.
Rob was cornered by a herd of brides demanding that he man-up
and oppress one of them with matrimonial bliss, but he would have none of it. In
a series of moves he seen in a Jackie Chan film, Rob ran up a brick wall and
did a back-flip over the long, bony, grasping fingers of the gaggle of
bridezillas. Landing on the other side of the desperate mob, he took off like a
gazelle, running as fast as he could to save his mortal soul from the slavery
which the brides wished to inflict upon him.
.
.
The herd of brides, horny as hell to get a piece of his
incredibly cute ass, immediately gave chase. Bystanders reported Rob yelling, “You women are as independent as a tropical fern in a greenhouse in Iceland”
before veering hard to the right and running pell-mell towards the Cliffs of Insanity.
Rob glanced back and seen the brides were ready to pounce... he looked to the
cliff, then back to the brides, and to the cliff again where he spotted a vine
dangling over the edge. “If it’s not right, go your own way,” he said as he
grabbed the vine and began shinnying down the cliff, away from the clutches of
the middle-aged princesses who had now started chanting, “We want it all! We want it all!”
.
.
“Phew, that was close!” he said.
.
.
.
Rob then looked down and saw that upon the jagged rocks below was a minister holding a Bible, imploring him to “stop acting like Peter Pan and marry one of them sluts!” He looked back up and saw the herd of brides, now baring their life-sucking fangs while drooling at the sight of this succulent piece of husband-meat. Just then a mangina and a white knight appeared out of a hole in the side of the cliff and began chewing on the vine. The mangina, in between chews, looked at Rob with his dark, beady little eyes and said, “I am a lawyer, and I am going to drag you through the courts to make you pay for these women one way or the other.” Then the white knight turned his bright red albino eyes upon Rob and declared, "I am a politician. I will pass laws that will ruin your life if you don’t keep them happy, and don’t think you can just run to a foreign country because I’ve already helped to pass IMBRA laws which prevent that!”
.
Rob then looked down and saw that upon the jagged rocks below was a minister holding a Bible, imploring him to “stop acting like Peter Pan and marry one of them sluts!” He looked back up and saw the herd of brides, now baring their life-sucking fangs while drooling at the sight of this succulent piece of husband-meat. Just then a mangina and a white knight appeared out of a hole in the side of the cliff and began chewing on the vine. The mangina, in between chews, looked at Rob with his dark, beady little eyes and said, “I am a lawyer, and I am going to drag you through the courts to make you pay for these women one way or the other.” Then the white knight turned his bright red albino eyes upon Rob and declared, "I am a politician. I will pass laws that will ruin your life if you don’t keep them happy, and don’t think you can just run to a foreign country because I’ve already helped to pass IMBRA laws which prevent that!”
.
What to do?
.
.
Rob looked to the cliff and saw a big, tasty, ham & cheese on rye sandwich just sitting there on a ledge that was within arms reach. He grabbed it and ate it. “Ah, it is so delicious.”
.
.
Then, with all the might he could muster, Rob pushed off the
cliff with his feet and let go of the vine.
.
.
He is survived by no-one as he was a free man who never
married and had no children.
.
In Rob's last will and testament he requested that in lieu of flowers, you give women the husbands they deserve: None!
.
.
In Rob's last will and testament he requested that in lieu of flowers, you give women the husbands they deserve: None!
.
