Sunday, August 22, 2004

Pook #53 - Re: Selfishness, Life-Changing Decisions Etc.

QUOTE: What am I getting at?

Thanks to this site I have developed a great sense of self and a much higher level of confidence (not perfect by any means, but a hell of a lot improved). I've committed myself for the last couple years to doing whatever it takes to get what I want (money, girls, power etc). All of a sudden this does not seem appealing to me. I feel willing to give up all the hard work to follow a completely different path. All of a sudden, the thought of screwing people over or "succeeding at all costs" makes me really uneasy.

Power games with girls/coworkers are something I used to be able to play very well, but now I want nothing to do with them.. I feel like everything I wanted in life is being turned on its head. Maybe I'm just ranting here, but the world has really been showing its dark side lately, and I just don't want a part of all the bull****. Is there anyone out there who honestly gives a ****?

Where to go from here??? All the DJ techniques I've read over and over seem so insignificant. God, I had everything planned out, I feel like I'm back at square one and then some. I've got no idea what I want out of life again... anyone have any input? or have I gone completely wacko-jacko? 

These are the times that try men's souls. Our ancestors and forefathers always had clear and solid definitions of masculinity and manhood. While the definitions varied in detail, the context was the same. Today, there is no system, no genuine respect for manhood. If a woman committed suicide, it would be a 'tragedy'. But if a young man commits suicide? Ho-hum, just another 'statistic'.

You're not crazy. You've grown up. Most people never do.

Children are remarkably selfish. This is fine, as they are children. Growth is seen as the child growing and expanding on his/her abilities or schoolwork.

However, around the age of sixteen (especially for girls), they become enchanted with a self-image for themselves. This self-image varies from individual to individual, but the results are the same: to create envy from others, excess pride, material goods, and sexual goods.

Nature, herself, has written a code onto our hearts and natures. We each have our talents and gifts. And who can decide what they dream?

This grand 'self image', in order to exist, must use techniques and people as fodder, as stepping stones to success. What is obscene is that the basis of fulfillment of this 'self-image' is the denial of the self.

Narcissism is the denial of the self. It is to reject the Gift of Life. A musician trying to play the role of the soldier (for women? for money?) would have his soul destroyed. Likewise, a soldier trying to play the role of musician (for women? for money?) also would find his soul destroyed. We have been taught, at the earliest ages of youth, that in order to 'get things done' and to 'make people happy', we must, on all levels, deny ourselves. In fact, I suspect that is why many men come to this forum in the first place. We have 'denied' ourselves women for so long but enough is enough!

What is a technique with woman but the fundamental denial of self? We are taught to act this way, do that, then this, and that over there, and perhaps we get the girl. But what was the cost? (There is ALWAYS a cost). By using some 'techniques' on the Internet, you never know if *you* can get women. Yes, techniques sell well because they are 'painless'. If anyone tells you something in life will be painless, they are, somehow, a salesman. Nevertheless, techniques are not an addition to your character but often a denial of it. No, being a Nice Guy does mean crash and burn. Rather than facing up to the hard questions of life and our own masculinitiy, it is much simpler and easier to adopt a series of techniques.

Narcissism's denial of the self permeates through today's society, as you have noticed. How often have you gone on a date with a woman and had her say everything you *think* she wants you to hear? Or how often do you find guys that act the way they think the 'women' want to hear? The technique wielding seducer and Nice Guy differ on how they act, but the context of their actions are entirely narcisstic. Even the 'good girls' and 'bad girls' suffer from this extreme self image. Reality to them is unseen. This is why they never seem to 'change' once their bodies reach that of an adult. Many people remain narcisstic for their entire lives.

I say: go do what you want! Go follow your dreams! Go embrace your passions! Go for the girl you think is 'out of your league' and super hot. Go for the fruits of life! Do NOT deprive yourself. When you do so, you slowly become embittered and turn that embitterness into a virtue. "Look how NICE I am to women." "Look how I sacrifice for my education/job/family/etc." The list goes on and on.

