Thursday, February 12, 2004

Bonecrker #43 - Women Behave Like Beavis and Butthead

There was an old "Beavis & Butthead" episode where the boys went down to the local dog pound to get a dog.

Naturally, they wanted one who was studly. So they walked down the row of cages looking for a suitable dog. If the dog looked friendly, Butthead would say "Wuss!" with great contempt and move on to the next cage. When he spotted one who looked vicious enough, he'd say "Beavis? The Test!" and then he'd insert Beavis' arm into the cage.

If the dog licked Beavis' arm, Butthead would say, "That answer was incorrect!" and move on to the next cage.

Finally, one dog sank his teeth into Beavis … and that was the one they took home.

Something similar happens with dating.

The reason I like this joke so much is because it is such a strong, multi-faceted allegory of what is going on with American women.

1). The first is the understanding that American women have allowed themselves to become more than a little bit like Beavis and Butthead. Vicious yet weak, depraved, exploitative and most of all... stupid. They are dangerous deviants that most people fail to take seriously.

2). So, of course, they are going to choose a pet that matches their character. Note that they are so self-involved and fucked up that they are unable to distinguish something they want from something that is good. They don't know that what they want is nuts, but worse, they treat what they don't want, even though it is obviously better (to a normal person), as if it had no value.

3). They go to an artificial situation (a pound) where the state has rounded up those who have been cast-away (divorce) and forcibly limited their choices. Without this interference, none of the dogs would even consider Beavis and Butthead. They do it because they are forced too. Also, since the issues of supply and demand have been artificially altered, the low quality element (Beavis and Butthead) gets to pick and choose among the high quality element. The situation is so lopsided that they feel the need to "test", even though every dog in the pound is actually acceptable.

4). Because Beavis and Butthead are fucked up, their test is fucked up. It displays sadism and exploitation (Butthead) and masochism (Beavis).

5). The only thing that matters about the dog is the fact that it will hurt them. Self-destructive people, situations and impulses are "cool."

So, we have a situation where a man is forced to seek after Beavis and Butthead rather than be imprisoned and alone, with all other choices kept away from him with the judicious use of force. In order to do that, he must be willing to bite them. What the joke doesn't mention is the dog goes right back to the pound after Beavis and Butthead lose interest and wander off to the next fucked up situation.

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