. The possibility of sex is there… but it definitely won’t be a girl who will toss you aside the next day. The connection of ‘virtual marriage’ is there… but it isn’t as binding to keep you from meeting new people. Plus, casual dating gets you to find the girl that likes what you like, which random hook ups and virtual marriage do not allow.
Besides, casual dating is fun! When I was shy and locked up in my room, I always wondered, “What ought I to do?” Well, the answer is anything! Usually start off with something small, like dinner or a drink where you can get to know her and see if she is worth your time. But literally, anything is at your disposal. Planning dates is fun as you get to pick what YOU want to do. Want to go browse museums and have a nice dinner afterward? Want to go rock climbing and rafting afterwards? A friend of mine, when he finds a girl he thinks is special to him, will even get out specific types of wine. This may sound sappy but it isn’t, and girls love it. It’s fun to plan out what YOU want to do, and girls like to go along for the adventure.
So as you are bombarded by all this ‘information’, do this:
Forget about Pook. Forget about Sosuave. Forget about the DJ Bible. Forget about tips and discussions, women ‘psychology’ and specific techniques.
Go ask the number for that girl you have been eyeing. Do anything you’d like, from a simple dinner to event. If she likes you, she won’t care!
Forget this webpage with all its wordy text. People who stay here all day are trying to get it PERFECT, and you know what? Perfect is boring. Shake things up in your life. It won’t matter if you know what to do for the 2nd or 3rd date, most people don’t. Do it one at a time.
Go change your life, not by reading my posts, or studying the forum, but by doing what you always wanted to do: to go out with that lovely young lady. Start small, and ask out a girl that you really like.
Once you get a date or two under your belt, you’ll wonder why you wasted so much time on article reading in the first place.
And welcome. Life awaits.
Previous Pook Index Next
Friday, August 06, 2004
Pook #37 - Be a Man!
There is a prize to the person who correctly answers this question, What is a Man? When asked what they want in a guy, women say simply, "A MAN!" But, alas!, real men are becoming more and more rare these days. Women are tired of the sensative wimps who have no backbones. One women even wrote a song about the subject, "Where have all the cowboys gone?"
So what is a Man? How should he act? Decades and centuries ago, the question was nonsense. But today in our feminized culture (this may be more in America then in other countries), most of us have been raised to believe that there is something inherently wrong with being a man and acting the way how a man should act. No wonder males don't know how to act around women! No wonder websites like these exist!
Indeed, I embarked on this mystery to find out the answer to this question. Several women were bunched up in a group, gossiping and yapping about cute boys, fashion, relationships i.e. nothing. This behavior extends to all women of all cultures (and also different animal species. Cows group together and moo and gnaw on grass and take notice of bulls brave enough to approach the group).
I approach. "How are you, ladies!! I am the Pook."
A woman squeals. "Oh! It's a Pook!" The others squeal in unison.
Once the ladies calm themselves after being in the presence of a Pook, I ask them, "Ladies! Do tell me, what do you define as a Man?"
With devilish tongues, the women answer:
"A Man is someone sensative to me."
"A Man is the guy who will take care of my needs."
"A Man is the one that is in tune with my feelings."
"A Man is one who doesn't have an ego."
"A Man is the guy who will sit and watch chick flicks all day with me."
"A Man is the guy who will go shopping with me."
"A Man is the guy who will share all his feelings with me."
Such are the common answers! The males listen and actualize what the women say. They are constantly declared 'sweet' and 'wonderful' and 'nice', oh 'so nice'. Mothers and older women are proud of them and tell them, "If I were younger, I would go for you!"
Poor Nice Guy! The women his own age avoid him like the plague and jump for the jerks. The Nice Guy becomes an emotional tampon to be used and discarded. The Nice Guy, being so nice and sweet, listens to the woman vomit her feelings about men and bleed her problems of her boyfriend on him. He listens with baited hope when he hears, "Oh, why can't guys be like you! You listen and understand." Then she turns around and gets abused by another jerk! The vicious cycle repeats again and again.
Why are women acting in this way?
They are simply acting as women do, as in their nature. The problem is not with them, it is with guys. We are afraid to embrace OUR nature, that of being a Man. Being in a culture that sees Manhood as predatory and oppressive and uncouth, we cover it up within ourselves. By doing so, we hide our sexuality. (Sexuality! Do I mean rock hard abs and rippling muscles? That is not what women find sexy [it's a contributing factor, not the core]. A type of PERSONALITY is what women are looking for. Someone they can depend on [has backbone], someone who will be successful [has ambition], and someone who is decisive [has charge]. Nice guys have no backbone because they think women are frail things that will break in confrontation; nice guys reveal no ambition because they fear being seen as arrogant to women; nice guys are afraid to be decisive for fear of being seen as 'oppressive'.)
Two poles of thought men drift into: the Nice Guy and the Jerk. Both blame the other.
"You ruin the women with your lack of commitment and unappreciative nature," says the Nice Guy.
"You spoil the women with your endless listening ear and stupid caring attitude," replies the Jerk.
The two endlessly war. Those on the sidelines have their own conclusions. One side says, "The Jerk is the way to go. Ceaseless sex! Evolution demands it." The other side says, "The Nice Guy is the way to go. Glorious relationship! Society demands it."
But the two still argue.
"You cause the women to think they are in control," says the Jerk.
"Ahh, but you cause the women to think all men are scum," replies the Nice Guy.
Is there not an end to the Nice Guy vs.Jerk debate? Are these the only choices?
The Cycle
The Nice Guy emerges. He is tenderized and wants to shout in every woman's ear "I will not abuse you. I am sweet and good. Based on that alone you should date me." When the Nice Guy talks to the girl on a date, *poof*, the date turns into Oprah. "Oh, my life has been SO downhill from here," the Nice Guy whines. "My little girly car was slashed, I failed my classes, but because of you this day has been so much better." Then the Nice Guy goes, "Let me tell you my life story. My birth was long, hard, and painful for my mother..." Our culture has become so feminized that the Nice Guy thinks it is proper to vomit his feelings and emotions all over the place. (It's gross!) Women, rightfully, run for the hills when they hear your declarations of love.
The Metamorphosis comes. The Nice Guy eventually realizes what all the ladies want, becomes bitter, and changes himself into a Jerk. His goal now is to sleep with as many women as possible and figure out all the tricks and tactics to do so. He focuses on calculation rather then natural joy. When a woman comes, he pulls out a chart of all the 'moves' and 'tactics' with arrows and patterns. He unleashes his lap top, accesses a Lay Guide, and reviews his strategy. Time passes and once was fun becomes meaningless.
Back to being nice. He sees it now as turning on Nice Guy or turning on Jerk. "Why can't I just be myself!?" he soon thunders at Reality.
Just be a Man! There is no need to reprogram yourself. You will have the interests you have, the hobbies you have, the body you have, but you can easily become a MAN. It is all simply in the way how you think and as you think you shall become. But what is Man? Shall we have the answer? Here it is:
A Man is a guy who is not scared of his testosterone!
A Man follows the passion in his life. Passion of women? Of course not. A Man has goals and desires that goes above that of chasing chicks. After childhood, there are TRUE winners and losers in life. A Man desires to be the winner. A Man WANTS to win in what he does. Because of his passion, a Man can sometimes come off as arrogant and egotistical. He does not apologize for this or for his desires.
"It is your actions that cause the disgrace of Men," says the Nice Guy.
"It is yours," replies the Jerk.
No, gentlemen, the disgrace of men is in not embracing your true nature: following your passion and, thus, loving life. Women are to enhance your life, not to be your life. So to the Nice Guy, stop placing your happiness on getting a girlfriend. To the Jerk, quit wasting your life on seduction. Don't SPEND your time chasing girls, INVEST it by putting it into your interests and desires, thus the whole of your life.
When you do this, all of a sudden you have what every woman wants: Ambition, charge, decisiveness, backbone, kindness, stableness, and confidence.
I want you to read what a women posted as what SHE thought was a great guy. (Focus on what I put in BOLD)
QUOTE: "Qualifications" of a great guy" 1)Physical
A bit athletic so he's in shape and a good complexion(If he can help it). Very focused, intelligent eyes which pay attention to whoever deserves it. Hair that can be tossled...and a relaxed, but tidy wardrobe.
2)Emotional
His attitude has gotta be mostly deterministic and level-headed. If crappy stuff happens to him...he should roll with the punches and learn from it. If he ends up doing crappy stuff then he should get up, brush off and be a better guy the next time round.
-He must also have deep convictions: he should NEVER give up his ideals or morals for anything.
-I know it sounds cheezy, but he must be respectful to his mother(it reflects character)...even if she is witchy like some moms these days.
-And of course:sense of humor, artistic, and an awesome boyfriend.
3)Social
A great guy is the one who offers the girls a chair, opens doors etc.(But isn't a total flirt--he just considers it his duty.)
-A guy should clean up his language around girls.
-He should stand up for people who are being bashed in conversations. That's important to us girls b/c back-stabbing is common among us--and we REALLY notice when somebody isn't a gossip.
-Aaaand my personal thing is that he should be the guy who "could" be the center of attention...but he prefers to hang out with the few guys in the back who are his genuine friends.
Phew...I hope this helped a bit. Physique: as long as it's within the usual bounds is pretty much unimportant.
If you want to get a really great girl...start working on your character and self-control--(not b/c it's you, but b/c those two things are REALLY uncommon these days)--because a great girl is one who's been working on that already and she'll recognize it in you.
A Man has character and deep convictions. He has PASSION in life about something. It is this passion that transforms his life, gives him confidence, and gives him joy. It is this PASSION that will give you that right mindset for you have goals and dreams that go beyond chicks.
Remember, if you cannot command respect, you cannot attract love. If you cannot be respected, women will ignore you and/or abuse you.
Once upon a time, there was a little boy who was scrawny, cried easily, and was a total wuss. At the age of ten, his father looked down at him disapprovingly. "You are such a wimp!" he scolded at his son. The boy cried but eventually discovered what was wrong with him. He worked out, studied, and utilized himself. He went around the world in the most ferocious quests. He became strong and powerful. He entered politics and became an unstoppable force. He would be shot when giving a speech, but he would pull himself back up to continue the speech!
He was President Teddy Roosevelt, one of the more significant characters in America. If that little wimpy boy could become such a character, anyone can be a Man.
What do guys today do? We try to hide our strength and express our 'femininity'. Take an example of guys: early on in a relationship, they will show how 'great' they are by cooking for the woman!
As Anti-Dump said:
QUOTE: Real men are not available. They are climbing mountains. They are swimming across rivers. What are YOU doing? Making spagetti?!?!?!
A Man,
-Does not go through life walking on eggshells.
Nice Guys think, "Does she like me? How do I get her to like me?" Good guys think, "Should I like her? Should I go for her?" The Good guy doesn't think about the girl's interest until they're dating. The Good guy looks at all the girls and TAKES what he wants.
-Focuses on his dreams.
No, this does not include the chick. You must have passion for something in life, something you even want to do for the rest of your life. Your romantic life is an echo of your regular life.
-Does not apologize for his testosterone, for his desires.
"Oh, I am so sorry, ladies! I am afflicted with this disease known as M.A.L.E. It is natural for me to glance at you, your oh so curvaceous body. I am soooo sorry. Please, please FORGIVE ME!"
Would a WOMAN apologize for her feminine acts? So why should YOU apologize for your masculinity?
-Tries to always win in what he does. (After childhood, there are real winners and losers in life.)
Men build towers; women build webs. If you aren't constructing your tower or aren't even planning it, why should she cast her web at you? If you want worthy chicks, you, yourself, must strive to become worthy.
-Has deep convictions that allows him to be a possible leader.
This is crucial because one day you will become the leader of your own household. Yes, we talk of 50/50, of everything being equal, but Nature's laws surpass that of Humans. Women naturally submit and nurture, Men naturally lead and provide.
If you were a woman, would YOU want a Nice Guy in charge of your household? Or would you want A MAN?
-Seeks to solve problems then to place blame.
If there is a problem, you solve it. You do not go, "Oh, BOO HOO! This was because of HIM." A woman naturally wants a guy who deals with problems, not pass them along. (Would you want that in your woman? Of course not!)
-Sees failure as only a temporary set-back to the inevitable.
Statistically, you're more likely to be REJECTED then to be ACCEPTED. So how do you become more and more accepted and have lots of girls? It is when you increase your trying so much that the acception rate satisfies you and you don't notice the rejections.
Napoleon Hill's book interviewing extremely successful people, these men of destiny did not let failure destroy them. Indeed, Napoleon concludes that Destiny puts out these trials and failures to TEST the men if they are proper and FIT for their role in shaping history.
-Knows where he is going in Life.
True seduction isn't calculation or painful discipline, it is the same as with everything that makes a success: A Passion for Life.
-Never loses his passion, for that would be the death of his soul.
Nice Guys HATE bachelorhood. They HATE, HATE, HATE it sooo much. Some even wish for the old days of arranged marriages so they wouldn't have to put up with all the games.
Jerks LOVE bachelorhood so much they can't see anything else in life. While women love guys that can get women, jerks offer nothing worthwile long term wise.
Alas, the women always try to change the Jerk but never the Nice Guy. Why? Because a Man is STRENGTH and a Jerk displays strength on some level. Nice Guys never do.
-Never feels he has to prove himself to anyone.
Flowers, candy, poetry all can be good additions to a relationship, but so many nice guys use them to BUY the relationship as if they must prove themselves. They flood with the poor woman with gifts to show they mean it.
So away with the flowers, those dead plants as tokens of affection. Away with the choclate, the candy, and sweets, those sugary pursuits to purchase love. Away with the poety, those rotten verses of declarations of love. Away with the quest to prove YOURSELF and let her prove HERSELF to you for YOU are the Don Juan.
Be a Man! And with it, you will advance in your career, your social life, and even your dealings with women. Men are very rare these days so if you become one, you will be in HIGH demand. Your career will become better as people look at you as a leader. Life will re-develop before your eyes for you will obtain the most single quality that men, not trophy husbands, not nice guys, not tactiful players, but men have a monopoly on: Respect.
YOU are the MAN! For if you don't STAND for something, you shall FALL for everything!
Previous Pook Index Next
So what is a Man? How should he act? Decades and centuries ago, the question was nonsense. But today in our feminized culture (this may be more in America then in other countries), most of us have been raised to believe that there is something inherently wrong with being a man and acting the way how a man should act. No wonder males don't know how to act around women! No wonder websites like these exist!
Indeed, I embarked on this mystery to find out the answer to this question. Several women were bunched up in a group, gossiping and yapping about cute boys, fashion, relationships i.e. nothing. This behavior extends to all women of all cultures (and also different animal species. Cows group together and moo and gnaw on grass and take notice of bulls brave enough to approach the group).
I approach. "How are you, ladies!! I am the Pook."
A woman squeals. "Oh! It's a Pook!" The others squeal in unison.
