Great Zingers

"Marriage is like a boring dinner that lasts your whole life and had dessert at the beginning."

"[Marriage is] like serving time in prison with a big fat cellmate who DOESN’T want to have sex with you."

"Zeus made this supreme evil—woman: even though she seem to be a blessing, when a man has wedded one she becomes a plague."-- Semonides of Amorgos, The Types of Women, c. 550 B.C.

"My life sucks but my wife certainly doesn’t."

"Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel." -- Leonardo da Vinci

"Ever see the old Twilight Zone where the little boy has psychic powers and he can torture and kill anyone with a thought? That’s the power no fault divorce gives to any woman you are foolish enough to marry. How many people can be trusted with that kind of power?"

Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog of course…at least he’ll shut up after you let him in.

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same."

"Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one." -- W.C. Fields

"Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent." -- Friedrich Nietzsche

"A man who compromises when he’s wrong is wise; a man who compromises when he’s right is married."

"When my wife suggests that I am not doing my share of the “housework” (actually, she means cleaning), I point out that it is my job to keep us both from being eaten by bears. So far, I have a perfect record."

"Meanwhile, as long as there's one honest woman living at the temple atop Mount NAWALT in Tibet..."

"Every day for the past thirty years, you high-heeled pit-bulls have blamed us for everything; from not being able to get into Harvard, to not being able to get into stretch-pants." -- Al Bundy

"My god, Machiavelli was right. Control or be controlled, it's that simple."

"An invasion of armies can be resisted, but not an idea whose time has come." -- Victor Hugo

"Depopulate the earth? I agree. You first."

"Tolerance is how far a mechanical part can deviate from the norm before it screws up the entire machine." -- Any Mechanic

[Regarding the look of a metro-sexual]: "That dude is responsible for his own choices. Women can't be blamed for everything."

"We've been able to train Frenchmen to play hockey, which is more than any European has been able to do."

"I don't know what the scholars will think of it. Nor do I care. I'm not writing for them. I'm writing for Canadians."

"This is just the voice of an ordinary Canadian yelling back at the radio - "You don't speak for me!"

"I don’t need women, as the government fucks me on a daily basis."

Q: "... but has any researcher made a serious longitudinal sutdy on this?"
A: "Maybe you should do a longitudinal study on the overall effectiveness of always depending on longitudinal studies."

"This is not intended as an ad hominem, it’s intended an insult."

"But there we are, what do I know, eh? I am just a poor lonesome country boy with nothing but chicken wire to sit on and a rusty old marble to play with."