Thursday, November 30, 2006

Dear John, It's All Your Fault

Here is a piece by an author who this blogger respects a great deal. This fellow may be destined for greatness!

Dear John, It's All Your Fault
(New Provincial Law in Alberta Allows Police to Seize Automobiles of Men Soliciting Prostitutes)
by Rob Fedders
October 23, 2006

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ALBERTA – A new law came into effect in Alberta today which snuck in through the Traffic and Safety Act. It gives police the power to seize the automobiles of men who solicit street prostitutes. The province of Saskatchewan has previously passed similar legislation against men in 1999, as well as Manitoba in 2002.

Brian Nowlan, of the Edmonton Police, believes that threatening men with the permanent loss of their vehicle will be effective and issued the following statement: “Johns are going to run the risk of losing their vehicle, not just having it seized and impounded temporarily.”

The law was passed as a private members bill almost three years ago and Cabinet gave it its final approval earlier this month after examining if the law would violate Canada’s Charter of Rights and Freedoms. While politicians, community groups and prostitution activists all support the new law, Stephen Jenuph, of the Alberta Civil Liberties Association is on record stating: “It’s a matter that tends to be a random application of the law depending not on a fair hearing, but on the feelings of a particular officer on a particular day.” Jenuph also stated, “I don’t think that in a free and democratic society, decisions regarding punishment should be left up to the police.”

How the government can rationalize that giving police the powers to dole out punishment before being convicted of a crime to not be a violation of the Charter of Rights can only indicate one of two things: That the Charter is in desperate need of re-examination to ensure the right of “innocent until proven guilty”, or that we have many people in the government who slipped through the cracks of the educational system as illiterates.

The police may now seize a citizen’s automobile upon their own discretion before he has been convicted and they will keep his car in their custody until the issue has been resolved in court. First time offenders will likely have to perform community service before they can reclaim their cars but repeat offenders could have their seized property auctioned off, with the proceeds going to the province.

The government, however, proves how altruistic they are by offering those who are charged with the opportunity to complete alternative programs that will allow them to get their vehicle back while avoiding criminal charges and possible prison time.

What alternative programs are they offering, you ask? The accused may attend a “John School.” These one day courses, which will include lectures from ex-prostitutes and which sounds ominously similar to the feminist’s hate inspired Duluth Model, will teach the men about the damage that soliciting prostitutes causes to families, neighbourhoods and to society. Also the men will learn from the “more righteous” about the cost of a divorce.

There is a word for this kind of behaviour… when one forces another to do something against their will; upon threat of doing something far worse to them… it’s on the tip of my tongue… Oh yes! It’s called blackmail! I believe that it’s also punishable by law, upon pain of imprisonment. For that’s what it really is, isn’t it? Attend this course or you will lose your $30,000 car… only a billionaire could afford to say no. But what do I know? I’m just one of the sheeple.

Now, one may ask how the government manages to impose police-state powers upon a population who willingly accepts it without complaint. It is very simple. It’s all very politically correct. Political correctness is the new religion in Canada, replacing Christianity long ago. And who are the vanguard warriors of the politically correct? Why, the feminists of course, and all the feminists have to do is gather at the temple of the matriarchy and chant their favourite slogan: “Men are to blame…Men are to blame…Men are to blame.” Apparently, if you say it a few times, you can pass any law that attacks men. If you throw in your final amen by saying “Women are victims and forever it shall be that women are victims,” then you can even manage to damn the Charter of Rights in regard to men.

Note the following statements made available to the public via the Canadian media, from JoAnn McCartney, a former policeperson, who now spends her days counselling prostitutes in an attempt to get them off the street. She refers to the passage of the law as a means to an end:

“It’s helping to reduce the anonymity,” she told The Canadian Press. “If they’ve lost their car, they have to explain that to their wife, they have to explain to the boss why the company car is gone.”

CTV News made this report about McCartney’s comments: McCartney says some prostitutes feel torn on the new law. While it may see a reduction in the number of people soliciting prostitutes, those johns are the same men that sex trade workers rely on for cash, McCartney pointed out.