Once the ladies calm themselves after being in the presence of a Pook, I ask them, "Ladies! Do tell me, what do you define as a Man?"
With devilish tongues, the women answer:
"A Man is someone sensative to me."
"A Man is the guy who will take care of my needs."
"A Man is the one that is in tune with my feelings."
"A Man is one who doesn't have an ego."
"A Man is the guy who will sit and watch chick flicks all day with me."
"A Man is the guy who will go shopping with me."
"A Man is the guy who will share all his feelings with me."
Such are the common answers! The males listen and actualize what the women say. They are constantly declared 'sweet' and 'wonderful' and 'nice', oh 'so nice'. Mothers and older women are proud of them and tell them, "If I were younger, I would go for you!"
Poor Nice Guy! The women his own age avoid him like the plague and jump for the jerks. The Nice Guy becomes an emotional tampon to be used and discarded. The Nice Guy, being so nice and sweet, listens to the woman vomit her feelings about men and bleed her problems of her boyfriend on him. He listens with baited hope when he hears, "Oh, why can't guys be like you! You listen and understand." Then she turns around and gets abused by another jerk! The vicious cycle repeats again and again.
Why are women acting in this way?
They are simply acting as women do, as in their nature. The problem is not with them, it is with guys. We are afraid to embrace OUR nature, that of being a Man. Being in a culture that sees Manhood as predatory and oppressive and uncouth, we cover it up within ourselves. By doing so, we hide our sexuality. (Sexuality! Do I mean rock hard abs and rippling muscles? That is not what women find sexy [it's a contributing factor, not the core]. A type of PERSONALITY is what women are looking for. Someone they can depend on [has backbone], someone who will be successful [has ambition], and someone who is decisive [has charge]. Nice guys have no backbone because they think women are frail things that will break in confrontation; nice guys reveal no ambition because they fear being seen as arrogant to women; nice guys are afraid to be decisive for fear of being seen as 'oppressive'.)
Two poles of thought men drift into: the Nice Guy and the Jerk. Both blame the other.
"You ruin the women with your lack of commitment and unappreciative nature," says the Nice Guy.
"You spoil the women with your endless listening ear and stupid caring attitude," replies the Jerk.
The two endlessly war. Those on the sidelines have their own conclusions. One side says, "The Jerk is the way to go. Ceaseless sex! Evolution demands it." The other side says, "The Nice Guy is the way to go. Glorious relationship! Society demands it."
But the two still argue.
"You cause the women to think they are in control," says the Jerk.
"Ahh, but you cause the women to think all men are scum," replies the Nice Guy.
Is there not an end to the Nice Guy vs.Jerk debate? Are these the only choices?
The Cycle
The Nice Guy emerges. He is tenderized and wants to shout in every woman's ear "I will not abuse you. I am sweet and good. Based on that alone you should date me." When the Nice Guy talks to the girl on a date, *poof*, the date turns into Oprah. "Oh, my life has been SO downhill from here," the Nice Guy whines. "My little girly car was slashed, I failed my classes, but because of you this day has been so much better." Then the Nice Guy goes, "Let me tell you my life story. My birth was long, hard, and painful for my mother..." Our culture has become so feminized that the Nice Guy thinks it is proper to vomit his feelings and emotions all over the place. (It's gross!) Women, rightfully, run for the hills when they hear your declarations of love.
The Metamorphosis comes. The Nice Guy eventually realizes what all the ladies want, becomes bitter, and changes himself into a Jerk. His goal now is to sleep with as many women as possible and figure out all the tricks and tactics to do so. He focuses on calculation rather then natural joy. When a woman comes, he pulls out a chart of all the 'moves' and 'tactics' with arrows and patterns. He unleashes his lap top, accesses a Lay Guide, and reviews his strategy. Time passes and once was fun becomes meaningless.
Back to being nice. He sees it now as turning on Nice Guy or turning on Jerk. "Why can't I just be myself!?" he soon thunders at Reality.
Just be a Man! There is no need to reprogram yourself. You will have the interests you have, the hobbies you have, the body you have, but you can easily become a MAN. It is all simply in the way how you think and as you think you shall become. But what is Man? Shall we have the answer? Here it is:
A Man is a guy who is not scared of his testosterone!
A Man follows the passion in his life. Passion of women? Of course not. A Man has goals and desires that goes above that of chasing chicks. After childhood, there are TRUE winners and losers in life. A Man desires to be the winner. A Man WANTS to win in what he does. Because of his passion, a Man can sometimes come off as arrogant and egotistical. He does not apologize for this or for his desires.
"It is your actions that cause the disgrace of Men," says the Nice Guy.
"It is yours," replies the Jerk.
No, gentlemen, the disgrace of men is in not embracing your true nature: following your passion and, thus, loving life. Women are to enhance your life, not to be your life. So to the Nice Guy, stop placing your happiness on getting a girlfriend. To the Jerk, quit wasting your life on seduction. Don't SPEND your time chasing girls, INVEST it by putting it into your interests and desires, thus the whole of your life.
When you do this, all of a sudden you have what every woman wants: Ambition, charge, decisiveness, backbone, kindness, stableness, and confidence.
I want you to read what a women posted as what SHE thought was a great guy. (Focus on what I put in BOLD)
QUOTE: "Qualifications" of a great guy" 1)Physical
A bit athletic so he's in shape and a good complexion(If he can help it). Very focused, intelligent eyes which pay attention to whoever deserves it. Hair that can be tossled...and a relaxed, but tidy wardrobe.
2)Emotional
His attitude has gotta be mostly deterministic and level-headed. If crappy stuff happens to him...he should roll with the punches and learn from it. If he ends up doing crappy stuff then he should get up, brush off and be a better guy the next time round.
-He must also have deep convictions: he should NEVER give up his ideals or morals for anything.
-I know it sounds cheezy, but he must be respectful to his mother(it reflects character)...even if she is witchy like some moms these days.
-And of course:sense of humor, artistic, and an awesome boyfriend.
3)Social
A great guy is the one who offers the girls a chair, opens doors etc.(But isn't a total flirt--he just considers it his duty.)
-A guy should clean up his language around girls.
-He should stand up for people who are being bashed in conversations. That's important to us girls b/c back-stabbing is common among us--and we REALLY notice when somebody isn't a gossip.
-Aaaand my personal thing is that he should be the guy who "could" be the center of attention...but he prefers to hang out with the few guys in the back who are his genuine friends.
Phew...I hope this helped a bit. Physique: as long as it's within the usual bounds is pretty much unimportant.
If you want to get a really great girl...start working on your character and self-control--(not b/c it's you, but b/c those two things are REALLY uncommon these days)--because a great girl is one who's been working on that already and she'll recognize it in you.
A Man has character and deep convictions. He has PASSION in life about something. It is this passion that transforms his life, gives him confidence, and gives him joy. It is this PASSION that will give you that right mindset for you have goals and dreams that go beyond chicks.
Remember, if you cannot command respect, you cannot attract love. If you cannot be respected, women will ignore you and/or abuse you.
Once upon a time, there was a little boy who was scrawny, cried easily, and was a total wuss. At the age of ten, his father looked down at him disapprovingly. "You are such a wimp!" he scolded at his son. The boy cried but eventually discovered what was wrong with him. He worked out, studied, and utilized himself. He went around the world in the most ferocious quests. He became strong and powerful. He entered politics and became an unstoppable force. He would be shot when giving a speech, but he would pull himself back up to continue the speech!
He was President Teddy Roosevelt, one of the more significant characters in America. If that little wimpy boy could become such a character, anyone can be a Man.
What do guys today do? We try to hide our strength and express our 'femininity'. Take an example of guys: early on in a relationship, they will show how 'great' they are by cooking for the woman!
As Anti-Dump said:
QUOTE: Real men are not available. They are climbing mountains. They are swimming across rivers. What are YOU doing? Making spagetti?!?!?!
A Man,
-Does not go through life walking on eggshells.
Nice Guys think, "Does she like me? How do I get her to like me?" Good guys think, "Should I like her? Should I go for her?" The Good guy doesn't think about the girl's interest until they're dating. The Good guy looks at all the girls and TAKES what he wants.
-Focuses on his dreams.
No, this does not include the chick. You must have passion for something in life, something you even want to do for the rest of your life. Your romantic life is an echo of your regular life.
-Does not apologize for his testosterone, for his desires.
"Oh, I am so sorry, ladies! I am afflicted with this disease known as M.A.L.E. It is natural for me to glance at you, your oh so curvaceous body. I am soooo sorry. Please, please FORGIVE ME!"
Would a WOMAN apologize for her feminine acts? So why should YOU apologize for your masculinity?
-Tries to always win in what he does. (After childhood, there are real winners and losers in life.)
Men build towers; women build webs. If you aren't constructing your tower or aren't even planning it, why should she cast her web at you? If you want worthy chicks, you, yourself, must strive to become worthy.
-Has deep convictions that allows him to be a possible leader.
This is crucial because one day you will become the leader of your own household. Yes, we talk of 50/50, of everything being equal, but Nature's laws surpass that of Humans. Women naturally submit and nurture, Men naturally lead and provide.
If you were a woman, would YOU want a Nice Guy in charge of your household? Or would you want A MAN?
-Seeks to solve problems then to place blame.
If there is a problem, you solve it. You do not go, "Oh, BOO HOO! This was because of HIM." A woman naturally wants a guy who deals with problems, not pass them along. (Would you want that in your woman? Of course not!)
-Sees failure as only a temporary set-back to the inevitable.
Statistically, you're more likely to be REJECTED then to be ACCEPTED. So how do you become more and more accepted and have lots of girls? It is when you increase your trying so much that the acception rate satisfies you and you don't notice the rejections.
Napoleon Hill's book interviewing extremely successful people, these men of destiny did not let failure destroy them. Indeed, Napoleon concludes that Destiny puts out these trials and failures to TEST the men if they are proper and FIT for their role in shaping history.
-Knows where he is going in Life.
True seduction isn't calculation or painful discipline, it is the same as with everything that makes a success: A Passion for Life.
-Never loses his passion, for that would be the death of his soul.
Nice Guys HATE bachelorhood. They HATE, HATE, HATE it sooo much. Some even wish for the old days of arranged marriages so they wouldn't have to put up with all the games.
Jerks LOVE bachelorhood so much they can't see anything else in life. While women love guys that can get women, jerks offer nothing worthwile long term wise.
Alas, the women always try to change the Jerk but never the Nice Guy. Why? Because a Man is STRENGTH and a Jerk displays strength on some level. Nice Guys never do.
-Never feels he has to prove himself to anyone.
Flowers, candy, poetry all can be good additions to a relationship, but so many nice guys use them to BUY the relationship as if they must prove themselves. They flood with the poor woman with gifts to show they mean it.
So away with the flowers, those dead plants as tokens of affection. Away with the choclate, the candy, and sweets, those sugary pursuits to purchase love. Away with the poety, those rotten verses of declarations of love. Away with the quest to prove YOURSELF and let her prove HERSELF to you for YOU are the Don Juan.
Be a Man! And with it, you will advance in your career, your social life, and even your dealings with women. Men are very rare these days so if you become one, you will be in HIGH demand. Your career will become better as people look at you as a leader. Life will re-develop before your eyes for you will obtain the most single quality that men, not trophy husbands, not nice guys, not tactiful players, but men have a monopoly on: Respect.
YOU are the MAN! For if you don't STAND for something, you shall FALL for everything!
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Thursday, August 05, 2004
Pook #36 - As You Think, You Shall Become
Exactly. It is not putting forth a 'spell' on them or controlling them. It is a matter of controlling yourself.
Your destiny depends on what you think. As you think, you shall become. And so long as you think, so long you remain free.
I hate classifications but this one is needed to carry forth the point:
Nice Guy
This guy is still acting like a chick, like a henid. He is feeling her. He is in the orbit of the hot chick and FEELS so 'mystified' by her. The Nice Guy is boring but he never realizes this, because he feels 'so good' by being around the hot chick. This is why the Nice Guy keeps doing his stupid dinner dates and stays consistently boring.
Player
This guy knows how stupid the Nice Guy way is, and strives to CONTROL the chick. He aims at rapport and 'creating attraction'. He is trying to CREATE FEELINGS in the chick. This has a natural glass ceiling because you cannot be 'creating feelings' forever, especially when it comes to a relationship and can't hide behind mystery and distance any longer. This guy is still at GROUND ZERO. He is not in the negative world of the Nice Guy, but he still hasn't understood the role Nature has. This path leads only to vanity, never love.
Don Juan
The historical Don Juan was a man who led a victorius naval battle. He would later run off and go after the Princess of Aragon (I believe).
The Nice Guy is drunk with his feelings. The Player keeps thinking of CONTROL and POWER over the chick's feelings. The Don Juan gives off feelings, unconsiocusly; he is a sexual light in the world the women flock to.
The Nice Guy mythologizes the woman. He turns her into a goddess.
The Don Juan mythologizes himself. He turns himself into a demi-god.
THIS IS THE DIFFERENCE.
The players, seducers, etc. are caught in between. They still don't understand the power of imagination. In fact, they BLAME imagination for them being a Nice Guy. Now, they swear they are going to live only in 'reality'.
----------------------------
People always ridiculed me because I placed so much emphasis on what is going on in your MIND. But that is where the battle is. Start thinking sexual, even if you aren't changing your BEHAVIOR or doing any TACTICS, and women will respond differently. Why? No one, not Ross Jefferies, not ASF, not DeAngelo (a letter commented on this and he was mystified), no one understands it. It is a sixth sense. (No philosophy understands this either. Not Weineger, not the Greek philosophers, no one. The only people who seem to understand it are the poets.)
And with this seed of thought in your mind added with the soil of action, a cascade of reactions will occur. You will slowly change physically, mentally, emotionally, and, dare I say it, spiritually. You are in a new world, a true brave new world where imagination is used properly (not as some entertainment).
And this is how you unite Dream and Day.
Previous Pook Index Next
Your destiny depends on what you think. As you think, you shall become. And so long as you think, so long you remain free.
I hate classifications but this one is needed to carry forth the point:
Nice Guy
This guy is still acting like a chick, like a henid. He is feeling her. He is in the orbit of the hot chick and FEELS so 'mystified' by her. The Nice Guy is boring but he never realizes this, because he feels 'so good' by being around the hot chick. This is why the Nice Guy keeps doing his stupid dinner dates and stays consistently boring.
Player
This guy knows how stupid the Nice Guy way is, and strives to CONTROL the chick. He aims at rapport and 'creating attraction'. He is trying to CREATE FEELINGS in the chick. This has a natural glass ceiling because you cannot be 'creating feelings' forever, especially when it comes to a relationship and can't hide behind mystery and distance any longer. This guy is still at GROUND ZERO. He is not in the negative world of the Nice Guy, but he still hasn't understood the role Nature has. This path leads only to vanity, never love.
