Wednesday, January 21, 2004

Bonecrker #21 - Who Pays?

Who pays? The real issue here is not who pays. It's the lack of love, dignity and respect for you on the part of American women. That's what causes the resentment. The issue of who pays is determined by custom and the status of the woman you are with and your relationship with them. A high status woman whom you have a causal relationship with pays her own way in our culture. The bigger the difference in status and wealth between you, the more likely it is that you should pay. The more formal the relationship, the more likely you should pay.

The reason you should pay is rooted in old traditions and has to do with who you are in relation to your woman. If you are equals, she pays. If you are a patron and she is a peasant, you pay. Most people in the US are of the same socioeconomic class (even if there is a large difference in salaries). For man to pay, he is acting macho... like he is the patron and she is the peasant. This is a normal thing for men to act dominant with women. It's part of the complicated mating dance that humans do... you assert your role as protector, provider, and Lord of the Manor. And that role has rights and responsibilities. Paying is one of them.

But there is a huge ass problem. The problem is women in this country aren't interested in a legitimate relationship with you and have no real feeling toward you. What they do is use the custom as a way to exploit men for money and goods. They go a lot farther with it as a means to actually exchange sex and intimacy for money... that's prostitution... and the women who engage in it, in all cultures, are rightly at the very bottom of social classes... because it's deviant.

So, who should pay? My answer is you should dodge the question entirely. Never go anyplace that costs money. Go places like walks and picnics and parks. Jokingly tell her that you expect for her to pay. Dump any woman that constantly sniffs around for gifts or expects you to take her to expensive places.

There is also a third issue here. Women look at a man one of two ways... as a lover or as a provider. They make men who are providers wait for sex. You don't want to be seen as a provider. Instead, you should focus on women that have decided to have sex with you right away and focus on having fun and being intimate with you. Later on, if you want to be serious with them, you can shift your role to one of provider. But if you allow them to look on you as a provider you can't change into a lover later on. This is extremely important to understand, because you only get the one chance in the beginning to establish what you are to her. However, in other countries where the contempt and exploitation of men isn't present, you could probably safely be the provider with the right woman. But my instinct says you should still present yourself as a lover instead, until you have a mature, steady, sexual relationship for quite some time.



"[The woman] doesn't have to do anything more on the date than show up... don't make it easy for him... he has to do all the work." -- Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider, The Rules

"It's just chivalrous... it's nice of you to care about his finances, but remember he is deriving great pleasure from taking you out." -- Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider, The Rules

"'The guy should pay [for dates]...' says [ESPN SportsCenter anchor Rich] Eisen...
"Why is that?... 'Hey, those are the rules,' he says. 'I don't make them. I just follow them.'" -- Talk Magazine, September 2000
"Any woman who expects the man to pay for everything all the time is behaving like a spoiled princess... A woman who has the means to pay for a date but refuses to do so is saying the pleasure of the man's company is not worth the price of dinner. Why should any man want to waste his time with a woman who has such a low opinion of him?" -- letter to the editor from a woman in Silver Spring, MD. New York Times, August 31, 2001
Like this woman, for instance:

"'Of course the men have to pay and buy you presents. Men have to spoil you. You have to be spoiled,' says [a 26 year old woman] who works in public relations. 'If you don't think you are a princess you're not going to be treated as one. You have to make sure you know - and they know - you're a princess. This is my feminism. It's the new feminism to say, "I'm expensive. I need lots of attention. I need men to bend over backwards for me."'" -- article by Rebecca Eckler in the National Post (Canada), August 26, 2000
"The feminist freeloading doesn't change with marriage. Professional women still want their husbands to get the checks at restaurants, pay the mortgage and be home by 6:30pm to help with chores and the kids." -- Maureen Dowd, New York Times, August 29, 2001


Never forget Briffault's Law.