Saturday, January 01, 2005

EOTM: Understanding Myth & Legend: The Structure of Truth

In mythology and legend, there is an incredible storehouse of wisdom about human nature collected over centuries of observation. Often the word myth is used to mean something which is not true, but in the context of mythology it has a very different and much more complex meaning.

Margaret Mead once poked gentle fun at her own profession by saying that if you want to understand the values of a culture, study the stories told to children because such stories communicate essential cultural values in terms simple enough that even a social scientist can understand. Stories create an emotional experience that simple declarative statements or instructions do not and cannot. By identifying with the protagonists of a story, we can understand universal human emotions and experiences in a manner profoundly different than having the same information summarized to us. Anyone who has ever attended a live sporting event or a play can easily understand the difference between the immediate experience and reading a description of it in tomorrow's newspaper.

Understanding Truth

To truly understand myth, one must understand the different levels of truth possible within a particular description. Borrowing concepts from the science of Psycholinguistics, the study of language to understand the inner workings of the human mind, there are what are known as "deep structures" and "surface structures" in language that reflect essential building blocks of human thought. The terms are self-explantory to some degree. A surface structure is the appearance or form that is directly perceived: something of which we are clearly conscious. A deep structure is the mental foundation on which that consciousness rests. Like the foundation of a building, these deep structures are usually entirely hidden from our view and it is impossible for the casual observer to know they are there. Only someone who has studied the manner in which the surface structures are built, such as an architect or a contractor, knows that they are there and how they are constructed as well as how they relate to the surface structure.

Take a word like "matter". There are many meanings of the word "matter", which correspond to different surface structures: matter vs energy, mind over matter, it does or does not matter, business matters, legal matters, etc. Common to all these different surface structures are connotations of solidity and substance. If it "doesn't matter", it has no substance. If it "isn't matter", the same is true. The fact that the same word is used with slightly different surface meanings while there is a very broad and subtle concept that they have in common which underlies all the different uses of the word, is the key to understanding how language reflects the way that the mind organizes information and how we interpret the world.

Almost everyone is familiar with the fact that 90% of an iceberg lies below the surface of the water: thus the term "tip of the iceberg" which is used to describe the fact that often the most significant aspects are hidden from view. Often it is this hidden part that is the most significant, as passengers on the Titantic learned.

Viewed from far enough away, a chain of islands, like the island state, Hawaii, and a string of icebergs have very similar surface structures: roughly cone shapes with the tips up. Even below the surface of the water, the structures remain similar until you go deep down enough to either get under the iceberg or reach the ocean floor on which the island rests. At this point one realizes that the two are completely different. Since islands are nothing more than the tips of submerged mountains, if the water level drops the division between two islands may disappear and their surface structure become a single island. Nothing about their deep structure has changed. Icebergs, on the other hand, are not joined in any way; and even if the ocean were completely drained, they would simply rest on the ocean floor which is a deep structure entirely unrelated to the iceberg.

These days, everyone needs to become an architect of mind and study not only the deep structure truths underlying all that is around them, but also the deep structures within their own minds, if they are ever to make sense of this world and find meaning within their own lives.

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Myth

Adding the concepts of truth and falsehood to the concepts of deep and surface structures, a myth is a story in which the surface structure is false, ie. things did not happen exactly that way, but the deep structure is true, ie. that is a commonly observed way that people behave. Myths and legends of gods, goddesses, and heros illustrate human characteristics which have been observed over and over throughout history and which have been described as a single persona or personality akin to Carl Jung's "archetypes". From these personalities which represent common human characteristics, and the stories of the consequences of their choices and actions, people can predict the outcomes of a specific act on their part and gain the power to exercise more control over their lives by the conscious choice of their actions.

S= False
-------- = Myth
D= True

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Fiction

Myth is frequently used synonymously with the word fiction. Througout these pages, however, those two words will have very different meanings. Like myth, the surface structure of fiction is false, it is not represented as reportage of actual events: but, unlike myth, there is no underlying deep structure of truth. Most works of fiction actually begin with the disclaimer that any resemblance to actual events is purely coincidental. The deep structure perhaps could be true, as in science fiction as opposed to fantasy, but it is not represented as true nor does the author intend for the audience to take it as truth. Fiction is that which has a surface structure which is false and a deep structure which may or may not be true, but whether it is true or not does not matter. Fictions are usually fantasies; although some may try to achieve a deeper meaning and significance, achieving the level of myth, depending on the intent and skill of the author.

S= False
---------- = Fiction
D= ? (irrelevant)

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Fantasy

Fantasy has surface and deep structures which are both false. Fantasies are stories which did not happen and could not happen. Fantasies are special forms of fiction, kind of "fiction light" which are solely for the purpose of entertainment.

S= False
---------- = Fantasy
D= False

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Fallacies and lies

Fallacies and lies are the opposite of myth. They have surface structures which are presented as true, but a deep structure which is false. What distinguishes a fallacy from a lie is the belief and intent of the person presenting the story or the information and whether what they present reflects what they believe. In 1491, if a person told you that the world was flat, it could not be anything but a fallacy. No one had proof to the contrary: no one knew. Lying is not possible without knowlege of deep structure truth or falsehood. Someone who sincerely believes that the deep structure of what they are presenting is true is not lying. They may be presenting a falsehood as truth out of ignorance, but it is sincere if deluded ignorance. Lying, on the other hand, is presenting a surface structure which the liar knows to be contrary to the deep structure.

S= True
-------- = Fallacy
D= False, sincere delusion or error

S= True
-------- = Lie
D= False, with intentional knowledge

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Dreams and the Unconscious

There is one aspect to the human mind for which there are no real surface structures: the realm called the sub-conscious or unconscious. Psychologically, the unconscious is like the back of our head: we cannot see it even in a mirror. The unconscious cannot lie, because by definition there is no conscious intent. Thus the unconscious cannot do anything but tell the truth. However, the unconscious communicates strictly in terms of deep structures: symbols which communicate the commonality of substance underlying all the different uses of the word "matter" above, without making any distinctions between them.

One of the primary tools used to peer into the murky world of the unconscious is the study of dreams. While the conscious mind is asleep, the unconscious is given free rein to come out an play. Beliefs firmly held in the conscious mind cannot override the deep structures coming out of the unconscious, so a great deal of insight into a person's true nature and belief systems can be gained from the study of dreams. People lie for a great many reasons, the worthwhile and noble goal of preservation of self and loved ones among them, and they may even convince their conscious mind to believe those lies.

S= ?
-------- = Unconscious
D= True

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Hypothesis

The means to discover the truth or falsehood of a belief is to investigate a hypothesis. A hypothesis is the converse of a fiction. While a fiction has a surface structure which is false and a deep structure which is unknown, a hypothesis has a surface structure which is true and a deep structure which is unknown. The process of testing and confirming a hypothesis is called the "scientific method" and is heavily relied upon in western civilization as the method of choice for determining deep structure truth.

S= True
---------- = Hypothesis
D= ?

There is an alternative form of hypothesis called the null hypothesis, which is often used to simplify the number of issues which must be dealt with and resolved to answer the question under investigation. It takes the form:

S= False
---------- = Null Hypothesis
D= ?

Disproving the null hypothesis does not necessarily prove the hypothesis, but strengthens it and may also rule out other null hypotheses. Returning to the example of the hypothesis of the flat earth, the null hypothesis is that it is not flat. This does not mean it is round: it could be shaped like a figure 8, or like a corkscrew, or any number of other shapes we are familiar with. By the time that Columbus bumped into the continent we now call North America, he had proved the null hypothesis that the earth was not flat. He did not, however, prove it was round. There are a number of shapes which would have given him the same results he got: such as an inverted bowl. If he had kept going west on land he might have reached the edge of the continent and maybe even sailed on a ways THEN fallen off the edge of the world. It took 30 more years for one of Magellan's ships to complete the circuit of the globe and prove the round world hypothesis.

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Truth and understanding the true nature of Reality

Ostensibly, this is what we all seek. Yet nothing is so elusive. From the truth equations above, we see that lies and fallacies are presented as truth, but the only means we have available to us to discover the deep structure truth are the scientific method of hypothesis testing and exploration of the unconscious. Science reigns supreme in western culture for exploration of truth external to ourselves, with the exploration of the internal truth of the unconscious mind confined to the pseudo-science of psychology. Other cultures have traditions of meditation or spiritual experience to explore the truths of the human experience.

When we are young we are told many stories: myth, fiction, fantasy, and fallacies. The process of maturation is the discovery of those truths which give our individual lives meaning.

S= True
-------- = Truth
D= True

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The use and meaning of the terms above are shown in the table below:

EOTM: Shocking! Simply Shocking!

I received this as an email, presumably one of the ubiquitious jokes circulating on the internet these days. The strangest thing was that today's amazing climate of heterophobia this could have been a serious article, and might have been except for the lack of an author's or publication's name. Certainly, if it were true it would be no stranger than the stories of Shane Seyer or Jonathon Prevett.

