Friday, January 18, 2002

Zenpriest #18 - The Designated Initiator

This one point is probably the sorest spot in the whole battle of the sexes right now, and one of the most poisonous parts of the legacy of feminism and consumer culture. The age differences here create a staggering difference in experience. When I was a teenager, we had not yet been bombarded with quite so many media images intended to brainwash us into what was "beautiful" and what was "average."

The mating instinct is so powerful that at a distance of 10 feet or less, a woman at her peak of reproductive ripeness - from about age 14-15 to about age 25-26 - has to work really hard to not be "attractive" in the sense of pure animal magnetism. Sex is about reproduction and a woman who is reproductively ripe is sexually attractive at the purely instinctual level.

However, the multiple layers of social bullshit which have been laid down in the past few decades have attempted to completely deny that we are biological beings and force the entire mating game into a purely mental structure. At that point it ceases to be anything about real animal attraction and becomes entirely a contest for status.

You would be absolutely astonished how easy it used to be for men and women to meet and get to know each other in contexts other than the pressure cooker called "a DATE". There were all kinds of social mechanisms, many of them quite simply and accurately called "mixers", where men and women could interact and get through all the first levels of getting acquainted without the sense of it being judged like an Olympic performance.

Today, the entire process is so obnoxious and demeaning that when a guy works up the intestinal fortitude to give it a go, he figures he might as well "go for the gold" - ie. the most socially desirable woman in his field of vision.

This is the area which men feel that women have most severely stiffed us on the promises of feminism. The "designated initiator" job sucks, and men who are non-players generally hate the shit work of having to be the ones to make the first obvious move and take all the rejection that is required to move a relationship to intimacy. Studies have shown that a man must overcome 150 rejections on the average between first contact and intimacy.

So, knowing in advance that he is going to have to endure that kind of gauntlet, one of two conditions are necessary to motivate him to take his beating - either extreme loneliness and hornyness, or the woman is so staggeringly beautiful that he goes after her as a trophy.

As long as women absolutely refuse to give up their power position of the passive role of making men do the asking, 10s are going to get asked out more often than 5s or 6s.

And, the strangest paradox of all, I have found that the 5s or 6s are the ones with the most need to feed their egos by some really cruel forms of rejection. The 10s know they are good looking, the 5s & 6s get to pretend they are 10s by turning guys down.

People used to understand that flirting was a dance that involved 2 people, the recent notion that a woman is totally passive in the face of a ravening male beast has only really taken over since the mid 1970s. Granted, women were often subtle about the ways they attracted men's attention - dropping a handkerchief was the quaint old classic - but everyone in the damned world knew what mini-skirts were for. This recent insanity of "we should be able to wear anything we want and you shouldn't notice unless we want you to notice" could only happen in a world ruled by feminidiocy.

The most beautiful women are not the most cruel ones. They get enough attention that they have learned a certain grace about receiving it. It is the butt-ugly ones who are mad as hell at the beautiful girls for all the sexual power they have, and mad as hell at men because they won't give her the same kind of power over them, that are really sub-human.

It is more a case of not wanting to have to compete with all the other jackals circling - some of whom are majorly aggressive. Actually, the most cruel women I have known in my life have actually been some of the ugliest ones as well. Ugly women envy beautiful women, and deeply hate men for being attracted to beautiful women, because they covet the same power over men that a beautiful woman has. Exhibit A - Andrea Dworkin.


“Women chat happily, send sexually explicit signals and encourage the man’s attention, even if they have absolutely no interest in him. This gives a woman time to assess a man, says [Karl Grammer of the Ludwig Boltzmann Institute of Urban Ethology in Vienna, who studied 45 male-female pairs of strangers in their teens and early twenties]… Importantly, the women also seemed to control the encounter – what the women did had a direct effect on what the men did next. ‘You can predict male behaviour from female behaviour but not the other way around,’ says Grammer”New Scientist Magazine (London), February 14, 2001


Cary (1976) discovered that the woman, through eye contact, controlled the course of interaction with a male stranger, both in the laboratory and in singles' bars. Perper (1985) gave a detailed description of courtship, stressing an escalation-response process in which women play a key role in escalation or deescalation. The steps in this process are approach, turn, first touch, and steady development of body synchronization.

Although these reports are clearly valuable, most researchers addressed courtship very generally, and some failed to recognize the importance of the female role in the courtship process .What was needed was a more complete ethogram of women's nonverbal courtship signals. To compile such a catalog of flirting behavior exhibited by women involved in initial heterosexual interaction, more than 200 adults were observed (Moore, 1985) in field settings such as singles' bars, restaurants, and parties.

Research has shown, therefore, that the cultural myth that the man is always the sexual aggressor, pressing himself on a reluctant woman, is incorrect. -- Courtship Signaling and Adolescents: "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"? Monica M. Moore, Ph.D.Department of behavioral and Social Sciences, Webster University



Bonecrcker #48 – Sexes Approaching Eachother

Philalethes #29 - They Can Do It Because They Really Believe It!


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