However, McCartney said there is consensus in the hatred of sex trade workers for their customers.

"They are absolutely disgusted by johns," says McCartney. "They hate what the johns do to them, so any time there's some kind of penalty for a john, that's good."

Also to note, are the comments of Kate Quinn of the Prostitution Awareness and Action Foundation of Edmonton: "Children and women in the communities are leered at, they're harassed by the men."

Quinn further demonizes men by telling a tale of a woman “that she knows” who must walk 5 blocks out of her way to catch the bus, or else she will have to “endure” men in cars who look her up and down.

Well, if that just don’t beat all. It must be true! Bad men! Very, very bad men! Men are to blame, women are victims. Amen. Therefore, since men are so bad that even the prostitutes are disgusted by them, the “means to an end” of suspending a man’s rights as guaranteed to him by the Charter of Rights, and thereby granting police the absolute power to punish him without being convicted is perfectly justifiable, if not down right honourable. I mean, these poor hard done by prostitutes, forced to not look for a real job because disgusting men with easy money have consensual sex with them. I guess all that easy tax free money they get from these bad men also abuses them in some way that keeps them from applying for welfare, instead of selling their bodies. Hmmm… anyone want to bet that many of these prostitutes are also collecting welfare? That would make it a fraud, not to mention the additional fraud of tax evasion, as well as the usual criminality of prostitution. But of course, the man is far worse than the prostitute, right? Why blame anything on a woman when there’s a man easily within reach?

I know another means to an end that would work. Make mandatory 25 year prison sentences for women convicted of prostitution. That would put a dent in the problem, eh?

After all, prostitution has only been a problem in the past ten years or so… that’s why you never hear about it in old books like the Bible. You know the book, the one that says that only men are sinners. The same book that tells the story of how Eve was just the one who picked the apple…but Adam was the only one who ate from it. In fact, Eve was a victim because Adam didn’t share! Perhaps because prostitution is such a new problem, it makes perfectly good sense for our governments to suddenly come up with a solution by only blaming men. They are so smart, our fearless leaders. Sadly, they really are smart, because these laws have nothing to do with solving prostitution problems and everything to do with demonizing men and taking away their rights. They have won another battle against men and against the people.

Tune in next time to hear about the college students who get busted for possessing a joint. Learn how they will have all their loans and grants suspended before being convicted of a crime… unless they attend a seminar led by an ex drug dealer who will indoctrinate them with propaganda of how bad their actions are for forcing him to break the law and make gobs of tax free cash from them.

Sources: CBC News
CTV News

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Denis Leary: No Cure For Cancer

I have always liked this particular rant from Denis Leary. If only all those psychology majors in university would take a course in Leary 101, the world would be a much better place.


We did it all. We did whatever we could get our hands on back in the seventies. We did fucking handfuls of mushrooms, pills, Ludes, coke. Whatever it was, we just fucking swallowed it, ok? That's what we did! People go, "Well why didn't you go into rehab?" We didn't have rehab back in the seventies. Back in the seventies rehab meant you'd stop doing coke, but you kept smoking pot and drinking for a couple more weeks. You know? "Yeah, give me a case of Budweiser and an ounce. I gotta slow down! Jesus Christ! I'm outta control. Look at the size of my pants for Christ's sake!"

Because that's the big thing now. Rehab is the big fucking secret now. Isn't it, huh? Yeah, you can do whatever you want. Just go into rehab and solve your problems. Isn't that the big celebrity thing? That's what I'm gonna do. Yeah, I'm gonna get famous. Then when my career starts to flag, I'm gonna go into three months fucking bender. Ok? Coke, and fucking pot, and smack, and fucking booze, and drive over people, and beat up my kids, go into therapy, go into rehab, come outta rehab, be on the cover of people magazine, "Sorry! I fucked up!" That's what they do, man. They go into rehab and they come out and they blame everybody except themselves. They blame their parents, right? That's the way. Everybody comes from a dysfunctional family all of the sudden, huh? Rosanne Barr comes from a dysfunctional family? Not Rosanne! She seems so normal to me! The Jacksons were dysfunctional!? Not the Jacksons! These people give each other new heads for Christmas for Christ's sake!

