Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Pook #62 - Secret to Womanese!

What is this alien realm called Womaniverse where all these strange creatures known as WOAH-MEN emerge from? They scatter about the Earth and cast Mankind in a Pleasure-Pain Paradox. Alas, the WHOA-MEN kept complaining and drove our ancestors so mad that they created civilization to please them. Seeing their failure (for women are forever complaining), it is no wonder that we die first.

But to top it off, these WOAH-MEN speak in a totally alien language!

"Oh MY GAAWWWWD! I just ate a HUUUUGE cheese burriiitOOOO! And the GUILT is just KILLING me!"
"I KNOW! I just lost control and ate not just that big chocolate cake in the fridge, but my chocolate chip ice cream too!"
"YES WAY! Oh, did you hear about Susan? She is SO depressed that the guy she went out with won't call her back."
"Yes. But I told her, 'hey girl, if a guy isn’t wanting to talk to a brainy chick like you, then he's stupid and shouldn't be thought about!' It made her feel better."
"Heather told me that she saw Susan's guy with ANOTHER GIRL!"
(both squeal in supreme shock)
"Oh, she is going to feel AWFUL when she finds out!"
"I KNOW! What can we do?"
"You know that guy you met yesterday?"
"The guy with the really cute butt and smile?"
"Girl... tell, tell!"
"Well I heard Heather tell me..."

And on and on it goes! The above is not a 'network', it is pure chaos. In fact...

Sosuave: I am sorry, Pook. I must interrupt this post.

What! But I just got started...

Sosuave:Several women are protesting your text. They wish to be heard.

Very well! Let them in.

The three women enter.

Now ladies, what is the matter?

"Monsieur Pook, you have our sex much offended."

Ladies, you have my sex much offended.

And the three said together, "Listen to our advice:

"The sexiest thing a man can do is listen."
"Remember, Pook, women are better communicators."
"Listen to what she is saying. Good communication is the key to a good relationship."

Such are the common answers! Men listen to what you say and nod and nod and nod and nod until they drop dead from boredom. Men do not listen to women because they often don't make any sense. ******** is not communication; it is madness.

Look over there! A group of women gather and enter in a conversation of ********. It looks like they are talking! Pook gets closer to overhear them. Hear that? It is like a conversation going super speed with high pitched octaves punctured with squeals. What alien language is this?

But, luckily, I have Pook Vision Goggles. It allows one to see how Womaniverse interacts in this realm.

BEFORE: The women seem to be having a conversation in an allegro style.

WITH POOK VISION: The women are not talking, but are feeling each other, rubbing against each other...

The Secret to ******** is that it is a passage of feelings (where with REAL language it is a passage of thought). Women do not listen to each other, they FEEL one another. They cheer one another up. See those phone lines that are on fire due to women getting home from dates and calling each other? Female gossip is female therapy. As soon as they walk out of class, they must call someone on their cell phone immediately.

We know men 'think' and women 'feel', but not in such a bizarre context. Everything a woman says will be 'feeling'. Women are always touching each other (just not in our universe). Feeling, feeling, feeling... that is the sum of ********.

In this universe, we view ******** as an almost type of Matrix code. But in Womaniverse, what is transmitted is not thought but feelings. You will not find women grouped together chatting about intellectual ruminations of Kant and Aristotle. No, they will either be talking about sex, food, or shopping, and often in that order.

If she says,

This guy came and STARED at me. It was creepy! He kept telling me how beautiful I was and how he wanted to go out with me!

Other guys think I am beautiful, lovely, and want to date me. Why don't you?

Learn to identify the FEELING coming from her. Don't even listen to her words, FEEL how she says it and why. With the above example, the feeling is guys finding her beautiful. As guys, we would think, "What a creepy guy!" or "Why are you not telling this to your girlfriends?" She is transmitting a FEELING, not a thought, and this FEELING is that guys find her beautiful. She wants you to know this because she wants YOU to ask her out!

Are you gay?

Why won't you go out with me or anyone?

As guys, we would think we are showing homo-physical characteristics. But what is the FEELING emerging from her? The feeling is sexuality, specifically relating to YOU. You have the GREEN LIGHT to go for the women, and you are not moving. She is asking you if you're gay because you are not acting like most guys (chomping at the bit).

I like dates when blah blah occurs...

Ask me out now!

Being guys, we absorb this as THOUGHTS. But she is putting out a FEELING to us. The FEELING is the feelings of dating. She has no interest in specifics. She is reveling in the feeling of dating because that is what she imagines you and her doing!

Next time you view a group of women, with no guys around, watch what happens. You will see the women feeling each other. They do this literally (putting lotion on each other, combing each other's hair, pampering one another) and communication-wise "I LOVE chocolate cake!" "I KNOW! It is SOOOO yummy!"

Feeling You

Women will always try to ‘feel’ you. Join me, youth, in the Pook Observation Room. I have set up hidden Pookish microphones and cameras to observe what happens when it comes to women.

The screen showed a guy at a job. The guy was busy doing what he needed to do. His only co-workers were women. They chatted as they worked.

Listen closer. The women are not chatting with him.