Don Juan
The historical Don Juan was a man who led a victorius naval battle. He would later run off and go after the Princess of Aragon (I believe).
The Nice Guy is drunk with his feelings. The Player keeps thinking of CONTROL and POWER over the chick's feelings. The Don Juan gives off feelings, unconsiocusly; he is a sexual light in the world the women flock to.
The Nice Guy mythologizes the woman. He turns her into a goddess.
The Don Juan mythologizes himself. He turns himself into a demi-god.
THIS IS THE DIFFERENCE.
The players, seducers, etc. are caught in between. They still don't understand the power of imagination. In fact, they BLAME imagination for them being a Nice Guy. Now, they swear they are going to live only in 'reality'.
----------------------------
People always ridiculed me because I placed so much emphasis on what is going on in your MIND. But that is where the battle is. Start thinking sexual, even if you aren't changing your BEHAVIOR or doing any TACTICS, and women will respond differently. Why? No one, not Ross Jefferies, not ASF, not DeAngelo (a letter commented on this and he was mystified), no one understands it. It is a sixth sense. (No philosophy understands this either. Not Weineger, not the Greek philosophers, no one. The only people who seem to understand it are the poets.)
And with this seed of thought in your mind added with the soil of action, a cascade of reactions will occur. You will slowly change physically, mentally, emotionally, and, dare I say it, spiritually. You are in a new world, a true brave new world where imagination is used properly (not as some entertainment).
And this is how you unite Dream and Day.
Previous Pook Index Next
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
Pook #35 - Approaching Women
I love approaching women! Here's a way to look at it:
We are all in constant self-improvement. Our past selves are always less evolved then our present form. Let us see the difference between Pook Version 1.2 and Pook Version 2.9.
Pook Version 1.2
In this version of Pook, we find that he is shedding off that Nice Guy straitjacket. He knows he ought to approach. Unfortunately, he sees it as a chore.
So enters a beautiful chick. Poor Pook feels himself freezing up. He bites the bullet and goes talk to her.
"Hi."
"Hello."
"So... what you up to?"
"Just grocery shopping. Ran out of food, got to get some more, you know?" (Pause) "You?"
"Oh... The same. Well, cya."
No, you are quite correct, this was pathetic. At the time, my mind did not think this. Rather, I was thinking, "You have accomplished your mission. You have approached the chick. Well done."
With that type of thinking, no wonder I wasn't having any fun!
Pook Version 2.9
Now let us see how a more recent version of Pook.
Enters a beautiful woman in the bread section of the store.
I approach. "So, you like bread too!"
She laughs. "Yes."
"Here, try this one!" I toss some bread at her.
"Potato bread!? No, I don't think so." Laughing, she puts it back.
Now I say, "Have you seen (X) product? Don't just stand there! Come on!" I take her hand and we go across the store.
Now, this Pook is crazy. She gives him her number. What is the difference between 2.9's mind and 1.2's mind?
The difference is,
1) The earlier Pook saw the approach as the WOMAN to be the prize to be won. The later Pook saw HIMSELF as the prize. The early Pook saw the approach as a mission, the later pook saw the approach as an opportunity for fun.
2) The earlier Pook tries to make things fun for the woman and fails. The later Pook doesn't care and focuses on HIS feelings, in other words, he has fun himself.
The early Pook thinks, "Oh my. I hope I am doing things correctly. Is she smiling? Is she keeping eye contact? Is SHE having fun?"
The later Pook thinks, "Wheeeeeeeeeeee!"
Have fun! To hell with formulas and rules. As long as I have fun, what does it matter if she rejects me or not? I think, "Well, she doesn't know how to have fun!"
Focus on having fun then on avoiding the pain of rejection or loneliness. The carrot is more attractive to her then the stick.
Quit taking this so seriously! These are GIRLS. GIRLS! What are they going to do to you? Beat you up?
You like having fun, right? Then do it! Be playful. Be crazy. Do what makes YOU have fun, and see if she'll go along for the ride.
No more nervousness! No more shyness! Those originate in you worrying how you will be percieved. Rather, everything is in how you percieve yourself.
This makes the difference.
*
Looks are more important to YOUNGER women. High school and college girls are more looks oriented.
"girls dont care too much about your personality at this age."
And what age are you speaking of, Bashful?
You'll be surprised how far a steady confidence will take you.
But I know this will not convince you. You think you've lost the lottery of life. I have some questions...
How can you be happy in a relationship if you're not happy being single?
If you want to be judged for your personality and not looks, do you, likewise, judge girls for their personalities and not their looks?
Whatever standards you have for women, they must be applied to yourself as well. Do you pursue a chick's personality or her looks?
I've been seeing this attitude of "It's all looks! Boo hoo! Woe is me!" If I had that same attitude, I'd be sitting in front of my computer every night, getting drunk, as my heart shrivels in the acid of bitterness.
Bashful, I have no sympathy for you. WOMEN are judged on looks much more harshly. When a fat chick whines, "Guys are just after looks!" You know what I say to them? "What are you going to do about it?" Usually these chicks either work out, make themselves thinner and more attractive or they turn into a militant feminist with a bitter excuse of a heart.
By letting their responses guide your actions, you are being shaped by your environment- in other words being feminine. This isn't attractive in any situation or age.
You are your destiny! What you do today shapes tomorrow. Think, dream, and never lose the name of action!
Three months from now, I want to come on this forum, and I want to see a post by Bashful saying, "Guys, this chick I am with IS AWESOME! Geez, I feel like the greatest guy in the world!"
You may think that's unrealistic. But on the Don Juan Forum, it happens all the time. Now its time for it to happen to you. But it will never come without ACTION and proper mindset.
We're behind you.
*
[Later on, reffering back to this post]
I now disagree with what I wrote there about the girls initializing dates/romance. I have never, in my life, seen a girl initiate a date for romantic interests. Girls will flirt to tell you they are interested, guys confirm your interest by asking for their number.
Just from observation, guys seem to fall in love much, much faster then girls do. The best defense I see from falling into infatuation so soon, so fast is to have interest in other women. This will prevent the she's-the-only-one-for-me disease.
Men want sex. Women want relationships. If they make it hard for us, then why should we not make it hard for them as well?
Previous Pook Index Next
We are all in constant self-improvement. Our past selves are always less evolved then our present form. Let us see the difference between Pook Version 1.2 and Pook Version 2.9.
Pook Version 1.2
In this version of Pook, we find that he is shedding off that Nice Guy straitjacket. He knows he ought to approach. Unfortunately, he sees it as a chore.
So enters a beautiful chick. Poor Pook feels himself freezing up. He bites the bullet and goes talk to her.
"Hi."
"Hello."
"So... what you up to?"
"Just grocery shopping. Ran out of food, got to get some more, you know?" (Pause) "You?"
"Oh... The same. Well, cya."
No, you are quite correct, this was pathetic. At the time, my mind did not think this. Rather, I was thinking, "You have accomplished your mission. You have approached the chick. Well done."
With that type of thinking, no wonder I wasn't having any fun!
Pook Version 2.9
Now let us see how a more recent version of Pook.
Enters a beautiful woman in the bread section of the store.
I approach. "So, you like bread too!"
She laughs. "Yes."
"Here, try this one!" I toss some bread at her.
"Potato bread!? No, I don't think so." Laughing, she puts it back.
Now I say, "Have you seen (X) product? Don't just stand there! Come on!" I take her hand and we go across the store.
Now, this Pook is crazy. She gives him her number. What is the difference between 2.9's mind and 1.2's mind?
The difference is,
1) The earlier Pook saw the approach as the WOMAN to be the prize to be won. The later Pook saw HIMSELF as the prize. The early Pook saw the approach as a mission, the later pook saw the approach as an opportunity for fun.
2) The earlier Pook tries to make things fun for the woman and fails. The later Pook doesn't care and focuses on HIS feelings, in other words, he has fun himself.
The early Pook thinks, "Oh my. I hope I am doing things correctly. Is she smiling? Is she keeping eye contact? Is SHE having fun?"
The later Pook thinks, "Wheeeeeeeeeeee!"
Have fun! To hell with formulas and rules. As long as I have fun, what does it matter if she rejects me or not? I think, "Well, she doesn't know how to have fun!"
Focus on having fun then on avoiding the pain of rejection or loneliness. The carrot is more attractive to her then the stick.
Quit taking this so seriously! These are GIRLS. GIRLS! What are they going to do to you? Beat you up?
You like having fun, right? Then do it! Be playful. Be crazy. Do what makes YOU have fun, and see if she'll go along for the ride.
No more nervousness! No more shyness! Those originate in you worrying how you will be percieved. Rather, everything is in how you percieve yourself.
This makes the difference.
*
Looks are more important to YOUNGER women. High school and college girls are more looks oriented.
"girls dont care too much about your personality at this age."
And what age are you speaking of, Bashful?
You'll be surprised how far a steady confidence will take you.
But I know this will not convince you. You think you've lost the lottery of life. I have some questions...
How can you be happy in a relationship if you're not happy being single?
If you want to be judged for your personality and not looks, do you, likewise, judge girls for their personalities and not their looks?
Whatever standards you have for women, they must be applied to yourself as well. Do you pursue a chick's personality or her looks?
I've been seeing this attitude of "It's all looks! Boo hoo! Woe is me!" If I had that same attitude, I'd be sitting in front of my computer every night, getting drunk, as my heart shrivels in the acid of bitterness.
Bashful, I have no sympathy for you. WOMEN are judged on looks much more harshly. When a fat chick whines, "Guys are just after looks!" You know what I say to them? "What are you going to do about it?" Usually these chicks either work out, make themselves thinner and more attractive or they turn into a militant feminist with a bitter excuse of a heart.
By letting their responses guide your actions, you are being shaped by your environment- in other words being feminine. This isn't attractive in any situation or age.
You are your destiny! What you do today shapes tomorrow. Think, dream, and never lose the name of action!
Three months from now, I want to come on this forum, and I want to see a post by Bashful saying, "Guys, this chick I am with IS AWESOME! Geez, I feel like the greatest guy in the world!"
You may think that's unrealistic. But on the Don Juan Forum, it happens all the time. Now its time for it to happen to you. But it will never come without ACTION and proper mindset.
We're behind you.
*
[Later on, reffering back to this post]
I now disagree with what I wrote there about the girls initializing dates/romance. I have never, in my life, seen a girl initiate a date for romantic interests. Girls will flirt to tell you they are interested, guys confirm your interest by asking for their number.
Just from observation, guys seem to fall in love much, much faster then girls do. The best defense I see from falling into infatuation so soon, so fast is to have interest in other women. This will prevent the she's-the-only-one-for-me disease.
Men want sex. Women want relationships. If they make it hard for us, then why should we not make it hard for them as well?
Previous Pook Index Next
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
Pook #34 - What I've Learned
I know everyone has different objectives on this forum. Mine was a long term relationship.
After being away from this forum for a long while, I've realized what I think are conclusive things.
Anti-Dump is right all the way. Speed seduction, for the case of long term relationships, is worthless.
I would get results with speed seduction. But I might as well have been an actor. I enjoyed getting responses, but I was never happy.
Forget NLP, forget Speed Seduction, unless you wish to practice them all your life. For a long term relationship, they are worthless.
Anti-Dump and the advice on the website is much much better and actually works.
I have flaws, as does anyone else. Speed seduction could veil them, but I want to be accepted for myself and my flaws as well. True love demands the acceptance of the entire package.
Here's what I noticed to be extremely effective:
1) Go for the number, go for the date. (Guys should not flirt. Women flirt. The job of guys is to ask for the number and to call for the date. This cuts through all women's games.)
2) Don't talk about yourself! (Focus the conversation on her or on her interests. Only mention things about you if they are the same: "Yes, I think the same about parrots being evil too." So many women have said that I'm a 'mystery'. "Is this good?" "Yes" This is because when I do comment on myself, it is very vague and general. I keep my mouth shut. Also, you come across as a good listener. A good listener is the most sexiest trait a guy can have.)
3) Demand respect! (She may not give you her company, she may not give you her affection, but she should always, and I mean always, give you her respect. Women will not stay with guys they don't respect, and you wouldn't want to be with a woman that didn't respect you anyway.)
4) Don't be afraid to disagree. (This runs contrary to Speed Seduction. No, do not seek disagreements. If possible, try to bypass them. But never be afraid to disagree. Women want guys who have a mind of their own.)
5) Women are never the priority. (Your life is more important. Women take a backseat to your passions and hobbies. Failure to do this makes you desperate.)
Most imporantly, be yourself. Speed seduction will not give you happiness. You want to be accepted for who you are, not because you memorized patterns and lines from an internet website. Being yourself does not mean being a shy sniveling nice guy, it also includes self improvement.
You cannot 'act' yourself into happiness. Away with the NLP! Away with the Speed Seduction! Being yourself may give you more failures in dating, but it is the only path to true happiness.
Pook
"As you think, you shall become."
"Men will be nice when nice guys get laid."
-----------------------------
[This message has been updated by Monsieur Pookiness on 07-25-2002).]
Why the update? There are always updates because you never stop learning.
Of Self-Improvement
By putting the focus on you, rather than the women, you DO gain a control on your life. Most people sleep-walk through life. Others figure out what women want and, like clay, remold themselves to that. But by focusing on yourself, you keep yourself from ever being desperate and, even if things do NOT work out with a particular woman or women, you are still better for it since you haven't stopped upgrading yourself.
At every work place since the 'Kill that Desperation' post, I always enter being one way and leave another. For example, one job I enter being 'kinda' cute to the girls there. I leave being 'pretty damn cute' and enter the next job at the same level. Eventually, I become 'hot' and leave to the next. (And I was a computer geek! If I could turn myself from a nerd to a stud, then anything is possible!)
In all your dealings with women, YOU are the only constant. Changing in how you think leads to a more correct action. A sound mind creates sound attraction.
I won't lie; self-improvement will get you no girls. But it does make it MUCH EASIER to obtain girls. If you don't have the balls to risk than nothing you can do will get girls. Nothing.
One thing that hasn't been stressed enough here is SOCIAL-IMPROVEMENT. This is beyond how to talk to a chick. This is being OUTGOING (which is hard to do when you are reading DJ posts. It's a classic Catch 22). Yes, you can read and be Mr. Smart. Yes, you can pump weights and be tough. But if you aren't outgoing, you will still be SINGLE.
Many guys here will fit this description: they are good-looking and know it. They are fit. They know they want a cutie. But, alas, there is a problem. It is not that they are shy; they have overgrown that. It is not that they are ugly; they are adonises. No, it is that they are imprisoned in their own homes. "Ask her out." To what!? What should they do? They feel uncomfortable since it is not what they usually do.
The only way to do something with confidence and with ease is to do it often. The Don Juan is not a mental trick, NLP, or script but a HABIT. Aristotle says, "We are the sum of our habits." You cannot read what is on this site and expect results. Habit is central. (And habits change from HOW you think!)