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ST. JOHNSBURY, VT--Looking at Warren Geary, you'd never suspect. A respected business owner and devoted family man, the 41-year-old Geary, by all outward indications, would appear to be just like anyone else in this sleepy New England hamlet of 4,700.

But looks can be deceiving.

Dig a little deeper, beyond the many years of PTA involvement and Kiwanis Club membership, and you'll discover a very different Warren Geary, one who derives sexual stimulation and pleasure from the sight of Unclothed women. This seemingly normal husband and father of three has a naked-lady fetish.

"I really enjoy looking at naked ladies," Geary said. "I don't know what it is, but seeing women without clothes gets me excited."

So consuming is Geary's fetish, he said he will sometimes pass a woman on the street and catch himself imagining what she would look like undressed.

"I'll often think about naked women, even when none are around," said Geary, who has a collection of magazines and videotapes devoted to naked-lady fetishism, including the 1998 film Boogie Nights. "It's just this fixation of mine."

Geary said he doesn't recall when or how he first developed his strange compulsion for seeing women in a state of rant undress.

"I have no idea how I came to develop these urges. As a child, I found the naked female form gross or humorous, just like any healthy boy," Geary said. "But at some point, I found myself not only enjoying the sight of disrobed women, but actually seeking it out."

Geary said hardly a day goes by when he doesn't imagine women in states of undress. There are no boundaries to when and where it may occur--at church, the post office, the health club, the beach. He even admits to watching TV for hours on end, solely in the hopes of catching a glimpse of bare breasts.

"Sometimes, I'll turn on HBO, and if a movie is listed as containing nudity, I'll watch the entire film--even though I have no interest in the plot or subject matter--just to see the breasts," Geary said. "I know it's wrong, but I can't help myself."

News of Geary's lurid fixation has caused considerable Controversy throughout St. Johnsbury.
"It's twisted and obscene, that's for sure," said Janice Alvaro, whose home is just a block away from Geary's. "It makes me very uncomfortable knowing that I live so close to someone like that."

"A man who harbors a secret lust for women without any clothes on is not the kind of man we want coaching one of our teams," said local Little League president Stephen Claussen, who has asked Geary not to return next season after 14 years of involvement. "I don't feel comfortable entrusting our town's children to that kind of a person. What if his presence somehow influences these kids, perverting their normal sexual growth and causing them to develop that same kind of aberrant interest in naked women later in life?"

For decades, psychologists believed naked-lady fetishism to be the domain of a tiny handful of sexual deviants. A growing number of experts, however, now believe the condition to be much more common, with some estimates putting the number of men consumed by the sight of the naked female form as high as 1 in 50,000.

According to noted psychotherapist Dr. Eli Wasserbaum, clear distinctions exist between normal men and those with naked-lady fetishes.

"When a normal man sees an attractive woman, he is drawn to her stylish hairdo, nicely applied make-up and flattering dress, and he reacts with an intense desire to marry her," Wasserbaum said. "The naked-lady fetishist, however, is unmoved by such features as hairstyle and clothing, regarding them as distractions and impediments to the one thing that truly interests him--her naked body."

"In a way, it's very sad," Wasserbaum said. "Instead of being able to enjoy the conversation of a woman over dinner and drinks, the naked-lady fetishist, gripped by his uncontrollable impulses, will only be able to think about whether he'll get to see her naked body later in the evening."
Scientists theorize that naked-lady fetishism may represent a long-obsolete evolutionary remnant, a vestigial instinct that once served some reproductive purpose among early hominids.

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Back to Gender War, Sexuality, and Love

EOTM: Fw: more men bashing


1. What do you call a man with half a brain?...............Gifted

2. What is the thinnest book in the world?............"What Men Know About Women"

3. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?......One....men will screw anything

4. How does a man take a bubble bath?.....He eats beans for dinner

5. Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?....They don't have balls to scratch

6. What's a man's idea of foreplay?...A half an hour of begging

7. How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?....He's breathing

8. What's the difference between men and Government bonds?..Bonds mature

9. How do you save a man from drowning?...Take your foot off his head

10. What do men and beer bottles have in common?....They are both empty from the neck up

11. How can you tell if a man is happy?...Who cares?

12. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?..We don't know it's never been done.

13. How are men and parking space alike?....The good ones are taken and the ones left are handicapped

14. What is a mans idea of helping with housework?...Lifting his feet so you can vacuum

15. What is the difference between a man and E.T.?........E.T. phoned home

16. What does a man consider a seven course meal?.....A six-pack of beer and a hot-dog

17. What did God say after creating man?........I can do better

18. What do you have when you have two balls in your hand?...A man's undivided attention

19. What are the two reasons why men don't mind their own business?.. 1-no mind 2-no business

20. How is a man like a snowstorm?...Because you don't know when it's coming, how many inches you'll get, and how long it'll stay

21. Did you hear about the banker who's a great lover?....He knows first hand the penalty for early withdraw

22. Why are men like laxatives?...They both irritate the shit out of you

23. If men got pregnant ..... Abortions would be available in convenience stores and drive-thru windows

24. Why do men name their penises?.....Because they want to be on a first name basis with the person who makes all their decisions

25. Why is it so hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking? ..... Because those men already have boyfriends

26. Why do men like masturbation?.... Its sex with someone they love

27. How do men define Roe vs. Wade? ..... Two ways to cross a river

28. What is gross stupidity? ... 144 men in one room

29. What is the difference between a Porcupine and a Porsche? ... A Porcupine has pricks on the outside

30. How may men does it take to pop popcorn? ... Three, one to hold the pan and two to show off and shake the stove

31. What is a man's view of safe sex?..... A padded headboard

32. How do men sort their laundry? ... "Filthy" and "Filthy, but wearable"

33. Why did God create man? .... Because vibrators can't mow the lawn

34. Why does the stupid man put ice in his condom? .... It keeps the swelling down

35. Husband: "Want a quickie" Wife: "As opposed to what?"

36. Husband: "I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it." Wife: "You wear briefs, don't you?"

37. I went to the Country Fair. They had one of those "Believe it or Not" shows, they had a man born with a penis and a brain.

38. Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it

EOTM: Eschatology 101 - Reading List

Mens Issues
Robert Bly, Iron John
Orson Scot Card, Ender's Game
Warren Farrell, The Myth of Male Power, Why Men Are the Way They Are
Andrew Kimbrell, The Masculine Mystique
Jack Kammer, Goodwill Toward Men
Sam Keene, Fire in the Belly

Male Sexuality
Warren Farrell, The Myth of Male Power, Why Men Are the Way They Are
Norman Mailer, Prisoner of Sex

Rape
Katie Roiphe, The Morning After: Sex Fear and Feminism

Female Sexuality
Marianne Williamson, A Woman's Worth, Return to Love

The Dark Feminine
Kate Fillion, Lip Service

Feminism
Christina Hoff-Sommers, Who Stole Feminism

Human Sexuality
Love
Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving
Joan Gattuso, A Course in Love

Natural Science
Charles Darwin, On the origin of the Species, The Expression of the Emotions in Man and the Animals

Anthropology & Sociology
Desmond Morris, The Naked Ape
Sigmund Freud, Civilization and Its Discontents, Totem and Taboo

Cosmology
Steven Hawking, A Brief History of Time
Albert Einstein, Relativity
Edwin Hubble, In the Realm of the Nebulae

Great Fiction
Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged
Stand on Zanzibar
George Orwell, 1984, Animal Farm
William Golding, Lord of the Flies
Aldous Huxley, Brave New World

Movies
Zardoz
Circle of Iron
Clockwork Orange
That Obscure Object of Desire

Curmudgeonism
Mark Twain, Letters From the Earth
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

Wicca
Janet & Stewart Farrar
Scot Cunningham

Thursday, September 02, 2004

Pook #64 - The Keys to the Don Juan

Gentlemen,

Welcome to Don Juan.

There are THREE KEYS that unlock a series of locks that is Woman.

Key One: Her sexuality and YOURS shall be embraced.

You have acted thus far as nonsexual going so far to SUPPRESS your sexuality. Why does she choose the Jerk over the Nice Guy? It is not because she dislikes niceness. A woman would rather be with a male, no matter how tyrannical, over an androgynous, no matter how nice.

You have not been dating but making friends. You do not need twenty-five female friends. You are so non-sexual that you do not initiate contact. You do not TRY to talk to a woman that leads them aroused. Heaven forbid that a woman might think that you want to bang her! Your passive and cautious talking with them, your posture, the way how you don’t look at her since she might see the truth in your eyes- these are a few of the MANY WAYS you have been dodging not her sexuality BUT YOUR OWN.

Damn it, YOU ARE MALE! SHE IS FEMALE! Sexuality is God’s precious gift! It is Nature’s course! Why are you afraid? WHY!?

Key Two: Fun shall be the focus.

Why are you so serious? You are not to propose to her on the first date, fourth date, or eighth date. You are not to talk about your life story.

