Friday, March 05, 2004

Bonecrker #64 - On Players

Briefly talking with a woman (or better yet, figuring it out before ever approaching them) to discover if she is attracted to you is hardly being a player. Neither is causally breaking off contact with the 90% of women who don’t fall into that category. Women are not entitled to anything from you, least of all your interest in them if they have none in you. A player is trying to get away with something. He is without confidence and lacks an understanding that he has the right to determine the nature and direction of any relationships he is in, and with whom. So, he lies, cheats and goes to incredible lengths to try and fool women. I think the basic problem here is he is trying to convince the 90% (impossible). Don’t do that. Instead, be assertive and honest. Build confidence by gaining experience. Understand that if you do what you are supposed to be doing and someone (especially a woman) accuses you of doing something wrong, it is a manipulation, with no basis in fact. She is trying to get away with something and claims that it is universal to all women. THAT IS A LIE!

If a woman sees you as a player when you are, instead, being rational and assertive, it means something is wrong with HER. She is trying to scam you. No one else will think you are a player, least of all the women who are interested in you.

For example, let’s say you are interested in a short duration, non-monogamous fling. Be upfront and honest about it. When you are starting to become intimate with a woman, she will sometimes ask you where this is going. Tell her you are only looking for a fling and give her the option to say, "No, that’s not what I want from you" (very few women will do that, BTW). Her shrewish friends might call you a player, simply because you aren’t willing to get on all fours and beg for sex and swear your undying love, all your present and future earnings and put up with limitless abuse, just to get some pussy. But as long as you don’t lie, she definitely won’t think that way (for the limited time her feelings for you last, that is). And neither will anyone else who matters.

Being honest and direct like this INCREASES your chances with women, not decreases. A small minority of incredibly insane women (as in, everything else about them is insane too), have a problem with that. But all your behavior should revolve around making sure they aren’t even allowed to talk to you, let alone influence your life.

Also, although I don’t allow relationships to get too deep anymore, I am hardly engaging in a “fuck and dump” strategy. I simply understand that her interest in me has an expiration date (once it expires, her interest in me turns dark and sinister), so I better not get any ideas about the long term. Since there is no long term, I have no reason to exclude myself to any one girl. Unfortunately, they don’t understand that (if they did, maybe they would fix it, lol) and constantly try to deepen the relationship, forcing me to set limits. The most effective way to set limits isn’t through what I say, but rather through what I do. And, what I do is limit the time I spend with a woman and refuse certain activities (like meeting her family). That’s OK with most women (as long as you don’t lie or use or abuse them) for varying amounts of time. Then they wander off. You need to be OK with that. And you won’t be OK with that unless you have another to take her place. And you won’t have another to take her place if you stop looking for interested women every time you meet one.

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Bonecrcker #45 - Niceguys

Bonecrcker #114 – To All The Girls I’ve Loved Before