To those guys plagued with an icy fear on what to do when dating and all, they should date themselves. Literally try taking yourself out. What would you do? What is the plan? The focus is fun. If usual dates don't come to your liking, then choose what YOU want to do.
"But Pook! She may not like what I want!"
But YOU are the focus. As Anti-Dump always said, she MUST like your date ideas. If she says no, then oh well! If she does, then you two like doing the same things together! Dating is a machine to cycle through all the chicks and get you the one that fits. It is not a bending over backward to please the girl and 'woo' her.
Of Seduction
It can be wise not to seduce too fast, to not get her between your sheets ASAP. Patience is always a good thing and lets things grow between you two.
Confident guys are confident because they know that it will come. If it is not now, then it will come. If it will come, then it is not now. Yet, it will come. I think patience has been the biggest element to my success than anything else.
Of Risk
Why are you here at this site? For most guys, it is because they fell in love with a woman who tore his heart to pieces. Now they devour Don Juan material so it can never happen again. They never emotionally risk again; they just utilize scripts and philosophies.
Emotional risk is not stupid AFC stuff like calling all the time. It is not getting sappy. It is putting your ego on the line. Why should you do this? Because there is a greater risk than if you don't. Why have a woman if all you don't invest some of your emotion in it? It ruins the fun and the love.
"But Pook! You said be desireless!"
Desireless means controlling yourself rather than having her control you. And this is at the beginning. After a while with a girl, you SHOULD want to put some emotional attachment in.
"But what if I get hurt!?" Then you still win! Would you be here at this forum, learning how to be a Don Juan, if you got the woman you wanted?
You should thank the girl you didn't get because now you are a Don Juan. (Imagine if you were an AFC for your entire life! Yech!) If something similiar occurs, the same radical improvement will follow.
Do not use DJism as an armor for the risk of emotional attachment. DJing is a TOOL to a goal. The goal is not DJism itself.
Dating is a Win-Win
Do not look at women as a win or lose game. THE GOAL is to find a woman you love and one who loves you back (without either settling). The goal is NOT to make every chick like you. The goal is to make YOURSELF happy. Think of it as a weeding out process where THE ONE is at the end.
Every breath we take brings us one closer to our last. What are you waiting for? For yourself to become 'perfect'? You never will be. The key is to weed them out to find if she is perfect for you.
Do not try to get into a woman's head. I've done so and I've wasted countless time in the process. Women are meant to be loved, not understood. If you understand them, you can never love them. So choose to love them; it's a happier life than that of a dried up philosopher.
There is nothing to lose. Success is a certainty now. Turn off the computer, go out, and live.
Previous Pook Index Next
After being away from this forum for a long while, I've realized what I think are conclusive things.
Anti-Dump is right all the way. Speed seduction, for the case of long term relationships, is worthless.
I would get results with speed seduction. But I might as well have been an actor. I enjoyed getting responses, but I was never happy.
Forget NLP, forget Speed Seduction, unless you wish to practice them all your life. For a long term relationship, they are worthless.
Anti-Dump and the advice on the website is much much better and actually works.
I have flaws, as does anyone else. Speed seduction could veil them, but I want to be accepted for myself and my flaws as well. True love demands the acceptance of the entire package.
Here's what I noticed to be extremely effective:
1) Go for the number, go for the date. (Guys should not flirt. Women flirt. The job of guys is to ask for the number and to call for the date. This cuts through all women's games.)
2) Don't talk about yourself! (Focus the conversation on her or on her interests. Only mention things about you if they are the same: "Yes, I think the same about parrots being evil too." So many women have said that I'm a 'mystery'. "Is this good?" "Yes" This is because when I do comment on myself, it is very vague and general. I keep my mouth shut. Also, you come across as a good listener. A good listener is the most sexiest trait a guy can have.)
3) Demand respect! (She may not give you her company, she may not give you her affection, but she should always, and I mean always, give you her respect. Women will not stay with guys they don't respect, and you wouldn't want to be with a woman that didn't respect you anyway.)
4) Don't be afraid to disagree. (This runs contrary to Speed Seduction. No, do not seek disagreements. If possible, try to bypass them. But never be afraid to disagree. Women want guys who have a mind of their own.)
5) Women are never the priority. (Your life is more important. Women take a backseat to your passions and hobbies. Failure to do this makes you desperate.)
Most imporantly, be yourself. Speed seduction will not give you happiness. You want to be accepted for who you are, not because you memorized patterns and lines from an internet website. Being yourself does not mean being a shy sniveling nice guy, it also includes self improvement.
You cannot 'act' yourself into happiness. Away with the NLP! Away with the Speed Seduction! Being yourself may give you more failures in dating, but it is the only path to true happiness.
Pook
"As you think, you shall become."
"Men will be nice when nice guys get laid."
-----------------------------
[This message has been updated by Monsieur Pookiness on 07-25-2002).]
Why the update? There are always updates because you never stop learning.
Of Self-Improvement
By putting the focus on you, rather than the women, you DO gain a control on your life. Most people sleep-walk through life. Others figure out what women want and, like clay, remold themselves to that. But by focusing on yourself, you keep yourself from ever being desperate and, even if things do NOT work out with a particular woman or women, you are still better for it since you haven't stopped upgrading yourself.
At every work place since the 'Kill that Desperation' post, I always enter being one way and leave another. For example, one job I enter being 'kinda' cute to the girls there. I leave being 'pretty damn cute' and enter the next job at the same level. Eventually, I become 'hot' and leave to the next. (And I was a computer geek! If I could turn myself from a nerd to a stud, then anything is possible!)
In all your dealings with women, YOU are the only constant. Changing in how you think leads to a more correct action. A sound mind creates sound attraction.
I won't lie; self-improvement will get you no girls. But it does make it MUCH EASIER to obtain girls. If you don't have the balls to risk than nothing you can do will get girls. Nothing.
One thing that hasn't been stressed enough here is SOCIAL-IMPROVEMENT. This is beyond how to talk to a chick. This is being OUTGOING (which is hard to do when you are reading DJ posts. It's a classic Catch 22). Yes, you can read and be Mr. Smart. Yes, you can pump weights and be tough. But if you aren't outgoing, you will still be SINGLE.
Many guys here will fit this description: they are good-looking and know it. They are fit. They know they want a cutie. But, alas, there is a problem. It is not that they are shy; they have overgrown that. It is not that they are ugly; they are adonises. No, it is that they are imprisoned in their own homes. "Ask her out." To what!? What should they do? They feel uncomfortable since it is not what they usually do.
The only way to do something with confidence and with ease is to do it often. The Don Juan is not a mental trick, NLP, or script but a HABIT. Aristotle says, "We are the sum of our habits." You cannot read what is on this site and expect results. Habit is central. (And habits change from HOW you think!)
To those guys plagued with an icy fear on what to do when dating and all, they should date themselves. Literally try taking yourself out. What would you do? What is the plan? The focus is fun. If usual dates don't come to your liking, then choose what YOU want to do.
"But Pook! She may not like what I want!"
But YOU are the focus. As Anti-Dump always said, she MUST like your date ideas. If she says no, then oh well! If she does, then you two like doing the same things together! Dating is a machine to cycle through all the chicks and get you the one that fits. It is not a bending over backward to please the girl and 'woo' her.
Of Seduction
It can be wise not to seduce too fast, to not get her between your sheets ASAP. Patience is always a good thing and lets things grow between you two.
Confident guys are confident because they know that it will come. If it is not now, then it will come. If it will come, then it is not now. Yet, it will come. I think patience has been the biggest element to my success than anything else.
Of Risk
Why are you here at this site? For most guys, it is because they fell in love with a woman who tore his heart to pieces. Now they devour Don Juan material so it can never happen again. They never emotionally risk again; they just utilize scripts and philosophies.
Emotional risk is not stupid AFC stuff like calling all the time. It is not getting sappy. It is putting your ego on the line. Why should you do this? Because there is a greater risk than if you don't. Why have a woman if all you don't invest some of your emotion in it? It ruins the fun and the love.
"But Pook! You said be desireless!"
Desireless means controlling yourself rather than having her control you. And this is at the beginning. After a while with a girl, you SHOULD want to put some emotional attachment in.
"But what if I get hurt!?" Then you still win! Would you be here at this forum, learning how to be a Don Juan, if you got the woman you wanted?
You should thank the girl you didn't get because now you are a Don Juan. (Imagine if you were an AFC for your entire life! Yech!) If something similiar occurs, the same radical improvement will follow.
Do not use DJism as an armor for the risk of emotional attachment. DJing is a TOOL to a goal. The goal is not DJism itself.
Dating is a Win-Win
Do not look at women as a win or lose game. THE GOAL is to find a woman you love and one who loves you back (without either settling). The goal is NOT to make every chick like you. The goal is to make YOURSELF happy. Think of it as a weeding out process where THE ONE is at the end.
Every breath we take brings us one closer to our last. What are you waiting for? For yourself to become 'perfect'? You never will be. The key is to weed them out to find if she is perfect for you.
Do not try to get into a woman's head. I've done so and I've wasted countless time in the process. Women are meant to be loved, not understood. If you understand them, you can never love them. So choose to love them; it's a happier life than that of a dried up philosopher.
There is nothing to lose. Success is a certainty now. Turn off the computer, go out, and live.
Previous Pook Index Next
Monday, August 02, 2004
Pook #33 - On Kino
QUOTE: "I've noticed that the concept of kino is almost as widely misunderstood as neghits,"
So many newbies rush out there with 'neghits' as wild knights to destroy the hot chicks' castle-like egos. Likewise, so many newbies get creepy with the kino. You're right, it IS misunderstood. These are subtle tools, not sledgehammers.
With anything, keep your attitude light and fun. If heaviness weighs down your spirit, don't go experimenting.
QUOTE: "so I wrote this to provide some added insight into what is REALLY going on with kino. Hopefully it will be of help to those who are interested."
I am interested! Speak on, Mr. DeepBlue!
QUOTE: "The common view of kino is that you're giving the woman pleasure and that this arouses her and makes her attached to you."
If this is the common view of kino, then there is a problem.
QUOTE: "That is certainly true,"
NO! Saying that Kino is to give the WOMAN pleasure? Why is the focus on the woman? No, the focus MUST be on YOURSELF. Yes, she should find pleasure in the kino. But YOU should find pleasure in the kino too.
You touch her because YOU want to, not because SHE wants it. Why? Because she wants to be TOUCHED and FLIRTED with by EVERY DECENT-CUTE GUY. We are not play-toys for their endless appetite of sexuality.
[quote]and we're lucky we live in a time when doing kino with a woman is considered acceptable as soon as you start getting to know her. In older times, guys like Casanova had to be extraordinarily seductive with their *words* just so they could get to the point where they could begin to use kino.[/quote
Nah, the seduction of women hasn't really changed. The same rules apply. The only real difference in this age is that ugly chicks don't have dowries (how else can you get a man to marry them?) and most women are financially independent.
Also, males are afraid of being men and scared of their own sexuality (the AFC)
Did you know that HALF of all the marriages in the British Colonies of North America, right around the War of Independence, was when the woman was already pregnant? These were the Puritans as well!
Our ancestors were Don Juans. Why not we?
QUOTE: "But the key thing to understand about kino is that when you initiate it with a chick whom you're just getting to know, is that it isn't merely an arousing stimulus, it also challenges the barriers between you."
So true!
If I ever read another post that says, "She did X and Y, then Z!!! Oh, and look at how she did M and then went and N! DOES SHE LIKE ME OR IS SHE BEING NICE?" the answer is, "DID YOU TOUCH HER?" Kino ALWAYS has a SURE answer (as well as asking her out. But she can date you to be polite, she cannot fake her reaction to kino)
Kino is a GREAT way to test their interest. Girls that don't like you, or find you neutral, will not like you touching them.
Usually when I kino a girl, it is very subtle. Everyone else in the universe thinks it is innocent. However, if a girl believes that you are being friendly versus liking her, she will choose to think that you like her. Thus, any kino is interpreted as LIKING HER.
She usually then RAINS kino back on poor Pook. She'll rub your arm. Rub her body against you. Anything.
Whatever you do, DO NOT KINO girls that you are not interested in. I have done this and these girls obsessed about me to the end. One planned out our marriage and all. Kino is THAT powerful.
In fact... oh, DeepBlue wishes to speak.
QUOTE: "The presence of those invisible barriers which you both maintain in your minds is really the key difference between being lovers and strangers."
IN YOUR MIND. Yes!
NOT in her mind. Women fall in love with their bodies; men fall in love with their mind. It is from men that the idealized love springs from poetry to sculpture to paintings, etc. Yet, if women are caressed the right way, touched in the proper manner, at the right speed, etc. then they are yours.
(This is why women want men that are 'experienced' because they want to FEEL that way. Women have no concept of idealization from the virtue of virginity or maidenhood, etc. except in relation to society.)
Men's sexuality is focused and concentrated within his body. With a woman, her sexuality is diffused throughout her entire body. All touch to her is sexual since she is entirely sexual.
QUOTE: "Typical AFC behavior is to respect those barriers too much and to never challenge them. That by definition maintains the barriers, leaving them in place. Doesn't matter how well he gets to know the chick, if he leaves those barriers in place he will never be her lover--THAT is why he ends up in the friend category."
AFC is scared of HIS sexuality. He is scared of carnal embrace.
QUOTE: "Because he actually reinforced the barriers instead of destroying them."
No, because he acted like penis-less ape who has money, can speak, but is some bizzarre andrygnous.
It is men that create the barriers. If men would embrace their own sexuality (dress better, be athletic, act like a man, exercise the muscles, etc.), then women WILL jump you.
This is what the PUAs must realize. It is not that they are pressing the woman's buttons. They are merely disarming the barriers, letting REAL women, not domesticated women, out of their society-reflective cages ("If I do this I will be seen as a slut" etc. THAT is put to sleep.)
Women WANT union ALL THE TIME. Even if they are married, pregnant, engaged, or have a BF, they want YOU to be sexual towards them. (but this doesn't mean you should)
Alas, I am moving away from the kino topic.
Go on, DeepBlue! Go on!
QUOTE: "Anyway, the next level up from AFC is to realize that you have to crumble those barriers, so you work on them, but you're still leery about causing any anxiety, and still a bit nervous about challenging the barriers."
Nervous about the barriers? It is nervious about realizing your own sexuality.
QUOTE: "So you look for excuses to touch,"
Hehe, it will still be interpreted in the woman's mind as, "He wants to have sex with me." She will see through the excuses, right ladies?
QUOTE: "or you reach out and caress her but it has a slightly rushed quality because you're trying to mask some underlying nervousness.
But ultimately where you want to get to is the point where you recognize that for a woman, the experience of having you challenging the barriers is not ONLY a source of axiety for her, but is also a source of EXCITEMENT. And the idea is to shift the balance so that she experiences more excitement than anxiety."