From sex to the very first meeting, the focus must be on fun. You must get this ‘soul-mate’, ‘true-love’, and pedestal worship out of your head. Not that these things are necessarily bad, they poison everything AT FIRST.

Fun is a powerful key. It is so powerful that female friends may become interested in you just solely because YOU ARE FUN. On dates, focus not on what will go wrong, not on what will go right, not on the outcome but on the game. Even if the girl ends up being a loser, you still win because you were focusing on the fun and not on the girl. (And those that focus on the girl lose focus on the fun and, thus, lose the girl).

Key Three: You are the PRIZE to be won.

Think “She wants to be with me,” rather than “I want to be with her”. Imagine girls are gravitating towards you in every way. Assume that she is interested in you. If she is not, assume that she will be.

This will keep you from being disrespected, keep you from falling for an UG, keep you from sacrificing your life to her, and keep the focus on her winning you. YOU are the GREAT CATCH!

But it is not arrogance. This key unleashes a pleasant cockiness. Combine this with the Fun Key, and you have both cockiness and humor.

These are the THREE OBSTACLES (the three locks) that most guys have trouble with. They defy the first key by acting like sexual androids. They defy the second key by being consumed with their feelings and, on dates, seeing HER as the fun rather than the date itself (and end up doing BORING dates like going to the movies, going to dinner, etc. where they should be doing ACTION dates like dancing, skating, bowling, rock climbing, etc.). They defy the third key by seeing the woman as the trophy, as the goal, and, by such, all their actions revolve around her as she is the focus and axis of their desires. Here we find gifts, poetry, chocolate, ten phone calls a day, and so on being thrown at the girl. He sees her as a goddess so she begins to think herself one. Then she DUMPS him and goes for the guy that treats her roughly (in hopes that HE will see her as a goddess).

Women have a series of locks. These three keys of Don Juan can unlock most if not all.

So dream no more, gentlemen. Dream no more! The night has passed. A dawn of new life is upon you. So wear not the past of dreadful woes. Let them go. And may you be full of joy and life.

And prepare yourself… for your dreams with women are about to come true.

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Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Pook #63 - More On "You Must Be Gay"

DeepDish said,

Women having gay friends is like whites having black friends, something of which we can use to say we have a balanced set of friends. Also, gays tend to be very intelligent, well-spoken, well dressed, very sensitive and open with their emotions, and pay attention to details (e.g. listen). Giovanni Casanova once made a thread about gay guys having women strip in front of them all the time and even begging for sex. Giovanni was onto something. You don't have to be gay or have a lisp, but if you seem gay, as in having the listed traits associated with gays, and when confronted with "Are you gay?" give an ambiguous answer ("Well, am I?"), that can open up the world of women to you. Women who ask you "Are you gay?" are attracted to you and wonder why their feminity, which normally makes men cave, isn't enough for you.

I'm in that 'world' that gays get to be in with women. Yes, they have stripped for me and all. I just laugh at them. Stupid girls.

A big problem I have is wherever I go (like a class or work where I am there repeatedly), girls will begin thinking, "Pook is gay."

Yes, it can mean that you are dressing too nicely (sometimes I have my sexuality shined too far and must lower it. Sometimes I swing back to AFC style just to shake it off).

I like dressing nicely. I feel better and everyone takes me more seriously (and girls stare, mmm hmm). But when the gay thing comes up (and it does almost all the time now), I ask the girls playfully knowing the answer already (the one they won't admit to my face).

"Why do they keep thinking i'm gay?"

"Well... You do dress nice."

"What has that got to do with it? People dress nice all the time! Fine. Next time I'll come in with my worst clothes ever."

"No, then you'll be called a 'homeless gay'." (and she laughs and rubs Pook).

If girls ask if you are gay, remember the important thing: they are thinking of you in a sexual context. One of girls' favorite jokes is to tease a guy they like with another guy they like, pointing the two within a gay relationship. They just enjoy thinking about you in a sexual context. It is a victory.

One problem I have now are guys thinking I am gay. Have I crossed the line? Am I now a flaming Pook? No, when I talk to them personally they respond. You will get this from guys in high school who seem obsessed with gayness and so insecure of their own masculinity (since they are still just kids).

It's something I haven't seen talked much on this board: ENVY. The guys are envious. They hear the girls chatter, "He must be gay!" and think it seriously (because they want it to be true). They wish they were on these women's minds. They see how Pook has some special touch with the women, can talk to them with perfect ease, can play with them, etc. One guy's mouth fell open when a girl and I had a conversation completely in ******** (I've learned to speak it back to them!).

Truly gay guys start off in a denial about themselves and then date a whole bunch of women, sleep with them, to remove doubts about themselves. Alas, they realize they are not satisfied with women and admit they go for men.

Perhaps there is a way to turn the tables on these women. Next time I see a hot woman who is not interested in me, I will declare, "What! She doesn't want to have sex with me? She must be gay!"

And what can they say to that!

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Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Pook #62 - Secret to Womanese!

What is this alien realm called Womaniverse where all these strange creatures known as WOAH-MEN emerge from? They scatter about the Earth and cast Mankind in a Pleasure-Pain Paradox. Alas, the WHOA-MEN kept complaining and drove our ancestors so mad that they created civilization to please them. Seeing their failure (for women are forever complaining), it is no wonder that we die first.

But to top it off, these WOAH-MEN speak in a totally alien language!

"Oh MY GAAWWWWD! I just ate a HUUUUGE cheese burriiitOOOO! And the GUILT is just KILLING me!"
"I KNOW! I just lost control and ate not just that big chocolate cake in the fridge, but my chocolate chip ice cream too!"
"NO WAY!"
"YES WAY! Oh, did you hear about Susan? She is SO depressed that the guy she went out with won't call her back."
"No!"
"Yes. But I told her, 'hey girl, if a guy isn’t wanting to talk to a brainy chick like you, then he's stupid and shouldn't be thought about!' It made her feel better."
"Heather told me that she saw Susan's guy with ANOTHER GIRL!"
(both squeal in supreme shock)
"Oh, she is going to feel AWFUL when she finds out!"
"I KNOW! What can we do?"
"You know that guy you met yesterday?"
"The guy with the really cute butt and smile?"
"Yeah."
"Girl... tell, tell!"
"Well I heard Heather tell me..."

And on and on it goes! The above is not a 'network', it is pure chaos. In fact...

Sosuave: I am sorry, Pook. I must interrupt this post.

What! But I just got started...

Sosuave:Several women are protesting your text. They wish to be heard.

Very well! Let them in.

The three women enter.

Now ladies, what is the matter?

"Monsieur Pook, you have our sex much offended."

Ladies, you have my sex much offended.

And the three said together, "Listen to our advice:

"The sexiest thing a man can do is listen."
"Remember, Pook, women are better communicators."
"Listen to what she is saying. Good communication is the key to a good relationship."

Such are the common answers! Men listen to what you say and nod and nod and nod and nod until they drop dead from boredom. Men do not listen to women because they often don't make any sense. ******** is not communication; it is madness.

Look over there! A group of women gather and enter in a conversation of ********. It looks like they are talking! Pook gets closer to overhear them. Hear that? It is like a conversation going super speed with high pitched octaves punctured with squeals. What alien language is this?

But, luckily, I have Pook Vision Goggles. It allows one to see how Womaniverse interacts in this realm.

BEFORE: The women seem to be having a conversation in an allegro style.

WITH POOK VISION: The women are not talking, but are feeling each other, rubbing against each other...

The Secret to ******** is that it is a passage of feelings (where with REAL language it is a passage of thought). Women do not listen to each other, they FEEL one another. They cheer one another up. See those phone lines that are on fire due to women getting home from dates and calling each other? Female gossip is female therapy. As soon as they walk out of class, they must call someone on their cell phone immediately.

We know men 'think' and women 'feel', but not in such a bizarre context. Everything a woman says will be 'feeling'. Women are always touching each other (just not in our universe). Feeling, feeling, feeling... that is the sum of ********.

In this universe, we view ******** as an almost type of Matrix code. But in Womaniverse, what is transmitted is not thought but feelings. You will not find women grouped together chatting about intellectual ruminations of Kant and Aristotle. No, they will either be talking about sex, food, or shopping, and often in that order.

If she says,

This guy came and STARED at me. It was creepy! He kept telling me how beautiful I was and how he wanted to go out with me!

Other guys think I am beautiful, lovely, and want to date me. Why don't you?

Learn to identify the FEELING coming from her. Don't even listen to her words, FEEL how she says it and why. With the above example, the feeling is guys finding her beautiful. As guys, we would think, "What a creepy guy!" or "Why are you not telling this to your girlfriends?" She is transmitting a FEELING, not a thought, and this FEELING is that guys find her beautiful. She wants you to know this because she wants YOU to ask her out!

Are you gay?

Why won't you go out with me or anyone?

As guys, we would think we are showing homo-physical characteristics. But what is the FEELING emerging from her? The feeling is sexuality, specifically relating to YOU. You have the GREEN LIGHT to go for the women, and you are not moving. She is asking you if you're gay because you are not acting like most guys (chomping at the bit).

