Saturday, January 19, 2002

Zenpriest #19 - How Women Keep Score

Quote: Zen,I don't follow. Since when did the supermodels ever act relatively decently compared to their less physically attractive sisters? Are you telling me that I'm better off asking out the Stereotypical Babe than an okay looking woman "in my league"? I don't get it.

I know it is pretty subtle, but follow me here because it really does make the female enigma a bit easier to sort out. I'm talking averages and probabilities here, individual instances may have a lot of variation.

And, let's leave the category of "supermodels" out of the picture - they aren't real women, they are mutants with serious mental disorders. Look at how screwed up Michael Jackson is as a result of living his entire life from the time he was a child under the microscope. The Olson twins will never be able to live normal lives, and any poor fool who gets tied up with them probably deserves the mind-fucking he is going to get. Paris Hilton is famous, not pretty. I wouldn't fuck her with your penis.

I'm talking about your average, garden variety, babe next door.

I don't think they have high school dances any more like they did when I was a teenager, but I'm going to use a hypothetical scenario of one of them to illustrate something. The girls stood on one side of the gym waiting for guys to approach them, the guys stood on the other side screwing up the courage to make the journey across the floor and ask one of the girls to dance.

Of course, the first guys to venture out into the wilderness were the most confident most aggressive males - the football stars, etc. And, not surprisingly they headed straight for the social queen bees - the cheerleaders and gonna-be prom queens. Then, after the supermodels of both sexes paired off, the real mating dynamic kicked in. The less aggressive non-prom-kings eventually worked up their courage, and of course went for the most attractive woman left. Thus, people were sorted into their positions on the ladder - women based on looks and men based on level of confidence and aggression.

Now, you gotta get inside the heads of the women in order to really understand how the whole process works. They were trapped in the passive role and really did have to just stand there until they attracted a man's attention enough for him to ask her out. The longer it took and the further down the female's "ladder" the male who finally did ask her was, the angrier she had gotten about the whole thing.

When Brad Pitt set out on his trek from the male side, the Roseanne Barrs wanted him every bit as much as the Jennifer Anniston's. And, when he of course gravitated toward Anniston, Roseanne began to hate them both. She still wanted Brad, but she hated him for picking Anniston over her, and she just hated Anniston for being so damn pretty and having her pick of men.

So, instead of being "grateful" or "appreciative" when a man finally does ask her out, "average" women are more often than not seething with buried rage. And, because it is buried there will be a fake smile covering it. It will never come out clearly and honestly, but will seep out as passive/aggressive bullshit that is totally confusing to men.

Keep in mind that women keep score and hold grudges. Believe me, guys, an average woman today is going to punish you for every time a prettier girl was asked to dance 10-20 years ago. (I know someone has posted a link to the recent book about the hidden culture of aggression among girls.)

You need to understand the scorekeeping system, and realize that men and women keep score completely differently. Most men won't even bother with anything less than about 20 points - they blow it off because it is too much trouble to keep track of. A woman scores every action, no matter how tiny, and calculate fractions of a point based on things most men don't notice.

Ok, so every time a Brad asks a Jenn to dance, Jenn gives men at least one and usually 2 points - one for asking her to dance (assuming she wants to) and one for raising her status based on her desirability among the other women present.

Roseanne, on the other hand, is adding up negative points for men every time. She really doesn't want to dance, so that point is irrelevant, but she really does want to be asked, so every time Brad asks someone else to dance, men get a -1.

So, at the end of 5 dances, Jenn is glowing, feeling great about herself and great toward men and has a mental attitude score toward men of +10.

Roseanne, on the other hand, is seething behind her fake smile, resentful as hell, and has a mental attitude score toward men of -5.

Women really can't grasp the concept of "teams" so they are constantly covertly competing with other women. In Roseanne's book, Jenn has a +5, while she herself has zero. What happens next has absolutely nothing at all to do with the male, and has everything to do with the competition between women.

Because she wants Brad so badly, while he isn't even aware that she exists, he really does have a lot of "power" where she is concerned. So, in her little pea-brain, she equates the ability to reject with having power. She decides to give women 5 points for being asked and turning the guy down. That will show those assholes for not asking her!

Ok, the 6th dance starts, and all the Brad-types are elbowing their way to the front of the line waiting to ask Jenn to dance. Whoever gets there first has a virtually 100% chance of getting yes for an answer. Why the hell not - she gets another point up on the women who aren't getting asked.

Meanwhile, Mr Average Niceguy has finally haired up to make the trek across the gym floor. He started late, so he doesn't want to try to elbow his way to the front of the line of prom-kings, so he veers toward Rosanne. "Hey, she is a nice average girl and no one has asked her to dance yet, so she will probably appreciate being asked and say yes" - he thinks.

Men really do not understand women.

Roseanne sees this as a chance to even the score with Jenn. She will get one point for being asked, and give herself 5 points for turning the guy down. She may even give herself bonus points for being extra creative in her cruelty.

Jenn is out there dancing away on her 6th being-asked-to-dance point, and Roseanne books one point for being asked, 5 points for turning the guy down, and gives herself a bonus point for being extra creative in how cruelly she does it.

Now the score is Jenn-6, Roseanne-7 -- she has just catapulted herself into the lead by rejecting rather than accepting you! She is now "better" than Jenn because she is so "superior" now that she has had a chance to pretend that she is too good to dance with an "average" guy.

Exactly the opposite of what a lot of people think, beautiful women never feel the need to elevate themselves by putting everyone else down - but "average" and less attractive women do.
Further Reading:
Bonecrker #57 – Approaching Fat/Ugly Chicks is Harmful to Your Self Esteem


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