The excitement comes FROM YOU. If she is experiencing anxiety, IT IS YOUR FAULT. Women are reflective in nature.
If I take a Nice Guy with me to the Women-Fest, this is what happens:
"How are you ladies! I am the Pook!"
She shivers with excitement. "OH! It is a POOK!"
She and I are having a fabulous time. She is happy and smiling. My Nice Guy dork friend just looks sad, confused, bothered, angry, sad, depressed, sad, confused, and so on.
She looks over at the Nice Guy and her face FALLS. Her mood instantly evaporates.
GO IN HAPPY and she will be happy. GO IN NERVOUS and she will be nervous and unhappy.
QUOTE: "Ever see a baby fall down? Notice how they don't know whether to laugh it off or cry so they look to their parents to see the parents face? If the parent frowns with concern then the baby starts crying. If the parent smiles the baby starts laughing."
See above.
QUOTE: "Same with women. When you are entering new territory with a woman by challenging the "touch barriers" between you and her then you have to do it calmly and confidently and that CAUSES her to experience it as exciting. If you do it nervously she'll experience it as something that isn't right and that makes her uncomfortable."
EXACTLY!
QUOTE: "One of the best ways to show confidence is to do it slowly, instead of rushing it. Nervous people rush things to mask their nervousness."
THINK the outcome is already won. THINK that she is going to do all the ungodly things you want her to, it is just a matter of WHEN. In the meantime, you have fun because YOU KNOW THE OUTCOME.
Women interpret this as confidence and persistance, two traits THAT TURN THEM ON (self-fulfilling prophecy, for as you think, THEY shall become)
QUOTE: "Nervous people also look away, so you calmly make eye contact, and nervous people look serious so be sure to smile a lot.
Nervous people also make their voice tense, so you make yours relaxed, and make your posture very open and relaxed rather than being closed and tense."
If you are nervous then you have not been around women very much.
QUOTE: "All these things will convey confidence causing her to mind to interpret your touch as a source of excitement, rather than a source of anxiety."
Not only that, but she will START TOUCHING YOU like crazy! Good heavens, I have had to literally tell them to stop. Once you show it is ok to be touchy feely, by the heavens, they will unleash touchiness.
QUOTE: "The more you understand (and vicariously feel) the way your touch EXCITES her, the more you will naturally become confident about doing it."
In other words, SHE LIKES IT. YOU LIKE IT. So DO IT.
QUOTE: "Besides convey confidence, the other thing you need to do with kino is to strike a balance so it isn't either too challenging, nor too tame.
As you start slowly caressing her--her hand or her arm or her waist or back, or maybe feeling her cheek or her hair with your hand--the ideal to strive for is that you want to keep her gently balanced on the very edge of being too excited, so it is never too much for her to handle, nor so mild that it becomes tame."
Hmm, I don't caress them unless I am going out with them or such. I usually touch them a little and it is like the floodgates are open on touching the Pook.
Kino is to make sure you are not a Sexual Mannequin because Sexual Mannequins do not initiate kino! They just stand there and smile. But after the touch, she thinks of you in flesh-and-blood terms then in the abstract image way. In other words, in a PHYSICAL way. In Womaniverse, you cannot seperate the physical from the sexual. Anything physical you do with her she interprets as sexual (probably why girls fall in love with you during ACTION dates since they are using their bodies from dancing to skating and so on).
Previous Pook Index Next
So many newbies rush out there with 'neghits' as wild knights to destroy the hot chicks' castle-like egos. Likewise, so many newbies get creepy with the kino. You're right, it IS misunderstood. These are subtle tools, not sledgehammers.
With anything, keep your attitude light and fun. If heaviness weighs down your spirit, don't go experimenting.
QUOTE: "so I wrote this to provide some added insight into what is REALLY going on with kino. Hopefully it will be of help to those who are interested."
I am interested! Speak on, Mr. DeepBlue!
QUOTE: "The common view of kino is that you're giving the woman pleasure and that this arouses her and makes her attached to you."
If this is the common view of kino, then there is a problem.
QUOTE: "That is certainly true,"
NO! Saying that Kino is to give the WOMAN pleasure? Why is the focus on the woman? No, the focus MUST be on YOURSELF. Yes, she should find pleasure in the kino. But YOU should find pleasure in the kino too.
You touch her because YOU want to, not because SHE wants it. Why? Because she wants to be TOUCHED and FLIRTED with by EVERY DECENT-CUTE GUY. We are not play-toys for their endless appetite of sexuality.
[quote]and we're lucky we live in a time when doing kino with a woman is considered acceptable as soon as you start getting to know her. In older times, guys like Casanova had to be extraordinarily seductive with their *words* just so they could get to the point where they could begin to use kino.[/quote
Nah, the seduction of women hasn't really changed. The same rules apply. The only real difference in this age is that ugly chicks don't have dowries (how else can you get a man to marry them?) and most women are financially independent.
Also, males are afraid of being men and scared of their own sexuality (the AFC)
Did you know that HALF of all the marriages in the British Colonies of North America, right around the War of Independence, was when the woman was already pregnant? These were the Puritans as well!
Our ancestors were Don Juans. Why not we?
QUOTE: "But the key thing to understand about kino is that when you initiate it with a chick whom you're just getting to know, is that it isn't merely an arousing stimulus, it also challenges the barriers between you."
So true!
If I ever read another post that says, "She did X and Y, then Z!!! Oh, and look at how she did M and then went and N! DOES SHE LIKE ME OR IS SHE BEING NICE?" the answer is, "DID YOU TOUCH HER?" Kino ALWAYS has a SURE answer (as well as asking her out. But she can date you to be polite, she cannot fake her reaction to kino)
Kino is a GREAT way to test their interest. Girls that don't like you, or find you neutral, will not like you touching them.
Usually when I kino a girl, it is very subtle. Everyone else in the universe thinks it is innocent. However, if a girl believes that you are being friendly versus liking her, she will choose to think that you like her. Thus, any kino is interpreted as LIKING HER.
She usually then RAINS kino back on poor Pook. She'll rub your arm. Rub her body against you. Anything.
Whatever you do, DO NOT KINO girls that you are not interested in. I have done this and these girls obsessed about me to the end. One planned out our marriage and all. Kino is THAT powerful.
In fact... oh, DeepBlue wishes to speak.
QUOTE: "The presence of those invisible barriers which you both maintain in your minds is really the key difference between being lovers and strangers."
IN YOUR MIND. Yes!
NOT in her mind. Women fall in love with their bodies; men fall in love with their mind. It is from men that the idealized love springs from poetry to sculpture to paintings, etc. Yet, if women are caressed the right way, touched in the proper manner, at the right speed, etc. then they are yours.
(This is why women want men that are 'experienced' because they want to FEEL that way. Women have no concept of idealization from the virtue of virginity or maidenhood, etc. except in relation to society.)
Men's sexuality is focused and concentrated within his body. With a woman, her sexuality is diffused throughout her entire body. All touch to her is sexual since she is entirely sexual.
QUOTE: "Typical AFC behavior is to respect those barriers too much and to never challenge them. That by definition maintains the barriers, leaving them in place. Doesn't matter how well he gets to know the chick, if he leaves those barriers in place he will never be her lover--THAT is why he ends up in the friend category."
AFC is scared of HIS sexuality. He is scared of carnal embrace.
QUOTE: "Because he actually reinforced the barriers instead of destroying them."
No, because he acted like penis-less ape who has money, can speak, but is some bizzarre andrygnous.
It is men that create the barriers. If men would embrace their own sexuality (dress better, be athletic, act like a man, exercise the muscles, etc.), then women WILL jump you.
This is what the PUAs must realize. It is not that they are pressing the woman's buttons. They are merely disarming the barriers, letting REAL women, not domesticated women, out of their society-reflective cages ("If I do this I will be seen as a slut" etc. THAT is put to sleep.)
Women WANT union ALL THE TIME. Even if they are married, pregnant, engaged, or have a BF, they want YOU to be sexual towards them. (but this doesn't mean you should)
Alas, I am moving away from the kino topic.
Go on, DeepBlue! Go on!
QUOTE: "Anyway, the next level up from AFC is to realize that you have to crumble those barriers, so you work on them, but you're still leery about causing any anxiety, and still a bit nervous about challenging the barriers."
Nervous about the barriers? It is nervious about realizing your own sexuality.
QUOTE: "So you look for excuses to touch,"
Hehe, it will still be interpreted in the woman's mind as, "He wants to have sex with me." She will see through the excuses, right ladies?
QUOTE: "or you reach out and caress her but it has a slightly rushed quality because you're trying to mask some underlying nervousness.
But ultimately where you want to get to is the point where you recognize that for a woman, the experience of having you challenging the barriers is not ONLY a source of axiety for her, but is also a source of EXCITEMENT. And the idea is to shift the balance so that she experiences more excitement than anxiety."
The excitement comes FROM YOU. If she is experiencing anxiety, IT IS YOUR FAULT. Women are reflective in nature.
If I take a Nice Guy with me to the Women-Fest, this is what happens:
"How are you ladies! I am the Pook!"
She shivers with excitement. "OH! It is a POOK!"
She and I are having a fabulous time. She is happy and smiling. My Nice Guy dork friend just looks sad, confused, bothered, angry, sad, depressed, sad, confused, and so on.
She looks over at the Nice Guy and her face FALLS. Her mood instantly evaporates.
GO IN HAPPY and she will be happy. GO IN NERVOUS and she will be nervous and unhappy.
QUOTE: "Ever see a baby fall down? Notice how they don't know whether to laugh it off or cry so they look to their parents to see the parents face? If the parent frowns with concern then the baby starts crying. If the parent smiles the baby starts laughing."
See above.
QUOTE: "Same with women. When you are entering new territory with a woman by challenging the "touch barriers" between you and her then you have to do it calmly and confidently and that CAUSES her to experience it as exciting. If you do it nervously she'll experience it as something that isn't right and that makes her uncomfortable."
EXACTLY!
QUOTE: "One of the best ways to show confidence is to do it slowly, instead of rushing it. Nervous people rush things to mask their nervousness."
THINK the outcome is already won. THINK that she is going to do all the ungodly things you want her to, it is just a matter of WHEN. In the meantime, you have fun because YOU KNOW THE OUTCOME.
Women interpret this as confidence and persistance, two traits THAT TURN THEM ON (self-fulfilling prophecy, for as you think, THEY shall become)
QUOTE: "Nervous people also look away, so you calmly make eye contact, and nervous people look serious so be sure to smile a lot.
Nervous people also make their voice tense, so you make yours relaxed, and make your posture very open and relaxed rather than being closed and tense."
If you are nervous then you have not been around women very much.
QUOTE: "All these things will convey confidence causing her to mind to interpret your touch as a source of excitement, rather than a source of anxiety."
Not only that, but she will START TOUCHING YOU like crazy! Good heavens, I have had to literally tell them to stop. Once you show it is ok to be touchy feely, by the heavens, they will unleash touchiness.
QUOTE: "The more you understand (and vicariously feel) the way your touch EXCITES her, the more you will naturally become confident about doing it."
In other words, SHE LIKES IT. YOU LIKE IT. So DO IT.
QUOTE: "Besides convey confidence, the other thing you need to do with kino is to strike a balance so it isn't either too challenging, nor too tame.
As you start slowly caressing her--her hand or her arm or her waist or back, or maybe feeling her cheek or her hair with your hand--the ideal to strive for is that you want to keep her gently balanced on the very edge of being too excited, so it is never too much for her to handle, nor so mild that it becomes tame."
Hmm, I don't caress them unless I am going out with them or such. I usually touch them a little and it is like the floodgates are open on touching the Pook.
Kino is to make sure you are not a Sexual Mannequin because Sexual Mannequins do not initiate kino! They just stand there and smile. But after the touch, she thinks of you in flesh-and-blood terms then in the abstract image way. In other words, in a PHYSICAL way. In Womaniverse, you cannot seperate the physical from the sexual. Anything physical you do with her she interprets as sexual (probably why girls fall in love with you during ACTION dates since they are using their bodies from dancing to skating and so on).
Previous Pook Index Next
Sunday, August 01, 2004
Pook #32 - Aim High!
I know not how others see it; but as for me, I see Don Juaning as making dreams come true.
Dreams! The spice of life, the universal spring of success! But I must be wrong, for Bryan Redford says, ”stick to your own league."(http://www.sosuave.com/home/redfield/bryan22.htm)
Stick to your own league! What does that mean? Does that mean there exists an aristocracy of genetics, and that we happened to be on the bottom, the status of clowns and peasants to these princesses and princes?
“Forgive me, madam. But you, dear, are out of my league.” Is this what we should say to the girls we find gorgeous and beautiful? But why stop there? Why not ask, “Oh, please, may I have permission to speak to you, princess?” or “Thank you, dear, for letting me be in your graceful presence.”
“Pook, you exaggerate.”
Do I? Don’t misunderstand. I think Redford has some wise things to say, but that column of desiring beautiful women is the worst advice I’ve seen. Never cede your dreams for you risk losing your soul.
Redford says that there does in fact exist ‘leagues’, a type of genetic (or social) aristocracy. Just as one would love crumbs and blobs of fat if you were starving, Redford compares overweight women to absolutely no women (taking a page out of the ‘How to Love Fat Bloated Hags’, a sub-genre of the worst relationship books).
Redford then says… Wait! I will let him speak for himself:
"By that I mean no matter how great you think you are, or how deserving you feel you may be, the real world put you back in your place and gave you a reality check. You eventually accept it, adjust to it and learn to appreciate and enjoy your Honda. You also learn rather quickly that a Honda can take you to the exact same places a Mercedes can take you to."
Now for those of you who are cheering his words as “Wonderful!” and “Brilliant!”, I ask only for a full actualization of his advice.
Let us place Redford in front of a custodian. Speak, Redford:
“How are you! You may think that you can do better but the real world puts you in your place and gives you a reality check. You must accept it, adjust to it and learn to appreciate and enjoy your custodial duties.”
And if the custodian responds, “I know I can do better,” what would Redford say? Quiet! Let us hear him:
“If you were starving, would you scoff at your work? No! You would get on your hands and knees and thank God for your fortune. You also learn that a custodian’s paycheck feeds and clothes you just as any other paycheck would.”
This ‘advice’ is called Settling for Mediocrity. If you do it with women, why not use it for every other avenue of your life? Mediocrity in the pursuit for a splinter of joy is no joy at all. For me, the pursuit of the dream is the joy.
The letter writer did admit that he was physically overweight. But that does not mean he has to settle and cede his dreams. (I for one would not want a Mercedes or a very nice car since I know it would be stolen. But if you want a Mercedes, just go get one. There are no limits to what we can accomplish.)
A friend of mine is also faced in a similar situation. He is twenty six, lives with his parents, works at the same grocery store for more then half a decade, has no long term plans for the future, doesn’t work out, and demands a beautiful woman. Obviously, he is caught in a bubble of fantasy.
