Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Any Gal of Mine

I like this song. It brings back memories of a time about 16 years ago now, after I had split up with a girlfriend I had been with for a couple of years. There was a pub that I used to frequent and quite often they hired a Newfie named Gordon, who was quite a talented one-man band, to play music there. I became quite good friends with him over time. After I had split with my girlfriend, when I would walk into the pub and he noticed me, his next song would always be, Garth Brooks' Friends in Low Places. Gord would often sit at my table in between sets and have a beer with me... and I'd always tell him, "You know what I want to hear, Gord." and he would make his next song, "This one goes out to Rob," and he would sing "Any Gal of Mine," the whole pub would laugh, because they knew it was my favourite song. He even screeched me in as an honourary Newfie. Since I'm one of them now, I'm allowed to poke fun of them - although, sometimes they come back at me with "What's black and blue and floats in they bay? The last Mainlander who made a Newfie joke." Newfies are a lot of fun to party with... if you can understand what the hell they are saying. "Deed I is me 'ol cock, and long may your big jib draw!"   

Anyway, back to this ex-girlfriend I broke up with. I had suspected already for a few weeks that "something was wrong." I should have trusted my gut. As the weeks went by, a friend of mine dropped by work and said he seen me and the girlfriend driving around in her truck that afternoon but I must not have seen him because I didn't wave back... I hadn't been with her driving around in her truck that afternoon, so then I knew. (Her truck had tinted windows and the guy she was cheating on me with had the same colour hair as me etc.). I had a little bit of time therefore, to collect myself and figure out a strategy for dumping her. I was sick of all the antagonism that happens after a break-up, and decided to "kill it with kindness" - especially since we lived in a small town and would inevitably be bumping into each-other from time to time... forever. So, I called her up and asked to meet after work, and did the deed. I asked her if she was seeing someone else, and she denied it. I told I thought it was good for us to spend some time apart, and we should break up... she told me I was an asshole... I responded, "It's too bad you feel that way because I really enjoyed going out with you." And that was that, we broke up.    

Of course, that's not the end of the story. (You didn't really think it was, did you?).

When people would ask me about the ex and what happened, I just refused to talk about it - I never bad-mouthed her. I just said, "She was a nice girl, but things just didn't work out." I think about the worst that I said about her was when people asked me about my snowmobile (I was an avid and well-known snowmobiler in my community) - if they asked me if I had done any performance work on it for this season, I would reply, "Yeah, I light-weighted it by around 130lbs." Everyone would laugh. I would see the ex around town, driving her new boyfriend's truck, and she would give me "the death glare" - I smiled and waved. The truth was, though, I was really hurt by the whole thing. I was just determined not to let it show. I didn't realize it at the time, but I played the biggest mind-game on her of all - and that was not my intention. It was simply my intention not to have her as an enemy. But I think it drove her insane.  

It was quite a revealing situation for me on how females work. It soon became that several of her friends would show up at the pub and sit with me. Two of them I had slept with earlier in life - I discovered that both of them had lost their virginity to me. (I didn't know that). Also my ex's best friend started coming on to me in a big way. I never slept with her because as the SNAG (Sensitive New Age Guy) that I was back in the mid-nineties, as well as keeping with my intention of not making the ex into an enemy, I didn't want to create troubles with the ex - even though her friend couldn't have made it any clearer she wanted me to screw her stupid. I would even come back from the washroom at the pub, and the two girls I had already slept with were describing my cock and its size to her. Women tell everything about sex and relationships to each-other - right down to the most intimate details. Men never do this. It is really stupid of women too. They brag about their boyfriend and how good of a sex life they are having with him, and the next thing you know, their friends want to try some of that too. In retrospect, I should have given the "best-friend" a good grudge-fucking - I didn't owe the ex anything after she cheated on me. Lol! Also, when you start walking into the pub in a small town and notice there are entire tables of women that you've slept with at some time or another... it's perhaps time to move. It's also further evidence that social proofing amongst women is real.

