Pook #48 - Why "Just Be Friends"

Let us interview the subjects...

The AFC, ala Mr. Nice Guy, comes walking in, crying and bubbling.

Pook shines the light in his eyes and walks around him in a circle.

Now, Mr. Nice Guy, why are you so sad?"

"Because... (sob), the girl I want only sees me as a friend!"

"What! How do you know?"

"Because I ask her out consistantly and she says, 'Let's Just Be Friends.'"

Poor Nice Guy! His heart is shattered and scattered across the floor! He wants to feel sorry for himself, wants others to feel sorry for himself, and hates how life has become.

But let us interrupt the Nice Guy's picking up his pieces of heart...

"Do say, Nice Guy, what you were trying to do?"

"Well (sob), I thought I could get close to this girl by being friends. I wanted to get close to her. Then, perhaps, something would happen."

This is very common. A hot woman has tons of guys trying to 'be friends' with her. But is it friendship?

Bring in the next subject!

Thus enters the hot woman herself. She sits down, Pook shines the light in her eyes, and walks around her with hands clasped behind his back.

Now woman! Why did you not go out with this guy?

"I just don't see him in that way? We're just friends."

But is it friends? Oh woman! Do tell, what does he remind you of really?

(she thinks) "I think of him like a brother."

Like a brother! In other words, the concept of sexuality referring to the Nice Guy she shudders in horror. Horror!

She thought of him like a brother because he acted like a brother. Going out of your way to do things for her (in a non-sexual/relationship context) is what her brother would do.

A woman must see you in a sexual way in order for any hope for romance to blossom (Wyldfire uses being 'worthy' to 'date'. Since women will never admit that they are wholly sexual beings, they just express it in that way.) The Nice Guy is going after the girl in some bizarre friendship way.

But let us complete the task. Bring in the Don Juan!

Don Juan enters and sits down, confidantly.

Don Juan, how can you be friends with girls and be successful where as the Nice Guy cannot?

"Pook, its all about fun. I have friends that are girls just because. I talk to them, hang out with them, have fun with them. The bitter truth is that the Nice Guy is not the Fun Guy. A woman won't date you unless she sees you in that way, in other words, she feels good around you,. translating to fun."

Indeed! Especially at the beginning, the best dates are action dates. Doing stuff rather than just talking or going to a movie or eating is more fun. The more fun she has, the more attractive you become.

When you have friends that are girls, in other words not romantically going after them, you are purely with them because of the fun. You enjoy spending time with them.

Alas, the more fun women have the more attracted they become. So eventually they turn their romantic target in your direction.

When the Nice Guy is 'friends', is he fun? Hardly. He tries to 'connect' to her in every possible way. He tries to 'get to know her' yet she is bored to hell (thus, she uses him as emotional tampon).

A girl will not consider dating a guy who bores her.

If there were any rule with women, I would say Never Bore Them. Make them laugh. Make them have fun. Heck, make them cry. Make them embarrassed. But never, NEVER bore them.

Also, there is the element of comfort. You'd be more likely to hang out with someone you know, right? The same is with women. A girl that feels comfortable with you will always be much more likely to be interested.

There is another reason why female friends may become interested. Sheer numbers.

Let’s have fun with this. Here’s another way to look at Success with Women, whereas the Success is defined as:

Success with Women

[(A x P)C+M] x W

A= Initial Appearance
P= Personality
C= Challenge
M= Mystery
W= Women

What are you high in? What needs working on?

Extroverted Nice Guys have more success then introverted Don Juans. When W equals zero, then no matter how awesome or attractive you are, your success rate equals zero. Improving quantity improves likelihood of results.

When you have female friends, the 'W' goes up and up.

When you become friends with a chick, it doesn't mean nothing can happen. Rather, when you see the chick (because she's hot or whatever) as fun itself and being around her is fun to you, that is when you go into LJBF.

Nice Guy has fun just being around a hot chick; the Don Juan has fun doing things with a hot chick. This is the difference.

Pook places the Nice Guy in front of him.

Admit it! You don't really care to go to the movies. You only did it so you'd be AROUND HER. ADMIT IT!

"IT'S TRUE! IT'S TRUE! Oh Pook, I am so ashamed! (boo hoo hoo)"

Pook then points to the Don Juan. "And YOU succeed because you pursue fun. She is along for the ride."

"Very true, Mr. Pook."

And remember, the Fun Guy not only gets the girl's TRUE friendship, but, eventually, her romantic interest as well.

---

QUOTE:  "Just a dumb question guys.

I have liked a few girls who I never thought was attractive initially. But after becoming good friends, then I found them attractive and then asked them out....each time...I got LJBF'ed."


Once a girl sees you as a friend, you will always be a friend.

The only way 'out' of it is to use sexual tension. Stare at her eyes a bit longer. Start looking at her in 'that' way. Take your thought and send it to her through your eyes, face, and behavior.

Don't worry, she'll recieve it.

Based on her reaction, you'll know what to do.

You are thinking in a GIRLS FOR DATING vs. GIRLS FOR FRIENDS. Rather, try thinking in a NO SEXUAL TENSION vs. SEXUAL TENSION.

If you try to ask out a chick who you knew in a 'non sexuality' way, you will be LJBF. You need to bring in the sexuality.

She will notice something is *different*. She will think something is 'growing' between the two of you.

And she'll like it (if not, she won't send any *sexuality* back).

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Related:

Pook #5: Lesson Two - Friendship Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter

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 Are you a slave?  If so, you cannot be a friend.  Are you a tyrant?  If so, you cannot have friends.    In woman, a slave and a tyrant have all too long been concealed.  For that reason, woman is not yet capable of friendship: she knows only love.    In a woman's love is injustice and blindness towards all that she does not love.  And in the enlightened love of a woman, too, there is still the unexpected attack and lightning and night, along with the light.    Woman is not yet capable of friendship: women are still cats and birds.  Or, at best, cows.    Woman is not yet capable of friendship.  But tell me, you men, which of you is yet capable of friendship? -- Freiderich Neitzsche