The women kept trying to ‘feel’ him. How did he talk about his future plans? What did he feel about this, about that?

You see, the women don’t really care what he is saying. They are trying to feel what he is saying, what he is like, so on and so on.

Or observe this example.

A youth and a Hot Babe sat down for dinner at a fabulous restaurant.

She is trying to ‘feel’ him.

The youth orders chicken salad.

Check out those scanners! Yes, she is thinking, “He is going to make lots of money.”

“Because he ordered chicken salad?”


The youth orders a fancy bizarre meal full of seaweed and other strange dishes.

Ahh! She thinks he is ‘kinky’ in many many ways!

The youth orders a simple meal.

She wonders if he is the type of guy who wants to stay home on nights.

The youth orders a chocolate mousse and offers to share it with her.

Ahh! He is SO SWEET! Now she won’t feel guilty about getting her own chocolate mousse.

“Pook, what are you saying? That we are what we eat?”

I’m saying that women will always try to ‘feel’ you. They will make conclusions that don’t even make sense. Even if you get food stuck in your beard, she will look at you and smile, feeling how ‘cute’ the entire situation is. Feeling, feeling, feeling, that is the sum of womenese!


When two guys talk, they don't really talk to each other. They are on to a subject and then they talk abstractly about the subject- the other guy might as well not even be there!

Take our issues with women...

"Dude! Women are crazy!"

"You got that right! You know what I think? Women must be completely society oriented."

"How so?"

"It is not like they really live. They just act out roles. They have been the 'daughter' role, the 'date' role, the 'girlfriend' role, the 'fiance' role, the 'wife' role, the 'mother' role, and the ultimate... the feminist role."

"So women don't really live? They just act out society's roles?"

"Yes, they just go about with the same dreams they've always had. The most disappointing thing a guy will realize is that a woman is with him not because she loves him..."

"Because according to this idea women won't be able to love..."

"Exactly. Not because she needs him, wants him, or any of that."

"So why?"

"Just to have something to talk about with her girlfriends. That is all. Even the most uncharismatic dull husband will give her material to deliver to her girlfriends. Whether or not he farts in bed, whether he sexes properly, so on and so on. Girl talk revolves around our manly actions."

Now, the two guys are speaking about an idea in all its abstractness. The goal is the truth, or whatever can be thought of as the truth. When women talk, they speak to each other with no abstractions. Their goal is to good feelings which is only achieved through psycho-analysis.

And this is the most annoying thing about dealing with women, is that they so readily admit to being able to psycho-analyze you. For example, when a woman reads this merry post, she will be fuming and secretly think, "Pook must be a misogynist!" I've phrased this post accordingly so they have such a reaction.

If I redid the intro this way:

What is this magical world known as Womaniverse where all these women come from? They scatter about the Earth and without them, Man would be stuck in the stone-age. Women are the engine of civilization, the settlements of the New World failed until women were added, and women are always the glue that keeps society together.

Now I am an advocate of women!
Let us say a guy got heartbroken by a girl. The girl suddenly likes the guy again. So she goes after him. The two go out. Yet, he says he does not want to get back together again, but she feels something differently from his eyes. When they depart, he gives her a friendly kiss and says they would make good friends. She feels something quite different in that kiss.

As soon as she gets home, she calls her friends and says, "His words said no but his actions said yes! What should I do?"

And the Woman's Network advises her to 'press on' and eventually the guy cracks and the two become a couple. See? ********'s psychoanalysis has its uses, often, though, it keeps girls detecting 'signs' that don't exist in the first place (which is why doing Anti-Dump's "number", "date", "yes" allows no confusion. She will KNOW you are interested and you get to weed her out).

******** and Shopping Carts

I am throwing this into the post for the heck of it. Come, gentlemen, join this hungry Pook on his trip to the supermarket.

Pook gets his cart and begins to go through the store.

Ahh, there is nothing like shopping for food. Pook loads his cart up with items. You may think it is boring, but there is something you do not know.

“Excuse me,” a woman said, as she drove her cart around Pook.

Did you catch that? No, you probably didn’t. She was looking into my shopping cart! Her eyes were glued to the things I had in my little buggy.

Look! There it is again. It could be old women, young women, single women, married women, they keep checking out what I have in my cart.

You say: “They are nosy women and must see what you are getting.”

No, gentleman, they are checking out my cart because they want me! Yes, even the shopping market can become an erotic experience.

You may wonder how I know this. Well, women check out guys in many ways. One thing, for sure, is that they try to see if a guy is single or not by what he puts in his shopping cart. If he has items like half a gallon of milk, microwavable meals, and in general, a small amount of stuff, women will assume he is a bachelor and perhaps make a move. Some women will psychoanalyze your life based on what you have in your shopping cart. (Some women, thinking men think like they do, will deliberately put things in their shopping cart to convey an impression, such as water bottles to represent their 'healthy lifestyle' without realizing that men don't even look at the items in shopping carts.)

What does this have to do with ********? Absolutely nothing. But this is the most appropriate place for it. So if you are shopping and see a woman spying on the items in your cart as she passes by, hey, she’s probably checking you out.

