Monday, January 07, 2002

Zenpriest #7 - Women's Aggression

Ever hear the old saying "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"? A guy might get disgruntled and a bit pissed off when a woman he wants to sleep with turns him down, but turn down a woman who wants to have sex with you (for whatever convoluted reasons) and she will absolutely hate your guts.

During my freshman year in college, my Residence Hall Assistant (upperclassman with light admin duties for the floor and the general purpose of helping kids adjust to college life) was a guy who was 6'8". For part of that year he "dated" or hung out with a woman who was 4'10". One day I heard terrible crashing sounds coming from the hallway and poked my head out to see her kicking the $#$% out of his door. "He's not there" I said. "YES HE IS" she shouted back at me. She kicked the door a few more times and I said "If he was in there, he would surely come out to see who was trying to kick down his door and why."

I invited her into my room to sit down and calm down. She was babbling on about how she knew he was in there and was just afraid to come out and face her. Now there is a fascinating concept which shows the lie in all the feminist drivel about Domestic Violence. At 6'8", the guy weighed about 250 lbs even though he was skinny as hell. This "little woman" weighed maybe 90 lbs, if that. Yet, she was totally convinced that he was afraid of her. Why? For the same reason that a badger or wolverine can drive a bear many times its size off a kill - pure, raw, unbridled aggression unrestrained by any decency or civil/interpersonal values.

Now, the really interesting part is just why she was so pissed off. "Do you want to hear the lame-assed excuse he gave me for not sleeping with me?" she asked. "No." I responded. "First of all, I am not the least bit interested in his sex life. Second, he has a right to his privacy."

Men apologize to women because if they don't women will continue to attack them viciously, relentlessly, in any way they can until the guy does apologize. The guy could have batted her away like an annoying pup if he had chosen, but he was restrained by a value system which limited his aggression and the level of his attacks, while she suffered from no such limitations of civility and decency. Women throughout this culture are given social permission to go as psychotic as they feel like and they know it will be excused by the cultural perception of women's uncontrollable emotionality. Look at all the people who jumped to the defense of Andrea Yates for killing her kids or Clara Harris for killing her husband while his own daughter watched.

Over the years, the most vicious attacks I have endured from women have come as a result of refusing to sleep with them. Flying into a screaming hysterical rage is one of the favourite tactics of women to take men off guard and manipulate their reflexes to throw them into the fight or flight arousal complex. Because men are so socially conditioned that they should "never hit a woman" under any circumstances, the option of fighting is unavailable to them so they flee the emotional battleground by admitting guilt and apologizing. It is the equivalent of waving the white flag of surrender.
Most of the women I have observed over the years are emotional terrorists. It is so acceptable in this culture that women can proudly wear "Bitch!" t-shirts etc, and also love the saying "if mom isn't happy, then NOBODY is happy." Men apologize because women wear them down with these tactics and most men are worn out enough from trying to make a living that they will give away just about anything for a little peace and quiet when they get home. I just saw a post (I think it was here on NG's site) to the effect of "A guy gets up at 7:00 so he can make it to the work battlefield by 8:00, why the hell would he rush home so he can get to that battlefield by 5:30?"

This is just one of many areas in which women quite successfully play both ends against the middle. They have the cultural fiction behind them that women want relationships more than they want sex, and more than men want relationships. But, they count on the fact that the man actually wants emotional intimacy and closeness more than they do so they can use that as a weapon against men and hold the relationship hostage to their whims - "you'd better do what I want, or I will 'break' the positive feelings between us!"

Men are always going to lose this game of emotional brinkmanship unless and until they learn how to play it and become willing to play it. When a woman says "I want you to leave" or sets your stuff by the door, say "OK" and be outta there. It won't be 24 hours before she is calling you begging for you to come back and playing all sorts of sweetness and seductive games to try to lure you back within her range.


The following quotes were taken from If Men Have All The Power How Come Women Make The Rules pp. 43-44

"In studying female aggression, Dr. [Wendy] Craig [a professor of developmental psychology at Queen's University in Kingston, Ontario] found that girls are just as aggressive as boys. Unlike male aggression, which is physical, female social aggression is covert and, therefore, hard to detect. 'Girl aggression tends to be social in nature -- that is, emotionally rejecting, dismissive, and verbally abusive,' she says. 'This kind of aggression has as many negative consequences as physical aggression. The victims of social aggression become anxious, depressed, fearful, and have a lower self concept.' The implication is that, as future parents, socially aggressive females have the potential to inflict great harm, which can go undetected by society." -- Queen's University Press Release, March 18, 1997

"[Women] bully in more or less the same way [as men] with the exception that females are actually much better at it, they're much more devious, much more manipulative, much more subtle about it and they leave a lot less evidence as well - and they often do it with a smile." -- Tim Field, who established Britain's National Workplace Bullying Line in 1996. The Australian, July 12, 1999

"[T]he central organizing principle of primate social life is competition between females and especially female lineages... Females should be, if anything, more competitive than males, not less, although the manner in with females compete may be less direct, less boisterous, and hence, more difficult to measure... We are not yet equipped to measure the elaborations upon old themes that our fabulously inventive, and devious, species create daily." -- Sarah Blaffer Hrdr, Ph D., in her 1981 book, The Woman That Never Evolved

"Most of the damage women do is indirect. If she only bats her eyes to induce a guy into a fight, nobody's going to blame her. Women do a lot of things that provoke and trigger responses in men. But nobody seems able to see that." -- Herb Goldberg, Ph D., author of The Hazards of Being Male, in an interview with Jack Kammer, December 2, 1990


From the MGTOW Library:

“Bullying styles are generally considered to fall under two categories, direct and indirect. Direct physical bullying is to, hit, shove, kick, trip, push, and pull. Direct verbal bullying can involve name-calling, insults, threatening to hurt the other. Indirect bullying, also known as social or relational aggression (Crick 1997) involves attacking the relationships of people and hurting the self-esteem. It is subtler and involves behaviours such as spreading nasty rumors, withholding friendships, ignoring, gossiping, or excluding a child from a small group of friends.

There is no doubt that stereotypically, males are more physical and direct in their bullying styles and females more manipulative and indirect (Olweus, 1997; Bjorkqvist, 1994; Crick & Grotpeter, 1995; Lagerspetz, Bjorkqvist & Peltonen, 1988). Boys in our Western culture are encouraged to be tough and competitive and as they maturate slower and develop social intelligence at a slower rate they will use physical aggression longer than girls (Lagerspetz, Bjorkqvist, & Peltonen, 1988; Bjorkqvist, Lagerspetz, & Kauliaien, 1992). However there is no reason to believe that females should be less hostile and less prone to get into conflicts than males (Burbank, 1987, in Bjorkqvist 1994; Crick & Grotpeter, 1995). As females are physically weaker, they develop early in life other bullying styles in order to achieve their goals. Indirect aggression in girls increases drastically at about the age of eleven years (Bjorkqvist, Lagerspetz and Kaukiainen, 1992) whereas physical aggression among boys decreases during late adolescence, to be replaced mainly by verbal, but also indirect aggression (Bjorkqvist 1994).

There is a growing body of research in gender differences of bullying and other adolescent aggressive behaviours. There are hundreds of studies dedicated to the topic, many placing the emphasis on boys or the forms of aggression, more salient to boys. Forms of aggression more salient to girls has received comparatively little attention (Crick, 1997; Crick & Grotpeter, 1995).”


"Those who have experienced dismissals by the junior high school girl's clique could hardly, with a straight face, claim generosity and nurture as a natural attribute of women." -- Elizabeth Fox-Genovese in her 1991 book Feminism Without Illusions

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