I am sick and tired of hearing that fucking speech. You know? These people come out of rehab they always have the same story. "Well you know, I became an alcoholic because my parents didn't love me enough. And then I became a junkie because my parents didn't love me enough. And I went into hypnosis and therapy and I found out that parents used to hit me." Hey! My parents used to beat the living shit out of me! Ok? And looking back on it, I'm glad they did! And I'm looking forward to beating the shit out of my kids, aren't you? For no reason whatsoever. *thbbt* "What'd you hit me for?" "Shutup and get out there and mow the lawn for Christs sake!" There's therapy for ya! Mowing the lawn and crying at the same time. "The Leary kids in therapy again. Their lawn looks great, it's unbelieveable!"

God.. "I'm just not happy. I'm just not happy. I'm just not happy because my life didn't turn out the way I thought it would." Hey! Join the fucking club, ok!? I thought I was going to be the starting center fielder for the Boston Red Socks. Life sucks, get a fucking helmet, allright?! "I'm not happy. I'm not happy." Nobody's happy, ok!? Happiness comes in small doses folks. It's a cigarette, or a chocolate cookie, or a five second orgasm. That's it, ok! You cum, you eat the cookie, you smoke the butt, you go to sleep, you get up in the morning and go to fucking work, ok!? That is it! End of fucking list! "I'm just not happy." Shut the fuck up, allright? That's the name of my new book, "Shut the Fuck Up, by Doctor Denis Leary. A revolutionary new form of therapy." I'm gonna have my patients come in. "Doctor, I.." "Shut the fuck up, next!" "I don't feel so.." "Shut the fuck up, next!" "He made me feel so much better about myself, you know? He just told me to shut the fuck up and nobody had ever told me that before. I feel so much better now." Whining fucking maggots.

And all these people quitting. I think it's a good thing, AA. And the recovery and rehab, because I've got some friends who'd be dead without those programs, but you know something. Now we've got a new problem. Because now they quit drinking and drugs, they're completely stressed out, and they decide to work out, which is fine. I'm not a workout guy, but I understood Nautilus. It made sense. There were arm machines and leg machines. But have you seen these people who are using the stair-master? Huh? Have we turned into gerbils ladies and gentlemen? People are paying money to go into a health club and walk up invisible steps over and over again for an hour and a half. "Where are you going?" "I'm going up! And I paid for it too! I can stay here as long as I want!" Folks, you wanna go up and down stairs, move into a fifth floor walk up on the lower east side. Ok? What's next? A fucking chair master!? "I sit down. I get up. I sit down. I get up. I sit down. I get up." The door master. "I open the door. I close..." What the fuck?

Monday, November 20, 2006

If All Your Friends Jumped Off a Bridge...

Is there anything that illustrates women's herd mentality better than tattoo mania?

Ugggh! What are women thinking? When you own a Lamborghini you don't take it to the shop to put pinstripes and decals on it!

The biggest problem with tattoo mania is that women don't ask men what they think of tattoos BEFORE they go out and whore up their bodies. I think that women have some sort of muddied thinking going on where they figure that since they are attracted to men in biker gangs, that men are also attracted to biker bitches. - WRONG!

This is what happens all the time. A girl goes out for a weekend to another town and comes home with not one, but 3 tattoos! Then she runs up to all the guys to proudly show them off, thinking that she's made herself infinitely more sexy. It breaks my heart that she did something so stupid. You can see it in the guys faces, too. First, the eyelids close as their head pulls back a bit and they think of what to say without offending her - because it's too late to say anything negative now.