I like dates when blah blah occurs...

Ask me out now!

Being guys, we absorb this as THOUGHTS. But she is putting out a FEELING to us. The FEELING is the feelings of dating. She has no interest in specifics. She is reveling in the feeling of dating because that is what she imagines you and her doing!

Next time you view a group of women, with no guys around, watch what happens. You will see the women feeling each other. They do this literally (putting lotion on each other, combing each other's hair, pampering one another) and communication-wise "I LOVE chocolate cake!" "I KNOW! It is SOOOO yummy!"

Feeling You

Women will always try to ‘feel’ you. Join me, youth, in the Pook Observation Room. I have set up hidden Pookish microphones and cameras to observe what happens when it comes to women.

The screen showed a guy at a job. The guy was busy doing what he needed to do. His only co-workers were women. They chatted as they worked.

Listen closer. The women are not chatting with him.

The women kept trying to ‘feel’ him. How did he talk about his future plans? What did he feel about this, about that?

You see, the women don’t really care what he is saying. They are trying to feel what he is saying, what he is like, so on and so on.

Or observe this example.

A youth and a Hot Babe sat down for dinner at a fabulous restaurant.

She is trying to ‘feel’ him.

The youth orders chicken salad.

Check out those scanners! Yes, she is thinking, “He is going to make lots of money.”

“Because he ordered chicken salad?”

Yes.

The youth orders a fancy bizarre meal full of seaweed and other strange dishes.

Ahh! She thinks he is ‘kinky’ in many many ways!

The youth orders a simple meal.

She wonders if he is the type of guy who wants to stay home on nights.

The youth orders a chocolate mousse and offers to share it with her.

Ahh! He is SO SWEET! Now she won’t feel guilty about getting her own chocolate mousse.

“Pook, what are you saying? That we are what we eat?”

I’m saying that women will always try to ‘feel’ you. They will make conclusions that don’t even make sense. Even if you get food stuck in your beard, she will look at you and smile, feeling how ‘cute’ the entire situation is. Feeling, feeling, feeling, that is the sum of womenese!

Psychoanalysis

When two guys talk, they don't really talk to each other. They are on to a subject and then they talk abstractly about the subject- the other guy might as well not even be there!

Take our issues with women...

"Dude! Women are crazy!"

"You got that right! You know what I think? Women must be completely society oriented."

"How so?"

"It is not like they really live. They just act out roles. They have been the 'daughter' role, the 'date' role, the 'girlfriend' role, the 'fiance' role, the 'wife' role, the 'mother' role, and the ultimate... the feminist role."

"So women don't really live? They just act out society's roles?"

"Yes, they just go about with the same dreams they've always had. The most disappointing thing a guy will realize is that a woman is with him not because she loves him..."

"Because according to this idea women won't be able to love..."

"Exactly. Not because she needs him, wants him, or any of that."

"So why?"

"Just to have something to talk about with her girlfriends. That is all. Even the most uncharismatic dull husband will give her material to deliver to her girlfriends. Whether or not he farts in bed, whether he sexes properly, so on and so on. Girl talk revolves around our manly actions."

Now, the two guys are speaking about an idea in all its abstractness. The goal is the truth, or whatever can be thought of as the truth. When women talk, they speak to each other with no abstractions. Their goal is to good feelings which is only achieved through psycho-analysis.

And this is the most annoying thing about dealing with women, is that they so readily admit to being able to psycho-analyze you. For example, when a woman reads this merry post, she will be fuming and secretly think, "Pook must be a misogynist!" I've phrased this post accordingly so they have such a reaction.

If I redid the intro this way:

What is this magical world known as Womaniverse where all these women come from? They scatter about the Earth and without them, Man would be stuck in the stone-age. Women are the engine of civilization, the settlements of the New World failed until women were added, and women are always the glue that keeps society together.

Now I am an advocate of women!
Let us say a guy got heartbroken by a girl. The girl suddenly likes the guy again. So she goes after him. The two go out. Yet, he says he does not want to get back together again, but she feels something differently from his eyes. When they depart, he gives her a friendly kiss and says they would make good friends. She feels something quite different in that kiss.

As soon as she gets home, she calls her friends and says, "His words said no but his actions said yes! What should I do?"

And the Woman's Network advises her to 'press on' and eventually the guy cracks and the two become a couple. See? ********'s psychoanalysis has its uses, often, though, it keeps girls detecting 'signs' that don't exist in the first place (which is why doing Anti-Dump's "number", "date", "yes" allows no confusion. She will KNOW you are interested and you get to weed her out).

******** and Shopping Carts

I am throwing this into the post for the heck of it. Come, gentlemen, join this hungry Pook on his trip to the supermarket.

Pook gets his cart and begins to go through the store.

Ahh, there is nothing like shopping for food. Pook loads his cart up with items. You may think it is boring, but there is something you do not know.

“Excuse me,” a woman said, as she drove her cart around Pook.

Did you catch that? No, you probably didn’t. She was looking into my shopping cart! Her eyes were glued to the things I had in my little buggy.

Look! There it is again. It could be old women, young women, single women, married women, they keep checking out what I have in my cart.

You say: “They are nosy women and must see what you are getting.”

No, gentleman, they are checking out my cart because they want me! Yes, even the shopping market can become an erotic experience.

You may wonder how I know this. Well, women check out guys in many ways. One thing, for sure, is that they try to see if a guy is single or not by what he puts in his shopping cart. If he has items like half a gallon of milk, microwavable meals, and in general, a small amount of stuff, women will assume he is a bachelor and perhaps make a move. Some women will psychoanalyze your life based on what you have in your shopping cart. (Some women, thinking men think like they do, will deliberately put things in their shopping cart to convey an impression, such as water bottles to represent their 'healthy lifestyle' without realizing that men don't even look at the items in shopping carts.)

What does this have to do with ********? Absolutely nothing. But this is the most appropriate place for it. So if you are shopping and see a woman spying on the items in your cart as she passes by, hey, she’s probably checking you out.

Feelingese: The Language of Women

******** is feeling and feeling is ********. It goes beyond language. In our universe, cleaning our apartment is seen as a chore done primarily for sanitation reasons and to get stuff out of our way. But in Womaniverse, women enjoy the 'feelings' they get from a clean room (or rather they hate the 'feelings' they get from an unclean room). To us, a painting is just there as a 'decoration'. But in Womaniverse, colors, paintings, and designs all emit waves of good feelings which women soak up like cats do sunlight.

Womenese is also ensemble. Yes, ******** OVERLAPS.

Examine this example:

To the pleasure of two ladies, they found themselves in the presence of a Pook, and thus, were attracted.

“Come ladies! Let us go about for a merry walk!”

*giggle giggle* “Oh Pook! Lead on!”

As the three of us walked, the ladies were in such a tropical state that they babbled and bubbled endlessly.

Eventually, the Pook began to speak.


“Tomorrow, ladies, we need to go to the Pook-Place to pick up the…”

And a lady-friend cuts Pook right off with:

"Oh, look at the pretty weather out today!"

Pook, being a normal guy, STOPS talking. The women look at him as if something is wrong.

Pook is thinking: How RUDE that chick was! The stupid chick must have a short attention span!

Whereas Pook’s lady-friends are thinking, What is wrong with Pook!? Why did he stop talking? So typical of guys! They all have a short communication span!

Since ******** is transmitting feelings rather then thoughts, they can be absorbed faster and easier than regular language. This means that ******** OVERLAPS. You could be saying something and a woman will express a fast feeling. She expects you to keep talking. In mixed genders, however, the conversation tends toward more male. Sometimes, like the above example shows, the women forget and go total ********.

When women speak, the feelings often overlap. Before they are finished with one feeling, another offers another. They lap up each others feelings. This is the ‘girliness’ that disgusts guys.

But I’m a brave Pook, and I attempted to participate in the all girl ******** fest.

I had to know my ******** both language wise and ensemble wise. I kept trying to FEEL everything she was emitting (it is another universe!). A guy overheard me, pointed to me, and went: "GAY! Pook is GAY! I KNEW IT!" haha. Try it out and see if you have similar results.

Solution to ********

It is helpful to know your ********. But speaking it back to them? No, you have to be female for that.

DeAngelo understands, but he never specified it. A girl would take his hand (her ******** is saying “I like you”) and he would say “Oh really?” when she took his hand.

If a women starts touching you, she is actually saying, “I like you.” You can smile, touch her back, or whatever. Get out of your mind all these hidden signals and look at women in the context of FEELINGS. She will try to FEEL you and throw FEELINGS at you.

If she compliments you, “Oh Pook! You are such a smart Pookish guy!” she is saying nothing. She is just throwing a feeling at you.

So why do most men fail when talking with women? It is because they are using words, not feelings. You do not ‘talk’ to chicks, you express feelings. Think of a baby. The baby doesn’t know what you are saying. The baby only cares about your tone of voice. You could say in a babyish voice, “Armageddon is going to fry us all today!” and the baby will smile in glee not because of the TONE but because of the FEELING the tone rides on.

