Saturday, September 30, 2006

Rob For Prime Minister

There’s one thing that I just can’t understand about Canuckistan politics. Why do all of the political parties compete for attention on the exact same issues? I just don’t get it. There must be a stupid magnet hidden in the Parliament Building that attracts all the idiots into politics.

Take the new Green Party for example. These guys are a just a small peanut of a party, I believe that they only got around 2% of the vote in the last election. I watched an interview on the TV once where the party leader was discussing his plans to take some of the gobs of tax dollars we spend on healthcare and cancer research and instead put some of this money into preventing cancers. Since he claimed that 50% of cancers are preventable, and given the numbers that he presented, this makes perfectly good sense because it would lower the amount money we have to spend on healthcare – and ultimately free up more resources overall, which of course could be used for research. Get it? No matter, it’s not really want I to write about.

Anyhow, I decided to surf on over to the Green Party’s website and check out this healthcare plan of theirs a little closer, and possibly consider giving them my vote the next time we have an election. And, gentlemen, you get one guess for what I found when I clicked the link to “healthcare.”

You guessed it, pick up your cigar at the front desk! Yup, the Green Party stated how committed they were to Women’s Health Issues and increasingly blah, blah, blah… that’s when I clicked the back button. You lost my vote, you filthy mangina SOB’s. They are just like all the rest; they can not stop pumping out the femi-filth.

Now gentleman, there is a level of criminality in this that WILL get addressed one day. We all know that women outlive men by 5 to 6 years. We all know that men die more than women from all of the top 10 fatal diseases. We all know already that women use up far more tax funded healthcare dollars than men. We all know this, and so does the government and those running for office. If they don’t know, it should be a crime that such stupid people get to run the country. They will get their come-uppins, whether the angry mob decides it is a rope or a cell is not for me to decide. I personally don’t advocate for any violence. (Got that, you femihags that are reading this whilst already dialling 911).

But here’s the point I would like to make: We have a multi party government system. In Canada we have the Conservatives, the Liberals, the Treasonous Frog Party (Block Quebecois), the NDP – and now the Green Party. It is very easy for a minority government to get elected into office, with say 35% of the popular vote. This has happened in the last two elections, and of course many times throughout history. Lol, what a screwed up situation would it be for the winds to blow juuuuuussst right and have the Treasonous Frog Party become the sitting government – given Quebec’s population, it could happen! The Prime Minister of Canada would be someone who campaigned on tearing the country apart – How screwed up is that?

But what I really don’t understand is how the Green Party could be so stupid to campaign on the same platform as all the other parties. Only the Treasonous Frogs are smart enough to say something totally different, and believe me, it pains me to say that smartest people in the country come from Quebec. But the Green Party? Noooo…. No signs of intelligence there. With 2% of the popular vote they figure they will gain voter popularity by spouting the same filth as the other 3 mangina parties… “We are committed to Women’s Health… We are committed to Women’s Rights… We must do something about women still only getting $0.76 to every $1.00 a man earns.” (That’s right, you treasonous lying manginas in the government, some of us are watching. What color paint would you like for your jail cell? Propaganda for the purposes of creating discriminatory actions against people because of the very nature of their birth is a Hate Crime and you should check the books and see how it can be punished. You filthy manginas!)

Therefore Gentlemen (women, you can ignore this, I don’t want your vote),

I would like to announce that I, Rob Fedders, am going to run for Prime Minister of Canada!

Lol! And I would like to announce that I am committed to furthering women’s healthcare! – NOT!

Nope, screw that nonsense. I figure that I should campaign on the three-fold platform of tax-subsidized lowering of NHL Seasons Passes, a free case of beer a week for every male in the country – ice cold and hand delivered to his door on Saturday night, just before Hockey Night in Canada begins, AND a one time coupon for a free 42” Plasma Screen TV for all the men in Canada! Yes, that’s right folks! Sounds good, doesn’t it?

I won’t even raise taxes!

I’ll just cut all the funding to the treasonous government agency called Status of Women (SOW – snort, snort) and redirect it into my new program. Perhaps I’ll name it the “Status of Weekend Beer and Sports Entertainment Agency.” I’ll also cut all funding to all DV Shelters in Canada, cause lets face it men, what do you care more about? You having a case of beer while you watch hockey on your new TV, or that your little entitlement princess has a place to run to for information on how to screw you out of your home and into a prison? Yup, the TV’s will be expensive, but don’t forget, there are lots of DV Shelters and other DV related offices sitting on pretty choice pieces of real estate around the country and they should fetch a pretty penny.

Now, we often talk about DV being an industry that the government can’t afford to get rid of because of the effects to the economy. Well… yup, you guessed it… Prime Minister Rob, fearless leader, has a plan for that too! Who do you think should be delivering you that case of beer every weekend? I will even provide them with Government Issue uniforms: a T-shirt that says “I’m Sorry!”

Well Gentlemen, what do you say? I might get into power with around 30% of the votes and men definitely have the numbers for that. Yes, if 4 can buy gender specific votes (I’ll give the frogs a pass here), then so can 5 buy gender specific votes!

Can I have your vote?

Rob for Prime Minister!