I've had this happen with my highschool sweetheart and it made me really angry. I hadn't seen her in over four years and we got together for a drink and here she starts showing me all of the tattoos she has that she thinks are "so cool." What can you say? I left completely repulsed. Here was a the first woman I had serious longterm relationship with and lost my virginity with... there's always something special about "the first one" that lingers innocently and sexily in the back of one's mind... and she shattered my memory of her once so sweet body by showing me it was now plastered with hideous doodles and graffiti placed upon her by some greasy, back alley slimeball. I am really serious, I was pissed off! For months afterwards too! My memory of her was forever tainted.

I had a second similar experience with a girl I have been friends with for 20 years now. I was back to my hometown for a visit and went out for a beer with her and her husband. This once extremely sexy girl could not resist pulling her clothes aside to show me all 3 of the tattoos she had gotten on her last trip to the big city. I could tell by the look on her husband's face that he was repulsed by them, and I too was left stammering, trying to think of something nice to say and not hurt her feelings. It felt like I was visiting a friend in the hospital who had suffered severe burns and I was saying she still looked beautiful - even though it is obvious that it was no longer true.

I think that women have become so arrogant in their self-proclaimed fashion sense, that they are no longer capable of realizing they have permanently made themselves look hideous. Just because all your girlfriends think it looks sexy DOES NOT mean that men think you look sexy. Here's a little tip, girls: men like NICE girls. They always have. Slutty clothes and tattoos are only tolerated when a man is slumming. If I am out slumming for some sport sex and a girl has a tramp stamp - well, if I would have sex with her at all, it would be missionary style because I don't want to see that hideous thing. If you have a tattoo on your left boob, you can count on the right "normal" boob getting all the attention.

The only thing more hideous than a tattoo is a piercing. Who the hell ever thought that putting a piece of metal through a nipple or a clitoris would make it look sexier? What fucked up thinking! Nipples are pretty nice completely without help! But, at least piercing freaks are somewhat smarter in the sense that they are not permanent and can be easily removed - unlike a hideous tattoo.

Remember, no man has ever found a woman repugnant for NOT having a tattoo!

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Accelerated Women's Studies Program (4 Years Crammed into 4 Minutes). Professor: Rob Fedders

With all the discussion lately over Matthew Fitzgerald's book "Sex-Ploytatian" I decided to go out on the web and see if I could find an on-line copy of the book so despised by feminists. (Rob's rule #1 - if feminists are upset about it, then you know it is REALLY worthwhile reading it - for the opposite of anti-logic is, of course, logic and truth!) Alas, I failed in my quest to find a copy of the book, but I did come across another zinger from Mr Fitzgerald and I believe that all women should read this - it should become mandatory for women to memorize this when they get their first training bra.

I am so sick of women talking all the time about how they are so sexually valuable that men should tolerate any crap from them to get a piece of their community shared pussy. Of course, any man who doesn't find himself attracted to self-serving, smart mouthed harpies gets accused by said harpies of "being a loser who can't get a girl." Here's a newsflash, honeys, if you are a smart-mouthed, woman-firster, supremacist class 'A' bitch, we know exactly how to get you! It's pretty easy, all we have to do is talk about YOU all the time, all we have to do is put down men and tell you you're a victim. All we have to do is agree with you that sunshine comes out of your ass and makes the world a better place. All we have to do is make you think we're someone who has a criminal record, yet finds you so attractive and perfect that we would never harm you. THAT'S ALL IT TAKES! Your hip-huggers and g-string will draped over the chair and you'll be showing off the tramp stamp that destroyed all of the visual appeal of what may have once been a nice caboose.

The thing that these "modern women" don't get is that their velvet lined pussy isn't so valuable that all of us men would tolerate your quirks to experience it. After all, many other guys have experienced yours already, so it's no big deal. What men really want in a woman is someone who is more of a pleasure to have around than an annoyance - something that many a modern woman cannot seem to achieve, despite their self-proclaimed superiority in relationships.

It's not that guys can't get girls like you, its that girls like you aren't worth the sex you are shamelessly selling. Therefore, I propose the following crash course in women's studies that should replace all the crap-drivel being taught at universities, which btw, makes women as attractive as a whore with syphillis.