So what solution is there to ********? Since ******** is the process of feelings, all you have to do is EMIT feelings. In other words, focus on the joy in YOURSELF and let it SEEP OUT. Stop dividing yourself from your emotions. If you’re happy, let yourself be happy. The women will smell it and love you.

The Nice Guy protests this post. “But I KEEP telling them my emotions! And look at where that has gotten me?”

Oh you pernicious emotional SLUT! Just as guys don’t exactly respect the women who just sleep with whomever and wherever (sluts!), women don’t exactly respect the guy who vomits his feelings to all the women all the time (emotional sluts, i.e. Nice Guy).

The Nice Guy kept trying to EXPRESS his emotions through our language. Flowers, poetry, declarations of love, and so on.

The player kept trying to CREATE INTEREST by doing things like kino, mirroring, eliciting values, and so on. He is just trying to get her to feel something and put a mirror to it, so it reflects to her. The player is providing mental masturbation in hopes she uses him as a boy toy for physical masturbation.

But the Don Juan is already full of joy and the emotions carry over to the women via ********.

Remember, what YOU feel, SHE feels. She will ALWAYS be trying to FEEL you.

If you feel frustrated, she feels frustrated.

If you feel despair, she feels despair.

If you feel happy, she feels happy.

If you feel playful, she feels playful.

If you feel horny, well… It has been shown that male lust turns women on.

This is why the focus must be on you. As you think, YOU shall become. But as you feel, so shall she feel. Women cannot love a wall, so they want to knock it down.

So connect! Get that feeling of joy in your world AND LET IT OUT. Let it live in your walk, let it live in your speech, let it live in your eyes. The sexiest thing a man can do is SMILE. But smile not with just your lips, smile with your eyes, smile in your walk, smile with your talk.

Live in fragments no longer! Throw your mental prison off! Connect your emotions and the world, your dreams to day, and the beast and the monk, robbed of the isolation that is life to either, will die!
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Monday, August 30, 2004

Pook #61 - Why Women Mention Other Men Even If They're Interested In You!

Real men do not analyze the woman. If she is single, and he wants her, he should go after her no matter what sign she displays.

But since we are talking about signs, we are entering the bizzarre realm of ********!

Bold will be the WHOA-man. Italics will the ******** Translator. Regular Text will be what Da pooky is saying.

NOTE: For the below to be true, the conversation must be one on one.

Second Note For the below to remain true, the 'examples' MUST be initiated by the WHOA-man.

Let us begin:

My boyfriend came and gave me this AWESOME gift. We're going to New York tomorrow.

It is quite possible that she wants you.

But beware! A girl talking about her boyfriend means, most importantly, that she is taken. However, she may want to be STOLEN.

"Stolen, Pook! What do you mean?"

Gentlemen, it is a fine fact that many woman will not dump one boyfriend until they have a grip on the next. These women would rather be with BOREfriend than to be single. She may very well wish to be stolen.

I love my boyfriend sooo much! Everything in life is so much better with my boyfriend! He makes me feel so warm and fuzzy!

Get away from her; she is vomitting her emotions.

When a woman tells you how she FEELS about the guy, she is either in love or you are low interest or both.

THIS is the crucial difference: when a woman informs you of the actions the boyfriend is taking, she is using social proof (trying to show you that she is in demand). When a woman informs you of her feelings, especially if those feelings are positive of the guy, then there is nothing going on between you.

"Why's that, Pook?"

This should be written in stone: When she does girl-talk, you become her girly-friend.

Girls do not girl-talk their romantic interests.

You should have seen this guy. He came up to me, took my hand, and said, "You are beautiful! Will you go out with me!?"

She wants you to know several things. 1) She is desired. 2) She is beatiful. She wants you to know these things because she wants you to ask her out.

Well said, ******** Translator!

I was placing the tapioca pudding back onto the shelf when I felt someone looking at me. I turned and saw this man checking me out! It felt SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good! You hear me? It felt SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good! Man, it felt good. Oh, you have no idea how good it felt. It felt GOOD. REALLY good. Oh, you don't know how GOOD!"

Although the above is exaggerated [Understatement of the century- Sosuave.com] the point is that the woman is flopping her emotions out. She is not interested. You are in Friend-Zone.

Hellish friend-zone! But the translator is right. The last example had the focus on the GUY and HIS actions. This example has the focus on the WOMAN and HER FEELINGS. You are being used as an emotional tampon here, beware.

My breasts are too big! It hurts my back. It gives me back problems.

It is quite possible she is thinking of you in a sexual way.

Unless you are a doctor, this is good news. [If you are a doctor, it is more money which is better news- Sosuave.com] Women with large breasts are much more comfortable with discussing them (for the large breasts often become the center of attention with most guys). She is most likely aroused. If not, then with her course of current talk she soon will be.

I'm trying on new underwear and seeing how my butt looks! (she squeals in front of the mirror)

She wants you.

She wants you.

She is mentioning her butt (she wants you to notice it!), and she is mentioning her underwear (she is comfortable talking about it to you).

When a woman likes you, she will try to show off her body (and when a woman does not like you, she will try to hide her body). This example is the woman showing off her body through words.

Are you gay?

Well? ARE YOU?

If you really are fruity, you will be asked this. Other guys should have asked this to you if you really are fruity (and with threats to back it up).

But let us try this again.

Are you gay?

Why won't you go out with me (or anyone)?

If you happened to be handsome or really cute, girls will try to go out with you. If you say no (haha!), she will think to herself, "All these girls want to go out with him and he won't go out with any of them. What is wrong with him? IS HE GAY!?"

Girls wondering if you're gay can be the ultimate compliment. Think. They are already thinking of you in a sexual context. They want you to go out with them. When you don't, they ask the gay question.

(Remember, guys, when Adonis, the style master, got asked the "Are you gay?" question? Although gay guys can and do dress stylishly, the woman wants to know if you are gay or not BECAUSE SHE WANTS YOU.)

Ahh, another ******** lesson is over with. Join us again next time on the same forum, same host, and same website.

Oh, and excellent job, translator!

Why, thank you Pook.

And remember guys, if you go 'sign reading', the best guide is your gut.

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Sunday, August 29, 2004

Pook #60 - Even More Womanese!

Again into infinity, a young man says,

“Oh, help me, great oracle called Sosuave! I have had a scenario with a WOAH-MAN. This happened then, that happened there, X followed Y, Z proceeded N, and R is the result!

“Does she like me?”

Looking for female interest is a course toward disaster. It places you under the master of Reaction rather than Action. However, how many AFCs don’t have a clue that chicks might actually lust after them? And how many have been blinded by their own vanity “Oooohhh, she is flirting” only to be sucked into a trap! Besides, most guys need to realize the world of sexuality out there. Every chick will do a Sexual Scan on you, almost robotic like, and most guys are found lacking.

Bold will be the WOAH-MAN. Regular text will be the translation. Italics will be La Pookeboo.

Someone called me. Was it you? Did you call me?

She wants you to ask for her phone number.

Blah blah, I like dates when blah blah occurs, blah blah…

She wants YOU to ask her out NOW.

It may seem she is girl talking you. However, chicks talk about dating and guys calling them when their mind is on dating. She’s telling you what she wants you to know.

She ‘accidentally’ bumps into you. OOOOPSS! She ‘accidentally’ runs into you. OOOPS!

She is flirting and trying to get your attention, you self absorbed dumba$$!

Don’t be shy! I’m not…

#%#^$^$%^!

Loosen up pal! Have fun!

If she keeps on looking in your direction…

She IS looking at you.

She compliments you in any way.

She likes you.

You’ve impressed her.

She becomes more ANIMATED around you, starts dancing and stuff.

She *wants* you.

You look at her and she looks away.

She’s been caught! Now go talk to her.

She sits cross legged with her hand/wrist caught between her legs.

She would do you now if she could.

My boyfriend is so stupid! I can’t believe what he did yesterday! He…

She wants you to steal her from her BOREfriend.

This new guy I am dating makes me feel soooooooooooooooooo good. Oh, you don’t how goooooood he makes me feel!

She has no interest in you and is vomiting her feelings everywhere (gross!).

My boyfriend hurt my feelings… boo hoo….(sob)

Congratulations, you are officially an Emotional Tampon!

How can you tell if you are an emotional tampon, if she is vomiting her feelings, or if she wants you to steal her? It is simple. If her emotions are on herself, she is bleeding her feelings everywhere and making quite a mess. If the feelings are bad, she is using you as the emotional tampon. You are there for her to unload her feelings and get tossed aside. However, if the girl is projecting no feelings of herself and only tearing down her boyfriend, it is obvious what she intends.

You remind me of a guy I used to know…

She has been checking you out but doesn’t want you to think she is overly interested. With this comment, she is ‘covering up’.

Sometimes you might actually LOOK like a guy she knew. Either way, she is noticing your looks.