There is nothing wrong with going for high standards. But, there is a catch. It is this catch, when not obeyed, will keep you in that bubble of fantasy. In fact, Shakespeare has saying on it in which he says…
“The catch, Pook. Get to the catch.”
Very well. Here it is:
The high standards you apply to your desires must be applied to yourself.
Do you want a woman who is not overweight? Then you must eliminate your overweight. Do you want a woman who is intellectually brilliant? Then you must hit the books, read the classics, think, and expand your mind. Do you want a woman who is athletic? Then you too must become athletic.
Try, if you want, to get a woman who is better then you in these traits. You may or may not succeed. But only demand that which you can reflect as well. This forces you on the path of self-improvement.
Let me tell you a story. In my late Nice Guy phase, I fell infatuated with this girl. (Yeah, not uncommon. I know.) And like every Nice Guy, I dreamed of our blissful future. When I would get around her, I become very tense with butterflies in my stomach. Oh, how I dreamed about her! More important, I dreamed about us. So I eventually bit the bullet and asked her out. Guess what her response was?
No.
No.
She said no! My soul buckled and I was literally crushed.
Later, when I shrugged off that Nice Guyness, I was looking for a girlfriend. I thought a break came when a girl, a bit homely, had fallen in love with me a few months later. I thought, “Should I go for her?” Then I realized, “NO!” (Later, I realized that she and my crush were good friends. I eventually found out my crush tried to ‘set us up’.) I knew I could do better. And I did.
By focusing on my interests, on my goals, on my improvement, everything changed. Other girls started to take an interest in me. Soon, I became the biggest mystery. My ‘crush’ is bewildered for her friends have the hots for me and older women say, “How I wish I were twenty years younger!” I became the guy the girls talked about when they were alone. And she had placed me in the ‘average’ category. Ha!
Of course, I lost all attraction for her. I felt embarrassed about my past self. How could I get so whipped by a chick I hardly talked to? Now it doesn’t matter, for I have the mindset that I’m going to win the world.
Perhaps you can relate to the story. But the point is that I disagree with Redford in this: The fault is not in the standards; it is ourselves. The failure is not in our high standards; it is failing to apply those standards in ourselves.
There IS an aristocracy. But it is not an aristocracy of genetics; it is an aristocracy of WILL and PASSION. Name any name in history, any grand person in present, and see if it was their DRIVE that got them where they are. There is no lottery of life. The leagues you see are the ones you create in your own mind. Anyone can get a beauty. Hell, even Voltaire had the audacity to say, “Give me ten minutes of talk and I shall bed the Queen of France.”
Aim high! And as each standard increases, so does yourself. In this manner, you benefit from your fantasy for now it is tethered to reality, yanking you forward in your proper destiny.
Aim high! And behold, for everything shall become new. The women you were lusting for earlier will seem lowly, for you have been on the course of self-improvement while they have not. You worked out; they remained scrawny. You read; they wasted their time. You saved your money and pulled yourself up; they are locked in debt.
Aim high! For Redford says, “Your life depends on it,” and he is more correct then ever, but not in how he means it.
Here is your choice: settle for mediocrity or aim high. The former is simple, can occur right now, and only requires the selling of your dreams. The latter demands rigor, the higher you aim the more rigorous, but your dreams can come true.
Aim high! For Strindberg says, “I dream, therefore I exist.” For to dream is to become.
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Dreams! The spice of life, the universal spring of success! But I must be wrong, for Bryan Redford says, ”stick to your own league."(http://www.sosuave.com/home/redfield/bryan22.htm)
Stick to your own league! What does that mean? Does that mean there exists an aristocracy of genetics, and that we happened to be on the bottom, the status of clowns and peasants to these princesses and princes?
“Forgive me, madam. But you, dear, are out of my league.” Is this what we should say to the girls we find gorgeous and beautiful? But why stop there? Why not ask, “Oh, please, may I have permission to speak to you, princess?” or “Thank you, dear, for letting me be in your graceful presence.”
“Pook, you exaggerate.”
Do I? Don’t misunderstand. I think Redford has some wise things to say, but that column of desiring beautiful women is the worst advice I’ve seen. Never cede your dreams for you risk losing your soul.
Redford says that there does in fact exist ‘leagues’, a type of genetic (or social) aristocracy. Just as one would love crumbs and blobs of fat if you were starving, Redford compares overweight women to absolutely no women (taking a page out of the ‘How to Love Fat Bloated Hags’, a sub-genre of the worst relationship books).
Redford then says… Wait! I will let him speak for himself:
"By that I mean no matter how great you think you are, or how deserving you feel you may be, the real world put you back in your place and gave you a reality check. You eventually accept it, adjust to it and learn to appreciate and enjoy your Honda. You also learn rather quickly that a Honda can take you to the exact same places a Mercedes can take you to."
Now for those of you who are cheering his words as “Wonderful!” and “Brilliant!”, I ask only for a full actualization of his advice.
Let us place Redford in front of a custodian. Speak, Redford:
“How are you! You may think that you can do better but the real world puts you in your place and gives you a reality check. You must accept it, adjust to it and learn to appreciate and enjoy your custodial duties.”
And if the custodian responds, “I know I can do better,” what would Redford say? Quiet! Let us hear him:
“If you were starving, would you scoff at your work? No! You would get on your hands and knees and thank God for your fortune. You also learn that a custodian’s paycheck feeds and clothes you just as any other paycheck would.”
This ‘advice’ is called Settling for Mediocrity. If you do it with women, why not use it for every other avenue of your life? Mediocrity in the pursuit for a splinter of joy is no joy at all. For me, the pursuit of the dream is the joy.
The letter writer did admit that he was physically overweight. But that does not mean he has to settle and cede his dreams. (I for one would not want a Mercedes or a very nice car since I know it would be stolen. But if you want a Mercedes, just go get one. There are no limits to what we can accomplish.)
A friend of mine is also faced in a similar situation. He is twenty six, lives with his parents, works at the same grocery store for more then half a decade, has no long term plans for the future, doesn’t work out, and demands a beautiful woman. Obviously, he is caught in a bubble of fantasy.
There is nothing wrong with going for high standards. But, there is a catch. It is this catch, when not obeyed, will keep you in that bubble of fantasy. In fact, Shakespeare has saying on it in which he says…
“The catch, Pook. Get to the catch.”
Very well. Here it is:
The high standards you apply to your desires must be applied to yourself.
Do you want a woman who is not overweight? Then you must eliminate your overweight. Do you want a woman who is intellectually brilliant? Then you must hit the books, read the classics, think, and expand your mind. Do you want a woman who is athletic? Then you too must become athletic.
Try, if you want, to get a woman who is better then you in these traits. You may or may not succeed. But only demand that which you can reflect as well. This forces you on the path of self-improvement.
Let me tell you a story. In my late Nice Guy phase, I fell infatuated with this girl. (Yeah, not uncommon. I know.) And like every Nice Guy, I dreamed of our blissful future. When I would get around her, I become very tense with butterflies in my stomach. Oh, how I dreamed about her! More important, I dreamed about us. So I eventually bit the bullet and asked her out. Guess what her response was?
No.
No.
She said no! My soul buckled and I was literally crushed.
Later, when I shrugged off that Nice Guyness, I was looking for a girlfriend. I thought a break came when a girl, a bit homely, had fallen in love with me a few months later. I thought, “Should I go for her?” Then I realized, “NO!” (Later, I realized that she and my crush were good friends. I eventually found out my crush tried to ‘set us up’.) I knew I could do better. And I did.
By focusing on my interests, on my goals, on my improvement, everything changed. Other girls started to take an interest in me. Soon, I became the biggest mystery. My ‘crush’ is bewildered for her friends have the hots for me and older women say, “How I wish I were twenty years younger!” I became the guy the girls talked about when they were alone. And she had placed me in the ‘average’ category. Ha!
Of course, I lost all attraction for her. I felt embarrassed about my past self. How could I get so whipped by a chick I hardly talked to? Now it doesn’t matter, for I have the mindset that I’m going to win the world.
Perhaps you can relate to the story. But the point is that I disagree with Redford in this: The fault is not in the standards; it is ourselves. The failure is not in our high standards; it is failing to apply those standards in ourselves.
There IS an aristocracy. But it is not an aristocracy of genetics; it is an aristocracy of WILL and PASSION. Name any name in history, any grand person in present, and see if it was their DRIVE that got them where they are. There is no lottery of life. The leagues you see are the ones you create in your own mind. Anyone can get a beauty. Hell, even Voltaire had the audacity to say, “Give me ten minutes of talk and I shall bed the Queen of France.”
Aim high! And as each standard increases, so does yourself. In this manner, you benefit from your fantasy for now it is tethered to reality, yanking you forward in your proper destiny.
Aim high! And behold, for everything shall become new. The women you were lusting for earlier will seem lowly, for you have been on the course of self-improvement while they have not. You worked out; they remained scrawny. You read; they wasted their time. You saved your money and pulled yourself up; they are locked in debt.
Aim high! For Redford says, “Your life depends on it,” and he is more correct then ever, but not in how he means it.
Here is your choice: settle for mediocrity or aim high. The former is simple, can occur right now, and only requires the selling of your dreams. The latter demands rigor, the higher you aim the more rigorous, but your dreams can come true.
Aim high! For Strindberg says, “I dream, therefore I exist.” For to dream is to become.
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Saturday, July 31, 2004
Pook #31 - Let Yourself Fail
The reason why you are here at this website, improving in ways you never dreamed possible before in your life, was because you failed at achieving what you wanted with women.
Listen to yourself before you came to this website:
“Oh, how I have failed with the ladies! If only I knew what to do! If only I knew the secrets of attraction, love, and women!”
And so here you are gobbling up more information than ever. And this is good.
But…
Do you allow yourself to fail? Or do you go search on posts on EXACTLY how you should act on a date? Do you try to push your comfort zones or do you read the pages of seduction material for the 435473th time?
Failure is a necessary component of growth. Let yourself fail.
Not all the time. You are not the Nice Guy who crashes and burns without a clue (and does it again and again and again). Don Juans are made by failing, not by succeeding.
When you fail, you have information sent back on things that can be worked on. Are you too scrawny? Do you not have fun dates? Is your personality the problem? Do you let yourself have fun? Are you scared of sex? What is it?
A failure can help you more than reading every damn post on this board. Failure will aid you much more than the whole of the DJ Bible.
Going into Don Juan is not a light switch. You do not stuff this information in your head and become a drone of the ideas here. You need to fail. You MUST fail. You will always learn more about failing because it won’t be hypothetical! You won’t be having fantasies of you, being a blazing Don Juan, and going from girl to girl. No, you will be OUT THERE (which is where you learn everything) and you WILL FAIL. This failure points out where you NEED to improve.
“But Pook! If I fail, I will lose the girl!”
For every love that dies, a new one is born. It is a law of Nature!
Keep the focus on YOU. So what if you lose the girl? Another girl will quickly take her place. If you WAIT on the first girl, you will be worse off when you meet that second girl. FAIL NOW.
“But Pook! I remember the pain before. I am learning this information so I will not enter that pain again.”
Let me tell what is MORE PAINFUL. It is getting trapped in a tortuous cycle of devouring more and more information with no action. In this case, the Nice Guy is more admirable than you because at least the Nice Guy allows himself to fail. You never let yourself fail so you will never grow.
“But Pook! Isn’t the point of the information to AVOID failure?”
This is the number one common mistake that makes long time regulars here still stuck in their cycle. They think the information is going to remove failure. That is not the point. Just as in order for your muscles to grow, you must let them fail (and fill in the void with protein, sleep, etc.). So too that in order to GROW (not in your mental self, but in your real self OUT THERE), you must let yourself fail (and if you do fail, fill in the void with the information and feedback here.)
“But Pook! Why should I intend to fail?”
The point is not to INTEND to fail. It is to LET yourself fail. If you fail with a girl, IT IS AN OPPORTUNITY THAT YOU MISSED ABOUT YOURSELF.
Let us repeat it again:
FAILURE IS AN OPPORTUNITY. After all, risk is the key to self-improvement.
The Number 2 common mistake here is people thinking that they ARE NOT ALLOWED to fail because of all this ‘information’ they have soaked up. In other words, that if they failed, they really ‘aren’t don juans.
Let me tell you something: Don Juans are not made on message boards. They are made OUT THERE. Whatever happens to you out there, no matter how bad it is, come back here and we will help you. You are beyond your Nice Guy days.
But flaws can only be removed by confronting them, never by masking them.
“But Pook! I did what you said and… I had great success! I was hoping I would fail so I could improve but dammit, I succeeded beyond my wildest expectations! I was looking forward to failing so I can improve but the hot chick accepted my advances and dates! How could she do that!?…”
Now you see the point of it all. Even though there are TONS of posts that say ‘not to fear rejection’ or ‘that she is missing out on you’, you still are scared of failing. Failure is actually a GOOD thing since it helps you grow. It is good to IMAGINE success, but do not FEAR failure. Embrace it like the gift it is since it allows you to grow. (For if you don’t fail now, you will fail later on. Get it over with.)
It is a win-win situation.
SO GO OUT THERE AND LET YOURSELF FAIL!
Listen to yourself before you came to this website:
“Oh, how I have failed with the ladies! If only I knew what to do! If only I knew the secrets of attraction, love, and women!”
And so here you are gobbling up more information than ever. And this is good.
But…
Do you allow yourself to fail? Or do you go search on posts on EXACTLY how you should act on a date? Do you try to push your comfort zones or do you read the pages of seduction material for the 435473th time?
Failure is a necessary component of growth. Let yourself fail.
Not all the time. You are not the Nice Guy who crashes and burns without a clue (and does it again and again and again). Don Juans are made by failing, not by succeeding.
When you fail, you have information sent back on things that can be worked on. Are you too scrawny? Do you not have fun dates? Is your personality the problem? Do you let yourself have fun? Are you scared of sex? What is it?
A failure can help you more than reading every damn post on this board. Failure will aid you much more than the whole of the DJ Bible.
Going into Don Juan is not a light switch. You do not stuff this information in your head and become a drone of the ideas here. You need to fail. You MUST fail. You will always learn more about failing because it won’t be hypothetical! You won’t be having fantasies of you, being a blazing Don Juan, and going from girl to girl. No, you will be OUT THERE (which is where you learn everything) and you WILL FAIL. This failure points out where you NEED to improve.
“But Pook! If I fail, I will lose the girl!”
For every love that dies, a new one is born. It is a law of Nature!
Keep the focus on YOU. So what if you lose the girl? Another girl will quickly take her place. If you WAIT on the first girl, you will be worse off when you meet that second girl. FAIL NOW.
“But Pook! I remember the pain before. I am learning this information so I will not enter that pain again.”
