I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men & women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words ‘I do.’
Here’s an example of what I mean. One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says ‘I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.’ I said ‘WHAT????!!! What was that?!
So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads hearing…’You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.’
She then responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?” Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off from work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’ll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you…she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.”
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, ‘I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier’. I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, ‘No honey, I don’t feel like it.’
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled ‘WHAT???!!!’ I then said, ‘Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.’ And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, ‘Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?’
Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either, but at least that bitch knows I’m smarter than her.