What do you do for fun?

Are you dating anyone? What is the story with you?

Interested chicks will ask you this because they want you to ask them out, and you haven’t done so yet. They are worried you are taken!

I ask this question to see if a chick had a boyfriend. Knowing her ********, she answered, “My boyfriend and I go out to…”


We could go on all day about ‘signs’ and such. Generally, look for this:

She becomes more animated. She starts smiling, prancing, spinning in circles, exaggerate body movements, talk in high octaves, and be EXCITED.

This is because YOU are around.

Her clothes will change. She is suddenly wearing NICER outfits and make-up.

Isn’t it obvious?

Very.

She deliberately wears high heeled shoes.

She intends to get f*cked tonight.

Women call high-heel shoes their f*ck shoes.

She seems disinterested. When talked to, she gets shy.

She likes you.

Women, like guys, get really shy around the person they like. They’ll even fake disinterest.

Her chair is facing a direction from you, but she has her legs up on her seat and has turned towards you.

You have her attention. A VERY good sign!

She looks at you and has a ‘deer in the headlights’ look.

She thinks you are *really* hot.

These chicks are in to your looks. Don’t get a big head and think they love your other qualities.

She ‘appears’ around you. This happens consistently.
.
She is displaying interest by proximity.

The more statuesque she becomes is bad. She will not smile, give one word answers, de-emphasize her body, move away, and generally be quieter.

“But Pook! She might be NERVOUS!” This is true, she might.

But how can you tell if she is merely using you or truly interested?

WATCH THE EYES! No, they are not those marvelous orbs on her chest. Not her face. Not her hair. WATCH THE EYES! A truly interested woman LOOKS at you. A woman who wants to USE you will have her eyes ELSEWARE, be it on the music, on other people, or anywhere except where they belong: on YOU.

Some other points:

When they like you, some girls try to be very calm and collected around you. “How does this differ than normally?” The difference is that they will hang on every word you say. They will pay 110% attention to YOU. When you leave the room, she WILL squeal in delight.

She wears clothes that exaggerate her ‘figure’. (This is fun to watch, when they think: “If I push my boobs in Pook’s face, I get the Pook!” Silly chicks!)

She tries to talk to you. Or she seems very very receptive to talking to you.

Beautiful women will simply look at your face. They will more likely stare. They will not display obvious signs of interest.

If a woman looks like she has worked to be attractive (make-up, tight clothes, etc.), it’s possible she is single. Once within a relationship, the girls tend to *relax* their wardrobe.

When the seasons change to Autumn and the weather begins to get colder, a taken chick automatically puts on a sweater or coat (you know how girls are when they get *so cold*). You can spot the single chicks because they will still be wearing flesh revealing clothes when her sisters are starting to warm up.

How Young Girls Love

This isn’t exactly ********, yet it is a fundamental spectrum of the elements of Womaniverse. Our Universe is composed of elements like hydrogen, carbon, silicon, etc. Womaniverse is composed of elements such as Irony, Contradiction, and Shopping. Our universe has the molecules enter a type of bonding (such as polar bonding) but Womaniverse has its elements linked by feelings. In our universe, energy is the ultimate resource that gives us all things. In Womaniverse, it is ‘love’ or, rather, marriage!

Marriage is the supreme mission of her life, where she expects to receive all things, and so most women aim as high as they can. First, they fall in love with an abstraction. It could be something as simple as a poster image. When they seek union with the abstraction, it turns into thin air. Then, she falls in love with actors or a boy band. She will hang these all throughout her room and turn it into a shrine. She cannot have union with these actors or boy band (as much as she tries) because they are too remote. So then she tries a relative of an actor, or people related with the bands. Again, she fails. Then she latches onto the guy all the girls talk about. It could be *that* guy in town, the son of a business owner, the CEO, the guy that struck big with money and fame. She will go for this guy, but the guy has his pick of the litter and it will not be her. So she wanders to the next guy lower on the totem pole found in Womaniverse, where women mark the available men. Lower and lower she will go until she comes to the clerk, the shopkeeper, or whatever left is male. Then, she marries.

Men love differently from women (a twist of the body and the man falls in love. He is forgetting that an entire woman is there!). Men love the illusion; it is a more pure love. Women don’t have time for such nonsense. They prefer the substance rather then illusion. She will love your dreams and passions only because it means you may better your present condition, not because you see yourself as the dream. She could care less about your intellectual philosophies… it is just masculine chatter to her. She wants to know about your education and job prospects. She would rather have you work in a job you hate to bring in more money then to work in a job you love and remain poor. This type of girl sees you only as a piece of livestock, like a mule, to be an umbrella of stability to place her nest on.

Why am I telling you this? Because guys do not want to know if girls like them or not (so they could ask them out). They want to know to inflate their own ego. This is chick thinking. And, in the end, the women won’t see you as you see yourself.

Listen to your gut. It will *feel* when a chick likes you because sexuality is the sixth sense.
PART TWO: STORY TELLING

For this lesson, we dwell into the strange realm of storytelling. This is a major difference with men and women.

MEN: “I am a hero.” He then might use a story as only a way to SUPPORT the statement.

WOMEN: “OK, let me tell you about the TIME when I heard a scream. I ran over to find out that it was a man that had fallen unconscious. I rushed and called for an ambulance. I gave him CPR and revived him to health.”

The woman makes no mention of her being a hero. Rather then saying ‘I am a hero’, she wastes our time and patience with a long strung story.

Sosuave’s note: Kinda like your LONG posts, eh Mr. Pook?

Hush you, Non-Interacting Site Being! I am illustrating women’s translations by translating women.

So when she goes: “When my parents left my sister, brother, and myself at home, they told me, ‘[HER NAME], YOU are in charge.’ They leave me in charge with of everyone else because they trust me. Blah blah blah”

I am mature.

Yes, she is wagging her tongue just to get the point out that she is mature. So instead of nodding and nodding until you fall asleep, pay attention to whatever POINT she is trying to get across.

Now if you want to get a point across to a chick, perhaps a chick misjudged a trait of you, you play the ******** back to them. If the chick is snobby or thinks you go for any chick, start telling a story that has obviously no point, no purpose, except that it involves women interested in you with you REJECTING them.

“Pook! This is madness!” No, it is ********. Do not BLURT things, it destroys mystery. Listen to guys who want to try to impress women. Now listen to guys who are Don Juans. The Don Juan will use stories rather then statements, even parables instead of declarations.

PART THREE: THE GIRL’S NETWORK

Even though we have the Internet and global communications networked from satellites that is superior to any other form of communication by Man, there exists another network that is faster, much richer in content, and women have been using it for centuries. It is the Girl’s Network.

If you ever need gossip, or an opinion on someone, just tap into the Girl’s Network and observe how it puts Google to shame. If you ever need to know whether someone is single or attached, hot or not, worthy personality or dud, just tap into the Girl’s Network. Here are some situations of the Girl’s Network in action.

Girl’s Network Working Against You

Ahh, there is a happy little guy skipping about in life. Then, across the room, he spots a WHOA-MAN. He asks her out, completely LIES about himself and everything, and all goes smoothly for a couple of months. Then, she finds out (they ALWAYS find out), she immediately gets on the Girl’s Network. She instantly blackballs the guy, sending the message to her friends and then her friends pass the message along. Soon, it is all over the Girl’s Network.

Our liar asks out another girl. Alas for him! She was tuned to the Girl’s Network and knows about HIM. So he goes for another girl. Again, the same story.

Or say a guy is engaged to a chick. All is good! Except for the thorny fact, the chick has girl friends and, thus, is tapped into the Girl’s Network. The guy is AFCish and dorky. However, he knows that they are ‘in love’ and nothing can stop that. But the Girl’s Network was invented to keep its female members from bad unions. The guy is scanned, analyzed to the umpteenth degree, and found a bad union for the girl. So, the girl who had been engaged to the guy for a year, broke it off.

The guy is enraged. “You broke up with me because your friends didn’t like me!?” No. It was the Network working against him, not the ‘friends’. The way how a guy views his friends is much different from a girl’s. Poor young male! He understands not the Network and so it nailed him.

Spying

Being a hungry Pook, I ate all the food in my Pook Place. So, to no surprise I had to go to the store to get more Pook food! In the store, I spotted a woman worker there glancing at me. Doesn’t matter, I noticed the Pook Meat was on sale. I looked up and saw another glance from another woman worker. I must have been an imaginative Pook to think something was up. Nevertheless, I approached the checkout line.

“Hi!” said the very friendly checker. As my precious little goods rode the little black belt to the happy bags, the checker and I chatted. I wondered how she could know so much about me. Then, I realized it. She used the Girl’s Network to send out spies throughout the store. Yes, girls will spy on you. Whether they reported all the information to HER or others, the point is that women are interconnected through the Network. When a Worthy Guy appears, the women will become spies and note information. Since I came into the store frequently alone, they thought there was a chance.

Social Proof

The ever mentioned Social Proof! But only a fool seeks a woman merely as a prop. Use the Girl’s Network and social proof comes naturally.

