Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Pook #34 - What I've Learned

I know everyone has different objectives on this forum. Mine was a long term relationship.

After being away from this forum for a long while, I've realized what I think are conclusive things.

Anti-Dump is right all the way. Speed seduction, for the case of long term relationships, is worthless.

I would get results with speed seduction. But I might as well have been an actor. I enjoyed getting responses, but I was never happy.

Forget NLP, forget Speed Seduction, unless you wish to practice them all your life. For a long term relationship, they are worthless.

Anti-Dump and the advice on the website is much much better and actually works.

I have flaws, as does anyone else. Speed seduction could veil them, but I want to be accepted for myself and my flaws as well. True love demands the acceptance of the entire package.

Here's what I noticed to be extremely effective:

1) Go for the number, go for the date. (Guys should not flirt. Women flirt. The job of guys is to ask for the number and to call for the date. This cuts through all women's games.)

2) Don't talk about yourself! (Focus the conversation on her or on her interests. Only mention things about you if they are the same: "Yes, I think the same about parrots being evil too." So many women have said that I'm a 'mystery'. "Is this good?" "Yes" This is because when I do comment on myself, it is very vague and general. I keep my mouth shut. Also, you come across as a good listener. A good listener is the most sexiest trait a guy can have.)

3) Demand respect! (She may not give you her company, she may not give you her affection, but she should always, and I mean always, give you her respect. Women will not stay with guys they don't respect, and you wouldn't want to be with a woman that didn't respect you anyway.)

4) Don't be afraid to disagree. (This runs contrary to Speed Seduction. No, do not seek disagreements. If possible, try to bypass them. But never be afraid to disagree. Women want guys who have a mind of their own.)

5) Women are never the priority. (Your life is more important. Women take a backseat to your passions and hobbies. Failure to do this makes you desperate.)

Most imporantly, be yourself. Speed seduction will not give you happiness. You want to be accepted for who you are, not because you memorized patterns and lines from an internet website. Being yourself does not mean being a shy sniveling nice guy, it also includes self improvement.

You cannot 'act' yourself into happiness. Away with the NLP! Away with the Speed Seduction! Being yourself may give you more failures in dating, but it is the only path to true happiness.

"As you think, you shall become."
"Men will be nice when nice guys get laid."


[This message has been updated by Monsieur Pookiness on 07-25-2002).]

Why the update? There are always updates because you never stop learning.

Of Self-Improvement

By putting the focus on you, rather than the women, you DO gain a control on your life. Most people sleep-walk through life. Others figure out what women want and, like clay, remold themselves to that. But by focusing on yourself, you keep yourself from ever being desperate and, even if things do NOT work out with a particular woman or women, you are still better for it since you haven't stopped upgrading yourself.

At every work place since the 'Kill that Desperation' post, I always enter being one way and leave another. For example, one job I enter being 'kinda' cute to the girls there. I leave being 'pretty damn cute' and enter the next job at the same level. Eventually, I become 'hot' and leave to the next. (And I was a computer geek! If I could turn myself from a nerd to a stud, then anything is possible!)

In all your dealings with women, YOU are the only constant. Changing in how you think leads to a more correct action. A sound mind creates sound attraction.

I won't lie; self-improvement will get you no girls. But it does make it MUCH EASIER to obtain girls. If you don't have the balls to risk than nothing you can do will get girls. Nothing.

One thing that hasn't been stressed enough here is SOCIAL-IMPROVEMENT. This is beyond how to talk to a chick. This is being OUTGOING (which is hard to do when you are reading DJ posts. It's a classic Catch 22). Yes, you can read and be Mr. Smart. Yes, you can pump weights and be tough. But if you aren't outgoing, you will still be SINGLE.

Many guys here will fit this description: they are good-looking and know it. They are fit. They know they want a cutie. But, alas, there is a problem. It is not that they are shy; they have overgrown that. It is not that they are ugly; they are adonises. No, it is that they are imprisoned in their own homes. "Ask her out." To what!? What should they do? They feel uncomfortable since it is not what they usually do.

The only way to do something with confidence and with ease is to do it often. The Don Juan is not a mental trick, NLP, or script but a HABIT. Aristotle says, "We are the sum of our habits." You cannot read what is on this site and expect results. Habit is central. (And habits change from HOW you think!)

To those guys plagued with an icy fear on what to do when dating and all, they should date themselves. Literally try taking yourself out. What would you do? What is the plan? The focus is fun. If usual dates don't come to your liking, then choose what YOU want to do.

"But Pook! She may not like what I want!"

But YOU are the focus. As Anti-Dump always said, she MUST like your date ideas. If she says no, then oh well! If she does, then you two like doing the same things together! Dating is a machine to cycle through all the chicks and get you the one that fits. It is not a bending over backward to please the girl and 'woo' her.

Of Seduction

It can be wise not to seduce too fast, to not get her between your sheets ASAP. Patience is always a good thing and lets things grow between you two.

Confident guys are confident because they know that it will come. If it is not now, then it will come. If it will come, then it is not now. Yet, it will come. I think patience has been the biggest element to my success than anything else.

Of Risk

Why are you here at this site? For most guys, it is because they fell in love with a woman who tore his heart to pieces. Now they devour Don Juan material so it can never happen again. They never emotionally risk again; they just utilize scripts and philosophies.

Emotional risk is not stupid AFC stuff like calling all the time. It is not getting sappy. It is putting your ego on the line. Why should you do this? Because there is a greater risk than if you don't. Why have a woman if all you don't invest some of your emotion in it? It ruins the fun and the love.

"But Pook! You said be desireless!"

Desireless means controlling yourself rather than having her control you. And this is at the beginning. After a while with a girl, you SHOULD want to put some emotional attachment in.

"But what if I get hurt!?" Then you still win! Would you be here at this forum, learning how to be a Don Juan, if you got the woman you wanted?

You should thank the girl you didn't get because now you are a Don Juan. (Imagine if you were an AFC for your entire life! Yech!) If something similiar occurs, the same radical improvement will follow.

Do not use DJism as an armor for the risk of emotional attachment. DJing is a TOOL to a goal. The goal is not DJism itself.

Dating is a Win-Win

Do not look at women as a win or lose game. THE GOAL is to find a woman you love and one who loves you back (without either settling). The goal is NOT to make every chick like you. The goal is to make YOURSELF happy. Think of it as a weeding out process where THE ONE is at the end.

Every breath we take brings us one closer to our last. What are you waiting for? For yourself to become 'perfect'? You never will be. The key is to weed them out to find if she is perfect for you.

Do not try to get into a woman's head. I've done so and I've wasted countless time in the process. Women are meant to be loved, not understood. If you understand them, you can never love them. So choose to love them; it's a happier life than that of a dried up philosopher.

There is nothing to lose. Success is a certainty now. Turn off the computer, go out, and live.

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