Here are Matthew Fitzgerald's "Men's Top 10 Rules for Women:" (Lol, also note, this link is from a ridiculously sexist man-hating site. What a dizzy chick, I wonder if she realizes what the author wrote in "Sex-Ploytation" which she also links - some guy suggested she post the following on her site, ha ha!)

1 - Learn how to Communicate
Say what you mean, ask for what you want directly. Expecting a man to interpret indirect signals and read your mind is not communication.

2 - Learn to be Consistent
Irrational behavior just doesn't cut it. If you say you're going to do something, then follow through and do it. Be honest with yourself -- don't say one thing and do another. And for God's sake, don't change your mind a million times.

3 - Stop using Sex as Bait
If you want to have sex, then have sex. Don't use sex as a tool to manipulate men. And another thing: Stop tempting men with low-cut dresses or bare midriffs and then blame them for trying to get you in bed. If you need attention that badly, go see a shrink.

4 - Develop a Conscience
Stop abusing your sexual power. Many women have no ethical dilemmas at all about using men for favors or financial gain by dangling the promise of sex in front of them. Not only is this deceitful and immoral, but it's a double standard nothing short of fraud.

5 - Knock Off the Mixed Messages
If you're interested in a guy, let him know it. Ditto with sex. Maybe playing hard to get is cool if you're 12 years old, but it's just annoying 20 years later. Refer to Rule #1 -- men aren't able to read minds, so don't expect them to.

6 - Stop Expecting Men to Finance Your Life
This is the 2000's for God's sake -- women are enjoying unparralleled career and earning opportunities, and it's unfair to treat men like ATM machines, especially when women are earning as much or more than we are. It may be a great scam, but at its core, it's nothing more than age-old prostitution -- trading sex for money.

7 - If You Expect Equality, Then Act Like It
Equal rights means equal rights across the board -- not just when it's in your best interests. If you expect equal pay, then expect to be drafted and pay your share of dating expenses, too.

8 - Stop Blaming Men for All Your Problems
We aren't what's wrong -- you are.

9 - Just Be Nice
Can't you just be nice? Nobody likes a nasty, self-serving bitch. And men today are very, very tired of self-serving bitches.

10 - Read the Rules

Monday, November 13, 2006

Crazy Cat Lady Action Figure

Just in case any of you are early Christmas shoppers... for the feminists in your life you feel obliged to buy presents for (co-workers, sisters, ex-wives etc.):


Every town has a Crazy Cat Lady. She's the one who lives in a tiny house full of feral felines. This hard vinyl Crazy Cat Lady Action Figure has a wild look in her eye and comes with six cats. ARE YOU A CRAZY CAT PERSON?

Size: 5.25" Tall

Price: $11.99

Friday, November 10, 2006


NYMOM - A.K.A. Margaret Temple, from Columbia University.
(Bottom of the page, somehow, NYMOM appropriately comes in LAST!)


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Does it surprise you that this hideous skag works in academia? Trying to influence better looking women than her to be as miserable as her?



November 13th update on the Walmart Walrus (AKA: Margaret Temple, NYMOM)

Apparently Margaret Temple is an anti-father, anti-family, white supremacist homophobe. Quotes from the Queen of Skank's blog (thanks Serin):

"As feminists ultimate goal is the total destruction of the mother/child bond and having a completely gender-neutral society."

"That money should be rescinded and these phony fatherhood programs terminated as they are nothing but propaganda which is fueling a hate movement against women in their role as mothers."

"The entire fatherhood movement is fueled by hatred of mothers. They are a dangerous, vicious, hate-filled group of men and some female enablers. After observing their activities for a few years now, I can speak from experience when I say they are a menace to Western society, almost as bad as Islamic terror cells. Actually, it wouldn’t surprise me to find out that some of their offshoots aren’t consorting with Islamic terrorists and other bands of men who hate women as well, like to like."

"As always we can count on gender neutralized feminists to screw us up in every situation, common law marriage being another example."

"Lesbians don’t appear to understand that going to court and winning these short-term victories ultimately winds up empowering MEN over WOMEN, each time they win a case."