Our age today is mercenary labor and mercantile women. Everyone wants to leverage you for their own ends. But only you know what your dreams and passions are. Your dreams are now ripe for enjoyment. If you wait too long to enjoy it, it will be as bitter to the taste as defeat. Too many people deny themselves for 'tomorrow', always 'tomorrow'. We say, "Look at that dream up there! One day, it will come down." Rather, we ought to say, "Our hour has struck!"

Francisco mentioned "Atlas Shrugged". I would say "Fountainhead" is the superior book. For those who still think narcissism is about being 'selfish', just look at the character of Keating. Keating and Roark play opposite roles. Keating does whatever to please others. He even denies his heart to marry a 'beautiful woman'. Roark does only what pleases himself and pursues his own passions. In the end, Keating becomes broken while Roark wins the world. The point is that both characters face severe pain (for pain will occur to you in life. If anyone tells you differently, they are a salesman). Roark, taking the mindset of freedom, dealt with the pain at front. Keating, adopting the mindset of security, avoids pain at every turn and it ends up consuming him.

We can either avoid the pain and "shocks that flesh is heir to", or we can tackle it head on and be man not for women, not for society, not for your parents, not for your church, but for ourselves, as being a man is the closest males can get to heaven on Earth.

Securities Vs. Mistakes

There I am, minding my own business on my computer, when a message pops up to scream,

"W00t! Eh git da Pook! Tale me, Puke, whut cun eh dew ta git da woa-men?"

And then appears one of the following lines:

"How do I approach?"
"What do I say?"
"How do you call her?"
"How do I get laid easier?"
"Where do I meet the girls?"
"How do I increase my testosterone?"
"Tell me how to be a Man."
"What cologne should I put on?"
"Which are the clothes that women like?"
"Should I walk with swagger or not?"
"Facial hair or not?"
"Should I use more action verbs in my speech?"
"What sexual position should I use?"
"What date should I do?"
"Should I be ambitious, artistic, or just domineering?"

Gentlemen, if I attempt to answer your every request, I shall be here until Doomsday. You come onto the forum and think, "If I obtain this information, my future with women shall be changed."

This is a bald-faced lie.

Your future is the same. It is only your past that keeps changing.

Nice Guy, Seducer, Cocky Guy- what does it matter? You’re looking for guarantees. Then you change your past (“I lost to the women because I was sheepish and not cocky enough”). Maybe you have different results. But then it goes back to the way it was. And you search for more information. And then you change your past again (“oh, I lost to the women because I lacked testosterone within me”). Maybe you have different results. But then it goes back to the way it was. And you search for something else...

On and on it goes. So excuse me for not giving you a traditional answer. Let me answer you in another way.

It is to know the difference between a security and a mistake. 'Securities' What is a 'security'? It is a calculus of action. It is a planned way of thought, of movement, of talk, and of love. For example, anchoring conversation with "notice something about her” is a 'security'. It implies that if you talk about a necklace or something she is wearing, your odds for 'winning' are better. Here is another 'security'. "A cool fast car!" Since it is observed that women like the cool fast cars, guys will get them because they believe it boosts their chances of getting the girl.

All seduction techniques are 'securities'. All NLP is a 'security'. The entire idea is to boost your chances of getting the girl.

Self-improvement is readily a good thing. But a very big problem (or should I say cancer?) occurs when self-improvement becomes a 'security'. The idea that improving yourself, in this or that way, will boost your chances. But the problem is that it never stops. Go into a gym and you will find many single guys working out. They will remain there because they always think they have to be perfect to get the ladies! Watch television and you will see ads implying that if you wear this shampoo, you will have this social life, eat this brand of rice, and your romantic life will look like this, on and on and on. Use this product and you will be "perfect" it implies. Well, perfect is boring.

Take a young man asking some guy on the internet where should he go for the date? What should he eat? What should he wear? Which restaurant should he go to? What should he talk about? (And yes, he even asks) What sexual position should I use? Should I kiss her here or there?

He thinks, Eh em ubtaining all dis infoormadion! W00t! Luk dat mee!

But I'm shaking my head thinking, My goodness! This guy is letting a stranger from the internet define his love life! He doesn't know where he wants to go, what he wants to eat, what to talk about, or what to wear.

Women will look at such a guy with the same attitude.