After about two months, the ex could no longer stand it. She picked up the phone and called me. "Are you mad at me?" She asked. "No, why would I be mad?" I replied (lied). I unwittingly opened up a future shit storm by doing this however. After this, she acted like nothing had happened. She started calling me or visiting me at work three or four times a week. "We used to be so close... I miss you... I still like talking to you... you know, the reason we broke up was nothing to do with sex... it just kinda happened.... we had a communication problem." (Yeah, like you failing to communicate to me that you were banging another guy). This lasted for a month or so before I finally put my foot down. I told her that was enough. I had been more than gracious about what had all happened, and I didn't think it was a good idea for us to be "friends" - at least not until a year or two had gone by.

This did not stop things, however. Soon, she was dropping by work, creating excuses. "I still had this t-shirt of yours, and thought I would stop in and return it." I told her I didn't care. Keep it.

Then snowmobiling season started, and everyone knew I went "night riding" on Fridays. A group usually formed on Friday nights and I would often be "the leader" because I knew the mountains so well I always knew where I was, even at night. (The RCMP and Search and Rescue have contacted me in emergencies too).

 I couldn't believe it. Guess who was sitting amongst the group in the parking lot but the ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend. She had convinced him to buy a snowmobile and now they were going to come riding with me together. What the hell? She had never gone snowmobiling before meeting me, and he had never been snowmobiling before - sledding was "my thing." They even joined the Snowmobile Club together as "a couple." I didn't know what to say or do. I didn't own the mountain, and there were about 20 people there. I just went riding and said nothing, but it irritated the living hell out of me. 

I called her later on that week and said we needed to talk. "I can't," she replied, "I have a boyfriend." I told her she had a boyfriend when she met him too, and if she would like, I could call him and ask if it was ok, since he must know how many times she'd called or visited me over the past while - I'm sure he knows about it and won't mind if we talk.

Anyway, we did meet up that evening and I told her, "Look, I've been more than gracious about this whole thing. You were the one who cheated on me and I've done nothing back to you. I don't even criticize you for it, and you know it. I think it's completely unfair of you to invade my Friday night riding - you know it's 'my thing.' Let's continue to keep things civil between us, so please, go sledding all you want, but leave my Friday night rides alone." She, of course, denied there was anything sinister about it, but agreed to respect my request. I heard later that some other people had mentioned to her that was pretty bold of them, and she tried to excuse it by claiming "safety." My new boyfriend doesn't know the mountains very well, and it's so much safer to ride with Rob.

Guess who was waiting in the parking lot the next weekend?

I was so pissed off, I rode like a crazy son-of-a-bitch all night. I had the meanest, biggest machine you could buy at that time. I took everyone on the twistiest, bumpiest, most jumpiest and difficult trails I knew of as fast as I possibly could ride - which was pretty fast. Every-time we would stop for a bit people would be "Holy, what's gotten into you tonight? We can barely keep up."

Then when we stopped in the club's warm-up cabin... I remember it pretty clearly. I was sitting next to the wood-stove looking down into the can of beer in my hand. The new boyfriend started shooting off his mouth about how great his new Ski-doo brand snowmobile was and started poking fun of a couple other guy's Polaris sleds. Now... my daddy rode Polaris, my brother rode Polaris, and I rode Polaris. I didn't raise my head at all but kept looking down at the floor, and started speaking rather loudly, "You know, it's one thing that you were banging my girlfriend behind my back, and it's another thing that you're so fucking stupid to think you can come riding with me... BUT I'LL BE GOD-DAMMED IF I'M GONNA SIT HERE AND LET YOU CUT DOWN POLARIS SNOWMOBILES!!!"

By the time I looked up, I only seen the ass end of the ex and her boyfriend - coats and helmets in hand rather than on - getting out of the cabin as fast as they could. "Vroom" they were gone. They also broke up that weekend.

It was after this experience with that ex-girlfriend that I really began to clue into the behaviour of women. (Yeah, I was a bit slower than you younger guys - we didn't have the internet back then either). I began observing people in their relationships and "how things worked." Being from a small town really helped, because I knew so many people over such long periods of their lives that I knew many people's relationship history. It was also a time when I moved from my mid-twenties to beyond - the time when Schopenhauer declares that men start to pass women in maturity:

"The nobler and more perfect a thing is, the later and slower is it in reaching maturity. Man reaches the maturity of his reasoning and mental faculties scarcely before he is eight-and-twenty; woman when she is eighteen; but hers is reason of very narrow limitations." -- Arthur Schopenhauer, On Women

Men really are tools to women. And just like we often say about "game" - "it's simply a tool, it can be used for good or bad." So it is when women adhere to Briffault's Law and use men as "tools." 