"YET what will remain behind is the premise that a Judge can decide that the mother/child bond, which has existed since humanity first crawled out of the primal mist, is no longer of very much importance and that the courts of men have the right to hand a mother’s child over to someone else.That is going to be the lesbian legacy to mothers and children."

"Everytime you post on this blog or make a cell phone call or use a microwave, drive a car, etc., you are benefitting from 'white's people's culture' or whatever you want to call it.You should be damn grateful for it's existence."

Lol, notice that last post Margaret Temple made, taking credit for inventions.

NYMOM, think fast! Name something with moving parts that was invented by a woman.

And finally, here's a quote from Rob Fedders:


Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Why Women Have Priced Themselves Out of the Market: They Are Attention Whores Who Positively Seek "Victim Status"

Read the tall tale of the "Girl Who Was Almost Raped." (And read further to see the comments of her fellow attention whores who back this psycho up, rather than telling her to smarten up.)

make it stop
I had a date Thursday night. My date knew seven languages, but not the word "no." [Incidentally, the reason I phrase it like that is because it kills something inside me when I have to come right out and say it. Why so many people think this is a funny joke, I do not know.]

Wednesday night, I'd stayed on the phone with him for upwards of two hours. One of the things we talked about was sex and what I told him was that I did not have intercourse outside of serious relationships. But, that didn't turn out to matter.
During the date, he took me to this lounge area adjacent to a supply shed -- he works in maintenance in my condo -- and we were watching some truly awful movie. We started hooking up. For a while, I resisted my pants coming off, but eventually gave in, and remained in nothing but my thong. When he took off my pants, I told him I wouldn't have sex with him. But, that didn't turn out to matter. Oral didn't happen, but he ended up on top of me.
Several times, he tried to enter me. Each time, I swiveled away and told him that we weren't going to have sex. After three or four times, I pushed him off and got dressed. He began apologizing profusely and asking me to see his side: he is a man, he hasn't had sex in three months, I am attractive, and I should not have taken my pants off if I was unprepared to have sex with him. I told him that he needed to respect me, that these were not excuses, there were no excuses. He told me he didn't want me dressed, I was so attractive. I told him I was attractive with my clothes on. I sat down. After a few minutes, he began to try to take my pants off again. I left. I had trouble getting the door open and as he came over, I was so scared... He let me out, telling me as he did so that I had fucked with his emotions. I went home. He called me three times that night. The first time I said I didn't want to talk to him. The second time I told him to stop calling. The third time I didn't pick up.

This level of guilt is something I could not previously have imagined. Why did I agree to a date with someone I met through my ex? Why did I go there with him? Why did I let him take off my pants if I didn't want to have sex? Why didn't I leave sooner? Why didn't I say "no" more forcefully, maybe then he would have stopped? Why did I try to talk to him? Why did I ever pick up the phone? And I know, I do know that this is not my fault. I know it, but I don't Know it. And I can't shake this.
I feel guilty when I tell people, because I know I'm worrying them. I hate feeling like a burden. I feel guilty for feeling guilty instead of feeling more angry at him. I feel guilty for not having been stronger or smarter. I feel guilty for blaming myself.
I'm scared that he'll call me again. Every time the phone rings, my stomach drops. I'm scared that he'll come here. He has access to my house. I don't even feel fucking safe in my own fucking house. I don't actually, rationally think he would but that doesn't stop the fear. I'm even more scared to leave, though, because he works here and I know he's somewhere here during business hours. Going to get a package from the mailman was terrifying. I feel guilty for feeling so irrationally scared.
I feel guilty endlessly. Endlessly. Its like quicksand.