Let me tell what is MORE PAINFUL. It is getting trapped in a tortuous cycle of devouring more and more information with no action. In this case, the Nice Guy is more admirable than you because at least the Nice Guy allows himself to fail. You never let yourself fail so you will never grow.
“But Pook! Isn’t the point of the information to AVOID failure?”
This is the number one common mistake that makes long time regulars here still stuck in their cycle. They think the information is going to remove failure. That is not the point. Just as in order for your muscles to grow, you must let them fail (and fill in the void with protein, sleep, etc.). So too that in order to GROW (not in your mental self, but in your real self OUT THERE), you must let yourself fail (and if you do fail, fill in the void with the information and feedback here.)
“But Pook! Why should I intend to fail?”
The point is not to INTEND to fail. It is to LET yourself fail. If you fail with a girl, IT IS AN OPPORTUNITY THAT YOU MISSED ABOUT YOURSELF.
Let us repeat it again:
FAILURE IS AN OPPORTUNITY. After all, risk is the key to self-improvement.
The Number 2 common mistake here is people thinking that they ARE NOT ALLOWED to fail because of all this ‘information’ they have soaked up. In other words, that if they failed, they really ‘aren’t don juans.
Let me tell you something: Don Juans are not made on message boards. They are made OUT THERE. Whatever happens to you out there, no matter how bad it is, come back here and we will help you. You are beyond your Nice Guy days.
But flaws can only be removed by confronting them, never by masking them.
“But Pook! I did what you said and… I had great success! I was hoping I would fail so I could improve but dammit, I succeeded beyond my wildest expectations! I was looking forward to failing so I can improve but the hot chick accepted my advances and dates! How could she do that!?…”
Now you see the point of it all. Even though there are TONS of posts that say ‘not to fear rejection’ or ‘that she is missing out on you’, you still are scared of failing. Failure is actually a GOOD thing since it helps you grow. It is good to IMAGINE success, but do not FEAR failure. Embrace it like the gift it is since it allows you to grow. (For if you don’t fail now, you will fail later on. Get it over with.)
It is a win-win situation.
SO GO OUT THERE AND LET YOURSELF FAIL!
*
How I came to this site was because I FAILED badly with the woman I wanted. Looking back through my Pook years, I see that the times I failed was when I got my head snapped on straight and truly changed.
Turning a 'failure' with a woman to make it a 'learning experience', just one bump along the long road of success, sounds good in seminars and all. But you've got to risk, you've got to roll your dice.
Nice Guys are nice because they don't want to fail. Why else do Nice Guys listen to womanly advice? Why else do Nice Guys give chocolate, flowers, poetry, etc. to the woman? They certainly don't do it out of a spirit of love (though many do, these infatuated chumps). Many do it because they think it is 'the routine' and they don't want to fail. They want to 'play it safe'.
"May I kiss you?" the Nice Guy asks. He doesn't want to make her 'uncomfortable'. If this Nice Guy risked failing, he would just kiss her and go for it. He could be slapped OR she could say, "THANK GOD! I THOUGHT HE WAS GAY!" and all is good.
Some here still act like those Nice Guys with the only difference is that they listen to men instead. You've GOT to sprinkle risk in your life.
As Anti-Dump said, you DO want to protect your heart. But some are so scared of failing that they literally COCOON their life!
To the loners- You know who you are. You don't think you are good enough, have the right things, do the right things, etc. to let a woman into your life. But you do! You loners aim at your comfortable world but do so at sacrificing long term happiness. LET A WOMAN INTO YOUR LIFE! You'll probably enrich her life more then you think, and she will definately enrich yours!
To the shy guys- You know who you are. You are worried what others might say, what she might think, what everyone might say. But the truth is that you could walk in front of a bus and you'd be forgotton in a day. No one is going to care that you lusted after a chick. Even chicks forget. GO FOR IT! YIELD TO YOUR DESIRE FOR ONCE!
To the addicted-to-sosuave crowd- You know who you are. You read more and more and more and more and more information. Yet, there you sit in front of your computer. The information you see... it is a novelty, something new for you to think about. But once you go out and FAIL with the ladies, all the information literally changes. Rather then being a novelty to think about, like some new philosophy to adopt, it becomes addendums to your battle plan. You exit the world of THEORY and go OUT THERE (since that is where the chicks are. Only feminists reside in the world of THEORY and you don't want those anyway).
Everyone came to this site with problems. This site corrected many of them. Alas, the site also created a few new problems. One of them is that guys are scared to fail, especially with all this information around. They think that with this information that they won't fail. It is fun to fail and is the zeal of life. Let yourself fail!
Also, failure is the only way to trigger metamorphosis.
QUOTE: "You can keep on trying to do something, and although you may not make it the first few times, you have "failed" only when you hit the dirt and refuse to get back up and try again."
Turning a 'failure' with a woman to make it a 'learning experience', just one bump along the long road of success, sounds good in seminars and all. But you've got to risk, you've got to roll your dice.
Nice Guys are nice because they don't want to fail. Why else do Nice Guys listen to womanly advice? Why else do Nice Guys give chocolate, flowers, poetry, etc. to the woman? They certainly don't do it out of a spirit of love (though many do, these infatuated chumps). Many do it because they think it is 'the routine' and they don't want to fail. They want to 'play it safe'.
"May I kiss you?" the Nice Guy asks. He doesn't want to make her 'uncomfortable'. If this Nice Guy risked failing, he would just kiss her and go for it. He could be slapped OR she could say, "THANK GOD! I THOUGHT HE WAS GAY!" and all is good.
Some here still act like those Nice Guys with the only difference is that they listen to men instead. You've GOT to sprinkle risk in your life.
As Anti-Dump said, you DO want to protect your heart. But some are so scared of failing that they literally COCOON their life!
To the loners- You know who you are. You don't think you are good enough, have the right things, do the right things, etc. to let a woman into your life. But you do! You loners aim at your comfortable world but do so at sacrificing long term happiness. LET A WOMAN INTO YOUR LIFE! You'll probably enrich her life more then you think, and she will definately enrich yours!
To the shy guys- You know who you are. You are worried what others might say, what she might think, what everyone might say. But the truth is that you could walk in front of a bus and you'd be forgotton in a day. No one is going to care that you lusted after a chick. Even chicks forget. GO FOR IT! YIELD TO YOUR DESIRE FOR ONCE!
To the addicted-to-sosuave crowd- You know who you are. You read more and more and more and more and more information. Yet, there you sit in front of your computer. The information you see... it is a novelty, something new for you to think about. But once you go out and FAIL with the ladies, all the information literally changes. Rather then being a novelty to think about, like some new philosophy to adopt, it becomes addendums to your battle plan. You exit the world of THEORY and go OUT THERE (since that is where the chicks are. Only feminists reside in the world of THEORY and you don't want those anyway).
Everyone came to this site with problems. This site corrected many of them. Alas, the site also created a few new problems. One of them is that guys are scared to fail, especially with all this information around. They think that with this information that they won't fail. It is fun to fail and is the zeal of life. Let yourself fail!
Also, failure is the only way to trigger metamorphosis.
QUOTE: "You can keep on trying to do something, and although you may not make it the first few times, you have "failed" only when you hit the dirt and refuse to get back up and try again."
Only by failing can you succeed.
Don Juaning is like a dance. You can learn all the steps. But unless you go out and trip yourself (or step on her, haha) a couple of times, you will never EVER dance.
Some guys are so scared of failing, that they memorize how they should act and so on where as me have one thought going through their head: "WHEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Some men see women and cry, "WHY!?" But I approach women and say, "WHY NOT?"
Don Juaning is like a dance. You can learn all the steps. But unless you go out and trip yourself (or step on her, haha) a couple of times, you will never EVER dance.
Some guys are so scared of failing, that they memorize how they should act and so on where as me have one thought going through their head: "WHEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Some men see women and cry, "WHY!?" But I approach women and say, "WHY NOT?"
Friday, July 30, 2004
Pook #30 - Romanticism - An Obituary
Romanticism is an article of faith.
We know what it's stuffed with: love at first sight, the carriage of frolicking courtships, prancing couples, dialogue consisting of fanstastical banquets, violins and flutes, of ballroom weddings, chandeliers, strangled poetry that converts her every part into some bizzarre infinitude, and of happy homes flowing with enchanting music with 2.3 kids, 2.6 cars, 1.1 garage, and 1.4 dogs.
All in all, the fountain that bubbles this vaperous romanticism is the phrase: star-crossed. Romanticism is not something considered to be 'controlled'. Rather, it seen as something to submit to. This 'star-crossed' love is elevated to the esteemed level known as destiny!
And so this faith makes the man stuffed. These stuffed men float airily through the world. Some pop to fall in the abyss... (and they wonder why suicide is at its highest rate for young men!). Others just stuff themselves more and more so that no matter what is said to them, they are so stuffed that even the sharpest most blatant facts bounce against their rubbery infatuated shells. Some realized that they were stuffed and turned themselves inside out. These unfortunate few shrivel with bitterness and seek revenge with getting laid everywhere and anywhere. But the rest spew out this poison and recover into the Men they were.
Oh forgive me, Hallmark! If I am to doubt Romanticism, I may incur the wrath of all women. But make no mistake: I war with Cupid. The way to victory is not to stab the infected with the truth... they pop and fall or increase their fantasy shell even more! Therefore, let us hold up a mirror to the infected so they see all their maladies and so will cleanse themselves of this rot.
The Virus
This hyped up romanticism can be traced to Rousseau. Disgusted with bourgeois love (he saw it as an empty emotional center of restrained, law-bound societies), he wanted to replace it with something more passionate. Before (especially in aristocracy), the passion of people was set for truth, honor, and power.
"This is dangerous," said the Rousseau. "It must be replaced with something else. Something that is just as absorbing." Therefore: "Love will now be the soul-saving experience!
How did Rousseau get to this? His childhood as he describes: "To fall on my knees before a masterful mistress, to obey her commands, to have to beg for her forgiveness, have been to me the most delicate of pleasures." Thus, in love he is entirely passive; woman must make the first move. Paglia says, "Rousseau ends the sexual scheme of the great chain of being, where male was sovereign over female... Rousseau feminizes the European male persona" and "gives the ideal man a womanlike sensitivity."
Ever since Rousseau, the culture has become increasingly romanticized. Music revolves around 'love'. The highest grossing movies are romantic 'epics' like Gone with the Wind and Titanic (where the ship sinking provides merely a backdrop for the 'priority' of the movie: the romance). Hyped-Romanticism has ravaged religions; priests becoming 'servants of love' rather than pursuers and warriors of 'wisdom and truth' (and then they wonder why the pews are filled with women!). Politicians speak of how much 'love' they have and strive to make themselves 'lovable'. Romanticism has gone beserk!
The Infection
Many women march on through their life, stuffed with dreams of hyped-up romanticism. They are filled to the brim with excessive expectations. The high rate of divorce is not due to some moral collapse. It is due to this bizzare and absurd religion of romance. In many ways, romance is the FEMALE RELIGION. 'Anniversary' dates are their religious festivals. The bed becomes their alter, and sex becomes the holy sacrament.
For fun, I told the women, "Romance... True love... None of it exists." And the women, nonsurprisingly, protested bitterly. But one thing that puzzled me was this one woman who told the Pook: "I'm never going to get married. Seems so boring." I thought she would agree with this idea of romance not existing (which I do think DOES exist, but is misapplied to the point of absurdity). Yet, she was one of the biggest protesters of it.
I figured almost all young women wanted to get married (at least SOMETIME). This one didn't yet was the BIGGEST believer in romance. A contradiction? Perhaps. In any age past, her life would be scorned at. It is this hyper-romanticism at work. Without this 'romance', there would be no license for her life-long 'romance' outside of marriage. It is well known that if you get the women to think that 'you love them', she is well more likely to sleep with you. All the gifts and 'dates' the AFC gives to get his sex are not some form of Neo-Prostitution; it is merely the exercise of this hyped up romanticism. This explains why women, who have no desire for marriage, will be the BIGGEST believers in romance. Their religion of Romance grants license and prettifies their sometimes dangerous and reckless behavior.
The Inflammation
Love! Love! Love! It is Nature's drug, a high, that so many become addicted to and must always be feeling 'love' at some part of their lives.
A Nice Guy appears to protest this post.
Ignore him, gentlemen. Women following this romanticized path means that the CHASE becomes the focus rather than the COMPANY of the lover. No wonder challenge works so well! No wonder once a woman gets what she wants, she goes looking for something else!
The more a man is a challenge, the more a woman becomes 'romanticized'. This is especially true for beautiful women. The curse of beauty (and even that of Don Juans) is that you fear that you are settling when you could have gotten better. When a guy is a challenge to the beautiful woman (and let's face it, these beautiful women have flocks of guys trying to be 'romantic' towards them in the AFC sense), it sparks the woman's romanticism. She must have her challenge and eat it too.
The Nice Guy yells out, "Pook, there is a matter we must discuss!"
Go to your platonic girlfriends to talk about your 'love', Nice Guy! Now where were we?
We know of the romanticism that Nice Guys embrace (for the definition of an AFC is a man who loves like a woman). But Don Juans suffer from the romanticism as well. "This website has made me soooo picky!"
The problem is not pickiness but idealism. Just like beautiful women, Don Juans feel that they are 'settling' if they get a chick. Remember your Nice Guy days when you only wanted a good decent woman to love you? Now you want a Helen of Troy! How far we've come!
The Nice Guy hops up on the Arcadian stage. "No more, Monsieur Pook! We must talk!"
Very well, Mr. Nice Guy! What is this business that you must interrupt my post for?
"I think you know it, Pook. You insulted my girl in the park last night!"
You are mistaken, sir. I made love to your girl in the park last night. She asked me to meet her there. I have her note somewhere. But if someone is saying something to the contrary, by God, it is a slander!
"You damned Pook! You would drag down a woman's reputation to hide your cowardice! But I am calling you out!"
You're calling me out? Then take lessons from your girl, as she too called me out.
"You libertine!" The Nice Guy takes out a white glove and slaps Pook. "I DEMAND SATISFACTION.
You demand satisfaction but your girl also demanded satisfaction. I cannot spend my time satisfying the demands of your circle.
"You blackguard!"
I assure you, Mr. Nice Guy, that your girl is the epitome of her sex. In fact, her chief renown is for a readiness that keeps her in a state of tropical humidity as would grow orchids in her drawers in January. Your assault against me is not for my faults but for your own.
"You have no morals!"
That is not true! You are the immoral one, thinking yourself a sexual Pharisee! We are called to be Human not statues.
The Cancer
And so floats the Nice Guy with his hot air romanticism. When he sees the women going for the guys of testosterone (jerks) and running to the hills to avoid his nonsense, he pops.
But what of the Don Juans racing to obtain their 'ideal' woman? After a decade or two, this is the result (http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/sho...ghlight=mature). Noticing their lost youth, what are these guys to do?