A 'security' is an act or thought that makes you eliminate mistakes. It is one thing to foresee mistakes (after all, you can't just marry any girl), but it is disaster to life to deny them. You want misery in your life? Keep sucking up 'securities' to mold and sculpt your life.


I cannot speak for others, but I will tell you the BIG reason why I became successful with women. I was willing to lose girls when I had no girls, and I was willing to spend the time when I had no time.

What does this mean Willing to lose girls when I had no girls?

Let me use a money analogy. Let us say you were born poor. Most people remain poor because they cling so tightly to the pennies they have that they won’t risk losing it in any investment. So they not only lose out with the big money, they remain with pennies their entire life.

Now look at many men. Many guys remain single or in an LTR with a mediocre girl because they cling so tightly to the one girl in their worlds that they won’t risk or go back to singledom. (Most girls stay with a mediocre male precisely because of this reason). It is like an ant saying to another, “Don’t eat that leaf else we starve!” forgetting that they are in a bountiful forest.

When one love dies, another is reborn. Nature will not tolerate a vacuum. Single guys will have women thrown at them, provided they aren’t living life in securities. If you tiptoe with women, you cannot stand! You flop and fall over if you get out of balance. And that is what it is like living a life of securities… I know, I did it far too long. It is like walking a tight beam and ‘balancing’ against every gust and breeze. It is exhausting. This is why many following this path want to give up on women because it seems like ‘so much work’.

If you don’t have money, how can you be scared of losing money? And if you don’t have women, how can you be scared of losing them? It is like you’re fighting for the scraps, literally SCRAPS, of joy while your dreams sit on the table, rotting and growing cold with time.

And what does it mean to spend time when I had no time?

Most people don’t live in the present. They live in the ‘future’. They say, “Tomorrow! All my dreams will occur tomorrow!” Never does the person say, “Today!” So time passes and passes.

I will bet that most guys here, who are sincerely interested in getting better with women, were late bloomers in life. Let’s face it. If you have not dated or did anything with girls, you are certainly going to be a bit uncertain about it!

“My problem is that I need more experience.” I don’t think so. I think the big problem (of which I, too, am very much guilty of) is not embracing my dreams for today and waiting for tomorrow. I would see a pretty girl and go, “No! Can’t ask her out! Got too much stuff to do this week!” This occurred throughout years. But as time passed, melancholy increased and increased until you hated being single. It was as if an internal pressure came. You go after women because the pain of being single is now greater than ‘ceding your desires for tomorrow’.

Is that what it has come to? The choice between lesser of two pains? Is this life? You didn’t live like that when you were a child. You used to explore, play, and try out new things! Why has life become harder and more unbearable?

Again, it comes to your context on ‘securities’ vs. ‘mistakes’. I ask, “What mistakes does a child make?” I’m sure you can think of something like forgetting to turn off the light, leaving the oven on, or something of the sort. This is from the adult’s point of view. From the child’s point of view, he wasn’t making any mistakes. Cut his finger? Hurt his leg? Tired out? No mistakes here! Why, he was exploring! Every child loves to explore. There is so much in life to see! A child, instinctively, knows this.

But we somehow overpower this when we grow older. When you say something *wrong* with a woman and she leaves, you think you made a ‘mistake’ and feel bad. Well, why do you have to feel bad? Everyone’s made mistakes before. So what?

Get that child’s perspective once again of feeling that the world was new when you were young. You are exploring with love and life, not making ‘mistakes’. And even the worst mistake is preferable to a lifetime embracing the greatest of ‘securities’. The zest of life is in the roll of the dice.

So look at your love life. Is it a life of ‘securities’ or is it a life of ‘mistakes’? Is it a ‘calculus of action’ or spontaneous?

Look at your financial life, social life, and even intellectual life. Are they leashed to ‘securities’ or are they free, wild, and allowed to explore? 

“But Pook, my perspective uses the word ‘strategies’. Your perspective uses the word ‘securities’. We are saying the same thing but using different contexts. But we are both using the word ‘mistake’ in my perspective! Tell me, goodly Pook, what word do you use, in your perspective, for my label of ‘mistake’?”


Previous Pook Index Next