I wish I could tell my parents, I do. But I can't tell them. They would blame me, wholly and unequivocally. They've been looking, waiting for evidence of my being a slut. When I developped a UTI last winter, my mother asked me what the potential causes were; when I read off chlamydia, she said ah-HA, I KNEW it, NOW you've done it. This was nine months into a monogamous relationship.
We saw a movie a while ago, in which a woman got graphically raped on screen: held down as she cried and begged to be let go. When I was horrified by this scene, my parents told me this wasn't rape because 1) the perp was her ex-husband and 2) she had gone to bed with him willingly. When I asked what they'd do if this happened to me, they told me they'd inform me of my stupidity for having gotten into bed.
When I was between the ages of 11 and 15, my parents had a particularly close family friend whom I hated. He used to be at our house constantly and go on vacations with us. On multiple occasions, at least four off the top of my head, he walked in on me in various states of undress and it always took him a good three seconds to leave. Also, he had a tendency to hug me, which I hated. Once, with my 'rents around, I asked him to let me go twice, calmly, and he didn't. Then, I barked at him to LET ME GO and he did but my mother got mad at me for being rude. I recently brought it back up as something that still haunts me and she was entirely dismissive of my feelings about him and about the episode.
I can't tell them. But, they're already noticing that I'm extremely unhappy and that I keep chaining the door, which we generally never do. I'm so scared that they'll find out or I'll be weak and tell them. It doesn't help that they've chosen THIS TIME to start picking fights with me and giving me endless lectures adrressing all my flaws.

I began writing this last night, but I ran out of strength. I was talking to someone who was distracting me and genuinely making me feel a lot better. I feel guilty for that, incidentally. At 3:30 AM, I got a phone call from an "unidentified" number. The line was disconnected as soon as I picked up. I went and chained my door and did my best to repress the panic.
I stayed up talking really, really late/early. I was awoken around 10:30 AM by a phone call. Sleepily, I picked it up and the name on the screen just flashed in my eyes before I said "hello." It was him. I told him to STOP FUCKING CALLING ME and hung up. He called back, but I didn't pick up. I panicked and called Kirill. No one understands why I'm so scared but I'm SO scared.
I know this is harassment and it is not legal and I could report it, but then I run a high risk of my parents finding out. That's not something I can risk.

Most of my friends have been very, very supportive. However, certain conversations I've had have made me want to claw my skin off.
My friend Chris continually tells me to "just calm down" or some variations on it. When I try to explain that it isn't so simple, he says I could do it if I just realized that I'm not in danger. First of all, I don't think I'm in a great deal of danger, but the fact remains that he not only knows exactly where I live but can physically enter my house. Second of all, even if that was not the case, the sexual assault in and of itself isn't exactly something that is easy to forget. By this I mean that I can barely think of anything else.
Several people have breathed a metaphorical sigh of relief when I told them that he did not actually rape me. As if trying to shove his dick inside me is, you know, okay, so long as I manage to push him away.
Last night, Shaun told me, verbatim, that "it could have been worse and [I] am blessed it wasn't." He defended this by saying I could have been raped, beaten, or killed and it was "dumb" to overlook the dangers that hadn't befallen me. Let me make this EXTREMELY FUCKING CLEAR:
He said something about having some sort of experience (I assume this was an allusion to his being older than I am), but that is complete and utter bullshit. He does NOT KNOW what it feels like and, more than likely, he will NEVER know. If he knew, he would not DREAM of DARING to say something like that to me. Seriously, what the FUCK? Its enough that I feel guilty for not being able to "just get over it." At least I rationally know that I'm entitled to my pain and it is emphatically NOT OKAY to take that away from me.

Incidentally, Danny, my first love, the one who claims not to be able to forget me and has always said he needs to have me in his life somehow, has not found time to call me, despite my pleading request and my explanation that I needed to talk to a male that I trust. Clearly, its just as well: I have no reason to trust him. He's running out of time to keep me in his life in any way, but I suspect that he's too selfish to know or care until the next time a pang of missing me hits him.

I know I'm a ridiculously open person about basically everything, but I'm beginning to suspect that the reason people are reluctant to talk widely about experiences of sexual violence is because non-supportive responses from people you love/trust feel like getting hit in the head by bricks.

I know its only been two days but I want this to end. This has to end. I know I brought this upon myself (I know I didn't; I Know I did) but I want it to stop. Its not fair, its not fair, its not fair, ITS NOT FAIR. I want it to stop.