Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Pook #14 - Lesson Eleven - Getting a Girl is Not the Success

Comfortable with himself and his successful habits, he relaxed and reacquainted himself with his friends. He noticed they had lady-problems. 

“Why are women female?” one opined. “Everything would be much simpler if they weren’t female and would logically make sense!” 

“Indeed! They are not just female but so annoyingly female.” 

And on and on they complained. 

Years later, the young man found his old friends married or in serious relationships. In every single one, the girl chose him. Each and every one of them was chronically unhappy. 

However, they wouldn’t admit it to themselves. They said, “What! You are still single? Oh, poor guy! You will one day progress and get a chick like us.” 

“Indeed,” said another. “I just got a new girlfriend and you are still single! Hah!” 

And a third said, “We all are married or have girlfriends but you, poor chap, are still single. You need to start listening to our advice…” 

And together they said, “Give the woman flowers, chocolate, poetry, declarations of love, your full attention, your promises, your exclusiveness, your time, your dreams, your LIFE and adopt her desires, her plans, her manipulations, and her designs on your future.” 

The young man laughed. “Shrug off my Manhood for a girl? No thanks. For…”

“Getting a girl is not the success.”

“Pook! Whatever do you mean by this?”

 “Most guys still think like women. They think that by sleeping with lots of women, by having a girlfriend, or by having a wife means they are successful with women.”

“You mean that ‘beggars can’t be choosers.’ You mean for guys to PICK the girl rather than the other way around.”

“You’re closer and that is true. But women date for all sorts of reasons. They marry for all sorts of reasons. They sleep with you for all sorts of reasons. To the addition of the above, you want to find a woman that is interested in YOU.”

“I don’t understand.”

So Pook summoned forth a guy and his girlfriend. The guy, smug, says, “I got a girlfriend now! Dobedobedo!” Pook summoned a single guy into the room. The coupled guy smugly said, “Oh, poor thing! You will get a girl like me one day!”

The single guy bowed his head and looked sad. Alas. He had no chick. Boo hoo.

“Now,” said the Pook, “let us fast forward several years.”

Years later, the guy and his girlfriend got married. Why did they marry? “It seemed like the next thing to do!” Alas, the divorce swiftly came in a few years.

“The error is guys defining their success on having a woman or women. They should rather be concerned with having a woman that DOES actually like them.”

“Why do you say this, Pook? It sounds like a bit more work.”

“Yes, but if you do this then you won’t be like the following:”

“She said she loved me and we got married! Why does she want a divorce now?” 

“All my friends thought ‘she was a keeper’. So why is she cheating on me with her ex?” 

“She won’t return my repeated calls? What is going on?” 

“I do her date ideas and she thought I was ‘boring’. What does that mean?”

Pook shook his head. “When you aim at something long term, you need to make sure the woman likes you. Just because she dates you, sleeps with you, and yes, even MARRIES you does not mean she likes you.”

“So what should I do?”

“You define what the dates are at first. She will work with you if she likes you. You can ‘soften’ up later like in a couple of months. If she starts breaking dates, giving you the run around, or seems INFLEXIBLE then that should be warning signs that she doesn’t like you.”

“I see… But what if you’re so awful at DJing that NO woman likes you?”

“Then you’ll have more free time with your buddies. Success cannot be getting a girl because that means failure is being alone. No. Failure is being in an unhappy marriage or a relationship where she has no true interest in you.”

“So the focus must be on you, including her interest?”

“Right. Drop the ‘getting a girl is success’ mantra and you will never be DUMPED.”

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