And what about the guys who DO get their idealism? Many of these guys marry absolutely gorgeous women. But gorgeous women are a standard lay. The idealism doesn't last and the divorce follows.
With love being defined as the PURSIT of the the lover (rather than the COMPANY of the lover), no wonder divorces are widespread! Rousseau is best known for his civilization of 'consent'. Thus, marriage to people now is not some sacred bond but a legal article of consent, something to be torn asunder whenever wished.
And anyone who are aware of marriages that last know that 'romanticism' has nothing to do with it. Marriage requires work. Go to an older married couple and spew out your 'romanticism' and 'the one' love to them and watch them laugh.
We know what it's stuffed with: love at first sight, the carriage of frolicking courtships, prancing couples, dialogue consisting of fanstastical banquets, violins and flutes, of ballroom weddings, chandeliers, strangled poetry that converts her every part into some bizzarre infinitude, and of happy homes flowing with enchanting music with 2.3 kids, 2.6 cars, 1.1 garage, and 1.4 dogs.
All in all, the fountain that bubbles this vaperous romanticism is the phrase: star-crossed. Romanticism is not something considered to be 'controlled'. Rather, it seen as something to submit to. This 'star-crossed' love is elevated to the esteemed level known as destiny!
And so this faith makes the man stuffed. These stuffed men float airily through the world. Some pop to fall in the abyss... (and they wonder why suicide is at its highest rate for young men!). Others just stuff themselves more and more so that no matter what is said to them, they are so stuffed that even the sharpest most blatant facts bounce against their rubbery infatuated shells. Some realized that they were stuffed and turned themselves inside out. These unfortunate few shrivel with bitterness and seek revenge with getting laid everywhere and anywhere. But the rest spew out this poison and recover into the Men they were.
Oh forgive me, Hallmark! If I am to doubt Romanticism, I may incur the wrath of all women. But make no mistake: I war with Cupid. The way to victory is not to stab the infected with the truth... they pop and fall or increase their fantasy shell even more! Therefore, let us hold up a mirror to the infected so they see all their maladies and so will cleanse themselves of this rot.
The Virus
This hyped up romanticism can be traced to Rousseau. Disgusted with bourgeois love (he saw it as an empty emotional center of restrained, law-bound societies), he wanted to replace it with something more passionate. Before (especially in aristocracy), the passion of people was set for truth, honor, and power.
"This is dangerous," said the Rousseau. "It must be replaced with something else. Something that is just as absorbing." Therefore: "Love will now be the soul-saving experience!
How did Rousseau get to this? His childhood as he describes: "To fall on my knees before a masterful mistress, to obey her commands, to have to beg for her forgiveness, have been to me the most delicate of pleasures." Thus, in love he is entirely passive; woman must make the first move. Paglia says, "Rousseau ends the sexual scheme of the great chain of being, where male was sovereign over female... Rousseau feminizes the European male persona" and "gives the ideal man a womanlike sensitivity."
Ever since Rousseau, the culture has become increasingly romanticized. Music revolves around 'love'. The highest grossing movies are romantic 'epics' like Gone with the Wind and Titanic (where the ship sinking provides merely a backdrop for the 'priority' of the movie: the romance). Hyped-Romanticism has ravaged religions; priests becoming 'servants of love' rather than pursuers and warriors of 'wisdom and truth' (and then they wonder why the pews are filled with women!). Politicians speak of how much 'love' they have and strive to make themselves 'lovable'. Romanticism has gone beserk!
The Infection
Many women march on through their life, stuffed with dreams of hyped-up romanticism. They are filled to the brim with excessive expectations. The high rate of divorce is not due to some moral collapse. It is due to this bizzare and absurd religion of romance. In many ways, romance is the FEMALE RELIGION. 'Anniversary' dates are their religious festivals. The bed becomes their alter, and sex becomes the holy sacrament.
For fun, I told the women, "Romance... True love... None of it exists." And the women, nonsurprisingly, protested bitterly. But one thing that puzzled me was this one woman who told the Pook: "I'm never going to get married. Seems so boring." I thought she would agree with this idea of romance not existing (which I do think DOES exist, but is misapplied to the point of absurdity). Yet, she was one of the biggest protesters of it.
I figured almost all young women wanted to get married (at least SOMETIME). This one didn't yet was the BIGGEST believer in romance. A contradiction? Perhaps. In any age past, her life would be scorned at. It is this hyper-romanticism at work. Without this 'romance', there would be no license for her life-long 'romance' outside of marriage. It is well known that if you get the women to think that 'you love them', she is well more likely to sleep with you. All the gifts and 'dates' the AFC gives to get his sex are not some form of Neo-Prostitution; it is merely the exercise of this hyped up romanticism. This explains why women, who have no desire for marriage, will be the BIGGEST believers in romance. Their religion of Romance grants license and prettifies their sometimes dangerous and reckless behavior.
The Inflammation
Love! Love! Love! It is Nature's drug, a high, that so many become addicted to and must always be feeling 'love' at some part of their lives.
A Nice Guy appears to protest this post.
Ignore him, gentlemen. Women following this romanticized path means that the CHASE becomes the focus rather than the COMPANY of the lover. No wonder challenge works so well! No wonder once a woman gets what she wants, she goes looking for something else!
The more a man is a challenge, the more a woman becomes 'romanticized'. This is especially true for beautiful women. The curse of beauty (and even that of Don Juans) is that you fear that you are settling when you could have gotten better. When a guy is a challenge to the beautiful woman (and let's face it, these beautiful women have flocks of guys trying to be 'romantic' towards them in the AFC sense), it sparks the woman's romanticism. She must have her challenge and eat it too.
The Nice Guy yells out, "Pook, there is a matter we must discuss!"
Go to your platonic girlfriends to talk about your 'love', Nice Guy! Now where were we?
We know of the romanticism that Nice Guys embrace (for the definition of an AFC is a man who loves like a woman). But Don Juans suffer from the romanticism as well. "This website has made me soooo picky!"
The problem is not pickiness but idealism. Just like beautiful women, Don Juans feel that they are 'settling' if they get a chick. Remember your Nice Guy days when you only wanted a good decent woman to love you? Now you want a Helen of Troy! How far we've come!
The Nice Guy hops up on the Arcadian stage. "No more, Monsieur Pook! We must talk!"
Very well, Mr. Nice Guy! What is this business that you must interrupt my post for?
"I think you know it, Pook. You insulted my girl in the park last night!"
You are mistaken, sir. I made love to your girl in the park last night. She asked me to meet her there. I have her note somewhere. But if someone is saying something to the contrary, by God, it is a slander!
"You damned Pook! You would drag down a woman's reputation to hide your cowardice! But I am calling you out!"
You're calling me out? Then take lessons from your girl, as she too called me out.
"You libertine!" The Nice Guy takes out a white glove and slaps Pook. "I DEMAND SATISFACTION.
You demand satisfaction but your girl also demanded satisfaction. I cannot spend my time satisfying the demands of your circle.
"You blackguard!"
I assure you, Mr. Nice Guy, that your girl is the epitome of her sex. In fact, her chief renown is for a readiness that keeps her in a state of tropical humidity as would grow orchids in her drawers in January. Your assault against me is not for my faults but for your own.
"You have no morals!"
That is not true! You are the immoral one, thinking yourself a sexual Pharisee! We are called to be Human not statues.
The Cancer
And so floats the Nice Guy with his hot air romanticism. When he sees the women going for the guys of testosterone (jerks) and running to the hills to avoid his nonsense, he pops.
But what of the Don Juans racing to obtain their 'ideal' woman? After a decade or two, this is the result (http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/sho...ghlight=mature). Noticing their lost youth, what are these guys to do?
And what about the guys who DO get their idealism? Many of these guys marry absolutely gorgeous women. But gorgeous women are a standard lay. The idealism doesn't last and the divorce follows.
With love being defined as the PURSIT of the the lover (rather than the COMPANY of the lover), no wonder divorces are widespread! Rousseau is best known for his civilization of 'consent'. Thus, marriage to people now is not some sacred bond but a legal article of consent, something to be torn asunder whenever wished.
And anyone who are aware of marriages that last know that 'romanticism' has nothing to do with it. Marriage requires work. Go to an older married couple and spew out your 'romanticism' and 'the one' love to them and watch them laugh.
Romeo and Juliet
Women flock to Romeo and Juliet to watch the 'star-crossed' lovers defy society. Yet, romanticism is exactly what the play condemns!
Romeo was in love with Rosalind. But when Juliet appears, any thoughts of Rosalind are long gone. Romeo is Don Juanish at first. He kinos her. He kisses her. And he leaves her. So where is the tragedy?
"Because their love was denied!" chant the women.
I am sorry ladies. The truth is that Romeo is a whiny boy. Romeo and Juliet would have turned into a sweet Much Ado About Nothing if Romeo had the spine of Claudio. It is Romeo's lack of being a man that causes the tragedy in the play.
"Pook! You exaggerate Shakespeare to fit your meaning."
But look at what Shakespeare says:
"Alas poor Romeo! he is already dead; stabbed with a
white wench's black eye; shot through the ear with a
love-song; the very pin of his heart cleft with the
blind bow-boy's butt-shaft: and is he a man to
encounter Tybalt"
Already dead! And they question whether he can approach his enemy Tybalt. Even the Nurse condemns Romeo:
"Blubbering and weeping, weeping and blubbering.
Stand up, stand up; stand, and you be a man:
For Juliet's sake, for her sake, rise and stand;"
Romeo is so distraught that he wants to kill himself. Witness the friar's reaction to his attempt at suicide:
"Hold thy desperate hand:
Art thou a man? thy form cries out thou art:
Thy tears are womanish; thy wild acts denote
The unreasonable fury of a beast:
Unseemly woman in a seeming man!"
The tragedy in Romeo and Juliet is not love denied. It is Romeo refusing to be a Man. He kills himself at his first chance and so kills Juliet.
The Cure
Have you ever seen a very traditional Jewish wedding? The man and woman have never talked to each other. They do not even know if they like each other. Yet, they marry and stay married for life.
"Pook, that is because they can't divorce."
True, but by conventional romanticism, shouldn't the marriage eventually blow up? Yet, they are happy!
The point is that romanticism has no value in creating a lasting marriage. George Bernard Shaw says that marriage is like tying to people in a ship together. It doesn't matter who you are tied up to, you will make the person a lifelong partner. Comradeship makes marriages last, not romanticism.
War veterans despise the war they are stuck in. But if asked to leave the battlefield, they will not because of their comrades. The hellish environment created bonds between these men that last throughout their lifetime. Lasting marriages also contains this comradeship. The couple goes through this hurricane of life and by overcoming the difficulties thrown at them, it makes their bond cemented even more.
So love is not weddings and flowers. Real love is deep financial problems or a sick child.
But don't take my word for it:
Brookner: "The essence of romantic love is that wonderful beginning, after which sadness and impossibility may become the rule."
Crowley: "Love stories are only fit for the solace of people in the insanity of puberty. No healthy adult human being can really care whether so-and-so does or does not succeed in satisfying his physiological uneasiness by the aid of some particular person or not."
Jones: "Romance, like the rabbit at the dog track, is the elusive, fake, and never attained reward which, for the benefit and amusement of our masters, keeps us running and thinking in safe circles."
Romanticism, farewell! And 'The One'ism, adieu! Give me the love songs of ages past! Give me Don Juan! Give me Madame Venus! Give me elopement by ladder and rope on a moonlight night! Let the neighbors stare and adore, for their lives are measured by propriety and yardsticks. Let the rabbit run its course for we have stopped running in circles, chasing the rabbit 'Romance' on and on.
And by doing so, the circle breaks. We're finally free.
.
Romeo was in love with Rosalind. But when Juliet appears, any thoughts of Rosalind are long gone. Romeo is Don Juanish at first. He kinos her. He kisses her. And he leaves her. So where is the tragedy?
"Because their love was denied!" chant the women.
I am sorry ladies. The truth is that Romeo is a whiny boy. Romeo and Juliet would have turned into a sweet Much Ado About Nothing if Romeo had the spine of Claudio. It is Romeo's lack of being a man that causes the tragedy in the play.
"Pook! You exaggerate Shakespeare to fit your meaning."
But look at what Shakespeare says:
"Alas poor Romeo! he is already dead; stabbed with a
white wench's black eye; shot through the ear with a
love-song; the very pin of his heart cleft with the
blind bow-boy's butt-shaft: and is he a man to
encounter Tybalt"
Already dead! And they question whether he can approach his enemy Tybalt. Even the Nurse condemns Romeo:
"Blubbering and weeping, weeping and blubbering.
Stand up, stand up; stand, and you be a man:
For Juliet's sake, for her sake, rise and stand;"
Romeo is so distraught that he wants to kill himself. Witness the friar's reaction to his attempt at suicide:
"Hold thy desperate hand:
Art thou a man? thy form cries out thou art:
Thy tears are womanish; thy wild acts denote
The unreasonable fury of a beast:
Unseemly woman in a seeming man!"
The tragedy in Romeo and Juliet is not love denied. It is Romeo refusing to be a Man. He kills himself at his first chance and so kills Juliet.
The Cure
Have you ever seen a very traditional Jewish wedding? The man and woman have never talked to each other. They do not even know if they like each other. Yet, they marry and stay married for life.
"Pook, that is because they can't divorce."
True, but by conventional romanticism, shouldn't the marriage eventually blow up? Yet, they are happy!
The point is that romanticism has no value in creating a lasting marriage. George Bernard Shaw says that marriage is like tying to people in a ship together. It doesn't matter who you are tied up to, you will make the person a lifelong partner. Comradeship makes marriages last, not romanticism.
War veterans despise the war they are stuck in. But if asked to leave the battlefield, they will not because of their comrades. The hellish environment created bonds between these men that last throughout their lifetime. Lasting marriages also contains this comradeship. The couple goes through this hurricane of life and by overcoming the difficulties thrown at them, it makes their bond cemented even more.
So love is not weddings and flowers. Real love is deep financial problems or a sick child.
But don't take my word for it:
Brookner: "The essence of romantic love is that wonderful beginning, after which sadness and impossibility may become the rule."
Crowley: "Love stories are only fit for the solace of people in the insanity of puberty. No healthy adult human being can really care whether so-and-so does or does not succeed in satisfying his physiological uneasiness by the aid of some particular person or not."
Jones: "Romance, like the rabbit at the dog track, is the elusive, fake, and never attained reward which, for the benefit and amusement of our masters, keeps us running and thinking in safe circles."
Romanticism, farewell! And 'The One'ism, adieu! Give me the love songs of ages past! Give me Don Juan! Give me Madame Venus! Give me elopement by ladder and rope on a moonlight night! Let the neighbors stare and adore, for their lives are measured by propriety and yardsticks. Let the rabbit run its course for we have stopped running in circles, chasing the rabbit 'Romance' on and on.
And by doing so, the circle breaks. We're finally free.
.
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