Feelingese: The Language of Women

******** is feeling and feeling is ********. It goes beyond language. In our universe, cleaning our apartment is seen as a chore done primarily for sanitation reasons and to get stuff out of our way. But in Womaniverse, women enjoy the 'feelings' they get from a clean room (or rather they hate the 'feelings' they get from an unclean room). To us, a painting is just there as a 'decoration'. But in Womaniverse, colors, paintings, and designs all emit waves of good feelings which women soak up like cats do sunlight.

Womenese is also ensemble. Yes, ******** OVERLAPS.

Examine this example:

To the pleasure of two ladies, they found themselves in the presence of a Pook, and thus, were attracted.

“Come ladies! Let us go about for a merry walk!”

*giggle giggle* “Oh Pook! Lead on!”

As the three of us walked, the ladies were in such a tropical state that they babbled and bubbled endlessly.

Eventually, the Pook began to speak.

“Tomorrow, ladies, we need to go to the Pook-Place to pick up the…”

And a lady-friend cuts Pook right off with:

"Oh, look at the pretty weather out today!"

Pook, being a normal guy, STOPS talking. The women look at him as if something is wrong.

Pook is thinking: How RUDE that chick was! The stupid chick must have a short attention span!

Whereas Pook’s lady-friends are thinking, What is wrong with Pook!? Why did he stop talking? So typical of guys! They all have a short communication span!

Since ******** is transmitting feelings rather then thoughts, they can be absorbed faster and easier than regular language. This means that ******** OVERLAPS. You could be saying something and a woman will express a fast feeling. She expects you to keep talking. In mixed genders, however, the conversation tends toward more male. Sometimes, like the above example shows, the women forget and go total ********.

When women speak, the feelings often overlap. Before they are finished with one feeling, another offers another. They lap up each others feelings. This is the ‘girliness’ that disgusts guys.

But I’m a brave Pook, and I attempted to participate in the all girl ******** fest.

I had to know my ******** both language wise and ensemble wise. I kept trying to FEEL everything she was emitting (it is another universe!). A guy overheard me, pointed to me, and went: "GAY! Pook is GAY! I KNEW IT!" haha. Try it out and see if you have similar results.

Solution to ********

It is helpful to know your ********. But speaking it back to them? No, you have to be female for that.

DeAngelo understands, but he never specified it. A girl would take his hand (her ******** is saying “I like you”) and he would say “Oh really?” when she took his hand.

If a women starts touching you, she is actually saying, “I like you.” You can smile, touch her back, or whatever. Get out of your mind all these hidden signals and look at women in the context of FEELINGS. She will try to FEEL you and throw FEELINGS at you.

If she compliments you, “Oh Pook! You are such a smart Pookish guy!” she is saying nothing. She is just throwing a feeling at you.

So why do most men fail when talking with women? It is because they are using words, not feelings. You do not ‘talk’ to chicks, you express feelings. Think of a baby. The baby doesn’t know what you are saying. The baby only cares about your tone of voice. You could say in a babyish voice, “Armageddon is going to fry us all today!” and the baby will smile in glee not because of the TONE but because of the FEELING the tone rides on.

So what solution is there to ********? Since ******** is the process of feelings, all you have to do is EMIT feelings. In other words, focus on the joy in YOURSELF and let it SEEP OUT. Stop dividing yourself from your emotions. If you’re happy, let yourself be happy. The women will smell it and love you.

The Nice Guy protests this post. “But I KEEP telling them my emotions! And look at where that has gotten me?”

Oh you pernicious emotional SLUT! Just as guys don’t exactly respect the women who just sleep with whomever and wherever (sluts!), women don’t exactly respect the guy who vomits his feelings to all the women all the time (emotional sluts, i.e. Nice Guy).

The Nice Guy kept trying to EXPRESS his emotions through our language. Flowers, poetry, declarations of love, and so on.

The player kept trying to CREATE INTEREST by doing things like kino, mirroring, eliciting values, and so on. He is just trying to get her to feel something and put a mirror to it, so it reflects to her. The player is providing mental masturbation in hopes she uses him as a boy toy for physical masturbation.

But the Don Juan is already full of joy and the emotions carry over to the women via ********.

Remember, what YOU feel, SHE feels. She will ALWAYS be trying to FEEL you.

If you feel frustrated, she feels frustrated.

If you feel despair, she feels despair.

If you feel happy, she feels happy.

If you feel playful, she feels playful.

If you feel horny, well… It has been shown that male lust turns women on.

This is why the focus must be on you. As you think, YOU shall become. But as you feel, so shall she feel. Women cannot love a wall, so they want to knock it down.

So connect! Get that feeling of joy in your world AND LET IT OUT. Let it live in your walk, let it live in your speech, let it live in your eyes. The sexiest thing a man can do is SMILE. But smile not with just your lips, smile with your eyes, smile in your walk, smile with your talk.

Live in fragments no longer! Throw your mental prison off! Connect your emotions and the world, your dreams to day, and the beast and the monk, robbed of the isolation that is life to either, will die!
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