“The female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place.” -- Robert Briffault, The Mothers, I, 191

Just because a woman is associating with you and using you as her tool, does not necessarily mean that the benefit she gets from the man-tool is used for good. Sometimes it is used for her to promote an evil agenda.

I wrote a lengthy comment at the Spearhead the other day. In it I described how women go on a binge and purge cycle after denying their sex-drives. Here is a part of it I would like to refer to:

Once a woman’s time-limit is up and her interest in you becomes dark and sinister, this is when she goes into a “binge and purge cycle.” She starts with-holding sex in order to manipulate you. Lots of husbands fall for this and think she’s not interested in sex anymore – this is not true. What she is doing is starving her own sexual desire in order to drive up her sexual value to manipulate you. (Once a woman starts refusing you sex, it is time to dump her – she does not have pure interests in you anymore). Then, after about a year or so of her denying her own sexual desires, she gets rid of the man (and tries to keep all of his benefits) and THEN goes on a sexual binge where she fucks thug after thug, trying to satiate her starving sexual desire. Once she has done this, she again looks for a more suitable long-term mate who confers “benefits” upon her, she pair-bonds again, and the whole cycle starts over again. 

It is true that “all women are available” but what is not true is that “all women are available all of the time.” This is why the PUA-sphere (the ones who actually know what they are talking about) are always looking for IOI’s (Indications of Interest). What you want to do, if you are a “player” looking for easy, commitment free sex, is be the second guy to screw her after she splits up with her long-term mate. The first guy is usually an emotional tampon, or an orbiter, who ends up getting royally screwed because he is usually only being used as an emotional sounding board, or as a tool for the woman to gauge her sexual market value. To be a good “player,” you want to be the guy that catches her in the middle of her binge phase. This is the phase where she goes nuts and sucks and fucks up a storm and does things her ex-husband/boyfriend never dreamed she would do. But, it is very time limited. Once her “binge” is done and she has satiated herself, it is back to Briffault’s Law.

One of the main reasons to avoid chicks who are married or are in long-term relationships, aside from basic moral values, is because of a very important reason I left out in the above comment. It's not that women just use the first guy as an emotional tampon or to gauge her sexual market value... quite often they will use you as the direct catalyst for a break-up, they themselves being too chicken to actually simply break up with their boyfriend/husband. Your purpose as a her "tool" in these situations is often to force her husband/boyfriend to dump her while creating as much drama as she possibly can. It's not smart to be that kind of particular tool because now you have made a very deeply motivated enemy - especially if it involves a marriage and the man loses his children, his house and his freedom.

Learn the cycle women go through - observe her behaviour. Always be the second guy to screw her after a relationship, never be the first. It's safer, it's more morally pure, and you'll get the better sex out of her than all the other "tools" have gotten: 1 - The Longterm Pair-bonded Tool, 2 - The Emotional Tampon/Orbiter/Break-up Catalyst Tool, 3 - The Tool used to satiate her cravings with wild, hot, kinky sex, and 4 - The next Longterm Pair-bonded Tool.  

I'll take door number three any day of the week.

Also I learned that once it's over, make it over. Tell her to get lost. Don't be too nice to her. She screwed you around and you don't owe her any kindness. You don't have to go out of your way to be an asshole, but don't be friendly either. Change your phone-number if you have to. Women continue to shit-test you even after you've broken up - and by that time, it's based on pure evil.


The women sometimes responded with a kind of countermanipulation: “they thought if they were cold and treated their husbands terribly, the men would leave, or ask them to leave.” Sometimes this happens—which, incidentally, explains why divorce initiation statistics can be misleading. A significant portion of the roughly thirty percent of divorces which are formally male-initiated result from the wife deliberately maneuvering her husband into taking the step. -- F. Roger Devlin, "Rotating Polyandry and Its Enforcers, p.8