Pook #50 - Patience: What Truly Makes a Don Juan

I have observed guys that had it all (looks, confidence, experience, and even interest from the women). I was envious of these guys for they seemed to know what they were doing and knew how to do it well. I was in awe of how they could be so smooth with the ladies. Their abilities amazed me.

Where I worked at, there were a couple of women who all the guys wanted. These women had initial interest in the guys mentioned above (and as you can imagine, those guys had quite a bit of interest in them). So the guys moved in for the kill. They unleashed their charm, their wit, their humor to get the women they so desperately desired.

In the end, both women had ditched these guys and went out with me.

So what happened? How could guys with more experience, confidence, wit, and looks be shot down by the most in-demand women in the area? And how could someone like me (who lacks in these certain areas) succeed when such smooth ladies-men fail?

It all has to do with patience. These guys failed because they came on entirely too strong, too fast. After a couple of dates, they wanted to marry the person. Though they were smooth, they could not hold back their desire for a girlfriend. The women sensed this and recoiled from them instantly.

Women, on initial dates, just simply want to have fun and have a good time. Men can throw too much affection too soon, too fast, and scare the woman off. Women find this as 'desperation'. It is the ultimate turn-off to them.

Patience is NOT inaction nor 'chickening' out. Not asking out a woman you're interested in is not being patient but being stupid. Patience is controlling your eagerness.

Have fun with the woman. Don't take your outings so seriously. A woman must feel comfortable and secure with you before intimacy can begin. The key to her feeling comfortable and secure is by having fun WITH YOU.

Patience is also outstanding at ATTRACTING women too. Those Mr. Smooth men I knew would be there at a second one of the women called their names. If she said, "Hi, [Mr. Smooth Dude's Name]" they would stop what they were doing and talk. I, on the other hand, simply greeted them back and KEPT WALKING. The Mr. Smooth men came across as eager and desperate by always willing to stop whatever they were doing to chit chat while I gave the impression of 'importance' and 'hard to obtain' by controlling my eagerness.

Older women (who are married and in their 40s, 50s) have told me that one of the most common mistakes guys can make is trying to jump into a strong relationship after only a couple of dates. They said that women simply want to have fun and that if the guy smothers her with affection, she will distance herself. After all, who wants to be with someone that appears eager and desperate?

Now I must choose between one of the two women I'm going out with (yes, going out with both). The Mr. Smooth guys now come TO ME and ask, "What's your secret? How were you able to get BOTH of them?" and I just smile.

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Related:  

Pook #7 - Lesson Four: Patience is the Refined Sense of Confidence