There stood I, the sleepy Pook, waiting for a class to begin. But! But there was a test in that class. Being who I was, I was, of course, naturally and diligently prepared… I was busy cramming.

Then appeared a marvelous beauty, dressed in classy clothes (Pook likes the classy gals!). I tried to focus on the words in my book, but her image kept intruding. I stole glances whenever I could. She just stood there, waiting. “Pook! You should have talked to her!” Foolios! I had a test to take!

Then flared in a model, walked briskly over on her long legs, stopped… and talked to Pook. She asked about the test and all of that. When she started talking to me, the other girl started to look at me with wonder. When the model friend left, I got up to go too. The other chick came over to talk to me and to not get me to go. But I place Pook’s life above any and all chicks, and I could not do badly on this test. So I said something to her and went on. I didn’t realize what had happened until later.

“But Pook! Why don’t you go for the model chick?” Gentlemen, she has been networked. Besides, she has too much emotional baggage. She was not a platonic friend, no, she was but a part of the network. Realizing the existence of the Girl’s Network, I wanted to tap into its power. When you’re in the Girl’s Network, chicks talking to you and such are no big deal. Other chicks will look on and wonder because access to the Girl’s Network is only reserved for certain guys, i.e. worthy guys.

Girlfriend Finders

This is my favorite use of the Girl’s Network. Women are emissaries of Nature and desire and seek out proper unions. If you are a good guy, a worthy guy, a man, then the Network will serve you well.

As I write this, a flock of chicks have in the back of their pretty little heads, “Pook needs a chick.” I did not ask them to do this. They just go, “What! You are single? Oh, this we must stop.” And they go off on their lives scouting for me. All women are matchmakers. Why not use that ability to our advantage? They try to create a ‘proper’ union (i.e. the couple must match). So my networked ladies are going off and intend to bring back a ‘very pretty’ chick with little to no baggage. Well, who am I to argue with that? If they want to bring back a gorgeous chick to me, let them!
PART FOUR: DAMAGE CONTROL

No, I am not mistaken. Every woman has the tendency to self-implode. But take heed! These destructive paths in your chick CAN be averted helping you and your chick.

PROBLEM: You have arrived home and… there is no dinner on the table! What to do? What to do?

CLUELESS GUY: WHAT is for dinner?

PLAYER: Can I help you with dinner?

DON JUAN: Where would you like to go for dinner?

Oh, brilliant Don Juan! Like a pro, he diffused his chick and got her out of the house. A woman alone at home too long can become a bad thing. She is less likely to blow up in public.

PROBLEM: It is time to go out! Your lady has spent the last five hours getting dressed. When she emerges, she is wearing puke colored clothes that you hate. Your reaction?

CLUELESS: Are you wearing THAT?

PLAYER: Umm… You look good in brown.

DON JUAN: Whoa! Look at you!

Notice how the Don Juan did not tell her what he THOUGHT she wanted to hear, like the player? His remark will make her look at her dress again and, thus, notice the error.

PROBLEM: Uh oh! You arrive home and find your chick eating a giant box of ho-hos. Right before your eyes, she is growing fat! What is your reaction?

CLUELESS: Should you be eating that?

PLAYER: Hey, there is a lot of fruit in the refrigerator.

DON JUAN: Can I get a glass of wine with that?

Ahh, the Don Juan tries to get the chick to think classy. Clueless guy will just blow-up the chick by talking like that.

PROBLEM: You return after doing a round of errands. Alas! There is your chick! She just woke up, having done nothing all day, and is still in her bathrobe! Your response is?

CLUELESS: What did you DO all day?

PLAYER: I hope you didn’t overdo today.

DON JUAN: I’ve always loved you in that robe.

The Don Juan finds the good in everything! Go Don Juan!

PROBLEM: You are tired of your chick and require another chick. However, you do not want to lose this chick. What do you say to the new chick to get her in the type of diabolical relationship you’ve imagined?

CLUELESS: Yeah, I have girl. I’m looking for something different though.

PLAYER: Attached? No, it is a multi-LTR!

DON JUAN: Hey baby, you want to join the team?

Join the team! And what can they say to that?

PROBLEM: During sex, you suspect your chick is faking the orgasms. What is your next move?

CLUELESS: Hey, you aren’t faking are you?

PLAYER: (Looks to see if the chick’s nipples are hard, if the blood is at the surface of the skin, her body flushed with the right colors…)

DON JUAN: (Doesn’t care since he fakes orgasms himself.) How else is a Don Juan supposed to get some sleep?

Such work it is being a Don Juan! When you are a real Don Juan (and not a wannabe), you are the lust of all the chicks. You will be *busy* to satisfy their… interests.

PROBLEM: Your chick is seen with another guy! How do you play it?

CLUELESS: Hey! Are you flirting with him? What is going on here!?

PLAYER: Hmm! So what’s the story with him?

DON JUAN: Hey! You like Baseball? I have another ticket if you want to go!

A Don Juan interacts with everyone. The best way to ward off a threat is to befriend it. Whatever you do, do not act jealous.

PROBLEM: Alas! Your chick has IMPLODED! She is now hysterical, throwing things around, and her aim is rapidly getting more accurate! What do you say to save yourself?

CLUELESS: What are you so WORKED up about?

PLAYER: Could we BE overreacting?

DON JUAN: Let’s go shopping!

And the Don Juan saves the world from the imploding chick! Gentlemen, “let’s go shopping” are the three words every woman wants to hear.

There you have it, gentlemen! A small little guide to the INFINITE things that can make your chick implode. Byron says,

“Women hate everything which strips off the tinsel of sentiment, and they are right, or it would rob them of their weapons.”

Know your ******** and rob them of the confusion they are so quick to use on us!
---
Quote: Originally posted by Ice Cold

I still want to ask this, oh the mighty

Is it not a form of supplication to offer your monetary gifts to calm down a woman? Is it not devilish manipulation of the Don Juan by the woman who pretends to be upset?

Hi Ice Cold!

The ******** posts aren't meant to be *serious* posts as we know them =)

Imagine an ENRAGED woman. Then you go, "You seem sad. Let's go shopping!" and she changes 100%. Hahahaha.

What do girls do when they feel sad and alone? They go shopping. You're not buying her anything. The aim is to get her to stop being enraged.

It's a joke. One time a girl did get really unhappy so I tried out the magical three words, "Let's Go Shopping." hahaha, her face just BRIGHTENED. All we did was go around, look at stuff.

I don't completely understand woman's love for shopping, but it does turn their foul mood around! I'm not saying for guys to go shopping with girls or anything, I'm just putting that out there just as a last case scenario in case your girl IMPLODES. It is like your 'Avoid Female Meltdown' card, and its in glass to be used only in an emergency!
----------------
Hey guys, I'm glad you like this ******** post. There'll be another one.
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Saturday, August 28, 2004

Pook #59 - More Womanese!

Gentlemen, I have concluded that women desire THREE men. One is the man for her heart, another is the man for her words, and the third is the man in her arms!

Likewise, the cryptic code of ********, whose very utterance causes men to pace nervously and shakes the foundations of language, divides into three splinters: The first splinter are words she SAYS she has, the second are words she THINKS she has, and the third are words for why she ACTUALLY does it.

Therefore, we must look at ******** in these three ways. BOLD will be what the woman is saying. REGULAR TEXT will be what the Translator is saying. ITALICS will be what Da Pooky is saying.

Do you have a girlfriend?

You are CUTE! Are you on the market?

You are certainly attentive tonight!

Is sex ALL you think about?

Do you love me?

Watch me ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me?

I did something you are NOT going to like.

We need to communicate better.

You need to agree with me more.

Smile, nod head, repeat.

I don’t want to ruin our friendship!

Let me continue to tell you about all the guys I’m sleeping with.

WOMEN are the reason why Nice Guys can’t get laid.

I want HONESTY. No games!

Tell me what I want to hear.

I would rather focus on my career.

Focusing on something as boring and dull as her career is MORE FULFILLING than you’ll ever be.

Do what you want.

You’ll pay for it later.

I don’t remember how much it costs.

I’ll never tell you it cost a fortune.

Let’s paint the room!

You paint the room, I’m going shopping. Oh, and don’t make a mess.

Uh huh

Oh, did you say something? Whatever it was, it must not have been important.

No, take out is fine for dinner.

You cheap bastard!

I want a stable future.

I need to marry a sugar daddy!

You wouldn’t understand.

I don’t even understand, but I’m not going to tell you that.

Hell, we ALL don’t understand.

My screen name is JennySmalt

I have nothing to hide. There is nothing exciting about me.

My screen name is DoItToMeNow6969696969

If you need this explained, you aren’t a guy.

OK Mr. AFC. Since you cannot get this (and thus have no chance of becoming a guy), girlproblems.com is your home.

So why did you and your ex break up?

What is wrong with you?

Because I was Mr. NiceGuy who skipped around in fantasy land and… No, don’t tell her. Say “I dunno!”

