Saturday, February 02, 2002

Zenpriest #33 - Salesmanship 101

Maybe Doc Love and DeAngelo have just found a way to package some universal truths in sound bites, but I didn't think of what I was saying as "relationship advice." It was more in the line of "how to get through this world without letting it drive you crazy advice."

Taking it completely out of the relationship realm, what is the first thing they teach in Sales 101 about the most important aspect of selling? ASK FOR THE SALE! If you go shopping for a car and one salesman stands around and yaks your ear off about how great the car is then just stands there expecting you to be spontaneously overcome with a great desire to shuck out thousands of bucks, and a different one says "I really, and I do mean REALLY want your business, what is it going to take to get it?" - which one are you more likely to buy from?

There is this insane notion going around among young men that the only way they can get a woman to sleep with them is to pretend they don't want her to. Guys complain about all the mixed messages they get from women, but don't realize that the messages they give out are no less ambiguous.

Yes, I know that for young men their internal hornies are screaming at them so loudly they just assume that everyone around them can hear too. It isn't true. Yes, in a general sense women are aware that most men want to sleep with attractive women. But, there is a huge difference at the interpersonal level between "yup, guys want to have sex with girls, and I'm a guy and you're a girl, soooo - draw your own conclusions" and "I want to sleep with YOU." The second is at least a departure from the "generic relationship" and acknowledges the other person as a unique individual.

It is also nothing but basic sales to QUALIFY YOUR PROSPECTS. Car salesmen know there are tire-kickers and there are buyers. And, they'll spend a few minutes with a tire-kicker, but the moment a buyer walks in the door they'll drop them like a hot rock and pursue a sale they can close.

This has nothing to do with being a "playa", and is in fact the antithesis of the assumed basic dishonesty which most people associate with the playa mentality. What I'm suggesting is to get MORE honest with yourself and other people, not less.

Yes, I know a lot of guys have been beaten down by feminist bullshit. And I know that a few posts aren't going to reverse that process. But, I also believe that guys have some responsibility for improving their own situations. If I try to tell a guy that there is nothing wrong with wanting what he wants, and he tries to argue with me -- WTF?? - ok, I give in, you're right, you really are pieces of shit!

There's nothing "bad" about wanting sex. If cupcake's father hadn't wanted sex, she would not be alive. But most guys carry around such a huge load of guilt and shame for it that they stand around looking like whipped cocker spaniels hoping some woman will take pity on them and hand out a mercy hump.

It don't happen!

What she wants is for the guy to take the responsibility for moving both of them into bed. She wants to maintain her fantasy of a being a reluctant virgin, and have him call out the wanton woman inside of her.

Guys who do this - get laid. Guys who won't, don't.

It is absolutely true that we suffer according to the level of our own bullshit. When we become willing to let go of our bullshit, then our suffering decreases.

Any guy who holds a woman in contempt and calls her a "slut" for sleeping with other guys is bullshitting himself if he thinks he is not going to hold a woman in subconscious contempt for sleeping with him. It is like the old Grouch Marx joke about not wanting to belong to any club who would have someone like him as a member.

It all boils down to accepting oneself as ok, accepting what one wants as ok to want, and then going about looking for it.

"Hey, you're cute. I want to sleep with you. Do you want to sleep with me? No? Ok. NEXT!"

"Hey, you're cute. I want to sleep with you. Do you want to sleep with me? Yes? COOL!"

Women have a right to not want to fuck someone, just as every guy has that same right to not want to fuck any particular woman. Find out if she wants to, and if she doesn't THEN MOVE ON TO ONE WHO MIGHT.

There's nothing "playa" about that - it is just being honest with yourself and with that other person and respecting both of your rights as human beings.

It is obvious as hell that most women really do want to fuck someone, because they ARE, and it would serve most guys really well to ask what the guys that they are fucking are doing which is different from what they are doing.

If someone sold cars for a living, and the guy next to him was whipping his ass in sales each month, wouldn't it make sense for him to study the other guy's sales techniques and try to emulate them if he really wanted to sell cars?


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