Saturday, February 23, 2002

Zenpriest #54 - The Way We Were

My high school girlfriend quite literally "fell into my arms." We were decorating a float for the homecoming parade and she contrived to get close to me, and then "slipped" off the box she was standing on forcing me to catch her while she threw her arms around my neck and we ended up standing there looking into each other's eyes with our arms around each other.

Pretty effective "first move." Got my attention.

If a woman is interested in a man, she will find a way to get in his face.

Now, contrast this with the way the mating game is played today, which reminds me of the grisly ritual of school dances when I was growing up.

The girls would all congregate on one side of the gym, the boys on the other. The band would start playing, and for the first couple of dances the already established couples were the only ones on the floor.

Then, the sorting began. The bravest and most cocky guys were the first ones to venture out and make the long trek across the gym floor to ask one of the wallflowers to dance. Of course, since they were the most confident, and felt like their boldness and work to make the approach deserved something - they approached the prettiest girl remaining unpaired. After all, the most literally "attractive" girls were the ones who exuded the magnetism to pull the boys across that great divide.

Over time, things worked their way down the prettiness/boldness hierarchy, with the shyest boys finally pairing up with the plainest girls.

Women who rely purely on the passive approach, even if it is the passive/aggressive approach of dressing and making themselves up like whores, and wait for men to approach them are at the mercy of both where they rate on the attractiveness scale and on the relative aggression of the boys. Such a woman will never get the best mates, because the prettier ones will draw his attention first.

Just like in every other part of life, a female who uses a more active approach to attracting the attention of a boy she fancies, as my HS girlfriend did, hugely tilts the scales in her favor regarding who gets noticed and who doesn't.


“Women chat happily, send sexually explicit signals and encourage the man’s attention, even if they have absolutely no interest in him. This gives a woman time to assess a man, says [Karl Grammer of the Ludwig Boltzmann Institute of Urban Ethology in Vienna, who studied 45 male-female pairs of strangers in their teens and early twenties]… Importantly, the women also seemed to control the encounter – what the women did had a direct effect on what the men did next. ‘You can predict male behaviour from female behaviour but not the other way around,’ says Grammer”New Scientist Magazine (London), February 14, 2001


Further Reading:

Zenpriest #19 – How Women Keep Score

Zenpriest #18 – The Designated Initiator


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