This guy was STARING at me today. He then came over and asked me out…

She wants YOU to ask her out RIGHT NOW!

It seems she is talking about other guys, but she is actually trying to convey that she is beautiful and desirable. She wants you to see that because she wants you to ask her out NOW.

What do you think of [insert girl’s name]? What do you think about that girl [insert another girl’s name?

Do I have competition?

I don’t want a boyfriend now.

I don’t want YOU as my boyfriend.

EVERY woman is on a lookout for a man. It’s a life purpose.

I don’t know. What do YOU want to do?

I can’t BELIEVE you have nothing planned.

No, you are absolutely dead in the water. Congratulations, flotsam!

I’m picky!

There are no dating prospects here!

I’m VERY picky!

I’m a religious virgin girl, still under the umbrella of her parents, and demand perfection.

Can we say ‘unrealistic expectations’?

Maybe [insert old woman] thought you were hot!

You are what is hot.

Women are not direct. They project their thoughts through a prop. In this case, the old lady is the prop.

Come here!

My puppy dog does this too!

And her attention scraps are “Nice Guy Chow”.

This apartment is SO inconvenient!

I want a new apartment.

And I want a new girlfriend!

I want new furniture.

I want new furniture, carpeting, curtains, wallpaper…

I heard a noise!

I noticed you were asleep.

Be careful she doesn’t take your covers when she gets back!

I’ll be ready in a minute.

Sit back, kick off the shoes, and find a good show.

My ex…

I’m still in love with my ex-boyfriend.

NEXT!

I like you, but…

I don’t like you.

It is a ‘Girl’s Night’ tonight!

We’re going to get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends.

And how does this differ from any other night of the week?

It’s OK

It’s NOT OK.

YOU’RE not OK.

I need space.

…without YOU in it.

I AM NOT YELLING!

This is important.

When is it NOT important?

Nothing is wrong.

Everything is wrong.

YOU are what’s wrong.

I DON’T want to talk about it!

I’m still building evidence against you!

The volcano is building, ready to erupt with rhetorical smoke and vomit lava-like lies. Flee!

I’m an artist!

I’m unreliable!

And I’m poor.

I’m affectionate!

I’m possessive!

And you’ll always be seen as cheating!

I’m an adventurer.

I’ve had more lovers than you can imagine.

And you get the baggage of her past!

I’m seeking friends first.

I’m trying to live down my reputation as a slut.

See the ‘adventurer’ translation

I’m mature.

I won’t let you treat me like a farm animal in bed like my last boyfriend.

MOO!

I’m open-minded and outgoing.

I am desperate and loud.

She’s a NICE GIRL. Hah!

Are you GAY?

Why won’t you go out with me or anyone?

The highest compliment a man can receive. All women are interested in you, and YOU get to pick.

Yet, translating ******** IS NOT ENOUGH. We must be able to speak it back.

Speaking the ********

For this, BOLD will be what YOU say. Italics will be what is ACTUALLY said while regular text will be the narration.

For example, if an UG is chasing you, say:

I am not looking for a relationship right now.

…which means…

I am not looking for a relationship WITH YOU!

She will get the hint and drop off her pursuit.

If she is persists,

I think of you as a sister!

…meaning…

I find sex with you as revolting as incest.

Just change the phrasing and you can deliver the ******** straight back at them. But be warned, if you say:

I am not looking for a girlfriend.

…which means…

I do not want YOU as my girlfriend.

Women will realize that you are subtly rejecting them and they will all gang together and try to break you (provided you are attractive. You are doing the rest of the Don Juan stuff, right?). Men would just be sad and go on. But women understand their own language and accept that as a challenge.

If you are a player, you do not say, “I am a player.” No, you say:

I like to meet new people and explore the adventures of life.

Translated into ********, this means…

I like to date/sleep with many since it is part of the fun of life!

See how it works?

I think you should just embrace the pleasures that life has.

You should embrace your passion with ME.

One chick kept going after me, and I ignored her (haha). A dork came and talked to us and left. So I said,

Maybe he thought you were hot!

…which means…

You are what is hot.

Her exact reply: “Why thank you, Pook!” (This is not a joke. ******** is a real language and they do speak it. For fun, try speaking it back to them!)

Ahh, another ******** lesson over. A job well done, Mr. Translator.

You’re welcome, Pook.

And remember that the best guide is your GUT!
.
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Friday, August 27, 2004

Pook #58 - Womanese!

It's no surprise that woman speak in another language. They are subtle creatures, sneaky, devious, and say things in code.

It's time for men to break the code of ********!

For your reading pleasure, bold will be the woman. Normal text will be the explanation. Italics will be what the Pook man is saying.

I'm not looking for a relationship right now.

TRANSLATED: I don't want a relationship WITH YOU. Don't even BOTHER trying to go out with me since I am saying that a relationship with you and me is already not going to happen.

POOK-MAN SAYS: I was nearby when a woman was giving this 'veiled' rejection to a co-worker. I jumped in, "So if you're not looking for a relationship, then all you're looking for is SEX, is that it?" Her mouth dropped, but I continued. "I don't BELIEVE you women! That's the ONLY thing you have on your minds is SEX, SEX, and MORE SEX! I am looking for a loving relationship, but NO, you women only want passionate raw animal sex! Now with me, I find you need to TASTE the other pleasures in life. So you CAN get your mind off of sex, right?" Her eyes were GLOWING at me. Funny, she suddenly wanted a relationship with me. Hah!

I don't think of you in 'that' way.

My goodness, are you ugly and a sexual dud!

I think of you as a brother!

-OR-

You remind me of my brother!

I would consider sex with you to be incest.

The kids were bad today.

Obviously, your genes are defective!

We were both wrong.

But you were more wrong!

This recipe didn't turn out how I expected.

I burned dinner.

Try and complain. I DARE you.

You don't listen to me!

You don't listen to me!

Honey, I HATE to interrupt...

As if you were doing anything more important.

Have you had time to...

Stop what you're doing, get up, and do it RIGHT NOW!

When you get a chance...

Do this immediately!

I hate to nag but...

I want you to get off the couch now!

Of course I don't mind paying for myself.

Cheap date!

Let's not rush things.

I have other prospects.

I'm not ready to settle down.

I sure as heck don't want to settle down with YOU!

I enjoy the single life!

I enjoy not being with YOU!

I need more space!

You're becoming undesirable and unattractive.

This is when you WALK AWAY/

I'm focusing on my 'career'.

My training and studying for my career is extremely boring and tedious yet more exciting then you'll ever be.

Let's just give it some time.

You're not high on my rating list. You're good insurance policy if a better prospect doesn't show up.

I like you, but...

I don't like you at all.

You're not the type of guy I'd date, you're the type of guy I'd marry!

You're sexually a dud. You're not fun to be with. But you are... 'nice'.

A friend of mine responded to this line with, "And you're not the type of girl I'd marry, but you would be the type for a one night stand!

Let's Just Be Friends

You'll never see me naked! I'm not attracted to you.

Pook Man then says, "No, I have enough friends. Buh-Bye!"

I don't want to ruin our friendship.

Please continue to remain my girly friend. You make an excellent emotional tampon!

Honesty is very important to me.

Only tell me what I want to hear.

I only like you as a friend.

I'm not attracted to you.

"And I only see you as a flaming $lut w-hore!"

You're so manly.

Shave, bathe, discover a thing called S-O-A-P.

Let me check my schedule to see if I'm doing anything.

I have plans. WE do not.

We need...

I want...

Can you call me back? I need to...

I just need an excuse to get off the phone. I didn't want to hurt your feelings so I LIED BLATANTLY TO YOUR FACE. Oh, and have a nice day!

How about you give me YOUR number.

I'll add it to my trophy collection of guy's phone numbers - pathetic guys who want me but I don't want them!

Call her BS. "You just want to add it to your trophy collection of guy's phone numbers who..."

I'm not upset...

I'm upset.

She's upset.

Be romantic and turn out the lights.

I'm not proud of my body.

Do you love me?

I'm going to ask you for something expensive...

Am I fat?

Please tell me I'm beautiful.

I love men who take charge...

Pay the bill, you chump!

Sure, but I hope you're not disappointed.

I'm flat chested.

I'm not that type of girl.

Keep trying.

Keep trying.

Don't touch me there!

Touch me there, but I'll stop you a few times first.

Heavy resistance is bad. Light resistance is normal. Woman WANT you to go for them. All woman WANT to be taken.

Will you respect me in the morning?

You won't tell your friends, right?

I'm not looking for anyone.

I'm not looking for anyone LIKE YOU.

We need to talk...

I need to complain!

Nod head, go 'uh huh', smile, repeat.

I need to think about it.

No way.

We have an off and on relationship.

I kept him around until someone BETTER shows up.

Where is this going?

Are we getting married?

No

No

Maybe

No

Let me think about it

No

I feel like I've known you my entire life!

Bingo! We have a Bingo! Will someone make sure this prize does not get away from me?

No

Yes.

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