Thursday, March 25, 2004

Bonecrcker #86 - It's Very Difficult To Come To Terms With How Fast An Important Relationship Evaporates

(Re: A man with a psychotic wife)

It’s very difficult to come to terms with how quickly an important relationship (important to you, not to her) evaporates. It’s happened to me. It’s happened to a lot of guys here. All I can say is there is a hell of a lot more going on with women, particularly women like this, than meets the eye. Much of it is intentional deception on their part, much of it is psychotic behavior (literally in this case, with a diagnosis like bipolar). Because of this, and because of certain patterns of behavior that go along with this, it just isn’t safe for you to still have her in your life. You need to train yourself to discount what women say and watch for patterns in what they do. In this case, she is telling you certain things but I think you should protect yourself from certain behaviours she is likely to engage in. What she says and what she does probably won’t match up. I think you should divorce her as quickly and cleanly as possible, take extreme measures to make sure she never again darkens your doorstep (and she probably will try to) and examine the many warning signs this one showed you to prevent all the others (and there will be others) just like her from coming into your life.

The point I’m trying to make is there are several major patterns you see again and again with women, relationships and divorce. The patterns are repeating and pretty reliable from relationship to relationship. Yours is one of them… of the more extreme and disturbing ones. Unfortunately, there are some dangerous behaviours that go along with this particular pattern that I think you should look out for.

One thing I am a BIG advocate of is men identifying women like this as early as possible and getting rid of them. There is no hope of making things work because the other person is just broken and can’t be fixed. If you try, you will be hurt, maybe even killed (I’m not exaggerating with that). Marrying them is one of the worst mistakes a man can make in life and if a man wakes up one day and finds himself in such a bad situation, he needs to be aware of what could happen (hell, what is likely to happen) and extricate himself carefully and in a protected way.

The first step is knowing what is going on. Groups like this can help, but what you really need is a support group of divorced men (men only!) to compare notes with and talk about these issues. I think you will be shocked at the similarity you would have with other guys going through the same thing. Similarity in behaviours from the women, similarity in ways of thinking, and similarity in what happens. But, there is also similarity in ways you can deal with these things too.

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Bonecrcker #47 – Living in La-La-Land

Bonecrcker #91 – Could She Just Walk Out Of Your Life?

Bonecrcker #152 – The Predatory Female

Men Harmed by Relationships More Than Women