Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Pook #42 - Feeling down about your love life? Read this!

OK. So you don't have a girlfriend. You're not getting any sex. On your current course, you're about to become a Monk. You feel down and saddened.


"But Pook, I got no girl!" That is not the problem. The problem is that you place your happiness on a girl. You can't be happy in a relationship unless you're happy being single. Get away, endulge yourself in your hobbies and work. Whatever you do, do not sit there and regurgitate your emotions. Take Action.

But the more common is, "But Pook, I am doing my hobbies and work. I have a natural need for intimacy. I am tired of being single!"

And I am sure it is especially burning that you walk around and see these happy couples, hand in hand, with huge smiles on their faces, almost as if they are mocking you. But fear not! You are way ahead of the other males.

How do most guys act? Either they are Nice Guys or Jerks, very rarely are there true Good Guys.

Nice Guys

Look at these guys in their relationships or in their marriages. You know who wears the pants in the relationship. These poor guys never understood the Game and are just relieved to have settled down. They are AFCs for life.

Most nice guys spend their 20's in misery until women in their 30's are ready to settle down. It is so sad to see these AFCs in such manner.

Some got a bit wise and looked at Dating Books. Unfortunately, most books make Nice Guys more feminine because they are written on what women SAY but not what they DO.

These poor chaps have no backbone! I watched my (then) roomate get a call from a girl saying that she was hungry and because she was studying, HE was to go to Subway to get her a sandwhich! Alas, he did this. This patheticness is not the exception, it is the common.

See that cutie pie in those oh so tight pants? Most guys would chicken out in approaching her. In fact, many would go, "Run! Don't let us know that we are looking at her!" Pathetic! Pathetic! Pathetic!

Or the guy who calls the girl of his affections night after night, hour after hour? Pathetic!

When I was young, I remember a guy driving ALL the way to my house (I live out in the boonies) to return to my sister a glove. She was pleasant but didn't let him get in the front door. She said to me, "Whatever you do, do not act like that. Do not call a girl all the time. Do not act that way."

Or a co-worker, completely infatuated, follows the girl around like a puppy. The proximity is obvious. When he wasn't around, all the girls would get together and laugh and joke at him, all declaring how pathetic he was. Aren't you glad you're not that guy now?

When my sister and her boyfriend were going out, my sister was breaking up and getting back together with him again and again and again. He wised up and eventually thundered, "Listen woman! Either stay with me or go! Make up your damn mind." She stayed with him and the two married. If he was a 'nice guy' and scared of confrontation, do you think she would have stayed with him? No.

What about the guys who just sit there and wait for girls to approach them? In their mind, they think, "Please ask me out!" Guys should never count on women to ask them out.

Or in the married life, nice guys who are afraid to lead because of their passitivity. They often marry the wrong woman because they are so tender to their own emotions and oblivious to reality. Indeed, there are shmiels who's wifes cheat on them constantly... and they put up with it.


These and the Nice Guy are but one of the same, while a Nice Guy introverts himself, the Jerk extroverts himself. While the Nice Guy is constantly passive, the Jerk is constantly aggressive.

While the Nice Guy hides his sexuality and can't get chicks to be attracted to him (but are good long term relationship material, as girls confirm by saying to Nice Guy, "You're not the type of guy I'd date, you're the type I'd marry") the jerk erupts his sexuality everywhere, gets chicks attracted to him, but can never keep them.

The jerk has no confidence, which is why he is a jerk in the first place. True criticisms sting him and collapses his spirit.

Notice how the Jerk may get chicks long enough for sex, he fails completely in life. He ends up being a janitor or something similiar. The girls he bedded with? All of them insecure little girls. It is pathetic and very very sad.

Some guys have gotten confident enough to take action, talk to girls, etc. But very few have true backbone. Even fewer then that have the Don Juan skills expressed in the articles and on this forum.

Most guys are pathetic. Most are chumps. Women simply get tired of looking and will 'settle' for who they are with. It is so sad.

But you, on the other hand, you are not a chump and are definetely not pathetic. You are a good catch. Fear not having no intimacy right now, for with your mindset and skills will ensure you luxurious intimacy for the course of your life.

Can the Passive (Nice) Guy speak of true passion within his relationship? Can the Jerk (Coward) speak of true success and true maturity within relationships? Of course not.

You are enlightened and know something 99% of the other guys do not: how to handle women. For if you don't, women will handle you.

One out of four marriages is when the woman never loved the guy anyway but just 'settled down'. Out of the 'love' marriages, most of the women fall out of love. More women then men commit adultery. 80% of relationships are broken up by women.

Why is this!? Mostly, because of patheticness. When you get down, think of all the guys that suffer from this. Then realize that you are truly free, for you possess the knowledge that makes you a Man.


How do you achieve such a mindset? That's a hard question since it varies with everyone.

Remember when you were a full fledged Nice Guy and first read the articles on this website? Aside from the techniques you learned, did you notice how you began to look at things differently?

That shows you are on the right track.

Remember yourself beating your head into the wall because there was this drop dead cutie pie who was nearby, was alone, perfect to be approached yet you chickened out? You thought, "Oh my goodness! What am I doing!? She was RIGHT THERE and I could have talked to her. Now when thinking about it, I realize that perhaps she was there HOPING that I would talk to her. AURGH! I CAN'T DO THIS! I HATE MYSELF!"

This is a sign that you are also on the right track. Why? Because you are noticing opportunities now. Before, you didn't. Your mind is grasping the Romance Game. Don't expect to be successful all at first. Such a change of an outlook of life doesn't happen all at once. It takes some time.

(No one goes from Nice Guy to Great Guy in a day. You simply have to keep improving yourself, becoming more comfortable with yourself, and notice the small changes your romance/flirting life is having. Cherish them)

Or how about the time when you asked for a girl's number and got blown off. Or worse, you got her number but when asking her out she replied, "Oh, well, you see my fish is having a severe mental breakdown. He is swimming in circles and has a passive look on his face. I must stay and tend to his needs." And you say, "Hmm, ok. Well, bye." And you THROW AWAY the number!

BEFORE, the nice guy would say, "Poor fish! Oh, how I feel for the poor creature! Please, let me come over and help you aid the dear! Let me message fishy oils on its fins and finger feed it the flaky fish food it so craves. We shall help it get better!"

The Nice Guy would call another time or keep trying. But you, on the other hand, wrote this idiot woman off.

This too is a sign that you're on the right track.

When a girl says to you, "Hey! Stop all your plans and take me to see this chick flick!" The Nice Guy would go, "OH BOY! I LOVE CHICK FLICKS!" and would rush right over. But YOU would say, "On such notice? Sorry, we're going to have to reschedule. I have plans that night."

Or how about the time when a (guy) friend of yours looks at this radiant voluptuous beauty, hides his face and squeals, "Oh, she is out of my league." But you think differently then he does. You APPROACH her and chat as if you were completely oblivious to her beauty. She may or not respond, but either way, your friend now looks at you with respect for having the courage to just walk up to her like that. (No, not respect. Awe.)

This, too, shows you're on the right track.

There's no shame in failure, only shame in not trying. Even when you don't try, the fierce guilt that tears you up is a sign that you are changing for the better and killing that nice guy within you.

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