Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Bonecrker #68 - Two Things That Men Need To Know About Domestic Violence

There are two things that all men need to know about domestic violence that very few men actually know. The first is that women usually initiate domestic violence. Sure, there are a handful of wacko men who like to beat women and women flock to these men so they have no lack of victims. But, for the most part women will engage in specific behaviours (including but not limited to hitting the man) to try and initiate a physically abusive relationship. Most of these behaviours involve shame and humiliation of some sort. The second thing men need to know is that violence against women is the normal, instinctual defence mechanism to prevent insane behavior on the part of women, from threatening survival. Quite literally, the woman is ripping apart the relationship and violence is the last ditch effort to prevent that from happening. It should be rare, but it’s not.

The solution is the same for both cases and involves self-awareness, clarity and the willingness to act. That solution is to immediately and permanently get rid of the woman with no chance of her coming back into your life. If a woman ever hits you or ever does anything shameful or humiliating to you, just dump her, with no explanation and no further contact. If she shows up at your place (and she will), call the cops against her. Refuse to talk to her and refuse any contact with her. She will try to sneak in and suck your dick (I’m not being facetious here) to make things all better until the next time. And she will try to initiate contact for purposes of revenge. Don’t allow either. Your relationship is always, always, always time limited. When this shit starts to happen it means that timer ran out some time ago. You have no recourse and there is no point in further contact with her, let alone trying to make anything work or trying to fix anything.

This is one of the most important reasons to not allow a woman to live with you. It is almost impossible to get rid of a woman before she causes you significant harm, if she is living with you. If she isn’t living with you, all you need to do is change the locks. If, for some reason, you allowed a woman to fool you into living with her, the solution is to leave without warning and with no forwarding address. Get a U-haul, wait until she is not home, load all your stuff up and drive off, even if its just to the YMCA you are driving to and you have to place your crap in storage. Talk to a lawyer and explain the situation with the lease. Have him contact the landlord and make arrangements to deal with this with absolutely no contact info of yours being given out. If you own property together, you will probably have to abandon it to her (might as well, as the court will just give it to her anyway)….although a lawyer could help that situation also. The goal here is to leave quickly, permanently, without explanation and without your abusive partner being able to ever have contact with you again. Often, men who don’t do this, will have something bad happen to them. They will be accused and convicted (really the same thing) of some crime, or some criminal will try to murder them (happened to a friend of mine). And, it will happen to you so don’t kid yourself. If you are REALLY unlucky, some criminal will try to murder you and you will fight back, killing him. Then, you will spend the rest of your life being gang raped by his friends in prison.
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