Friday, August 22, 2008

Have Women Invented ANYTHING!?!

I mean, have they?

With all of that time they had living in Betty Friedan's "Comfortable Concentration Camp", one would think they would have had lots of time to dream up all kinds of crap.


Have they?


You know, I used to pinch severely off of Buster B's phrase "name something that a woman has invented that involves more than two moving parts."

(You haven't read Buster B? Well, where have you been living? On that ever cooling sun? You can find his archives here: T'is good stuff!)

But, I think Buster and I were both aiming too high.

I got into a conversation about female inventions today, and, I insisted that only a woman could have invented those stupid little doilies that the fair sex likes to stick under ever solid object in a house.

I despise those ridiculous things!

I was sure that only a woman would have invented them. I mean, they are so enamoured by them that I know not of a woman who has not purchased several.

Surely, such a frivilous, stupid, little lacey circle couldn't have been invented by a man!


“Who invented the doily? Count D'Oyley was supposedly a decorator back in 17th Century London. He created the first doilies. They were made of a woolen material. In the 1800s in France, they started making the paper doily. They were brought here to the United States in the mid-1800s.” (13)

I mean, trust me! When the rest of us men invent the time machine, I will be the first to support the notion that this asshat should be removed from the past gene pool! And justified in my support I should be, as this jerkoff has tormented men with stupid lacey crap adorning the base of every truly masculine thing within the home which he has built! Death is too merciful! Only banishment from the gene pool will suffice!

But, dammit!

I was certain that women must have invented those darn things... if only to irritate their menfolk, which they seem to so love doing.

But I was wrong!

So, dear readers, please help me along!

Can I change the phrase from "Can you name anything with more than two moving parts that was invented by a woman" to "can you name ANYTHING that was invented by a woman?"

I want to remain accurate... but, after the doily incident, my faith has been shaken.